Lonely with twins

I have finally been able to get out to a mother's group and starting to meet other moms. I've been here for 1.5 years but I miss my family and my friends. I miss being able to share my girls with my family. My parents have been able to come to visit several times but the next trip might not be for some time. I have met people here, but just haven't created the indepth friendships I'm needing.

Yesterday it was so fun to be around other mom's but the girls keep me so preoccupied it is difficult to just chat. I find people are reserved here in Australia and they seem to keep their distance. (I don't have two heads...)Might be the English influence I don't know. I think in N. America we just give up our life story to any stranger.

For example I will ask someone who is trying to get past the stroller.. "oh do you have enough room to get past ?" I get NO answer. People either don't make any chit chat or it is some woman trying to touch the babies no happy medium. I've moved to a new city before and it is always hard but it is more difficult this time. I don't have any fellow expates to talk to to compare and have a ***** to. I used to be so friendly but I feel like it is just beaten out of me now. I've never been in a place where people just have NO awareness of anyone around them. Nobody looks at anyone, nobody smiles, no simple chit chat while waiting in line at a grocery store, no gentlemen who move a chair so a women with a huge stroller can get past... People talk about New Yorkers... and that just isn't true !! I found New Yorkers were soooooo friendly. I just don't want to live here anymore but because of my dh job we are here for a couple more years.

My girls just have such a cute personality and I wish my brother and his family or my best friend were able to see them at this stage. I wish my aunt and cousins were able to see and hold them.

Sorry for the sad post. Just looking to see if anyone else is in a similar situation.

Heather

 

Hugs to you--I know exactly how you feel. I don't really have many friends where I live, even though we've lived here for 2 years now, and the boys keep me so busy it's hard to get out and meet people.

 

Hi Heather!

I know how you feel. I moved to Orlando quite some time ago. My entire family is in Chicago or Greece. MY DH is wonderful and supportive - but, I sure miss my Mom, brother, aunts, uncles and cousins. Every day I wish someone lived near me. My in-laws live in Sydney. They come visit once or twice a year.

Even though I have a couple of friends here - sometimes everything seems so isolating.

I just wanted you to know you are not alone.

I'm sorry you are running into a bunch of cranky fuddy duddys too!

 

We've lived here for a while, but my DH travels most weeks for work, and I've only been a SAHM since the first of this year, and it can be really tough getting through the days and making new friends. :hug99: for you, and all you are going through. I hope you find some nice friends, soon.

 

Sorry, to hear about this.. Where abouts in Australia do you live?
We live in Brisbane, Queensland and I can tell you people from different parts of Australia are so different with there additude and personalities etc. Here in Brisbane is awesome, theres heaps of caring people. But then down south around New South Wales they arent as friendly as up here. No offense to anyone from there but it's always seemed to be like that.
There always seems to be riviary between queensland and new south wales in australia for some reason. Just like our football state of orgin lol

Hope it gets better for you,
If u need to talk we are Aussie Twin Sisters that love to talk , so feel free too.


QUOTE(heathertwins @ Jul 2 2008, 07:29 PM) [snapback]857617[/snapback]
I have finally been able to get out to a mother's group and starting to meet other moms. I've been here for 1.5 years but I miss my family and my friends. I miss being able to share my girls with my family. My parents have been able to come to visit several times but the next trip might not be for some time. I have met people here, but just haven't created the indepth friendships I'm needing.

Yesterday it was so fun to be around other mom's but the girls keep me so preoccupied it is difficult to just chat. I find people are reserved here in Australia and they seem to keep their distance. (I don't have two heads...)Might be the English influence I don't know. I think in N. America we just give up our life story to any stranger.

For example I will ask someone who is trying to get past the stroller.. "oh do you have enough room to get past ?" I get NO answer. People either don't make any chit chat or it is some woman trying to touch the babies no happy medium. I've moved to a new city before and it is always hard but it is more difficult this time. I don't have any fellow expates to talk to to compare and have a ***** to. I used to be so friendly but I feel like it is just beaten out of me now. I've never been in a place where people just have NO awareness of anyone around them. Nobody looks at anyone, nobody smiles, no simple chit chat while waiting in line at a grocery store, no gentlemen who move a chair so a women with a huge stroller can get past... People talk about New Yorkers... and that just isn't true !! I found New Yorkers were soooooo friendly. I just don't want to live here anymore but because of my dh job we are here for a couple more years.

My girls just have such a cute personality and I wish my brother and his family or my best friend were able to see them at this stage. I wish my aunt and cousins were able to see and hold them.

Sorry for the sad post. Just looking to see if anyone else is in a similar situation.

Heather

 

:hug99: that stinks!

 

:hug99:

I feel pretty isolated from family, but I'm not in a whole different country - I'm just a few (long) hours away!

I'm blessed to have made some great friends in the area, most through my local moms club, starting when my dd was an infant. Before joining a club, I remember looking at my DD's closet full of cute clothes, and feeling sad that only people at the grocery store would see her in those cute outfits!! I just wanted to take her out and show her off, and talk about her with other moms, and have other people who could appreciate and understand her adorable-ness!

But, even though I've made local friends, sometimes that long-term connection is missing. Some days, I just want to connect with another adult, and it's hard to do so with these newer friends, who are all tied up in their families, etc. We hope to soon move across town (45 minutes from where we are now) and I'm nervous about having to start over and develop a new local friend network.

 

Hi Heather,

I live in Australia and in NSW and I don't have 2 heads - well not yet (the twins may think I do at certain times). Just like Brizzy Twins mentioned - it really does depend on where you live.... Where do you live?.... I live in a small country town on the far south coast of NSW and have a wonderful supportive community behind us all... mind you, I still get quite lonely too b/c I just can't manage getting out of the house with twins and 2 other boys....

Feel free to PM me anytime of the day or night (as I am sure you are like me and spend quite a bit of the night up).... and let me know where you live.... we might be close enough to catch up - you just never know.

Hang in there... It does take time to meet people - esp. if you are in a city. I lived in Sydney for 6 years and it took me at least 4 of those to find a close group of friends b/c everyone is just so busy with their own agenda.

Look forward to chatting with you ...

Nicky

 

i agree.. i just used nsw as an example of how sometimes people can be totally different to another state.. like victorians even have a slight different accent to us up here

 

Hi Heather, I am sorry you are having a tough time. I am from Victoria as the brizzy twins mentioned - we even have a slightly different accent, so it differs really depending on where you are. It's funny that you said that about strangers not talking etc because I actually have had a similar experience. In London, no-one even looks at you! You can be close enough to touch them standing on a train and no-one will acknowledge you! When I got home after 14 months, people were smiling at me right from the airport in Sydney, I was so surprised.
It makes it hard if you are in a different culture, and used to different things. Are you on a military base?
I hope you find someone you can be close to. PM me anytime if u like

 

QUOTE(3greysandamutt @ Jul 3 2008, 02:39 PM) [snapback]857997[/snapback]
:hug99:

I feel pretty isolated from family, but I'm not in a whole different country - I'm just a few (long) hours away!

I'm blessed to have made some great friends in the area, most through my local moms club, starting when my dd was an infant. Before joining a club, I remember looking at my DD's closet full of cute clothes, and feeling sad that only people at the grocery store would see her in those cute outfits!! I just wanted to take her out and show her off, and talk about her with other moms, and have other people who could appreciate and understand her adorable-ness!

But, even though I've made local friends, sometimes that long-term connection is missing. Some days, I just want to connect with another adult, and it's hard to do so with these newer friends, who are all tied up in their families, etc. We hope to soon move across town (45 minutes from where we are now) and I'm nervous about having to start over and develop a new local friend network.



Thank- you for saying this, I burst into tears when I read this. I guess I want to show my girls off to my family as well and I just don't have that opportunity.

Thank you all for posting such nice things -- actually I'm in Brisbane. I have met some wonderful people and some of the most beautiful families but like someone mentioned they are just not like your old friends who know your past and know where you've come from. I've just been getting very homesick especially these past few weeks. I think the girls are just doing so many more things and I just dont' have my family to share it with. I've sent pictures and video but it just isn't the same.

It seems so strange because my life is so good -- a wonderful husband, he has a good job, two beautiful babies so so many wonderful things but still a part of me is missing by not being able to see my parents and siblings. I'm sad because I don't have a chance to show others how happy I am...... hehe

Heather

 

*hugs*

I do hope you find someone in mother's group you end up clicking with. It is hard without friends. All I have around here are in my inlaws and that is not always the best thing, but no real friends and it does suck.

Dianna

 

QUOTE(heathertwins @ Jul 3 2008, 06:33 AM) [snapback]858093[/snapback]
Thank- you for saying this, I burst into tears when I read this. I guess I want to show my girls off to my family as well and I just don't have that opportunity.

Thank you all for posting such nice things -- actually I'm in Brisbane. I have met some wonderful people and some of the most beautiful families but like someone mentioned they are just not like your old friends who know your past and know where you've come from. I've just been getting very homesick especially these past few weeks. I think the girls are just doing so many more things and I just dont' have my family to share it with. I've sent pictures and video but it just isn't the same.

