Male OB

I know that this may sound really weird... Yesterday my contractions were really painful again (I've been having them in my back and front) and were 5-7 min apart so I went into my normal hospital which is an hour away... I got there only to find out that the only OB available for delivery was a male (luckily it ended up being a false alarm)... I am not comfortable with a male other than DH being down there. He wanted to check my cervix, but I finally was able to convince him to let his nurse do it while he wasn't in the room. We had told my regular OB that it was for religious and cultural reasons that I didn't want a male, at the time she had said that they had back-ups available. Now when I talked to her yesterday about it she changed her story saying there was not any way to make sure it was a female. I even asked her about the back-ups that she had told me about only to be told that the hospital has no back-up. I asked her what would happen if 3 people were having their babies at the same time, they surely have to have something figured out for then because the same Dr. couldn't be in all 3 places, right? She replied that odds are that wouldn't happen. I come from a small town where, before we found out that it was a high-risk pregnancy, my Dr. had given me her number and said that no matter what it would be her delivering my baby...Once we found out it was twins and mono/di on top of that we had to switch hospitals to one in a city and no one ever told me that it wouldn't be my OB delivering. She had just assumed that I knew this. I'm really frustrated because first no one helped us figure out where to go in the hospital, when we asked for help they got snotty and told us that we were in the wrong place (we ended up being on the other side of the building), and then I found out all of the other stuff. They don't even have mid-wives available at all at this place. I know that for ethical and moral reasons they HAVE to have a back-up plan when you tell them its for religious and cultural reasons, my SILs a Dr. and said that all hospitals have to honor that reason otherwise it could be a huge issue as far as lawsuits and what not. I'm sure that male OBs are very capable and are great, but I'm just not comfortable with it and am frustrated that there is no female back-up like I was originally told. If I would have know this we would have gone to a different hospital, the next closest with the NICU and high-risk specialist available is 2-3 hours away, but most of our family lives around there, so we would have just stayed with them on appointment days... Did any of you have to deal with this? If so, how did you handle it?? Thanks in advance...

 

My OB is male and the OB that delivered my twins was female. I was very unhappy with her as she almost sent me home when I was in a life threatening situation and had to deliver (the nurse is the one who helped catch HELLP syndrome that I had developed) . The OB that delivered my Liam is male as well.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Is it really for religious reasons, or is it just your level of comfort? I can't imagine any practice or hospital guaranteeing that you would have a female doctor at your delivery, there is just no way to know when you are going to deliver and who is on that day.

 

If it's purely for religious reasons than I can't help you there...

But I can offer you my side on having a male OB. I had a female who did all of my paps before I got pg. She was terrible. Because she was a woman, she would just ASSUME she knew how I felt if I was complaining of pain, etc. I hated it.

I switched to a male for my DD. Boy, I tell you, when I delivered and realized I wouldn't see him anymore, I was so sad!! He was the best doctor ever. I truly believe that because he's male and has not experienced what we have - he treats all my concerns seriously and is always cautious. Over cautious even at times. I have him now for the twins and again I can not express how happy I am.

As for exams, it completely doesn't bother me that he has to check me. He is a licensed medical professional who has seen THOUSANDS or millions of private parts and babies coming out of them. I am sure they all look the same after a while.
He does have a big sign posted in the waiting room saying you are more than welcome to bring in a friend, relative, or have his secretary present for all examinations. At the first visit, 3 yrs ago, I did. And then once I was comfortable with him, now it's all business and it's a 2 second check and I feel no need to have someone present.

He has never been inappropriate nor suggestive.

Hope that side of the story helps you. Just remember that just because they are male, it doesn't make them indecent. (Not that I am saying you think that!!), it's their job to deliver babies and check you internally for dilation.
I would rather have a male who could SAFELY deliver my child even if I was against it initially.

The babies safety are the most important thing.

Good Luck!

 

switching hospitals would be unlikely to solve the situation - you would still be stuck with whichever doctor is on call when you go into labor. the way your original doctor practices is extremely rare (and precious, IMO) these days. i'm not entirely sure how it works in the States, but i do know that in Alberta now that midwifery care is covered by provincial health care, midwives do not attend twin births because they're considered high risk. prior to being covered by health care, you could do shared care (see a midwife and an OB), but now that would basically be double dipping the system. all that being said, it's not too late to switch caregivers if you can find someone who is able to accomodate you. and it sounds like it's really important to you - i would make a few phone calls & see what your options are. GL!

