Leaving them in the Nursery?

I am so undecided and wishy washy and I cannot make up my mind on what to do. Thought I would check in with you guys and get some feedback.

We are having issues with leaving the twins in the church nursery. I am a SAHM and other than leaving them with grandparents and aunts and uncles, they have never really stayed with anyone else. When they were infants, we put them in the church nursery on occassion without any problems. Then our pedi told us to stop that because it was flu season, they were still small and she felt susceptible to alot. So, if we went to church we would take them to the service with us. This lasted until they were about 6 months old or so and then it became too much to handle in the service. We tried putting them back in the nursery at that point, but they would both scream for the entire hour. We tried this on and off for several months. Eventually, we just stopped going because it was too stressful and overwhelming. At the time we quit going, they had reached 9 months of age which we knew they were at their peak for seperation and stranger anxiety. In the meantime, I started teaching sunday school. I would go to church and DH would stay at home with them. When they reached about 15 months, we tried taking them again. We tried putting them in the nursery with same result (screaming entire hour). We tried putting DS in nursery and taking DD with me to sunday school. (DD has more of the seperation/stranger anxiety issues.) DS did pretty good still cried but not nearly as bad, but DD was so clingy that I couldn't teach. Lately, I have been going to sunday school to teach and then DH meets me there with the twins for the service. It is hard to have them both in the service at their current age. One sunday we tried putting DS in nursery and taking DD with us to service, but that was a complete disaster. DD cried even though she was still with us and DS screamed and they ended up paging me to come get him after 15 minutes. The last month, we have just been trying to handle both of them in the service, but we only make it through about 30 minutes before they are ready to climb the walls.

I am so completely frustrated at this point. I feel like we have tried everything. People tell me that we should just leave them in the nursery and they will get use to it, BUT.....I feel totally guilty! NOT for leaving them and letting them cry, but for leaving not one, but 2 screaming kids for the volunteer nursery workers to deal with (they seem to feed off of each other). I am not talking about just a little crying and then they get over it in 15-20 minutes. I am talking about SCREAMING for the entire hour!!

Added Note: I have talked to the nursery workers and the director of children's ministry about this. The nursery workers seem overwhelmed by having them both in there and the children's director just keeps telling me they won't get use to it if you don't leave them.

We have been trying to take them to the service with us for the last month. Part of me feels like we should keep trying that route, part me feels like this is ridiculous and we are the only people not able to leave our kids in the nursery and part of me feels like giving up all together and quit taking them until they are 3 or 4 years old.

I don't know what to do!! Just looking for someone to help me work through all of this and give me some feedback. Hope all my rambling made since!!

 

Personally, I would leave them so that they get used to it. It will be hard to leave when they are crying, but they won't ever get used to it unless they're there regularly. Could you bring them in the service for the first half and then put them in the nursery for the second half? After a few months, you could start putting them in there for the whole service.

I put my twins in the nursery, but they love it. As soon as they get there, they're off running to play with their favorite toys. They cried a few times when we've left, and I know it was hard to leave when they did that.

 

Have you thought about going to nursery with them for the next few weeks? (i.e. just skip out on the service)

I'm a former preschool teacher, and there were just some children who needed that extra bit of transition into the program. Once you're there with them for a few times and they act like they're comfortable, then spend a couple of weeks at the periphery (bring a magazine, when they try to get you to come play with them just explain that the nursery is for little ones and that mommy is going to sit and read). After that, try a few brief trips out so that they begin to understand you'll come back.

Before long, you should be able to leave them. You may end up missing service for an entire month, but at least this way you'll achieve your end goal of going (eventually).

 

QUOTE(ChelleBadger @ Mar 31 2009, 11:56 AM) [snapback]1252308[/snapback]
Have you thought about going to nursery with them for the next few weeks? (i.e. just skip out on the service)

I'm a former preschool teacher, and there were just some children who needed that extra bit of transition into the program. Once you're there with them for a few times and they act like they're comfortable, then spend a couple of weeks at the periphery (bring a magazine, when they try to get you to come play with them just explain that the nursery is for little ones and that mommy is going to sit and read). After that, try a few brief trips out so that they begin to understand you'll come back.

Before long, you should be able to leave them. You may end up missing service for an entire month, but at least this way you'll achieve your end goal of going (eventually).


This is great advice. I was pretty much going to suggest the same thing. Once they get used to the people, toys and surroundings hopefully they will cry less when you leave them. GL!

 

Maybe you can spend a few weeks with them in the nursery. The first time playing with them a lot. The second time not so much but maybe getting one of the volunteers to bond with them and finally to a point where all you do is just be there observing. Get them used to being there. If they still cry after that I would let them. Do you go out enough with them the rest of the time to be used to going out? My twins have always gone places with me and are used to seeing strangers that I can leave them anywhere. The more you take them out the more used to it they become. I can go out for hours on end with my twins and they love it and never cry but they are soo used to it.

 

QUOTE(ChelleBadger @ Mar 31 2009, 04:56 PM) [snapback]1252308[/snapback]
Have you thought about going to nursery with them for the next few weeks? (i.e. just skip out on the service)

I'm a former preschool teacher, and there were just some children who needed that extra bit of transition into the program. Once you're there with them for a few times and they act like they're comfortable, then spend a couple of weeks at the periphery (bring a magazine, when they try to get you to come play with them just explain that the nursery is for little ones and that mommy is going to sit and read). After that, try a few brief trips out so that they begin to understand you'll come back.

Before long, you should be able to leave them. You may end up missing service for an entire month, but at least this way you'll achieve your end goal of going (eventually).

This is basically what I was going to suggest too. Another thing that may help is letting them each bring a special comfort item with them (if they have one).

While I think it's true that they won't get used to it if they never go I also know that some children are just more anxious than others and need more time to warm up to new places/people. I don't think it's fair to them or the nursery workers to have them all out screaming for an hour.

Good luck!

 

I agree with everyone else. I think you should volunteer in the nursery for the next month. The first week just hang out with your kids, playing, etc. Then each week try and remove yourself a little bit more. Hopefully after about a month of this they will be excited about going, and won't miss you at all.

 

That's a good idea....volunteering in the nursery. I'll have to talk to the children's director and see what she thinks about that.

Thanks Everyone! I guess it is pretty ridiculous that we can't leave them in the nursery!! Sounds like we need to work on that some more instead of giving in and not leaving them.

 

I agree with the previous posters in having you or your DH in there with them for a couple of weeks and lessening your interaction with them during their time in the nursery. I hope that helps and they get used to it quickly! :hug: Hang in there!

 

I think staying with them for a few weeks is a great idea-maybe even leaving the room for the last 5 minutes and then coming back in the first week and then 10 the next and 15 the next would help them ease in to you leaving and then coming back.
I sure hope this works out for you! But yes you do need to get them in there or else they will never get used to it. Good luck!

 

You know, I am not one of those that thinks you should keep doing something and the kids will get used to it - when it comes to leaving them with someone else. One of my kids is especially sensitive and that way of thinking would make it worse for him, not better. I take the slow and steady approach. I would go into the nursery with them for weeks/months - however long it takes them to start to feel comfortable there and start to be familiar and excited to see the people that work in there. Then once they have that comfort level, try it again.

 

O.K. Thanks for all the advice! It looks like me or DH will be hanging out in the nursery for awhile!!

 

I just read your update, but I started out working out at a gym when C & A were just over a year. DS did NOT like it. There were several times when I just spent time in there, getting him used to it vs working out. Looks like that is what many people here were telling you.