Losing your temper

I find myself getting easily frustrated while around them.
Last night, I lost my temper and threw a shampoo bottle into the shower...while Ashley was sitting on the potty. She had turned around and started playing with it, it was past their bedtime and they weren't cooperating.

Now, I will say that I don't think I would ever harm my kids...I wouldn't throw anything at them, near them, hit them, etc.
I just have a tendency to yell too much...which is something my mom did. And knowing the effects of her yelling at me, I don't really want that for my girls....I mean there were some benefits...I rarely got into trouble once I knew what would make my mom mad. I think I turned out pretty good...except for some issues with standing up for myself when it comes to authority figures...

After I got upset, I sat down with Ashley (both of us were crying) and explained why I got upset and that I was sorry. I know they are young and will most likely forget...but how do I stop this vicious cycle of getting so upset.
My reactions were making me upset that I was having chest pains...apparently a new reaction to all of the other stress I'm dealing with.

I get mad at myself for reacting this way, and using yelling as a way to control them....which I guess is a product of having to try and run in 2 different directions. I have very active kids, who rarely sit still. I just don't want them to remember me as the mom who always yelled at them.
Help!

 

You know what's been stopping me from yelling? Singing or whispering. It sounds nuts, but it works. I'm talking about things that are not an immediate danger, like playing with a shampoo bottle, obviously I don't mean if they are running into the street. Singing or whispering will catch their attention more than yelling, I think they start getting numb to yelling if you do it too much. So like for the shampoo bottle thing, first calmly say a couple times "Ashley put the shampoo bottle down." and if she doesn't, then sing it. I've also started doing the "Show me how fast you can put that shampoo bottle down!" thing, it works sometimes. Or, "I bet you can't put it down!" Just breaking the mood of you being mad or annoyed really does help matters.

 

I feel for you, it is very hard sometimes with little ones, especially given your history in your upbringing. My family too were "yellers", mainly my mom who was really rough on my older brother and me with yelling, verbal abuse and often hitting us. I swore I would never raise MY kids that way, but we are human and slip sometimes.

The BEST thing about your bathroom episode is that you recognize and acknowledge that you would like to handle things differently with your kids. Because of that, you are a good mom. Dont beat yourself up over it, recognize your triggers--in other words....if going in to bath time and the kids are not using good listening when heading in, set the stage. Tell them what you EXPECT of them.

Tell them: If they dont use good listening in the bathtub tonight, their consequence is no books tonight! And follow through on it. (you'll see what I mean below)

THis all parlays into a discipline method that works GREAT and I have recommended to SOOO many of our friends. Go to the following website and order the dvd "1-2-3 Magic" by Dr. Phelan. The title says it all "Managing Obnoxious Behavior Ages 2-12".....it is all about teaching your kids consequence for their actions with a simple counting to three and when you get to three, they get a timeout, the same way everytime so they know consequence.

All too often parents get into the rut of "IF you do it ONE MORE TIME, I will _____(fill in the blank). Empty threats never work and it only gets your blood boiling and you lose your temper. And they dont learn anything positive but your anger and reaction and they learn to manipulate you every time.

SO check out www.parentmagic.com and order the dvd, it works great for our 4 and 5 year olds and is a lifesaver for me being home with all 4 kids (our twins are 4 months old). So by using this No-Hit No-Yell technique, our kids know what to expect when we start couting and I mean business EVERY time and I always follow through so they act on the couting all the time.

It will help you, I know how you feel and know I am sending big hugs and deep breaths your way!!!! xojillian

 

I know exactly how you feel.
I feel the same.

I have one child who only seems to respond to yelling.

I think I might have to try the 1-2-3 magic.

But with twins, what do you do when the "good sister" gives in to the other's tantrum.
Today they had to where a white dress to school for their Mother's Day program. We have two white dresses that are not the same, one is more desireable because it has pockets. Usually one can where that and one can where a green dress with pockets. But today they both had to be white. Gabby woke up first and quickly got dressed in the dress with pockets. When Bianca woke up I gave her the other white dress to put on and she threw a fit that she wanted the one with pockets. After several minutes of this, it came to the point that I told her she'd have to stay home from school and not participate in the program if she didn't get dressed--Gabby took off the dress she was wearing and gave it to her sister. While I'm please that she is so sweet to her sister, how is Bianca going to learn that she can't always have her way?

 

OMG I could have typed your post word for word, except I didn't throw the shampoo bottle, it was this little plastic cement mixer toy truck. I feel absolutely disgusted with myself when I yell, swore I would never do it, but there are times that I just get pushed to my limit. It is wierd, I work in a pretty high stress job (social worker in a psych hospital) and can keep my cool on a professional level at all times. Even with patients cussing me, or coworkers that drive me nuts and should be on the other side of the glass. I never have a fit at work, so why am I doing it at home? I am livid with DH when he yells at the kids, but find myself doing the same thing at times. :blink:

I too know that I would never harm my children, I don't even believe in spanking them, but there are times that I can understand what pushes a mother to abuse a child. I have yet to figure out the trick that helps make me think before I pipe up...

Sorry that this was no help. but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone!!! :hug99: