Maybe TMI...but how often do you and DH DTD?

So DH and I have really been at odds about DTD lately. For him it should be a HUGE part of our relationship, but as far as I go...yes I enjoy it but it's just not at the top of my priority list right now. He gets to go to a job and be out of the house...I get to manage 3 small monsters all day. Albeit 3 really cute sweet monsters that I love. But still! By the end of the day I'm practically sleep walking on my way to bed.

So...how often do you and DH DTD and does he pressure you for more?

 

This was a big issue for us after the kids were born. I was sooooo not into it, but I finally just caved and let him have what he wanted because I realized that he was just looking for some intimacy. He felt like I only had affection for the kids and I didn't have any emotional energy left over for him. It was kind of true, but sex was a quick way to reestablish our connection. It doesn't have to be a big deal.. just a quickie whenever you have the chance! That being said.. I also feel like men should have to put more effort into it too.. jump in and relieve us when they get home from work or make sure we have a day off or something.. anything to let us recharge our ourselves.

 

this was also an issue between DH & i. for a looong time. i tried to keep track in my mind about how often we were having sex so that it never went more than a couple of weeks without anything, but it was hard. i had little to no desire for it, it usually took forever to get revved up (if i did) & it was usually uncomfortable, or even painful, at some point - for a long time, i was only agreeing to have sex to try & meet his need as i was able.

on the other hand, there were times i felt really resentful about it - we'd put the girls to bed & i'd have a list a mile long of things i needed to get done before i stumbled into bed & he'd start putting the moves on me. his need ended up feeling like one more chore to me. not very sexy. i used to think "why can't he just help with all the crap that needs to get done around here? then maybe i'd feel like having sex more because i wouldn't be so exhausted". which is true, to an extent.

then i read an article a while ago on rekindling the romance after a multiples birth. it had tips for couples, tips for men, and tips for women. under the tips for men it said exactly what i said above "men - help your women out, they'll be more in the mood". i was like "heck yay!" then under the women's advice it said "women - as much as you need your men to help you out to feel intimate & cared for, they need to just have sex to feel the same thing". and something about seeing it stated so plainly really clicked for me. since then, i've made more of an effort to initiate sex & to try & really enjoy it (whether quick or slow), and i've also tried to just generally say no less (although, DH's like a kid in a candy shop - say yes once & suddenly he wants everything in the store! :laughing. the interesting thing for me is that the more i've made an effort to enjoy it, the more i have enjoyed it - and miracle of all miracles, the more DH has started helping out around the house. ardon: that's not to say it's been easy - there are times when i really just want to tell him to leave me the heck alone. also, my girls are 2.5, so i'm not kidding when i say it's taken time to get here.

all that to say - try to cut each other some slack, keep the communication open, and try to meet each other half way. it will come back in time. :hug:

 

We're still supposed to be doing it?!?! Joking aside DH and I don't DTD as often as we used to. The twins are four months old and I think we've done it maybe four times since they were born. I have absolutely no interest in sex whatsoever. Of course I will DTD because I don't want to deny him. But yeah it isn't something I'm interested in at all. I think once things are more scheduled around here and the girls are sleeping through the night I will feel better. Right now everything is just chaos around here.

 

Sex is extremely high on my dh's list. The sky could be falling and he'd want to be doing it. I have no interest. I agree with the previous posters. Don't withhold it to get your way. That may be their way of showing affection or 'helpfulness.' :hug: Talk.

 

its a more like on my to do list. it makes him happy and when he is happy he helps out more sooooooo pressure no but it just makes life easier. we dtd around 3 times a week

 

so glad you had the nerve to ask this question! I agree, I am at the point where it feels like a chore, just another thing I have to "do". We used to have a very health and active sex life. But when you stay at home with 4 month old twins and a 2yo DD, like pp said, you are just emotionally tapped out by the end of the day! I feel SOOO guilty about it...I am shocked that my DH even WANTS it from me, with spit up all over me, my hair a mess, no make-up and sweatpants day in and day out! But to answer your question, we do it MAYBE once a week...

 

I think we are the rare couple here.. We DTD at least every other day and have since I was cleared to DTD after the boys were born. While pregnant, it was every day lol

 

I guess I am an exception too. We have non been allowed to DTD since I was 26 weeks pregnant with a short cervix. Needless to say I want it just as bad as he does now. I am not bleeding or even spotting anymore and the thought of 3 more weeks is insane. My DH had a vasectomy while I was pregnant and has to have his swimmers checked before I will let him within a mile of me but then its on!! Maybe I am still running on adrenaline and yes I am tired but can't wait to DTD again! I do agree with the pp who said the more you try to enjoy it you will probably find that you do!!

 

I have 3 kids, 2 cats and my DH who all want a piece of me (in different ways, obviously). By the end of the day I feel like I have nothing left to give and I just want to be left alone! That being said I do know DH 'needs' to DTD to feel loved (his words)...what I need to feel loved are all the things mentioned above...help with the house and the kids (and he does try!). I keep waiting for my interest to come back but it seems to be taking MUCH longer this time. To answer your question I'd say 2x/week, sometimes a little more other times a lot less, lol .