It seems so strange because my life is so good -- a wonderful husband, he has a good job, two beautiful babies so so many wonderful things but still a part of me is missing by not being able to see my parents and siblings. I'm sad because I don't have a chance to show others how happy I am...... hehe

Heather


Whoa, ur must be close to us, we live in Brisbane =]
hope it gets better for u soon
xo

 

:hug99: It's really hard feeling isolated. I feel that way a lot as a SAHM. I hope that you're able to make new friends in the mom's group :hug99: .

 

We lived in New York when the boys were born and just last month moved back home to Canada. After the boys came, we just knew we needed to be home with my family. Luckily it was pretty easy for us to move back.

I know exactly how you feel. I was SOOOO LONELY! And I hated that no one was seeing my boys grow up.

I really don't know what else to say...but maybe you can meet up with the other twin mommy on here who is from the same area. You never know... you might hit it off! You definitely need even just one good friend.

Thinking of you all the way in Australia!
Cary

 

My mom moved to NC a few years ago. I missed having her here for my pregnancy. We were able to go down when I was 21 weeks but that was the only time I actually saw her and was able to hug her, it was awful. Now that the babies are here it is hard not being able to have her here to see them go through there stages. Thank God for photobucket. She was able to come up in the end of may beginning of June but she missed their birth and teeny tiny stage. She loved being here and spent as much time as she could while they were here. They had a lot of stuff to do while they were here. They will be here for maybe a day at the end of the month and then I don't know when they will be back. They are going to try and sell their house but are not sure exactly where they will move to so it could still be 3 hours away. My dad lives about a half hour away but we don't see them that much. My inlaws were coming out a couple of days a week in the beginning but it is not the same. They are not out that much now though. It is not quite the same as your situation but it is still hard. I hope you can get some support soon.

Jen

 

My husband is wonderful and he has been so understanding. I was able to go home and see my parents when I was pregnant which was very nice to have been able to enjoy that with them. I never had a baby shower and I had one friend of my husband visit us in the hospital but I was so happy to have my girls it didn't matter. I just can't seem to shake this home sickness. If I had one baby I probably could do a trip home, but with two I just wouldn't do it without my dh.

You know when you feel so blessed to have so many wonderful things in your life you feel guilty for wanting something more.

 

Heather,
My DH is in the military and we lived in Japan on the last assignment. I didn't have the boys yet, but we all really stuck together. Is there anyone at DH's job that has a wife w/kids? We have a group of spouses that get together every week to let our kids play and chat. I don't think I've had a complete conversation yet, since we're all distracted, but it's so nice to get out. I'm sure there are other wives at Dh's work that feel the same way you do.

 

Hey friend....I am sorry you are going through this. I know we have talked several times about this and I am sorry it hasn't resolved. I hope that soon you can find some outlets to get this resolved. It is hard to get together when everyone has their own lives. I have been cancelled on so many times that my head is spinning. Just keep trying and get out there even if it is a trip to the store a daily walk. I wish I had some useful advice but I don't. I know that you are super grateful because of all that you have been through but don't feel bad for wanting more. Hugs from florida are being sent your way.

 

Hugs to you. I dont have any friends either but I could not imagine being overseas and no one. My DH is my only friend I have. Maybe you will meet some other mothers sometime. Do they have a famiily support center on your base? I know the one here at the base we are at does potluck dinners and get togethers and there are lots of activities year round that you can go to and meet other parents.

 

Thanks -- the Australian military doesn't have the same social support like the U.S. I was talking to someone the other day who has seen both systems and agreed.

I just found out today my favourite uncle just had a heart attack just yesterday. Now I think I know why I've been homesick this past week. My aunt, uncle and cousins from that family has always been close and have been such a huge support for me and my immediate family. This on top of my dad having surgery for prostate cancer and my other aunt close to leaving this world as well... it is even more difficult to be here.

Besides sending flowers what can i do to help ?

 

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. I have always only heard such wonderful things about the Australian people so I'm quite surprised. I was just thinking that maybe you could take some initiative and start your own playgroup. Perhaps you could post a notice at the peds office. Ask them if it's alright for you to put up a little sign that you are starting a SAHM playgroup or something? Or perhaps you could look on line for any groups or twin groups that you can hook up with? I'm sorry that you are in such an unfriendly area. That would also make me feel incredibly sad, isolated and alone. I hope something works out for you! Does your husband maybe work with anyone that has a SAHM wife? Maybe you could invite over one of his co-workers that has a wife and kid/s for a bbq or dinner or something? Sorry if I'm no help. Just trying to throw some suggestions out there to ya.