Keeping one back from Kindergarten

Discussion in 'Childhood and Beyond (4+)' started by devmac2003, Feb 28, 2008.

  1. devmac2003

    devmac2003 Well-Known Member

    OK, our ds has Autism and is in a special education program through the school system. DD is in a regular preschool and is doing wonderfully. I spoke to ds teacher and she feels that it would be in his best interest to put him through one more year of PPCD and than send him through Kindergarten a year late, the Education Board has made new suggestions that any child in the special education program born before April 1st should be held back a year. While I am all for it, my ds has made such huge strides, he is talking, potty trained, interacting, but cannot focus and doesn't know abcs or 123's or his colors so I really feel like it is the best thing for him.

    Well, here comes the kicker that we have to seperate the twins in grades. I will send dd through to Kindergarten because she is ready for it and to hold her back would be ridiculous. I guess in a way, I'm relieved because I know ds would do horribly in Kindergarten even half day/half day PPCD, but it's weird. I always envisioned them together and now I am wondering if they are going to feel weird eventually that they are twins but not in the same grade. I know my dd does not think there is anything different about her brother, she loves him unconditionally and we go to great pains to make sure ds does not feel different or that he is not smart or "average". We try to instill in him confidence in what he has achieved not in what he has not.

    I don't have a question, just wanted to know if anyone else has had this situation or just some advice and support. It's always sad when you make such a vital decision that you know is in their best interest but it kinds of kicks you in the gut.
     
  2. sharongl

    sharongl Well-Known Member

    OK, I think your school board is NUTS! If we lived there Jonathan would have been held back a year, and that would have been soooo wrong for him, on so many levels!
    Vent, over, and on to your question--sorry!

    Personally, I would be temped to send him with the full day option. There is a boy in Jon's class, they were together throught preschool as well, he has a mid-September b-day, and they went ahead and sent him to K. He also didn't know his ABC's and 123's, but he is benefitting from being in the larger group. In the afternoon, he is in a special needs class that works with his academics, and other issues common to autism. He is thriving.

    My personal advise would be to send him to K, with the idea that he can always repeat if he doesn't do well. I think there is more benefit to trying K, than doing another year of pre-K.
     
  3. Jill R.

    Jill R. Well-Known Member

    I know EXACTLY how you feel. Jack has Autism, and he's been going to a learning center for kids with special needs since just before he turned 3. He had a whole year of preschool in before Ally started. Then last year, they were both in preschool, and this year he's in preschool again, first 1/2 of the day in Head Start with normal kids and the other half in the autism classroom. I know Jack would not work out in a normal kindergarten classroom. He won't participate in group/story time in head start, there's too many kids (18) for the 3 teachers to really give him the attention he needs, and he has no interest in interacting with the other kids. He can read though, he's been reading for over a year. He outstrips most of the kids intellectually, but he has NO social skills and doesn't converse more than a sentence or two in response to a direct question.

    Ally moved on to K this year without Jack, and they're not even in the same school. Most people don't even know they have a twin. Ally's doing ok with him though. I've tried to explain things to her in simple terms about why Jack is the way he is. I told her that his brain works differently and he doesn't understand sometimes when we talk to him, and he doesn't know how to tell us what he wants. So far, she's cool with it, and when we meet new people and they talk to Jack, she tells them that Jack has Autism and doesn't talk much. I hope she continues to be tolerant of him when they get older.

    I know how much it hurts when you realize things aren't going to work out the way you pictured them when you found out you were pg with twins. I've come a long way toward being accepting of Jack and I love him for who he is and all the cool things he can do (he's been reading and spelling since he was 4) but I still have my "it's not fair" moments. Especially when I spend the day in Ally's classroom and I see all the kids interacting, and then spend the day in Jack's classroom and see him sitting alone. It hurts.
     
  4. rissakaye

    rissakaye Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    My dad and his twin sister were in seperate grades growing up. It was before the days of EI. Dad had a really bad speech problem. I remember them talking about grandma working with dad every night to help him learn to talk clearly. Dad has has crossed eyes. They did surgery to correct but over corrected it the other way. Then he also had open-heart surgery at the age of 13. I think it was a descision that caused my grandmother some pain to hold dad back, but everyone agreed it was for the best.

    Marissa
     
  5. devmac2003

    devmac2003 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies.

    QUOTE
    Personally, I would be temped to send him with the full day option. There is a boy in Jon's class, they were together throught preschool as well, he has a mid-September b-day, and they went ahead and sent him to K. He also didn't know his ABC's and 123's, but he is benefitting from being in the larger group. In the afternoon, he is in a special needs class that works with his academics, and other issues common to autism. He is thriving.


    While I appreciate and am so glad for that child, it would probably bomb for our child. Devin is very social and loves to make friends, loves to interact, makes great eye contact, plays very well. But, he cannot be left to his own devices. He would not be able to be in a large group of children and thrive. He is in a class of 8 and it is perfect for him right now. He sticks to his picture schedules, he plays in the play center, and the teacher and aides can give him the attention and one on one time that he needs. He is not focused or even ready to learn his abcs and 123s. He is very resistent to it. He cannot be set loose with out real tight reins and direction.

    We are still contemplating doing a half day PPCD and half day Kindergarten which I would be a little happier about since it integrates him with other children in a normal school setting but doesn't put him into overload.

    Thanks for the support! Devin is my heart, my pride and joy and I just cannot believe the strides he has already undertaken in a year. I can't imagine how much more he can do in a nother year. And if he can't, well, so what I'll still love my Devman!
     
  6. sharongl

    sharongl Well-Known Member

    QUOTE
    We are still contemplating doing a half day PPCD and half day Kindergarten which I would be a little happier about since it integrates him with other children in a normal school setting but doesn't put him into overload.


    Brittany, that sounds like the type of program this boy is in--we only have 1/2 day K here, so if they go all day, it is to a special class. The boys class last year was also 6-8 kids--I can't remember anymore, so it does sound like a similar situation. Another thought, is that you can request a one on one aide for him in the regular K classroom. Both my SIL's actually work in that capacity.

    I am glad that Jill chimed in, I remember her going through the same issue last year :)

    Good luck with your decision. I know it isn't easy.
     
  7. ddrmom

    ddrmom Member

    I don't where you're son is on the spectrum, but I would talk to every single person involved with my son's care (PT, OT, speech therapists, aides, etc.) before I made a decision. Just gather as much information as possible (as I'm sure you will.) I would also talk to your school social worker and find out what other options may be available to you. My son, Donal is in kindergaten and has Asperger's Sydrome/HFA, and if it wasn't for the social worker at his previous school we would have never found out about the program he is in now. He is in a class of nine children 4 with autism,5 typically developing children. It has been wonderful for him to be in a class where the instructors are trained to deal specifically with his challenges. He was behind in pre-k too, and seriously in 4-6 weeks of being in this program he was caught up. I think even if you decide to keep him back that it will probably be hardest on you. Kids are pretty resilient and they trust you, if you explai it to him in a way that emphasizes the positve, he will be okay. I would just talk to as many people as possible. The dept of education here never ceases to amaze me with their lack of communication within their own system and to parents. Good luck. You're giving him the best thing you can- a parent who loves and accepts him for who he is and is his advocate.

    Bridget
    Mom to Donal and Delia- Nov 2002 and Ruari Mar 2005
     
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