Last Minute advise for a soon to be twin dad?

Hello all,

I am new to the board; I have really enjoyed reading the tips and facts.. My wife has a scheduled C-section in 4 days these are our first children.. I have the baby room finished, the car seats in the car and the to-go bag packed... What I am not sure is a few subjective questions and I wanted to get some advise from some folks that have been through it:

1. The hospital is about 30 minutes away. Should I plan on spending the night there every night? Just the first night?
2. Any good ground rules for visitors? For example if wife is sleeping no visiting? Scheduling time so everyone gets a chance over the first couple of weeks? (We both have large involved families that are very excited)
3. Is a mother-in-law helpful the first couple of weeks? (Her mother lives 12 hours away).
4. Any good advise to help wife with the pain after surgery?

Thank you!

 

QUOTE(clemsontwinsdad @ Dec 26 2008, 11:01 PM) [snapback]1122924[/snapback]
1. The hospital is about 30 minutes away. Should I plan on spending the night there every night? Just the first night?

I would say spend the night every night unless your wife really wants you to go home and sleep. My husband stayed with me and I enjoyed having him there. They brought in a roll away bed for him and he got to experience the babies with me first hand!

2. Any good ground rules for visitors? For example if wife is sleeping no visiting? Scheduling time so everyone gets a chance over the first couple of weeks? (We both have large involved families that are very excited) We didnt have too many visitors at the hospital and I was thankful for that. We kept the visits brief and welcomed people more once we were home and settled. Make a list of things to be done to keep on your fridge. When people come by and ask if they can help (cause they all do!) give them a task to complete, even if its wiping off the counters

3. Is a mother-in-law helpful the first couple of weeks? (Her mother lives 12 hours away). YES< YES< YES! ALL HELP is NEEDED, dont turn help away, welcome it!

4. Any good advise to help wife with the pain after surgery? Set up an area for her with everything she needs, bring babies to her, cook for her etc. be supportive and listen to her request, Im sure you'll do great! Ive never had a c-section but Ive been through childbirth!

 

QUOTE(clemsontwinsdad @ Dec 27 2008, 02:01 AM) [snapback]1122924[/snapback]
Hello all,

I am new to the board; I have really enjoyed reading the tips and facts.. My wife has a scheduled C-section in 4 days these are our first children.. I have the baby room finished, the car seats in the car and the to-go bag packed... What I am not sure is a few subjective questions and I wanted to get some advise from some folks that have been through it:

1. The hospital is about 30 minutes away. Should I plan on spending the night there every night? Just the first night?
2. Any good ground rules for visitors? For example if wife is sleeping no visiting? Scheduling time so everyone gets a chance over the first couple of weeks? (We both have large involved families that are very excited)
3. Is a mother-in-law helpful the first couple of weeks? (Her mother lives 12 hours away).
4. Any good advise to help wife with the pain after surgery?

Thank you!


We just had our twins and there were two things I was "yelled" at for. One was carrying one of the twins outside of the room. I found out it was a huge security no-no. Second was the actual filming of the delivery. I was only allowed to film the babies. I guess they may be worried about lawsuits. As far as your questions go...

1. Make it up to your wife. We have 3 dogs and a 2 year old. It was hard for both of us to stay away too long.
2. Very important to have your wife make this decision. My wife told everyone to stay away for the first two weeks.
3. I say yes....she says no. Again she should decide with what she is comfortable with. You don't want to overwhelm the twins or your wife.
4. Usually the doctor described stuff is plenty but we didn't have a c-section.

 

1. The hospital is about 30 minutes away. Should I plan on spending the night there every night? Just the first night?
*I would ask her. I didnt want anyone near me as I was recovering from the surgery that night and still had a cath in and was getting used to the uncomfy things.
2. Any good ground rules for visitors?
*I asked for none but my parents and kids and BFF at the hospital. We asked everyone to wait.
3. Is a mother-in-law helpful the first couple of weeks? (Her mother lives 12 hours away).
*YES YES YES Especially after a c-section help is a godsend. But is she doesnt want it, let her decide she may change her mind after a few days.
4. Any good advise to help wife with the pain after surgery?
*Help keep things close and keep sympathy. She did have major surgery to bring your precious babies into this world The docs perscribe pain meds, so that should help. I also found a small pillow and a heating pad helped some.

 

:wavey:

1. The hospital is about 30 minutes away. Should I plan on spending the night there every night? Just the first night?
I wanted my DH there every night with me. I was exhausted & sore from my c-section & felt a LOT nervous about feeding both babies. He actually changed every single diaper while we were in the hospital! Though if you have other children I would imagine that it would be hard to stay every night unless you have someone watching the other kids.
2. Any good ground rules for visitors? For example if wife is sleeping no visiting? Scheduling time so everyone gets a chance over the first couple of weeks? (We both have large involved families that are very excited)
I think we had about 30 people come to see us in the hospital in the first 2 days & it was WAY too much. I felt like I needed to put on a good face & be upbeat even when I didn't feel up to it. It was hard. The nurse suggested putting a sign on our door saying that all guests must check in at the nurses station before visiting/entering our room. We didn't let anyone in during feeding times. (except for our parents). I think knowing what I do now I would recommend that some family come to see you when you get home instead of at the hospital
3. Is a mother-in-law helpful the first couple of weeks? (Her mother lives 12 hours away).
Yes yes & YES!! My MIL stayed for a week & was soooooo helpful!
4. Any good advise to help wife with the pain after surgery?
Make sure she stays ahead of the pain with her med's is the best advice I have. Also don't let her try to do too much around the house

good luck & congratulations!! It sounds like you are already doing a great job being a very supportive & involved husband!!

 

QUOTE(clemsontwinsdad @ Dec 27 2008, 02:01 AM) [snapback]1122924[/snapback]
Hello all,

I am new to the board; I have really enjoyed reading the tips and facts.. My wife has a scheduled C-section in 4 days these are our first children.. I have the baby room finished, the car seats in the car and the to-go bag packed... What I am not sure is a few subjective questions and I wanted to get some advise from some folks that have been through it:

1. The hospital is about 30 minutes away. Should I plan on spending the night there every night? Just the first night?
My Dh spent the first night. Our hospital was about the same distance away. Our boys stayed in the nursery at night so after the first night Dh went home & got a good night's sleep. He would come back during the day. He needed to take care of the dogs & goats at home & run errands. Make sure to pack a bag for yourself too.
2. Any good ground rules for visitors? For example if wife is sleeping no visiting? Scheduling time so everyone gets a chance over the first couple of weeks?
(We both have large involved families that are very excited)
This may depend on how everyone is feeling & if there are any complications. If the babies are in the NICU they have limits on the number of visitors allowed. We did not make any rules about visiting, just warned people that they may not be able to see everyone when they come, it may be best to call first. You may want to discuss how soon to have visitors if you haven't already. The nurses allowed my in-laws into my surgery recovery room. I was not aware that the hospital would allow this. I would rather they not have been in there.
3. Is a mother-in-law helpful the first couple of weeks? (Her mother lives 12 hours away).
This depends on their relationship. If they get along good then she'd probably be helpful. Discuss with your wife what kind of help she would like. Does she want help with housework so she can spend lots of time with the babies, or would she like help feeding, bathing, holding the babies? Communicate these needs with MIL.
4. Any good advise to help wife with the pain after surgery?
Follow the doctors orders. Allow her to take her pain meds & get plenty of rest. The more she's able to take it easy & recover the quicker she'll get back on her feet.

Thank you!

 

Thanks for the good advice everyone.. I especially liked the one about not carrying the baby out of the room.. Who knew? I also love the idea about posting the help list for all the volunteers that show up

We are having our babies on New Years Eve so it should be exciting!!

 

You know, if things had happened differently, you would sound just like my husband. He doesn't even know how to change a diaper, geez how much I have to teach him,

Hang in there, listen to all the advise everyone gives you. It'll be over before you know it, and then it'll be like second nature.

 

1. The hospital is about 30 minutes away. Should I plan on spending the night there every night? Just the first night?
My husband spent every night but one with me and it was a life saver as it took both of us to care for them when they were in the room. Spend as many nights as you can or have someone stay with your wife because she will need the help, especially if she has to have a c-section. The one night that he didn't stay, my mom did. I would not have been able to care for the babies on my own due to the c-section and the pain I was in. I had to have help just getting out of bed. Also, take advantage of the nursery so your wife can get some sleep.
2. Any good ground rules for visitors? For example if wife is sleeping no visiting? Scheduling time so everyone gets a chance over the first couple of weeks? (We both have large involved families that are very excited)
We had vistors throughout the day and it wasn't too bad. If I needed to sleep, I went to bed no matter who was at my house and my husband entertained them. Our visitors were understanding and so was hubby and it worked out well.
3. Is a mother-in-law helpful the first couple of weeks? (Her mother lives 12 hours away).
My mother and MIL and SIL were a Godsend. They were tremendous at helping me keep my house in order and taking care of the babies while I slept. Hopefully, yours will be the same way. If she is willing, her help will be wonderful.
4. Any good advise to help wife with the pain after surgery?
If she's having a C-section, DON"T SKIP THE PAIN MEDS. Even if she feels comfortable, she needs to take them because it will continue to keep her comfortable. I had a stronger version of Aleve, and it was all I needed, as long as I took it every 4 hours as directed. I had to have the babies brought to me because it hurt too bad to get up and I definitely could not bend over to pick them up. Be prepared, she will be in pain and will need lots of help just getting up in addition to the babies.

We had our girls on New Years Eve and it's been a blast ever since. Everyone is usually off work and we are always able to have our family over to celebrate. Since New Years Eve is traditionally a party night, we're hoping to create some cool family traditions so our girls will want to spend the holiday with us instead of doing alternative not so good things.
Congratulations and good luck!!

 

My DH spent 2 nights with me - the other 3 he went home because our hospital didn't provide a comfy cot to sleep on - and our hospital did not room in at night so there was no need for him to feed/change babies in the middle of the night...

I had visitors in and out of my room while I was there - if I felt tired I slept - whether or not anyone was there as DH was there during the day and so were my parents...they entertained...I personally didn't care what I looked like - I had just gone through childbirth!

I had no help whatsoever after they were born - and my MIL would be the LAST one I'd want helping me but if she gets along with your mom I'd leave that decision up to her...

Make sure she moves around - I think that moving around helped the most with the pain..I only took a few pain meds at night and that was more to help me sleep than anything else...

good luck!

 

QUOTE(clemsontwinsdad @ Dec 27 2008, 04:01 AM) [snapback]1122924[/snapback]
Hello all,

I am new to the board; I have really enjoyed reading the tips and facts.. My wife has a scheduled C-section in 4 days these are our first children.. I have the baby room finished, the car seats in the car and the to-go bag packed... What I am not sure is a few subjective questions and I wanted to get some advise from some folks that have been through it:

1. The hospital is about 30 minutes away. Should I plan on spending the night there every night? Just the first night? I would say spend the night. Your wife will most likely want you there to help if the babies room in & may want you there for emotional support. We ended up needing lights for jaundice & had a very fussy baby because of it & one night had a bloody diaper that resulted in some rather stressful medical testing being performed at 2 AM. I would have been lost without my husband there to hold my hand while we waited for all of the results. Also if she takes pain meds she may not wake up easily to care for babies on her own.

2. Any good ground rules for visitors? For example if wife is sleeping no visiting? Scheduling time so everyone gets a chance over the first couple of weeks? (We both have large involved families that are very excited) We also have a large family that was very excited. One problem we ran into was people wanting to hold the baby all the time, which is great but left me feeling like I wasn't getting to hold him & bond with him & I didn't feel like I could say "give me my baby". They were all at the hospital when the birth happened so there was an immediate onslaught. Being hormonal & having raging maternal instincts the minimal contact really upset me & eventually my husband had to run interference for me so that we could all be happy & the baby & I got the time we needed together. I would really suggest that you tell your family that you want the 1st hour alone together so the 4 of you can connect first. It's hard to describe what it's like to suddenly be a mother & your wife (& you) may find that you want a little while to just feel that together without others around. It's a really special time.

3. Is a mother-in-law helpful the first couple of weeks? (Her mother lives 12 hours away). yes, a MIL is very helpful but make sure you are clear on what you need her to do, esp. if you are at work. Your wife may not feel comfortable doing this since it isn't her mother so do it for her before the babies come. Make sure she knows that you need help with the babies but that you also need help with laundry, groceries, cleaning etc. My MIL helped us but it became stressful for me because to her helping was holding a baby or feeding a baby so I ended up cleaning & cooking while someone else enjoyed holding & rocking my baby & it created some resentment. Also, I did not want someone else going to the doctor with me & my MIL was insistent that she was going into the actual appointments & it was very uncomfortable to have to assert myself on that point without my husband there. So, make sure you know how your wife needs/wants help & that you communicate that to your mom & don't leave your wife stuck to do it.
4. Any good advise to help wife with the pain after surgery? Have her take her meds before the pain starts & remind her that no one gets a medal for toughing it out. There's no reason to suffer through the pain.

Thank you!

 

1. The hospital is about 30 minutes away. Should I plan on spending the night there every night? Just the first night?

I wanted DH with me 24/7 after my c-section. Just be warned, if she has her epi/spinal in for a while afterwards, her nurses will be coming in ever hour or so to change her pad and turn her side to side. There will be a lot of blood. My DH wasn't quite prepared for that. Another thing that worked really well for us that first night was to have him go to the NICU and video the girls, then bring it back for me to see since I couldn't get up. Of course, that's only if your little ones will be in the NICU at all.

2. Any good ground rules for visitors? For example if wife is sleeping no visiting? Scheduling time so everyone gets a chance over the first couple of weeks? (We both have large involved families that are very excited)

Definitely limit visitors at the hospital. Your wife will need to sleep and recover. It is, after all, MAJOR surgery. She'll have very little privacy with the nurses coming in and out. She'll have to get up to shower the day after surgery and that first time out of bed is VERY painful. Just sitting up will take it's toll. I would ask any hospital visitors to limit their stay to 15 min unless you invite them to stay longer. Honestly, I can't even tell you who all came to see me after I had the girls (I had them around 5:30 pm).

3. Is a mother-in-law helpful the first couple of weeks? (Her mother lives 12 hours away).

Maybe her MIL would be helpful, mine was not. She did help clean our house a little the day I came home and left dinner on the stove so we had a hot meal, but we have had no help with the house since I've been home. Granted, the girls are still in the NICU, but c-section recovery is tough and the nursery is still not 100% ready. It just depends on your wife's relationship with your mom. And I agree with pp, be very clear about what she's to help with (hosuework or babies).

4. Any good advise to help wife with the pain after surgery?
I can't stress enough to stay on top of the pain medicine. Don't get under the pain, or it's even harder to get back on top of it. The first trip out of the bed is the worst and it's grueling. Don't be surprised if she tries to quit half way through getting up (I tried, but my nurse pushed me on and I'm sooo glad she did). Every time after that gets much easier. Not painless, by any means, but easier. If her doctor will allow it, ask for some tordall (SP?). It's more of an anti-inflamatory that helps with the muscle pain and works well if you take it with your percocet (or other pain med). However, I believe it is also a blood thinner, so they will keep a close eye on her bleeding.

Best wishes and congratulations on your NYE babies!

 

QUOTE(clemsontwinsdad @ Dec 27 2008, 04:01 AM) [snapback]1122924[/snapback]
Hello all,

I am new to the board; I have really enjoyed reading the tips and facts.. My wife has a scheduled C-section in 4 days these are our first children.. I have the baby room finished, the car seats in the car and the to-go bag packed... What I am not sure is a few subjective questions and I wanted to get some advise from some folks that have been through it:

1. The hospital is about 30 minutes away. Should I plan on spending the night there every night? Just the first night?
2. Any good ground rules for visitors? For example if wife is sleeping no visiting? Scheduling time so everyone gets a chance over the first couple of weeks? (We both have large involved families that are very excited)
3. Is a mother-in-law helpful the first couple of weeks? (Her mother lives 12 hours away).
4. Any good advise to help wife with the pain after surgery?

Thank you!

1. I didn't know I would need/want my husband to spend the nights...until that first night. So we quickly had to have someone come over and sleep at our house for the other kids. Our hospital didn't have a roll-in bed so maybe ask about that so you know what you will need to bring. Yes, stay with her especially if the nursery isn't open to keeping the babies at night. I live in a small town and that just wasn't an option every night.

2. I only wanted my parents and at home sister plus his parents to visit the first day...and even then they barely saw me cause of complications, but did get to see the babies in the nursery. I was too exhausted to visit longer than 10 min with any one person over the next days in the hospital. BUT I really appreciated the gifts in the room.

3. My mother-in-law came over during the night hours to help for a few days. I was very thankful, but wouldn't want her there all day long.

4. My twins were my first c-section all the other kids were natural...If only I would have known to keep my husband with me while they stitched me back together. He went off with the babies (which he was excited to do), but I was left all alone during the scariest moments of my life. With this next baby and c-section, he will stay with me until the surgery is done unless the hospital needs him to make important decisions about the baby. He did all of the lifting, bringing the baby to me, cooking, cleaning, and watching the other children. All I basically had to do was breastfeed and cuddle the babies for a couple weeks. He took the time off from work.

Great questions I hope you get some great answers. God bless you, your wife and your babies.