 

Wow I'm like so many of y'all. I thought it was just me. DH wants it all the time. As soon as the babies are in be he starts the dirty talk. I'm can't understand it at all. I'm full of spit up, hairs a mess, in the same pjs I went to sleep in, and I know o have huge bags under my eyes. All I want by that point is a bath and a bed. He wants me to wear silky nightgowns to bed and doesn't understand why I don't. I'm up several times a night (normally to replace pacis) plus up for the day around 6:30. Sex is another thing on my todo list. We do tend to get one night a week "off" baby duty as my parents or in-laws keep them to let is catch up on whatever. That tends to be one of our catch-up things. I do try to be I'm the mood more often, big it is hard. Once the babies are sleeping through the night maybe it will get better.

 

We're probably four times a week and started again about three weeks after the girls were born. Sometimes I have to get "in the mood" when he initiates, sometimes I'm already there. The biggest challenge we had was the timing (No, I'm not coming to bed early, I have things to finish around the house). Once we adopted a wherever/whenever attitude about it, the frequency definitely picked up.

My hubs is very helpful around the house and with the girls. I don't know whether that's just his nature or if it's his way of saying "thanks", but I'll take it and keep up my end!

 

We tried the "whenever/wherever" thing for the same reason. And wound up fooling around on the couch one night at about 10 pm. The twins go to bed around 6pm and our 3 year old goes to bed around 730. So we weren't expecting any interruptions. However DH got a nice surprise when our 3 year old gave him a slap on the butt as he crawled up on the couch with us and said "Daddy, go put some clothes on...it's too cold out here!" :escape: Needless to say, it's a bedroom only thing now and the door gets locked.

 

:laughing: that's too cute!

 

It took us a while to get back in the groove. It was painful for a while. Something I've found that works well for me is to assume he wants sex (I'm very rarely wrong :lol and as soon as they go to bed, divvy up what's in my mental list. He doesn't mind helping me all that much and it goes faster. Particularly when I say I'm going to take a bath and hint about what's to happen later.

 

That is too funny!!

 

I am so sad to say that DH and I have little to no action in the bedroom. We keep telling eachother we need to make an effort to get back on the bandwagon, but it never happens. I I'm either exhausted from working all day and then coming home to take care of the girls and the house or he's tired. Plus, I just don't have the drive that I used to have. It's really quite sad. We don't have a babysitter or anyone we can rely on for date nights either. Our closest family is 2 hours away and she's not very reliable. I worry a lot about this subject, but don't know what to do.

 

Job #1 is a babysitter- so you can feel in the mood. It's amazing what a couple of hours away from your kids can do. The act of getting in the car without strapping anybody in a carseat is heavenly. If there is a church nearby, the youth pastors usually have a list of kids who want to babysit.

 

DH wants to have sex, but doesn't "ask" for it, which makes it all the more complicated to me as it is REALLY NOT on top of my mind. Our girls are now more than one year old and, well, I'm ashamed to admit we only did it like five times? It always hurt though, that doesn't help things either. I feel really bad about this too, I'm glad someone posted it!

 

Sometimes for me, DTD is like going to the gym - I enjoy it once I'm there, but don't really want to go befpre hand - ha ha. I try to remind myself that I do stuff I don't want to do ALL DAY LONG (boring meetings, writing reports, changing poopy diapers!) - DTD should be a lot better then any of that, right???! Once we get started, I ALWAYS am so happy we did it. That being said, I think saying that we DTD once a week would be a little too generous. Ah well.

 

Did you write my post lol!?
I have absolutely no desire DTD and although I know it would help our relationship, I resent the idea of it being another chore for me to do. I just don't have the physical or mental energy to put myself out there. We've DTD maybe 4 times so far with maybe a few other 'helping hands :laughing: ' along the way.

 

DH wants it ALL the time, but my sex drive is zapped and the whenever we try to move the twins they wake up. The rare few times we have (maybe 4 times since they were born) it was a race to finish before one or both babies woke up. Lately I'm telling DH no almost every time he asks. I'm way too fertile and he's not made the appt to get snipped yet. He knows what he has to do if I am going to put out.

 

The first 10 times we tried they invariably cried. It could be 4am or 4pm or anytime in between. It was like they has sex-radar. Maybe they protected me from becoming pregnant again quickly...

 

Maybe AF has something to answer for?!
Recently had 1st visit form AF and a few days afterwards, for the 1st time in a looooong time, wasn't actually repulsed by the idea of dtd lol.

 

Weeks ago when I replied to this post (before the twins were born) I could not wait to DTD... now... all I have allowed was enough for him to get his sample to take to the dr and make sure there were no swimmers. There were none, but it wouldn't matter because I am sooo exhausted that I could not imagine taking the energy to DTD... I am lucky however because my DH works from home and is up with me all night so he is to tired to try

 

If this was facebook, I would 'like' that. :good:

DH has got a referral to 'fix' his swimmers but has yet to follow it up. I have to admit, this does play on my mind!!! With my twinnies, we have 4 children and definately don't want anymore.