Maybe I Am A Loser ...

Let me introduce myself first. I have an eleven month b/g twin and I have been reading many posts from this forum, but I never post one.

I feel really bad today. I have a big fight with my dh and my mother. I am currently work fulltime and trying to take care of the twin. At work, I have been working for this job for three years and never get a promotion. I have trying to work hard at work and trying take care the babies well when I get home. I feel like my boss does not like me and my kids do not like me either. My mom comes every weekend to help us out and my kids like her a lot. I feel like I have no bonding with the kids at all. They don't know that I went to work and when I got home, they do not smile with me eithter. I just try to put my son to bed and he keeps crying. Then my dh takes over, he sleeps right away. What did I do wrong! I felt like a loser because I am not a good mom, not a good daughter and not a good employee. I feel so disappointed.

Thanks for sharing my feeling.

 

First of all, let me send you some BIG HUGS :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:
You ARE NOT a loser! You are just working two full time jobs, and feeling the pinch! Your babies love you even if you feel like they don't. I know just how you feel...like no matter what you do, you're not making anyone happy. I was right where you are even BEFORE my twins arrived! My best advice to you would be to talk to your physician and perhaps look into counseling. Feelings of being overwhelmed and like a failure can be signs of anxiety and depression, and that dark cloud can make everything seem much worse than it is. I know with my daughters, once I got help, they were the first to notice it. Just remember that what you are doing is what you need to do for your family's health. You are NOT failing...you are just in the middle of the struggles of parenthood.

Good luck...you are a great mom!!
Nicole

 

:hug99: You are not a loser - being a mom and working full time is hard work. There are times I feel so guilty because I leave when the kids are all in bed and get in home in time to give them a good night kiss. Kids go throuh phases where they are closer to one parent (or grandparent) - but you're their mom amd they will always love you! Mine will go through times when they'll actually say they don't like me - they only like daddy! It breaks your heart, but they don't mean it!

 

I'm sure you're a great mom. Working fulltime has got to be hard. What time do you get home from work and what time do your babies go to bed? Do you have time to play with them a bit every day? Maybe they're just missing some good mommy time. Can you get time alone with them on the weekends without your mom? Just work in a few extra cuddles every day. Maybe have your DH or mom show them pictures of you when you're at work also. And have them talk about yuo during the day and tell the twins that when mommy gets home they'll get to play with you and mommy can't wait to read them a story that night and mommy will help get them to bed that night, etc.

 

Sweetie, first, I am glad you decided to post. Second, you are in no way a bad mother, daughter or employee! You are doing what you need to do for your kids and providing for them. It is not your fault that you need to work and they will still love you whether you are there every minute or not. And I don't think your mother thinks you are a bad daughter. She is probably very proud of you and knows that you have a lot on your plate right now. Remember, her love for you is 100 times more than anything you can ever feel for her... because you are her child. Just like you love your babies and are worried right now that you aren't doing enough for them. And as far as your work is concerned, well there may not be much you can do there but look for something else. Plenty of us have bosses who don't care about us or care if we try at work, but that does not mean you are a bad employee either.

I hope that tomorrow you find it to be a better day for you. :hug99: Believe me when I say, I have had those days, with the kids, the DH, the mother and the job. But tomorrow it may look a little better. If anything, maybe a new change like where you are working, will make all the rest seem better too.

We are here for you whenever you need to vent :hug99:

 

:hug99: You are a great mom!!! You are doing what you need to for your family! All the previous posts have good advice, I just wanted to give you a hug and hope that tomorrow is a better day for you!

 

Balancing everything is hard and sometimes people who are not experiencing the same things have a hard time allowing us the learning curve (best way I can descibe it). Being a working Mom is Soooo hard and some people I work with have not allowed me the time to adjust and have expected a lot from me upon my return to to work. You may be sencing some of this from your boss. It might be worth a meeting with him/her regarding your future with the company for your own peace of mind.

As for the kids, I had that worry a ton around that same age. That they preferred their Dad or their sitter, but I know that its not true. The end of the day is rough for all of us and if that is the only time you get to see your kids, I can understand why you would feel that way. But it is not real, you are their Mommy and they know it, they just need to let loose and they know that once they get home with you, they get to do it.

I make a point of spending time on the floor with my kids right after we get home. Even if that means they get a snack and dinner is a little later then we just get time to cuddle, wrestle, chase or play before the business of being home begins. Plus, since my kids are a little older, I get to see their big smiles and watch them run to me when I pick them up, I LOVE that.

Take it easy on yourself, allow yourself the time to adjust to the working Mommy thing...its really hard.

 

Aww, :hug99: please don't feel down. It sounds like you need to eat the ears off a chocolate Easter bunny, take a long, uninterrupted bath, and have some "me" time. We all feel like this sometimes, and it's so hard when you're trying to be all things to all people. Here's another hug :hug99: and know that I understand what you're going through!

 

:sign0016: Glad you found us, and that you are posting! It sounds like you are under a tremendous amount of stress, and need to take a break, even if only a few hours. Take care of yourself, and come and talk to us anytime! :hug99:

 

:hug99: and :sign0016:

You sound like you are trying so hard to be good at everything... that is too stressful. You got some good advice, I just wanted to say welcome and please take care of yourself too.

 

Let me ditto the other previous posts in saying that you aren't a loser or a bad mom!!! :hug99: I think all of us feel that way at times and its easy to let our emotions get the best of us and feel overwhelmed. I'm definately guilty of that. It just sounds like you are stretched very thin. I'm sure you appreciate the help on the weekends after working all week, but maybe you would be able to connect a little more with the babies if you had some alone time with them, without your mom. Or maybe just have her come one day on the weekend if that's possible. I also say if the schedule allows it, try to spend some 'fun' time with twins each evening, even if its just 10-20 minutes before the bedtime routine. Maybe they just need a little more "special mommy time." I'm sure that your mom, DH and boss all appreciate and admire what you do both at work and at home. If you need more/less help, I'd say try talking to each of them. They might be more understanding and willing to help fix things, to where everyone's happy, than you think.

Good luck! I hope things improve for you soon! :hug99:

Marcy

 

Thank you for replying my post. I probably need to communicate better with my dh and mom about what I want and need.

Btw, my whole family is sick this week :angry:

 

My kids did the same thing at around a year. It seemed like I was just an extension of them - thus they just took me for granted. They would actually cry when I picked them up from day care!

AS for the job, I would try to find something else. If you don't feel appreciated at work than that is going to make you unhappy.

You are not a loser or a bad mom - you are an overworked mom!

Angel