Meltdown...

Okay.. I am going to vent a little bit...

I am sick (yes literally sick) :bad: and so very tired.. :lazy: when does it get better..??? Living off of coffee doesnt do anything for my health.. I really just need one good nites sleep..
These babies cry all the time.. (they have a cold too) I am getting absolutely no help.. even though my mom lives 15 mins away... (i thought i would have someone here for the first 4 weeks of their life... NO... i have done it all by myself...)
DH helps, but works from 5am-10pm so.. not much help from him.. He does get up at nite, but only when i need it.. (I make him sleep.. If he doesnt work.. we dont eat...) My almost 4 year old DD had a really bad day yesterday with whining,... gosh.. i HATE whining.. It drives me nuts.. Yesterday i had a fussing baby in my arms all day so i didnt get a chance to play with DD.. I know thats why she was whining..

By no means do i want to "put them back" and be pregnant again.. I love my babies.. I just need rest.. Last nite I was walking into walls :blush: (not with a baby in my arms...) and couldnt really see to make the bottles.. DH did get up and help..

tell me its gets better soon.... i am starting to wonder why I was "blessed" with twins.. its like someone is trying to punish me... :cray:

I love my babies soo much.. :wub: I just neeeeeedddd sleep....

Thanks for listening...

 

So sorry you are having troubles Ashley! Have you asked your mom for help? She might not realize how much you need right now especially being sick. I hope it gets better for you soon. :hug99:

 

I was in a similar boat the first month. Finally, I just gave in and started to ask for help. I fthey don't want to do it , they will say no or make an excuse. Things have gotten SOOO much better once I bit the bullet and started telling people what I need. My mom still apologizes saying she had NO idea how hard it was with twins. Once she helped, she found out and now she help A LOT more. PM if you need to vent. I know I also started to take neighbors up for help with older children and I hired mommy helpers for the older kids - for $5 /hour you can't beat the sanity it will give you. Good luck - it will get better.

 

QUOTE(prairiemom3 @ Sep 23 2007, 06:26 AM) [snapback]419569[/snapback]
Have you asked your mom for help? She might not realize how much you need right now especially being sick.

Yes i have... and she will come over, but then its only for like 2 hours.. My parents dont care if i go to their house.. But I dont feel like taking the babies out of the house.. its too hard..
My mom is just weird sometimes... my SIL knows.....

 

I'm so sorry!!! You're in the same boat as me with the DH work situation. Are you a member of a church or club of some kind? If you are then call them up! I swear your mom is like my mom as well, she would only come over for 2 hours of which I'd spend an hour "helping" her. And she'd only come over at nap time... so, yeah.

Drink lots and lots of fluids, but not coffee (or not more coffee than normal). Coffee doesn't do you any favors other than giving you a temporary energy boost. If you have any prenatal vitamins floating around those would help as well. Try not to push yourself to do too much.

I'm sorry you feel cruddy and unhelped, I've been there too. :hug99:

 

I wish there were a magic day/month that I could toss out to you so you would know WHEN things would get better! I often dream of my life months from now and can picture our family happy, smiling, WELL RESTED, etc etc etc. It just seems so far off some days--especially those days in the very beginning. I agree with pp, ask around for help. If you can afford to do so, look into getting someone to come in and help during the day. We found a nanny through the area techincal college and we don't pay her a ton--but she comes in and helps even when I am home just to have an extra set of hands. Even for a couple hours--perhaps you could get someone to come in and play with your DD for a couple of hours. The church will often have people looking to volunteer for things within the community. I am SO not used to asking for help, but having twins has forced me to do so. If your not getting the help you need from your family right now, look into some other options. Just know that things WILL get better--I remember those days when they were so little and both needed to be held, consoled, etc. it is a BIG job. Hang in there, we're all here for you

 

It's very difficult for the first 3 months or so. I did all of the night feedings myself as well. You will make it through this! :hug99:

 

I'm SS! I'm not looking forward to that phase. I feel for you!

 

With the way mom is, tell her to spend the night and go to BED!!! (she will )
Hope you feel better soon...

