Lots of questions on Lots of Topics - Come one, Come all

I am at my wits end with the boys. I love them so much but gosh they are really getting on my nerves. And after thinking about it for a while, I realize alot of it is my fault. Not all of it, but alot of it. I lost control of daily routines and such. It used to be that they were in bed at 7:30 and slept all night. The next day was good days as long as we had naps. All of that is gone. Now, we are lucky if we are in bed by 11pm. And they still get up early. I MAKE them take a nap around 12 or 1. That has become h*ll as well. With Jordan now here, things are more hectic. He has been a great baby. Been sleeping through the night since we came home from hospital. (I think someone is looking down on me, lol) But having him here, and still recovering from a c-section, it has been hard. It was hard before, but this has been harder. For months now, the boys have been little monkeys. I have had to take alot of my furniture out of the house or place in another room. They would climb the kitchen chairs, get on the tables, they get things off my kitchen counters, throw toys in the sink while Im washing dishes, throw toys at people and us, hit/fight with each other, hit us and the baby, bite each other, jump on couches/chairs, tear my blinds up, I could go on and on and on and on and on.

I have tried so many things! Including popping their hands. I dont like it but it was worth trying. Guess what, it doesn't work. They just laugh. Time outs are not working. Taking toys away isnt working. What else can I do?

Biting - We've put soap in mouths, even tried lightly biting them back, and so on. Still biting!

Bedtime - We still have to rock Brycen to sleep every night. Jaylen has gotten to where as SOMETIMES, he will go in his room and watch his movie and fall asleep. But still, it could be 11 at night. (I have made it totally clear that Jordan will not ever be rocked to sleep or held to fall asleep. I swaddle him and lay him down and he drifts off by hisself) I just dont know what to do. I want them to go in their room, go to bed, by theirselves, and give me and DH a little time to ourselves at night. But no matter how early I start, like last night, I started at 8Pm - no luck until 11. And that was me in there with them making them stay in their bed, screaming the whole time for daddy and finally falling sleep crying. That breaks my heart.

All of this breaks my heart! It kills me to see them upset but its making family life h*ll they way they are acting. DH and I are having problems. Well more like me being a b*tch all the time to him. Again, its my fault we cant get along.

Routine - I dont even know where to start anymore. What all should I be including in a daily routine? What time is your 2 year olds going to bed and getting up. Naps? DH doesn't get home till 6-7:30 pm most nights. So I feel like he has no time with them if I start things early and without him. But it looks like I have come down to no choice but to do that. What would you do?

Another problem I have is family/friends. We live behind my motherinlaw and to the left of us is sisterinlaw. They are here almost every day and sometimes 2 times a day. Alot of times late in the evening too. This really shakes things up. I've tried expressing that, but it hasnt worked 100%. Then I also have my brother that when he does come by, its late in the evening as well. My kids will NOT go to sleep if anyone is here, not even for naps. I got friends that will call and ask before they come. And they listen to my wishes. I just tell them its not a good time. But when it comes to family, especially inlaws, what am I to do other than say what Ive already said? I dont want to piss anyone off. I love them all dearly and they have helped me alot! I just want my family life to be nice, wonderful, and easier than it has been. routine, routine, routine!
I know its not a perfect world, but almost perfect would be..... that discipline would no longer be a huge problem. Naps/Bedtime would be a whole lot easier. That my whole family could sit at the table and have a nice supper together. They we could all be alone during our time and have family/play time. You all get the idea. It would be nice! I would love to have my kids have nice manners, yes/no maam/sir. No cursing in the house which I find myself doing alot lately. ETC

Again - my heart is breaking, I feel like Im about to have a nervous breakdown, or nut up on somebody. I lost my mother last year at her early age of 44 very unexpectedly, and she was my best friend. My confidont(sp), my everything. Im still having a very hard time with that b/c everytime something goes wrong, I want to call her right away. I need her so much!! I miss her so much!

Anyway, now I have to get off here and pull myself together. Im sorry for the long post. Im just lost on how to get control of everything again. Please lead me in the right direction. Tell me everything you can think of. Im willing to take any and all advice!!

PLEASE help! This is supposed to be the best time of my life. I have 3 beautiful boys that I want to enjoy. I tried 8 years to get the boys here and this is not how its supposed to be. (I know everyone has their bad days but not 24/7/365!
HELP!

HUGS ** Ive probably left out some other problems but maybe between all you, you will cover it! lol

 

suggestions..

things i did with my 3 under 2.5
time outs were a joke.. so we started walking them to their room. sitting them on the floor and closing the door.. to resume play with the good children

things i do are.. have high expectations..
walk cups to the kitchen.
laundry to the washer
toys in the bedroom.

i say must - they respond.. hold hands.

it helps to expect things like pick up after yourself with no whining and talking back.
we make a game out of it..

i say CUPS IN THE KICHEN.. they respond .. say yea mommy.. i hear the thunk.. and say yea!
they have had no problem with this one..

i also say time to shoot.. ( basketball hoop) they pick up their clothes before bath and walk them to the laundry rm..
putting them in the washer..

as for toys.. i put a basket on the floor of the kids room.. and let them run their toys in and shoot... in the basket..

i really dont care if their room is messy.. as long as its not my living rm..

another thing i say is BE.. they respond with patient.. be patient..

i also say look at my nose.. getting down on their level .. and telling them what i want them to do while looking them in the eye..

if were getting ready to go somewhere.. and i need their attention in the car.. i say its time to use your ( they respond EARS)

i have three babies holding their ears.. it gets them to stop talking and listen..

gets them to use thier senses.. smell touch listen..
i have had a lot of luck with these three..

i also put limits.. no kids in the kitchen.. kkkkk. sound helps.. cups kids kitchen..

Routine - I dont even know where to start anymore. What all should I be including in a daily routine? What time is your 2 year olds going to bed and getting up. Naps? DH doesn't get home till 6-7:30 pm most nights. So I feel like he has no time with them if I start things early and without him. But it looks like I have come down to no choice but to do that. What would you do?

heres what i do nightly this may or may not work for you.. but it works for me..

i do the same thing every night.. we play.. fix a quick dinner.. strip to naked baby.. they shoot their clothes in the washer.. take a bath( hair everyother night) put on pajamas.. drink sippy of milk with a story ( cups in the kitchen).. brush teeth.. then bed..

they have gotten to the point where they know whats comming next.. they bring me storys or tell me its milk time mommy..
this schedule really helps..

im also lucky that my porch is right infront of my sink.. so i do dinner while they are outside.. and safe..
they run in and out on one level but it just kinda works.. isay if you want dinner go play.. and they do..

oh another big thing.. this is my secret.. when they were your age.. i started with one toy.. sayng PASS TO.. pass to this one or that one..
now i do it with milk.. that way i dont have three crying babies at my knees.. they take cups to the other one .. it helps them to share..


i hope my tips help.. they sure help me..



i just posted this somewhere else..
i hope it helps..

 

Again - my heart is breaking, I feel like Im about to have a nervous breakdown, or nut up on somebody. I lost my mother last year at her early age of 44 very unexpectedly, and she was my best friend. My confidont(sp), my everything. Im still having a very hard time with that b/c everytime something goes wrong, I want to call her right away. I need her so much!! I miss her so much!


ok this aspect.. i dont know how you do it with out her..

mine moved in with me after my x and i split.. she is the care giver and my best friend..
we lived with my grandma when i was 11-18
we have this history... ya know..

all i want to say is hugs big time

 

brandy
i pmed you with my personal information..

please feel free to call..
i feel like i am a very successful parent and very blessed and im able to enjoy the kids..

i would love to share my techniques with you..

love and prayers
m

 