 

I'm not comfortable with other males down there either. I have *always* had a female doc to do my paps (my family practice doc is female too) & and my OB is part of a 4 woman practice and their slogan is "women caring for women" I thought for sure that having 4 women docs at the practice would ensure I had a woman deliver me but I went into labor the day after Christmas sure enough all 4 of them were off for Christmas break and the back up on call was a man. He had to check me for dilation to make sure I was in labor and then again to make sure I was progressing and then he was the one to do my C section. I just had to suck it up and do it. I never spoke to my OB beforehand about it - I just assumed with 4 women at the practice I would get a woman. It was uncomfortable having him check me but I got over it b/c I was having a baby that night!

 

:hug: I'm sorry you are uncomfortable with male OBs. I remember the first time I had a male dr. perform my yearly exam I was so nervous, but I quickly got over and it really liked him. Then when I was preggo with my oldest DD there was only 2 female OB's in the practice and I had to see everyone at one point because any one of them can be on duty when you go into labor. When I was in labor with my oldest DD I can't even tell you how many people, drs, nurses, etc just walked into the room, they don't think anything of it and you quickly get over your inhibitions about it, at least I did. There is no privacy when you are in labor and giving birth. ardon:

And I agree, there really is no way to guarantee that a female dr. will be on duty when you deliver. I hope you can figure something out that helps you feel more comfortable. :hug:

 

It has been my experience that OB's will do their very best to be the one there to deliver their babies, however that is not always the case. I have had male and female OB's and the worst experiences by far were the women (I am sure there are other cases where it is the male OB) My current OB/GYN is a male and I will never change to someone else! He is part of an all Christian office and he always has his nurse in the room for any exam that would involve breast or "down there" although I do not request it that is their policy. Seems to me that perhaps that should be the policy even for women Ob's... are there only perverse men who may be inappropriate? There could be women as well who are inappropriate... something to consider. I think it is about trusting who you have as your DR be them Male or female. He is the best Dr, I have ever had and has even called me personally to check on me. When we lost our baby last summer while in Spain, he took the time to talk to me while we were still over seas. When it is time to deliver he said there will be 2 OB's present. If he is not on call, the OB on call will call him and see if he is available and if he is he will come in. It may be uncomfortable for you to have a male OB but if that is the only option at the time of delivery then the only option would be to trust him to deliver your babies safe. Perhaps call around to other Ob offices and see if they can guarantee a female OB to be there. Seems unlikely but may be worth it if your convictions are that strong. Best of luck, and remember these are all professionals who have dedicated their lives to the health and well being of women and their babies regardless of if they are male or female.

 

It is MOSTLY for religious purposes... I have also had some bad experiences in the past with male doctors... I know that not all of them are like that, and I know that they are dedicated professionals. I really wasn't meaning to imply that they weren't at all! I'm very sorry that some may have taken it that way... I know that my OB scheduled my inducement for when she is on, but I guess since the clinic and hospital where I live gave me the option of a female or a male (they said that they have one of each on call everyday for reasons such as this) I just assumed even in a bigger hospital that would be the case. Especially after my OB said it was!! Again please don't get me wrong, he was very caring and professional, I just am not ok with it for religious and personal reasons.

 

I have never had a female doctor!!! If I am being completely honest it creeps me out more to have a female down there than a male. When the nurse has to come in to watch I get more uncomfortable with her just watching! That being said, I love my doctor and he is extremely competent and professional so I don't have the same perspective as you. Can you still go to the other hospital that is farther away? If so, you may want to find out their male/female ratio of doctors to see what the chances are of getting a female. Or, if you make it to the inducement date will you have your doctor? Sorry, kind of confused but if it is important to you there has to be a way to make it work!!!

 

Please excuse my ignorance, but in what religion is it inappropriate for a woman to have a male doctor? And what is the reason? Thanks in advance; I hope you don't mind sharing - I love to learn about other people's religions.

 

Ditto, I was wondering the same thing

 

I'm sorry they gave you the wrong impression or told you things that were not necessarily true for your given situation. I know that when I have my heart set on something happening a certain way, it's so hard to come to terms with it might not happening that way. I don't know if the situation will be able to be changed, but I hope that you get the outcome you want and are able to have a female deliver you if that is your wish.