 

Ashley :love0028: you are doing great!! You are really in the thick of it now and believe it or not, this will pass quickly and you'll have light at the end of this seemingly long tunnel! It will get better!! :hug99: Hang in there and just keep doing the best that you can.

If your DD can go on some playdates at other people's houses, that might be good because you stand a chance of a nap. I would call your Mom and tell her you are dying over here, is there anyway she can take your oldest at least or something! :hug99:

 

Oh, poor you. It does get easier - but you still have a while to go. Sorry to be so honest. I think you should recruit some help. Asking for help is really hard for me - I'm very independent. But after a few weeks with the twins I realized I need assistance. You should call your mom, your friends, your church - whoever you know. Send a mass e-mail and let everyone know the babies have arrived and now you need some help. It is my experience that people WANT to help (even people you hardly know) - they just need to be asked and they need specific directions. Take a look at your day and assess when you need the most help and then ask people to come for three-hour blocks of time when you really need it (help with feedings, help with dinner, help with entertaining your 4-year-old, etc.). When people come over don't let them just sit around snuggling your babies (unless that's the help you need) - have them tidy up, unload the dishwasher, sterilize bottles, wash and fold laundry OR even take the babies around the block a few times you can have a shower and a cup of tea.

You need help. Things get easier - we had a break through at 11 weeks and it's been uphill since...but 11 weeks felt like 11111 weeks so you're going to need some support.

Also, before you husband leaves in the a.m. make sure he sets breakfast out for you and a few snacks or you'll never have time to eat.

 

I was going to suggest that too, that perhaps your mom can take your oldest DD to her house for a day or two? Would she do that? I am so sorry that you're struggling so much. I remember my own DD going through that with her boys and felt powerless to help because I was so far away. I did go for a few visits and that allowed DD to get some rest, but I would have loved to be close enough to help on a regular basis. I still wish that every day!

Hang in there, and consider yourself hugged. We all care, so vent away when you need to!! :love0028:

 

QUOTE(Grandma2TwinBoys @ Sep 23 2007, 10:09 AM) [snapback]419761[/snapback]
I was going to suggest that too, that perhaps your mom can take your oldest DD to her house for a day or two? Would she do that? I am so sorry that you're struggling so much. I remember my own DD going through that with her boys and felt powerless to help because I was so far away. I did go for a few visits and that allowed DD to get some rest, but I would have loved to be close enough to help on a regular basis. I still wish that every day!

Hang in there, and consider yourself hugged. We all care, so vent away when you need to!! :love0028:


My parents take older DD once a week or so.. Sometimes more... But DD has issues with her grandparents.. All she wants to do is stay with them, so in the longrun it just makes things worse....

 

The only way I kept my sanity the first few months was my mom coming over every few days for a few hours when she could (she works). And even better, my MIL would come spend the night once a week or so & do all the night feedings so I could sleep. It's amazing what one decent night's sleep can do for you! Ask your mom to do that for you. After one night of feedings, she'll understand how hard it is for you. Hang in there! You'll make it through.

 

QUOTE(AshleyLD @ Sep 23 2007, 12:26 PM) [snapback]419776[/snapback]
My parents take older DD once a week or so.. Sometimes more... But DD has issues with her grandparents.. All she wants to do is stay with them, so in the longrun it just makes things worse....


I say have them take DD even more! My mom helped care for my oldest for about 4 months (that's when it got better for us). It was hard because grandma became almost a "co-parent" for a while and DC got a bit spoiled with attention and whatnot, but kids are very resilient and DC adjusted within a week of being just back at home with the babies and I. Seriously, 4 months and it was better. Would've been sooner except I had another child at home, just like you. Also, I was bf'ing and things would've been better, sooner for me if we would have FF'd.

I hear you on the whining. My 3-year-old has been driving me nuts with constant bossiness, followed by whininess when I don't cave to the demands.

Remember, you're in survival mode right now, so it's okay to do whatever you need to to get by (put Cinderella on continuous loop, leave a baby in the swing for long stretches, serve apples and cheese sticks for lunch day after day, etc).

