Little Miss Independent

DD is very independent and determined. I know it will serve her well, but it can be quite challenging to parent (plus, I am JUST like her...I have a lot of opinions and need to be in charge!).

Just some examples:
1) When I leave for work in the morning, I rarely get a kiss and hug from DD. She refuses and turns her head away. I just grab her and kiss the top of her head as I leave. DS, on the other hand, will climb into my arms and give kisses and "nose wiggles."

2) We cannot get her to come to the dinner table until she is ready. Generally she is putting her dolls to sleep, or organizing the book on the bookshelf or concentrating on some other task. We give her advanced notice, but she is still the last one to join us. Rather than fight her, we just let her come when she is ready...this was hard for me to accept!

3) The same goes for bathtime...DS will usually come along when I ask. DD is a challenge. Again, she is apparently doing something that is super important to her, so I tend to let her finish. Still, it feels like I end up getting frustrated with her because she will not come. I generally have to coax her or pick her up (at which point, she puts up a major fight). She invariably has a shorter time in the bath than DS and does not want to get out! Again, another battle ensues. I dread getting them ready for bed, because 9 times out of 10, she is putting up some sort of fight.

Any advice? Are we dealing with this correctly? I am just worried it will eventually get out of hand and then she will be calling all the shots around here!!

 

#1. It will come eventually. Alice isn't that kissy so when she initiates or allows me to plant one on her face, it's awesome. We kiss fingers and give each other high fives.

#2 & #3 - Alice is required to sit at the table when it's dinner time and to go to bed at 8:00. Those are battles I choose to fight though. She might not eat, and might not sleep, but she's an active participant in dinner and bedtime. She might get carried up the stairs kicking and screaming (about 50/50 now) but we don't budge.

I totally understand. Sometimes you have to find their currency, with Alice, it's currently painting her nails. Oh and marshmallows.

 

I used to set a timer or count to 5 to give my little independent darlings warning. After the timer went off (or I got to 5), if they didn't do what I was asking them to do, they got a time out. This has worked for 1) coming to the table at meal time, 2) getting clothes off at bath time, 3) putting clothes on after bath, and whole bunch of other things that drove me batty.

 

I always give a choice, but a choice with the desired outcome either way:
"You can walk to the bathroom or I can carry you" "You can climb in the chair or I can put you in it" If they don't move along, then I do it for them. Even if they get mad, I just remind them that they made that choice. I rarely have to "help" them anymore, I think because they know I'll follow through.

Giving them a countdown has been helping with transitions too.