Hi Brandy - Bless your heart! Sounds like you have got your hands full. I've had 2 c-sections and know how recovery is for them. Try to take care of yourself too. I have 6 children, 3 are under 2! Yes, I can relate to the chaos that sometimes comes! My oldest DD & her hubby just had her second baby a month ago. I've been trying to help as much as I can because through having the baby, and taking care of her 13 mo. old she has also moved to a new house last weekend! Whew! My routines also were so intaked but sometimes life happens and things fall apart for awhile. My first advice to you is to try to take a step back, deep breaths, and look at your situation. Sometimes when I'm feeling overwhelmed it even helps to start writing everything down. Sounds like you are feeling so frustrated because of the lack of control you feel you have in your life. Time to get it back. Remember, everyone has moments like you are having! We are mothers and can relate. I also lost my mother a little over a year ago and I know how painful that is. She was my best friend too! We chatted everyday and she helped me with my older children when they were born. You can do this. Make a plan for yourself and get ready to execute it. Expect some flack from the kids because there pretty much always is when things change. They will love having routines you set up because that is very important to little people. They derive security from this. Even when they are pushing your buttons, stay as calm as you can. It's not personal from them. They are doing what young children do when things are out of the ordinary. Stay calm and don't yell as you discipline them. (even if they are screaming their heads off!) A SUPER, SUPER book for parenting is The Power of Positive Parenting. Rather than get into a lot of techniques for disciplining here, get this book and give it a try. I highly recommend it. I've used it for younger and older children. I don't know what I would have done without it! As for inlaws and family visiting, wow! That one is tough. You need them on board so that they are not always interrupting your routines especially now as you are starting to get them set and sounds like you have a new baby on board too! You need to talk to them. I know it's hard when you love them and don't want to hurt anyone. It's likely they are oblivious to how you are feeling and what is going on. That is why it is really important to sit down and have a talk with them. First work out what you want and then chat with hubby so you have his support and understanding and by the way, men are often "conquerer type" personalities. If you take your specific problems to him, and ask him to help you come up with a plan, he may surprise you! I hope some of this helps. Give yourself a big hug! New mother of 3 little ones. You can do this, girl. ~Mary~

 

I am overwhelmed just reading your post!!

Just wanted to send some :hug99:

 

ps i had 2 c sections also.. the first day when my x had to go to his sisters wedding and mom had to work.. i had a friends husband come over..
i was still on the pain meds.. i dont even remember nursing the babys..

we just kinda giggled.. because we knew it happend but i do remember falling asleep and him waking me an hour later..

hes a daddy too.. he had his daughter with him..

be strong.. it will come..
take some tips for the structure that will give YOU the control in YOUR FAMILY..
I VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU SINCE I READ YOUR POST THIS MORNING..

hugs
m

 

Brandi, I don't have much concrete advice (not being in your shoes with 3 under 3), but I just wanted to say that you keep saying this is all your fault and IT ISN'T!!! It sounds like your DH is not being terribly supportive, his family is messing up your routines, your twins are most likely jealous of the new baby (which is totally natural and also not your fault), you are recovering from surgery, you just lost your mother, and you have 3 small children!

It sounds like Mary had some great advice. You do need to take back control of your household (and it sounds like DH isn't going to help you all that much), but YOU CAN DO IT. Don't panic, realize that your twins are not trying to drive you insane (even though it feels like it), and although they don't act like they want rules and routines, they do.

:hug99: Hugs!

 

I tried to edit my post but I didn't know how to on here. Amongst my spur of the moment typing, I must have implied some things that aren't true. Sorry!
I just wanted to make it clear that DH and his family do support everything I do. The only thing that messes things up for me as far as dealing with them is that when they come down here, the boys act up. Really act up! If Im feeding them, they wont eat. Stuff like that. It just happens to be an everyday occurence. Because they live so close, its convenient for them to visit. Then the boys scream bloody murder to go with them.
But again, I just felt bad thinking that was the impression yall got. My inlaws are wonderful and have helped me in so many ways. I love them absolutely to death. Even when my mother was alive, she lived an hour away and didn't get to see the boys much and then she passed a week after I found out I was pregnant with Jordan. So to have them in the boys lives is great. My only point about them really is I guess I just need to really express my concerns about the everyday visits. Just give us some time to get things worked out and the boys on a routine.
And DH and I argue because I usually start it. I realize it isnt my fault really, just things building up and dealing with alot of this stuff just brings it out. He really is the best father and dh in the world. I love him so much. STRESS - I blame it all on stress! LOL Who wouldn't have any with 3 kids under 2 (the boys will be 2 in June)?
Im sorry I set off a wrong impression. I really apologize.

Other than that - thanks for all the comments and tips. I really appreciate it. I've got alot of work to do. And with me being here all day with them, I've got to do it. No matter how hard its going to get.

Someone mentioned a book - Im going to check online for it. Thanks!
Again - thanks for all the support. You all are great!
Lots of hugs - and know that I WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!