Love & Logic

I'm feeling frustrated and out of control when it comes to disciplining/interacting with one of my sons. A lot of it is because we're living with my parents right now and it's hard to set boundaries when there's always another adult around who they know will let them get away with murder (comparatively, anyway). We're working on that part, but that's not the full extent of our issues... just a compounding factor.

I've considered a Love & Logic seminar, or at least the books & CDs. However, I've watched the 1-2-3 Magic (volumes 1 & 2) DVDs and I'm wondering if this will be much different - it sounds a lot like 1-2-3 Magic, Part 2.

I'd love to hear about anyone's experiences with L&L, especially in the nearly-3 and 3-year-old age group.

 

I really like Love and Logic. A lot of school systems are starting to use it. My problem is not being consitent enough. When I'm using it, the kids respond very well to it. I like the natural consequences, but sometimes don't have the patience for it. Some basic things to remember are to try to provide as many choices as you can throughout the day. Choices that you don't care what choice they make (i.e "Do you want a shower or a bath?", "Do you want to wear you tennis shoes or your crocs?", "Do you want to brush your teeth now or in 5 mins?"). Then, when it comes to something you really can't budge on, you let them know that you've given them lots of choices today and now it's your turn. A common thing with 123 Magic (from what I understand...I have the book waiting on my nightstand to open up and read) is that you take the emotional response out of it. Remaining calm is key and sometimes you just keep repeating the same phrase over and over in a calm manner. There's the "uh oh" song too which I've found works. Letting natural consequences occur for their behavior is also a key to this technique and not recueing your kids. I have many of the books and actually have an extra of the preschool book if you're interested. There's a Love and Logic for Grandparents and my Mom got a copy b/c she wanted to help us with consistency. It's hard when they know who will let them get away with things and they act up again. I plan to crack open 123 Magic this week in hopes to get some more ideas. I think I'll be taking bits and pieces of things that I like and trying to incoporate the things that work for us. I'm beginning to learn that it's not an all or nothing thing with a lot of these parenting philosophies.

 

I took a Love & Logic class through Nadia's school, and found it very useful and informative -- but, for the 5/6-year-old age group. I haven't thought about how to use it for kids that are much younger.

So, I'm not much help! But, it's a solid system, mostly about giving choices, choosing your battles, and doling out natural consequences.

I honestly think Kevan & Karina aren't ready for it yet, though.

 

I have the Love and Logic for the Early Childhood book. I recommend it as a must-read for parenting even if you don't use every technique in it. The basic gist is that as parents we need to prepare our kids for the real word where consequences (both good and bad) come from their decisions so we give them lots of practice making decisions and dealing with the consequences when they are young because the stakes are much lower then. Ideally by the time they're high schoolers they should be able to think through their decisions and make good ones more often than bad ones. The authors also talk a lot about the importance of giving kids lots of choices to give them a sense of control too. This is what MLH was talking about. The more choices you can give them throughout the day, supposedly the more likely they are to follow your directions when they don't have a choice.

With kids our kids' ages, the basic discipline technique is to "set the limit once" and then follow through with a consequence for their choice. So if my DS and DD are fighting over a toy, I set the limit once by saying, "If you cannot share the toy nicely, I will put it away." If they keep fighting over it, I follow through with the consequence and take it away. It's like 123 Magic except without the counting, basically, as you're supposed to remain very calm, loving and empathetic while delivering the consequence. They also use natural or logical consequences as often as possible. The classic example of this is taking your kid to day care or school in his pajamas when he won't get dressed.

There's a lot more to it than that, but those are some of the big ideas from the book. I know I thought some of the book seemed harsh because my natural inclination is to protect my kids from everything, but I still think the ideas are good even if I personally found some of the examples to be harsh.