Kinda new here...

I’ve never really officially introduced myself here on the 1 – 4 forum, but thought I’d do so now and pose a couple of questions and to vent a little bit.

My name is Angela and I have frat boys Chase and Parker who are now 13 months old. Dh is a SAHD and I’m the who’s away from the house at least 12 hours a day (work 8+ hours plus commute time).

Does anyone else have a SAHD and what issues do you have? I can’t seem to get DH to do ANYTHING much during the day except what is mandatory; changing diapers, feeding and watching the boys, he does the dishes and bathes the boys, too.

I get pretty frustrated when I come home at 7:30pm and I still have to make dinner, do laundry, get things ready for the next day, (sometimes) clean up the messes that he makes when feeding them and other various chores. I know it is difficult to watch two 13 month olds all day everyday, but when I get home and he’s lying on the couch watching TV with the boys in the play yard, I get a bit upset. Also, he has now taken up watercolors... never held an artist paintbrush in his life and just started it one day. I’m an abstract artist and I had all the supplies so I don’t mind that he’s got a hobby, but I’d like him to do some of the chores before he paints, kwim?

My other question is what were your twins’ weights at 13 months? Ours are 26.3 and 26.6 and both are 30 inches long. Dr. said that that’s right at the 75%’tile but I have really never known what that means. Is that good or bad or what...

Thanks in advance for reading... I’m sure I’ll gain just as much insight here on the 1 – 4 year group as I did on the First Year.

Have a great weekend!!!

 

Hi Angela - welcome to the 1-4! My DH is not a stay at home dad; we both work full time. However, I go to work pretty early, so I get home about three hours earlier than DH. I spend the afternoon with the girls and put them to bed before he gets home. For awhile, he'd get home right as I was starting to clean up the house. He would sit down and talk to me while I worked. It took about a week for me to realize that was going to drive me crazy, so we sat down and had a talk about how I needed assistance when he was home. We both work full time, and his commute is longer than mine, but that didn't mean that I had to make up for the lack of driving by spending more time cleaning and straightening than he did. He understood where I was coming from, and we agreed to a new plan. I am in charge of toy pickup and straightening, but I no longer wash bottles or dishes. I leave them all for DH. If he doesn't do them in the evening, he gets up early to do them before work.

I guess I write all of that to say that the only way you'll ever get your DH to change is to tell him. Don't complain, don't nag. Just tell him that coming home to a messy house with him on the couch is making you upset and you need his help to change things. Divide up the chores. Perhaps he can clean up the food and highchairs and leave the toys for you.

 

QUOTE(idril @ Oct 10 2008, 03:38 PM) [snapback]1020909[/snapback]
I guess I write all of that to say that the only way you'll ever get your DH to change is to tell him. Don't complain, don't nag. Just tell him that coming home to a messy house with him on the couch is making you upset and you need his help to change things. Divide up the chores. Perhaps he can clean up the food and highchairs and leave the toys for you.


ITA with ya about the talking about the issues :mellow: The thing is, since he gave up his part time job a month ago to be with the boys full time, he’s been in a bit of a depression / slump. I have to tread lightly and he’s a bit sensitive to suggestions when I do make them. I usually try to joke about things to get his attention. Like one night, I had totally HAD IT with coming home and stepping on cheerios. I made some joke about it and pretty much ever since, he’s made the effort to pick them up.

I guess it’s all in the approach

 

:welcome: Angela!

First...great stats on your pumpkins. 75th percentile is wonderful! Sounds like they are doing well!

Maybe if you two sat down at a neutral time (when you are not upset) and made a list of each of your responsibilities, he would get more done ardon: Just a thought, because I don't really have a clue. When my husband slacks on any amount of helping me out, I find myself nagging him, and I know that is wrong. Or I just blow and yell at him, and I know that is wrong too. So, that's my only suggestion, because when I've tried it it has always worked (albeit temporarily until we do it again).

However, I am a SAHM, and as much as I try to keep up with everything, some days it is hard. And being a man, I think he just doesn't think about what he should/could do (it seems to not come naturally). I hope you find something that works for you!

 

Your kids are a good size!! Congrats! And welcome to the 1-4 forum.

I think that the two of you need to come up with a plan on the division of work. As a former working, now SAHM, I have been in both of your positions. It's hard to come home from a long day of work and have to do everything.

Maybe you could start doing meal planning. Have a set plan for dinner for the week and he can get started on it each day while the kids are playing nearby. (Or try some crockpot recipes...he can get them in in the AM and then you are set for the day...or freeze ahead meals).

Map out which chores each of you has an easier time with...I am the laundry queen here, my husband has a vacuum (just ask my 3 year old...its apparently not Mommy's vacuum). Talk about this on the weekend when you are not exhausted and frustrated from a long day at work.

I hope that you guys can come to a compromise. Even as a SAHM, I find that it can be hard to get all the stuff done, so my husband still takes a hand in the household stuff. Especially if you have two active guys there...your hubby might be feeling overwhelmed by that (I know that my 20 month old is a cyclone, and has been since he started walking running.)