Love and Logic...HELP!

I am at my wits end. My 4 year old will not listen or respond to anything we tell him to do. We have done behavior modification charts, time-outs, taken away toys, given siblings privelages and taken that same privelage from him, positive reenforcement, etc. You name it we have tried it. I am a teacher by trade and am frustrated that I cannot get through to my own child. The twins are now catching on to this behavior and mimicking it! I don't know what more to do. We can talk with him and explain to him that there will be this consequence if he does a certain behavior. We will have him repeat it to us and he appears to get it. However, he will still do the naughty behavior. The newest and most frustrating thing is when I am having a conversation on the phone or with another adult in person he will be soooo defiant and naughty. If I tell him no he throws a fit. It is getting to a point that I don't want to take him out in public. I dread the stress that it causes. I have resorted to a lot more yelling and I don't like how it feels.
He is a very loving little boy and I feel like so much of our time with him is spent on negativity. However, focusing on the positive doesn't seem to stop the negative either. I just don't want him to be the kid no one can stand to be around because he is so naughty. He is the only boy in our house and none of my 4 daughters have challenged us in this way before. They have each had their moments but we have always been able to find some sort of discipline that they respond to. Where are we going wrong with him?

So with this said I have been reasearching things to help. I have come across the Love and Logic series and was wondering if anyone has read these books, attended these seminars or listened to the cds? I was wondering if they are worth the money and if anyone has any positive or negative things to say about this program? Please share your opinion and/or any other books, programs, etc that you have found succesful.

 

I found the Love and Logic book really useful and I plan to re-read it very soon. My DH's best friend's father is a very respected child psychiatrist and he recommended the Love and Logic series to me, so I take that as a great recommendation.

 

We do Love & Logic and really enjoy it. It was a little tricky learning how to do it because it is so drastically different than they way we were raised, but it's worth the effort. Much less stress, much happier family.

 

So I am reading the book "Positive Discipline" And they go through a scenario on how to deal with this. Basically he wants your attention and is doing everything to get it. The positive discipline book would recommend you basically say "excuse me" to who you are talking to, bend down to his level and say "Mommy is talking to so and so right now. How about I play with you when I am done? Would you like to go get your blocks ready or should we play trucks when I am done?" Let him make his decision and then go with it. He is wanting your attention so by telling him you will give him attention, he can understand that. By letting him chose what to do, he gets some control of the situation. In reading this book, I thought I was doing positive discipline correctly but came to the realization that my skills are rusty and the book has helped me get back on track.

I would suggest you pick 1 form of discipline and stick with it. Kids get confused when too many techniques are tried. Good luck, 4 is a very frustrating age.

 

Thanks ladies! I do beleive I have decided to try Love and Logic.

 

We tried Love and Logic. I think for us, it was just too much but I really like it. I'm an emotional responder and I've been working on that. I have taken pieces of Love and Logic that I know I can do and say and I use them. We also do a bit of Conscious Discipline (Becky Bailey) and 1-2-3 Magic. 1-2-3 Magic is more the discipline we use, but I like to use a lot of the phrases that the other 2 emphasize as well and we are trying to embrace the natural consequences more. Really, as long as I can control my reaction to things life is so much easier. But, I still have quite a ways to go.