That being said, when we moved this area 10 yrs. ago, I randomly picked a general family practice Dr. because I needed one. At our first meeting, I discussed with him my plans to start a family and asked him for a referral to an OB/GYN. He gave me the name of the BEST Dr. I have ever had in my entire life. Yes, he was a man. But this man bent over backward, was compassionate, caring, concerned, dedicated, you name it. I can tell you that we don't live in a real small town, but if you mention his name in our county even, the women LOVE this man. I saw the other Dr.'s in his practice throughout my pregnancies and they were all ok, but I actually tended to prefer the men over the women. He was by far the best though. I know I'm gushing about him, but he even called me on Thanksgiving one year b/c I had started miscarrying the day before. He wanted to check in on me, told me he and his wife had gone through a m/c the previous year and just was so sweet. He really listened to his patients and didn't blow anything off. He didn't get to deliver my 1st DD (my induction was started by a female and I was delivered by another male), but he did deliver my twins b/c they were induced on a day that he was on call. His Dad passed away the week prior and I was so scared he wasn't going to be the one to deliver. We were his first delivery after he returned. He told me after their delivery that he felt like his Dad delivered Baby A and that he delivered Baby B (his Dad was an OB/GYN as well). As a side note, our Twin A is Gabriel meaning Angel. Everytime we talked after that, he remembered that story and I know it holds a special place in his heart as well.

 

I am sorry that you got a wild card thrown at you, and more importantly... glad that you and the babes are ok!

Hospitals that care for higher risk pregnancies probably have less ability to 'plan' their deliveries as whoever is available is responding to whoever is more urgent. I think that unless you make it to your induction date, you will probably be seen by whoever is available no matter where you go. It's unfortunate that it works that way, but I am sure whoever delivers those little ones will be absolutely professional and that you'll get excellent care. I personally wouldn't risk going to a hospital 2-3 hrs away when/if you go into labour just for a female doctor. As one PP said too, delivery is not private.. there are lots of health professionals involved, and you don't even notice that they're in the room.

 

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this so late in your pregnancy! I can understand being uncomfortable with a male OB- I only have my yearly appts with female doctors. But during my pregnancy, I had to see male OBs. Have you considered a teaching hospital? There were a ton of doctors between all the attendings and residents and I'm sure it would have been no problem requesting that only a female check me during my appts. I delivered at a large teaching hospital and had a male attending and a male and female resident present for my delivery. I'm sure I could have requested that only the female resident check me and be the one to do the actual delivery. I'm sure the male attending would need to be in the room and need to take over in an emergency, but maybe that might make you a little more comfortable to have a female resident doing most of the care (the residents did most of the work during my induction and delivery, but the attending got all the credit :lol: ) It's still not a sure thing that you'll have a female doctor, but the chances may be higher.

 

Islam.

 

Yes, that is one of the religions... However I am not Islamic. I am Christian (I am choosing not to share the denomination simply to avoid the controversy surrounding different religions, it seems that when talking about religions there are always controversies! I know that I brought up religion, but I chose not to bring up any specific one for that reason! I hope you understand.. ), it is my church's standards and policies on modesty. According to the policy I can have a male doctor as far as regular things (like allergies or other sicknesses) go, but when it comes to seeing "private areas" no male other than your husband is supposed to... I know that not all denominations are this way and even some of the churches in my denomination are not this way. It is an individual church decision. It by no means, means that I think that male OBs are perverse, inappropriate or unprofessional...
Thanks for all the suggestions, too! We are at a teaching hospital now, so maybe I will get lucky and have a female resident... The ratio of male OBs to female at this place is 1:3 (there are 12 and only 4 are male, so that seems pretty low to me), but if I make it to the 22nd I will have the OB I've been seeing so that's encouraging. I was also told that since I'm pregnant with twins I can request a c/s if it goes too long. So that way I can have them before she goes off duty at least. I guess I am just frustrated to be finding this out this late in the game! I feel like if they had been honest with me up front maybe I could have come up with some kind of solution, instead they weren't and now I'm just frustrated on top of everything else!!

 

I work on a Mom Baby Unit and we always have a female back up. There are a lot of women who flat out REFUSE a male to examine them due to religious reasons or the patient having a history of sexual abuse. We just stick a note on the door that says "NO MALES ALLOWED" and it isn't ever a problem. I have never heard of any Christian religion that says no male doctor can examine your private area but I learn something new everyday! Good luck to you!

 

There are a lot of women who flat out REFUSE a male to examine them due to religious reasons or the patient having a history of sexual abuse. We just stick a note on the door that says "NO MALES ALLOWED" and it isn't ever a problem.

This is the case at the hospital I work at. I did my OB rotation here as a student and there were 2 cases during my semester alone that we had to accommodate a situation such as this. My hospital, however, is huge.

 

I am glad to read that you may have found a possible solution, I really hope things work out the way you want them to.
Take care!!
:grouphug:

 

I am sorry that they gave you such a hard time! I have a male ob, but I love him and have been with him for years now! I wish they had repected your wishes!!!

 

I was nervous having men as OBs, myself, but am another that found a male OB (and I tried out 8 of them!) to be the best in the practice for me.

I totally understand being thrown a curveball, though, while being pregnant. Hopefully this situation resolves itself soon.