meltdowns at nursery pick up time..

When I pick the twins up from nursery (they are two), everyday lately one of them has a meltdown in the hall of the school. If she isn't wearing her sweater, she wants it on, she cries for her paci - which I leave in the car, and starts throwing a tantrum, her twin would be ok, but when she sees her sister, she often starts crying for paci, or whatever it is her sister cries for. I don't know if it's something I'm doing wrong that when they see me, (right after being excited and running to me) they start asking for stuff and getting tantrumy. The other moms and their singletons seem fine, and just walk easily outside to their car. For mine it is more of a battle, then it's making them hold my hands while I struggle carring their backpacks - one of them refuses to carry it herself and throws another tantrum when I try and put it on her back. Help! Anyone go through anything similar or have any suggestions to make pick up time less stressful? (

 

My guess is that they are happy to see you, but upset they have to leave. My boys go to a Kid's Day Out program and a few times a month, my one son will dig in his heels and not walk. Like today; they got to wear their pj's and they got to go to the other classrooms to treat or treat. They were the only ones that were not staying the entire day. As soon as they opened the door, they were both happy to see me and then he just stood there. :headbang: I ended up carrying him down the stairs and then I had to prevent my other son from pushing the elevator buttons.

They are in a new classroom this year and the teachers will lay out their backpacks, cups, artwork ect. on the bench outside of the room. I usually get there 5 minutes early and will grab everything and run it down to the car. This way my arms are free for them.

Maybe you could ask their teacher to put their things in the hall for you to pick up prior to getting your girls. I'm pretty sure they would understand since you have two to deal with.

 

We deal with this all the time, it is always something. I dont have a whole lot of advice, just to say you arent the only one. I am usually carrying one screaming child and holding the hand of the other trying to get to the car as fast as I can.

 

I wonder what would happen in you went in for 5 min and spent some time talking about their day before you left the room. It might be worth a try to see if they just want your attention and are worn out and don't know how to handle it. Then they can decide (with in 5min) when they are ready to go to the car.

 

I had read an article once that sometimes when children have spent all day following rules and doing what they are told, that mommy and daddy and home is a safe haven for them to let their guard down and just be.... which often leads to tantrums even though they don't necessarily mean to throw tantrums, they just don't know how to relax from a day of busy and strict rule following. My girls are apparently great at school, but at home it is nothing but crying from the time they get off the bus until they go to sleep. Every single day this week I have come home to a crying meltdown. I try to just be understanding because I know that they have missed me, but sometimes it really is disappointing.

 

Mine used to do this too, gosh it was just so flippin hard to get my kids from their classrooms to the car - all other singleton moms would be out in like 2 minutes- but me, it took me 15min to leave the nursery! So, I hear your pain, but I can tell you that it was a phase and mine have come out of it now. It still doesn't take me 2min to get them to the car, but now it only takes me about 5-6minutes! Which is improvement.

I try not to rush the kids when I pick them up, I let them show me a few things, help carry lunchbags, pick up their books - whatever they want for a few minutes. Then we head off. I also "reward" them with a cracker in the car, if they walk nicely, hold my hand and listen to me (this helps a lot).

And, I just try and accept that they are probalby letting all their emotion out when they see me, as I am their safe place. So, grin and bear it, try not to loose it, and try rewarding them at the car, or giving them a few extra minutes to indulge their requests before you leave the classroom.

Good luck!

 

Thanks for all the advice - it's good to know I'm not the only one! We'll see what happens this week.. I can't go into their class with them for a few minutes because some kids stay later, so it upsets them if moms come in, that their mom isn't there, so it's all done in the hallway.

 

It happened again today. It's sad but it gets really embarassing -- I'm the only mom with these meltdowny kids (specifically one of them) and I feel like I seem like such a bad mom when everyone else walks out with their kid or kids nicely with no issues..
I'm thinking maybe I should just give in and give them their paci as soon as they see me and ask for it rather than wait until the car - which I had previously told them, like I do every morning that we keep pacifiers in the car. But on the other hand if I give it to them, will they learn that if they complain enough, they'll just always get their way??
When they first come out of school, they are happy to see me, but literally two seconds later they start demanding things and one starts crying. Even their teachers sometimes see it, and I find it embarassing like it looks like I can't handle my own kids. Any more suggestions/advice/encouragement?? thanks!

 

My girls just turned 2 on October 14 and we have the EXACT same problem. They are estatic to see us when we pick them up, but they don't want to leave, evidently. They start trying to show us things around the classroom or start pulling out books, etc. to take home with them. Then, they start crying, whining and asking incessantly for their pacis, which we leave at home. When we try to put their coats on they start running around the room. It's a nightmare. And, it's embarrasing, because a)like you said, it seems like we can't handle our own kids and b)everyone around us believes that they should no longer have their pacis and when they start asking for them it's obvious that we haven't been able to handle getting rid of them yet. On top of it all, my girls definintely feed off one another, so if one starts it's guaranteed that the other one is going to go for it too. Sometimes the teacher steps in and speaks the the girls about obeying mommy and daddy. I totally feel like a failure when this happens. Otherwise and at virtually all other times, they make us extremely proud and are great kids who except change well.

This, like other issues of raising twins, has practically driven me crazy. So, though I don't have any really helpful advice, I can offer some words of wisdom that my mother shared with me. On a day when I was reduced to tears about my girls NEVER sleeping through the night, she simply asked me if I knew any adults that still slept with thier parents, whined their way through every conversation, sucked on pacis and still wore diapers. Obviously, I don't know any. She reminded me that although what we were going through was difficult at that time, that it was surely just a phase, albeit difficult, but a phase nonetheless. So, while it really isn't helpful when you and I are dragging wailing kids out of the classroom, hopefully the thought that it simply can't last forever is of some comfort. Hugs to you...I am right there with you.

 

[quote name='Shelly's twins' date='29 October 2010 - 02:32 PM' timestamp='1288387973' post='1715302']
We deal with this all the time, it is always something. I dont have a whole lot of advice, just to say you arent the only one. I am usually carrying one screaming child and holding the hand of the other trying to get to the car as fast as I can.
[/quote]

Ditto here! If I don't do things exactly right by my DD she gets upset and doesn't walk! She has to hold her own lunch bag, walk up the stairs by herself (these steps are scary!) and insists on getting into the car on her own...all the while the other one wants to be picked up and I have sweaters, art work, the other lunch bag and her sister in my arms. Sometimes I think its the snacks she gets at school. I think they get juice and other snacks they don't get at home. They NEVER act this demanding anywhere else, even at the mall or park.

 

They kept themselves 'together' the whole time at school, they see you, and can finally let go and be themselves because they know you'll love them no matter what. Perfectly normal. Perfectly frustrating!

Have you ever left a social event, got in your car and ripped off your pantyhose and slouched in your seat? same sort of thing. :laughing:

 

Haha - very true, it does make sense... but is it more of a twin thing?? I see all these moms with their single kids leaving school, and their kids are not throwing tantrums, but are walking nicely to the car..

 

I don't think it is a twin thing. You are just twice as likely to have it happen and it is harder to contain. With one toddler you just scoop her up in your arms and head out while hugging her and letting her know it/she is okay. With two that presents different challenges.