Losing my mind - just a rant and a half

I typically post useful questions, but I'm just at my wits end. Life at the house currently is not the best in the world. Girls are eighteen months old and working on cutting molars and I feel awful for them. My husband lost his job a couple of months ago and went from seeing them every morning for about an hour to being home all the time. It seems like every routine, every sense of normal is completely gone. I'm trying to back off and let him do his thing - he missed out on most of the first year because he was stuck in a job that he hated with a commute that was miserable. So, logically, I know that he needs this time with them. And I feel like a horrible person because I get so jealous of the time that he spends with them now (I teach) - even though they are still in daycare, now he is the one dropping them off and getting them afterwards...I'm missing all of that time. When he shows me something new that the girls have done, I'm excited, but then WHAM, I get hit with "why wasn't I the one to teach them that?" I find I try to get them up in the morning as quickly as possible so I can do breakfast before he comes downstairs...so we can just be the three of us. I had dreams of the four of us getting to spend lots of time together, and the dream just doesn't add up right now. I know I'm an awful person, but I'm trying to be honest about it and hopefully get perspective from other people... ANd yes, I know it is exactly what he was going through which makes me feel two inches tall to even complain about it. But the whole dynamic at home has changed - the girls don't completely act the same anymore, my oldest doesn't seem to want me at all...and we have different parenting styles about direction following, pacifiers, sleeping through the night...it seems like every little thing is driving us both crazy. Nothing I do seems to be right - because I end up being the bad guy focusing on some rule following and wanting to get the house organized - and I know he feels like I'm picking on him all the time.

I don't know...I'm just losing my mind and I want to be spending time with my daughters but at the same time all I want to do is hide lately...I feel like I'm not treasuring these moments like now the way that I should. I know that I will miss all the help when he does start working again. Oh, I just feel so upside down and sometimes I worry about the state of our marriage. I know it's just a temporary thing and this is all just as hard on him as it is on me, but I just needed to vent. I'm trying to find a way to crawl out of this funk, but so far, I can't quite figure it out...

Sorry for ranting, just needed a moment of catharsis...

 

I'm so sorry you are going through this! :hug:'s My DH lost his job Christmas Eve and was home with the babies while I went back to work for about 3 months. It was really, really hard. I had so many of the same feelings you did. It was also complicated by the fact that they seemed to act better for him and it gave me a lot of terrible mom feelings. I don't know what to say to help. I guess just to try to think of it as temporary and maybe focus on some of the good aspects? I mostly just wanted to post and say that I completely understand and give you some cyber hugs :hug:'s

 

Sorry for lurking, my DH & I have both been laid off essentially since I was 8 months pregnant. August. He just accepted a job yesterday. It's a very hard transition. Let me repeat. It's. A. Very. Hard. Transition.

That being said- I'm very sorry that you have jealous feelings. Is it possible for you to do a special activity with them that you enjoy? Like Saturday breakfast with mommy? Or painting toenails? Maybe you do playtime for the first 30min after you get home & do story time?

On the other hand, it's great that your girls are getting to spend time with their dad. Perhaps you can save money by doing part time daycare & having him take care of things for awhile...

Just know that it will even out- soon school will be over and you will get some of that time as a 4some.

 

:hug: I don't really have any advice but wanted to send you lots of hugs and to also say that you are in no way a bad person for feeling the way you do!!!! You're allowed to be hurt and upset that he gets to spend that time with them. You're also allowed to be irked that the whole schedule and dynamic of the house has been changed. But like everything else you just have to roll with the punches. It's so not easy but you gotta do what you gotta do, kwim? I hope it helped to vent!!
Maybe starting a new schedule where you pick them up or drop them off and do what you love the most would work? We live on schedules and sometimes our weekends get turned upside down and I just LOVE Mondays when they get back on track, I can only imagine how you feel. :hug: Maybe starting a new schedule would help. Good luck and just know we're here for you anytime!!!

 

I just wanted to offer you a :hug: It sounds like you have had a lot of changes to adjust to (so has the rest of your family)...job loss is a huge adjustment for everyone. I agree with seeing if you can do something special on the weekend with just you and the kids & creating some type of schedule. Don't feel bad for feeling the way you feel, you are entitled to have these feelings and I am glad you are able to come here and share them :hug: