Might have found a solution to DD's stranger anxiety

So you all know about the severe stranger anxiety DD was having with SIL and how badly MIL was reacting to it from previous posts. Well today we met them for brunch to get my birthday celebration over with since they kept bugging me that we HAD to get together. We tried telling DD for a few days what we were going to be doing today, but she would say "Lily and Mommy are staying home". It just about broke my heart.

Then my mother suggested we give her her own voice. We started talking to her about be scared or afraid and that it was ok to have those feelings. We taught her the phrase "I'm afraid...please leave me alone" and told her that whenever someone scared her she was allowed to say it. It seems to have given her control over a scary situation for her. DH called MIL Saturday night to explain the new technique and basically laid down the law that this is how we would be dealing with things to see if it helped DD with this phase. Of course MIL tried to fight it, but DH told her if the adults didn't start backing off of DD then we wouldn't be around much.

Flash forward to brunch, DD is excited to be dressed up "pretty", and going out. When we walk in she sees SIL and her lip starts to quiver as she grabs onto me. I tell her it is ok and she says "Mommy I'm afraid". I told her it is ok for her to be scared and DH and I would sit next to her to protect her. Within five minutes of sitting at the table she warmed up and started talking/laughing with MIL and SIL. I hope we are on to something and it works. Definitely keeping our fingers crossed.

On a downside she was so into tasting all the different foods at the buffet that just as we were getting the check she vomited onto her plate. We didn't realize she had eaten so much that her tummy was over flowing. At least she got it on the plate and we wiped her up with the napkins. She immediately said "I'm ok...I'm ok" and I am glad it didn't happen in the car.

When MIL called to check on her I took control and laid out the plans for Christmas telling her it would be here in our home around the twins nap schedule. I think it surprised her, but I told her it would help DD feel in control if she was in her own home instead of walking into MIL's with people all over her.

 

That's wonderful! I'm sure it allows her to have more control over the situations she's in. Good for you guys! :hug:

 

I think that's awesome! I think a lot of problems with this particular age are them finding their voice and feeling in control. I will trying this, with a small twist to for our issues, to see if it helps us out. Thanks for sharing!
(And believe me, I've had to lay down similar laws with MIL too.)

Sorry she got sick though! Poor thing!

 

I totally forgot to respond to the other thread, but I just wanted to say I'm glad your daughter had a better experience. That's great. It is tough to have to explain the idea of backing off to many adults . but it really does work.

In the long term I hope you guys can get all the in-law issues straightened out; family drama is soo not fun.

 

Great solution!!! It sounds like she needed to feel in control of the situation Sorry she threw up though :bad: