Lurke-Post-Lurke-Post-Lurke-POST

Hello Friends.

My used-to-be "normal" house was a place of "peace", fun, love and a somewhat cohesive family of four.

Now....Holy Toledo it is CHAOS!!!

Instead of writing a whole long story of whoa is me I am just going to list the challanges and ask you to comment on whatever you can.

1. My girls are just over two (28m this month), the WHINING is driving us CRAZY! We have tried time outs for it we have tried not giving them what they want till they ask in a normal voice and nothing is working. How do we get them to stop whining and if there is nothing, how long did the wining last for you?

2. Mother of year! This morning the girls were f.u.s.s.y and I was trying to get ready to go to work. To say they were being difficult is an under statement. So Avi starts asking for chocolate puddin. I told her that Anna (babysitter) would make it later and she can have some later. To make a long story short, I made the stupid chocolate pudding and let them have it FOR BREAKFAST. Now Avi had already had a bowl of Rice Krispies with raisins and a full cup of milk, Lilah had only milk at this point and they both ate the pudding. Here's the thing, I made them pudding and gave them pudding FOR BREAKFAST beacuse I am fried! I am not strong enough to ignore the whining, the crying, the yelling, the tears, the stomping of the feet so, I just give in.
I am so on my way to having a Super Nanny needed visit, I am going to be one of those houses where the kids make the rules and have the control.
So, what do I do? We are doing 1 2 3 magic, they go to time out, they whine and then time out is over and we are back to where we started.

3. We transitioned their cribs to "big girl beds" on Sunday. Naps are going well (for the babysitters) but the night times are out of control. We put a gate up but they crawled under it (note to self, get that gate moved!) my husband and I are doing everything we can to get them to stay in their beds but nothing is working. Sticker charts, they don't care about them, did them for teeth brusing and they got bored. Penny jars, they are excited about getting the penny but not enough to stay in their beds, AHHHHHHHH what did you do that worked?

4. My husband and I are SO in a bad place right now. We are tired, we're mentally exhausted and we are so not a good team right now. Date night is not an option right now, mostly because of the girls sleep thing, can't subject a babysitter to this, they would never come back. My family is not available to sit (a whole 'nother story). We spend our evenings now just trying to get the girls to sleep and/oir stay in their beds, we don't eat dinner togehter, we don't watch t.v. together, we are toast once the girls fall asleep and we hardly speak to each other.
Not really a question I guess, just a snipit to get across how much our home life SUX right now. (am I allowed to say sux?)

5. I hear this is how it is til the kids are like 4. I won't make it to 4. I want to leave the country and not come back. I hate that I feel that way but I would rather be anywhere these days than at home.

Any advise?

Thanks.
Leslie

 

#1. My two are still whiny.
#2. To go off of a thought by Bill Cosby. Did the pudding have milk in it? If so, it's healthy!
Now, to keep her from eating it every day. . .

I will take something that my kids are eating too much of out of our food rotation. Like Fruit Snacks rolleyes those are not getting replenished for a month. That way I can show them in the pantry that the food is not there.

Try offering chocolate (Ovaltine) milk instead of pudding?

3. Big beds. I didn't have an issue really so I have no real advice. I just know that our morning-clothes-everywhere-in-the-room-routine got better after the novelty wore off.

4. You *HAVE* to take time for yourself. Both of you. If you can't do a date night, go for lunch and a matinee on the weekend. You are both at the end of your ropes and you need something to happen or else you'll fall off. So please, please, find some time to spend with just you and him. And charge each other a dollar every time you speak about the kids.

5. Yes things take time, and when you go to another continent, take me with you!


Do you use 1-2-3 Magic or any other type of discipline? I think your girls are testing you, to see how consistent you are and to see where they can get through the loopholes of your discipline (I see future lawyers and politicians!)

 

I will take something that my kids are eating too much of out of our food rotation. Like Fruit Snacks () those are not getting replenished for a month. That way I can show them in the pantry that the food is not there.

Yes, I do this to. We have not had "Dora Snacks" in the house for a month. My girls have had pudding twice in their life so I have NO IDEA where this demand came from this morning. There was no t.v. so it wasn't a commercial, I have no idea!


4. You *HAVE* to take time for yourself. Both of you. If you can't do a date night, go for lunch and a matinee on the weekend. You are both at the end of your ropes and you need something to happen or else you'll fall off. So please, please, find some time to spend with just you and him. And charge each other a dollar every time you speak about the kids.

We share our money so we would have to borrow the same dollars back and forth, but it's a cute idea none the less. Yes, I know we should spend some time together but I have to say, I'm so not into it. We were doing couples therapy but we can't even manage to fit that in any more.

5. Yes things take time, and when you go to another continent, take me with you!

Pack your bags!


Do you use 1-2-3 Magic or any other type of discipline? I think your girls are testing you, to see how consistent you are and to see where they can get through the loopholes of your discipline (I see future lawyers and politicians!)

We do 1 2 3 magic, they go to time out, cry or whine, get out and do it all over again.

Thanks for the responce, I appreciate and and all feed back.

Leslie

 

First thought..it sounds like you need some time for you (agreeing 100% with Bex)! Time to refocus and rethink how you are doing some things. I know for me, when I start feeling out of control and the girls are out of control..I need a break..whether I say I go shopping and then I just go to the lake and look at the water, or whatever to refresh and revive and get a fresh point of view. Parenting is hard..period! Me time is essential!!

Whining issue--mine still whine, but it has gotten better. You have to stick to your guns..no matter how much they stomp and cry. If it takes time-out, and when they get up they start again, then back they go. Explain to them that there is no whining and No Means No. Yes, it will get worse before it gets better, but if you will put on your poker face and stick to it, it will get better. You must show no emotion..don't let them know they are getting to you. If you have to go into the bathroom and shut the door and scream into a towel, then do it as long as they don't see you. They have to know you are in control, not them. It may seem like its not working, but give it time, it is. You are modeling to them the behavior you expect, its going to take some time for it to sink in.

Bedtime issue - seems like positive reinforcement isn't working..have you tried to take toys away? I took my girls toys away when they wouldn't stay in bed, and I started with their most favorite. It worked for us, it didn't take long for them to figure out that their favorite toy was gone for the night if they didn't stay in bed. I also compromised, I kept the toy until they settled down and then they got it back..that worked well for us too.

Try to have a date night once a month with hubby..got to keep your relationship with him on track, too. I know my husband is my rock and if things are sour with him, then the whole ship runs amuck. When we click, things are just more bareable. Believe it or not, kids will sometimes act better for a babsitter than their own parents (I think its this silent code of conduct against us parents).

Good Luck, and Hang in there!! No, it doesn't last forever!! Remember, this is a marathon, not a race..you can do it!!

My last piece of advice...if you truly feel there are behavioral issues and they aren't getting better, then talk to your pediatrician! Ask them for suggestions and opinions. Don't drive yourself nuts because you can't solve something that you don't have the tools for.

 

1. We still have whining here. I try not to give in to it, but I'm not perfect. I've just learned to ignore it for the most part. Lately my DD will whine for 5-10 minutes, and then stop and ask for what she wants nicely! I've never found a timeout to be effective to stop whining because they come right out of TO and keep whining for the same darn thing!

2. I've done the same thing with potato chips. But I think the best thing to do in that situation is ignore them. Tell them once or twice that the babysitter will make them pudding for a snack later. After that, don't respond at all to their whining and requests. Every time you give in to whining after saying no, they are learning that you don't mean what you say and that if they whine long and hard enough they will get what they want.

3. We lock our kids in their rooms at night. Seriously. The first 2-3 days, they tried to open the door and cried for a bit. But now they don't even try to open it because they know it's locked. For me, it's more of a safety issue. I can't have them wandering around the house all hours of the night, getting into Lord knows what.

4. Once you get that lock installed on the door (LOL), you can designate one night a week to eat dinner together and hang out after the girls are in bed.

5. I totally get how you feel. I dream about going back to work full time so my kids are someone else's problem for 8 hours a day! I'm only half serious, but this age is HARD!

 

Dear God, Leslie, I came here to post just what you wrote, to a T! So instead, I'll send you lots of :grouphug:

You are an awesome mother! Who could use Supernanny. I used to fantasize about old flames. Now I think I'll fantasize about Supernanny coming to save us.

One think that has helped me immensely, and I hope to do more of is alone time. When things were rough recently with DH I started sleeping in the basement. It was actually WONDERFUL! I was physically far, only 30 feet or so, but 2 floors, from both DH and my twins. I could slide into my cool sheets, listen to the quiet. Know that time was really my own. I relaxed like I haven't since before I was pregnant. I gave it up to mend things with DH and because the bed down there is bad. But I think I'll borrow a better bed and sleep there a couple times a week. Bliss!

Maybe you and your DH could make assignments. One night he's on, and one night you are. No sense in you both getting stressed. One parent working and the other has a duty to re-charge. Maybe sleeping apart won't work, but find something that works for you.

Another thought I had. Yes, life is miserable when you're in the depths of toddler meltdown. But try to block that time off. Try not to let it affect you when you get to work, and try not to let it spill over to your relations with DH. Learn from your toddlers - bad mood, then good. And the bad is totally forgotten.

How will we survive the next 1 year, 9 months, 18 days?

:youcandoit:

 

I tried to reply to this earlier but the computer was having a temper tantrum!
Leslie, first off, :hug: to you!
1. My two are not 28 months yet, so when they whine DH and/or I will ask them to use to their words and if they insist on not doing that, we then ignore the whining. Our thought is if we give it more attention, it gives them incentive to keep on doing it. Believe me, it's hard to ignore and whining to me is like nails on a chalkboard but that's what is helping now.
2. With breakfast, it sounds like Avi did well eating the rice crispies and raisins, could you try to tell them that pudding will be the snack later on, if they eat a good breakfast (i.e. cereal and fruit)?
3. Just my DD is transitioned to a toddler bed...I had issues at nap time with her staying in bed, what I did was sit in the room with her (did not interact with her, I'd read a book or something) for a set amount of time or when she fell asleep, usually she was asleep after 20 minutes.
4. I know you said that you and DH are toast by the end of the evening and you feel like you both don't talk...can you make a 15 minute date after the kids are down for the evening...talking, watching part of a show together, etc.
5. :hug: I hope this does not continue until age 4 for you!

 

Hi:

You've gotten lots of good advice.

Re the big beds -- do you still have the
cribs and do you have the option of putting them back up? Based on words of
wisdom from other twin mamas (on this forum), I waited until our kids were more then 3 years old to move them to big kid beds. Seriously -- we needed the peace of naptime and bedtime. I have a friend who is a mom of triplets -- she didn't move them out of cribs until after 4 years old.

It may be that yours are a bit too young for the responsibility of big beds.

With sleep, all things look better!

Meg

 

Hey hon,
I don't have tons of time to write now but I do have a sec to convey a few thoughts.

You are not alone. You do not have different kids. I think most 2 yr olds are like yours.

The only advice I can give you is the advice that I have listened to myself and that is: remember that they are ONLY 2 yrs old. Yes, there are 2 of them and one of you but they are still only 2 and 1/2 feet tall and YOU are in charge. You get to tell them what to do, it's not the other way around. Yes, they ARE going to throw fits and scream but you get to make all the choices. If you don't want them to have pudding for bkfst- then they won't.

The tricky part is, that it's going to sting for awhile to listen to them cry but it's like anything- you'll all get thru it and you'll be glad you did. Kids get used to getting their way and it's a pay now or pay later type of deal.

You REALLY don't want to end up there or you will have SuperNanny at your house

So, I guess I would TRY to really start reigning them back in. Put your foot down. You are the boss. If they want something else- TOUGH! It ain't happenin'! Go to your room. Have a fit. I don't care! I'm the boss. That's how it goes over here anyway and I have to tell you- they're used to it. They're good kids and they know their boundaries. It's nice.

There is only one way for children to learn boundaries and that is from their parents. In actuality, they WANT boundaries, they just do not know it

So, you can do this!! You are not alone

Keep us posted Don't let the fact that there are 2 of them scare you! (even tho I'm scared to death half the time, I never let it show LOL) ha!