 

Maybe you could ask SIL to come stay a night or two? Myabe just a late evening to help cover a late feeding this way you could get alittle extra sleep and get better. I would also agree on the prenatals if you still have any.

Is there a local moms club, maybe they can offer some help.

Good luck, I remember feeling "who ever thought giving ME twins was a great idea" and "How could anyone think i can handle this?" But you can and it gets better. Try to go outside the family if you are not finding help there. It was pretty amazing for us the people I expected to be of help, were not who turned up!

Take care of yourself, remember to breath, I felt better and better in 3-4 month invervals. I do not remember feeling awful, but, remember felling "wow, I feel so much better and more myself"

 

Grandma is a co-parent.. We lived with them for 6-8 months.. Its so bad that she doesnt even listen to my Mom. My mom doesnt work but will be soon.. So its almost out of the question... I also dont like the things my mom does.. We are different in parenting.. DD will ask me for something then i will say no.. and she will ask Grandma and she will say yes.. It drives me nuts.. but they are close.. which is good..

As for SIL staying a night or 2... SIL has 6 month old twins herself.. and she lives 2000 miles away in TX... Other than that, we woudl probably almost be living together, bc Both DH's are gone a lot.. (working)

 

Hahahahaha! True!!!
:hug99:

 

QUOTE(AandKtwins @ Sep 23 2007, 06:36 PM) [snapback]419841[/snapback]
The only way I kept my sanity the first few months was my mom coming over every few days for a few hours when she could (she works). And even better, my MIL would come spend the night once a week or so & do all the night feedings so I could sleep. It's amazing what one decent night's sleep can do for you! Ask your mom to do that for you. After one night of feedings, she'll understand how hard it is for you. Hang in there! You'll make it through.


I am sorry things are rough for you right now. What does your DH do that he is gone for so long??

We have about the same situation here too. My mom comes over about once a week right now. She lives across town but will be moving right around the corner from our house this coming week. So I have a feeling she will be here more. That is good b/c I hate packing the twins up just to take Em to school and bring her home. Plus, my MIL comes in everyweek and stays 2 nights and takes over the entire night. The only time she will let us do a feeding during the night is if both are wanting to be fed at the same time. Besides that she tells us to go back to bed.

I hope things get better for you. For us, the first month was easier than these past couple of weeks. They are both in a fussy stage right now.

April

 

I wanted to add that I remember SO many people wondering why they were "blessed with twins" when it's SOOOOO HARD and it seems like a burden and frankly just not fair!! It happens to the best of em' and it will get better! It will!! You are in the hardest time, right now! Hang in there!! :hug99: Sorry it's so flippin' hard right now!

I also liked what someone above said about being in SURVIVAL MODE!! SO TRUE!!!!

 

Oh sweetie, I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. I find if I premix my formula and put it in bottles ahead of time makes it sooo much easier at night. All I have to do is warm it and feed.

 

I am SO sorry it is so difficult right now -you ARE in the thick of it, totally exhausted, not yet recovered from delivery, and dealing w/ a toddler.

I absolutely agree - send an email and REACH OUT FOR HELP. This has been one of the BIGGEST lessons for me of having twins: i thought i could do it all alone, i should do it all alone. Well - ours is the only culture and the only timein history when a woman would be doing this all alone - that's why most places in the world people live in extended families/villages - because it DOES take a village.

DEFINITELY reach out to your church or synagogue; and if you don't belong to one, perhaps you can contact a local one and speak to whomever coordinates volunteers; it is an act of charity to help a new mom! And - people DO want to help, they just often don't know what to do. I would tell people - pls fold some laundry, pls do the dishes, please...fill in the blank. Or - please come over so i can get just a FEW hours' sleep - you will find that just a few consecutive hours makes a HUGE difference.

And - you were given twins precisel because you CAN handle them, even though it's brutally hard. I used to literally fall asleep w/ a baby in my arms after nursing and wake with a start, freaked out 'where's the baby!"....I never dropped one,never even came close.

You're doing GREAT!