Met A Twin Mom Who Made Me Sad

Actually she got me kind of angry, too. I was out with my friend and her twins, and while she was in the bathroom, I was minding both double strollers. This lady came up with her son (5-6 years old, maybe?) and asked if they were twins. First I said no, they're quads, but when her eyes got big I said no, one set is mine and one set is my friend's. Anyway, she then launched into this horrible diatribe about how she has 4 year old twins, and isn't it so hard and so awful to have twins, and this town sucks because they don't have any good rec centers and the playgrounds are bad, and where she used to live there was so much more and blah blah blah. Then she asked if I had a good delivery with them, and I was so irritated at that point I just said "Oh yeah, it was great. 29 weeks, one vaginal, one c-section, and they spent 9 weeks in the NICU after that!" Would you believe that didn't even shut her up? By then my friend was out so she was like "How about yours?" Well, Beth's was exactly the same as mine except she had a c-section for both - that's how we met. STILL did not stop this psycho from b*tching some more, though.

It really bummed me out to hear someone talk about her twins like that. And right in front of her older son, who could understand everything she said. I don't know why I just sat there and listened politely, trying to find a way out (it figures that this is the one time my kids decide to just sit and stare quietly, rather than cry to start moving again!). I wish I had just given her a tiny piece of my mind and told her how damaging her negativity can be, and how sure, my life is a little more complex and confusing because I had two babies at once, but I would not trade my beautiful twins for any amount of peace and quiet. I really hope I never run into her again!! Usually when I meet other twin moms they are so much fun to talk to. We all acknowledge how hard it is, but also what a miracle. She only saw the downside.

 

Well, congrats to you for seeing the brighter side of things and realizing that all children are a blessing, including multiples. I feel sorry for that mom and for her children. Let's rejoice in the wonderful miracles we have and leave those crabby people behind us.

 

Gosh, what a bummer of a run in! That sounds like a lousy interruption to an otherwise pleasant day! It sounds like that mom and her family could use some positive support and I sure hope she finds it!!!

 

I feel sorry for that woman and her whole outlook on life. At times like that I always look at my kids and think you don't know how lucky you are to have a mommy that loves you and wants to be with you. Your kids are lucky to have you.

 

That really sucks that some people have that kind of attitude about their kids. I no longer really talk to one of my best friends from high school b/c of that outlook. While I was going through the whole ordeal of trying to get pregnant and then having two miscarriages, she got pregnant at a time they could least afford a child b/c she "didn't feel like" using birth control and then she did nothing but complain about the beautiful little boy she brought into the world. I just could not stand to listen to her b*tch and moan about something I would have given anything at that point to have.

Some people!

 

OMG how sad

Even though I did NOT want twins and was not thrilled at the prospect when I found out. I love my boys more than life itself and could not imagine not having either of them!

 

My first day out with my girls in our new neighborhood I met another twin mom. I was so excited to meet someone and it was my first official day as a SAHM. She basically told me I would hate it and that it would be so much hard work that I would want to go back to work in week....It really bummed me out..I have seen her a few times since and she really is nice but really negative. I tend to just listen politely and move on.

Sorry you had such a bad experience but at least you know you have HUNDREDS of other twin mom friends on this site that love their twin experiences!

 

I don't enjoy those encounters at all either!! I feel sad for them that they don't like it, but I think it's what you make of it. If you hate it, then it's going to suck and if you don't and you love it and are enjoying them - it won't! It's all in your attitude (ok, not ALL) and outlook!!!

Sorry you had to deal with that!

 

Luckily I've never encountered someone with that kind of attitude. I guess I don't get out a lot on my own with the girls, because I think I've only had 1 other twin mom approach me since I've had them. Usually its just, "I have twin grandbabies, I know someone that has twins, etc". Anyway, yes, some days can be rough, but I would never sum up my twin experience, especially to a complete stranger, as horrible. Everything in life is hard, but the rewards are so great with twins! I feel so lucky to have them in my life.

And as a side note, I honestly think that being able to come to this forum and read about other mom's good and bad days, has helped me gain perspective and take the bad ones with a grain of salt. So yeah to TS!!! :banana: Maybe that twin mom needs to visit TS! Unfortunately though, some people are always negative no matter what.

Marcy

 

That is sad. I heard a lot of negative stuff when I was pg with the twins and that really bothered me. That's the last thing you want to hear when you're worried anyway! That's really sad for her kids. Makes me wonder why people like that even have kids in the first place if they're such a "burden".

 

QUOTE
Even though I did NOT want twins and was not thrilled at the prospect when I found out. I love my boys more than life itself and could not imagine not having either of them!


Same here.

I think 4-year-old twins are perfectly heavenly, even on their worst days! I wouldn't trade this for the world! I hope that mom was just having a bad day and will be able to see how blessed she is before the great times all pass her by.

 

I feel sorry for her kids!

 

That's so sad. I met a twin mom in Walmart - her boys were 10 months old. I told her I had twins and then said "It's so fun isn't it". She then proceded to give me this terrible look and tell me how horrible it was. I couldn't believe it. I felt like asking her if she realized just how lucky she was. Some people can't have kids at all and she was blessed with 2, how could she be so negative?

 

some people are so ungrateful, people try and try to have twins and then you get the couple who have twins but don’t deserve them.

Lucky the majority of us love and enjoy having our twins around.

i could ramble on about this for hours, she’s made me mad just reading about her.

 

QUOTE(1girltwinboyz @ Apr 4 2007, 01:26 PM) [snapback]205554[/snapback]
OMG how sad

Even though I did NOT want twins and was not thrilled at the prospect when I found out. I love my boys more than life itself and could not imagine not having either of them!


Same here! I had a long talk with my best friend when we thought I was going to need Clomid (I ended up conceiving on my own the last cycle before we were going to try Clomid/IUI). I told her I did not want twins, no way, no how, one baby for me, please! I also said I reserved the right to revoke that conversation if I ended up with twins. About 5 hours after I found out they were twins, I suddenly became panicked that I would lose one, and from that moment on I could never imagine life any other way. My girls are an amazing gift, and it really made me so sad that she doesn't feel the same about her own twins. I hope it was just a crappy day, or at least I hope she doesn't treat her kids the way it seems like she does.

All my other twin mom friends (on- and off-line) are much much much more positive than that!!

 

Well, it is sad to hear such things but I am one of those moms who has often felt the way that woman sounded. I happened to be one of those moms blessed (yes, blessed) with twins boys whom I love dearly but who have been a challenge since day one, to put it kindly. I was even driven to therpay I felt like such a failure at motherhood. They cried/cry all the time and just often seem unhappy when they are with me. It's often one big overwhelming temper tantrum after another.

There aren't many people I can talk to about these issues because no one seems to understand (or at least won't admit they understand) and they often make me feel like a bad mother for feeling this way. Perhaps she was looking for an understanding ear and figured that if you had twins you might feel the same way (though, from your description, it sounds like she was either a bi*th or having a REALLY bad day). When you're faced with this situation, it can be difficult to find a way to cope. I don't think I would have gone on quite a diatribe to a perfect stranger, but I was in a situation once where this woman was gushing about how wonderful it was to have twins and I was just crying on the inside.

My situation is not all bad. I am blessed with two healthy little boys. I try to remember that during those good moments when they pop up every now and then. Those moments make it all worth while. I even want more children, and soon I hope. I have learned that they just have difficult personalities and it has nothing to do with me. It's just the way God made them for some reason (I will never understand lol). Learning to accept that has been the hardest part.

Anyways, just giving a bit of a different perspective. I wouldn't trade my boys for anything in the world...but...it would be nice if they could be happier every now and then