Keeping each other awake at bedtime

Amy & Sarah have always shared a room and have generally done fine. They've always been able to fall asleep even when the other one is whining/fussing/singing/tantruming, and we have a very hands-off policy -- they can make as much noise (short of outright yelling) or stay up as late as they want, as long as they stay on their beds and don't keep hollering for us to come in there.

But just in the past few weeks, they've started keeping each other awake. One will want to go to sleep, the other won't stop yapping, and then they are complaining and wanting us to intervene. I have NO desire to become the bedtime police, but I feel like they need some guidance in how to be sensitive to each other's sleep needs.

Also, Sarah has started stressing about not being able to fall asleep. She'll lie on her bed and wail, "I'm sleepy but I can't fall asleep!" She has always been a great sleeper (both in falling asleep and staying asleep), so I'm assuming this is some developmental thing. But again, while I'm willing to go in there and soothe her occasionally, no way I am letting that become an everyday thing now, after we've made it this far without it!

Any suggestions for how to get over this hump, and teach them some skills for resolving it themselves, without getting ourselves locked in to a new bad habit?

 

Mine are only two and I have the same problem at nap time... one won't sleep and keep the other one up, or even worse, wake her up after 20 minutes... Personally as soon as we're moving we're splitting them up.

 

We had that issue for about 2 months awhile back. What we tried was

1. playing a CD of soothign music. If htey were being noisy it went off---or if someone was talking over it it went off.
2. Special stuffed friends at night. If one person did not let the other person rest ' by choosing' to make noise that was above and beyond loud they were 'choosing' to loose special friend (usually a non-bedtiem toyor book).
3. Windows darkening shades- cant see...much less likely to talk
4. talk about it how it is rude to wake each other up adn everyone needs to sleep. Role play sleeping during the day and act out they way to go to bed and they way 'not to go to bed' what happens if you dont get enough sleep (grumpy)
5. role play- if you can't fall asleep (snuggle with stuffed friends, close eyes and think of something fun, etc)


It seems to have been a phase and we dont have any problems now....hopefully it will pass. #1, 4 & 5 worked the best.

 

Thanks, that's helpful. DH also reminded me about the "talk about it during the day" thing, which I tend to forget, but it does help a lot.

We have room-darkening shades already. They also both have a huge stack of books on their bed, which we use as currency (i.e., we take one when they call us in for something that isn't an emergency). So I guess we could include "making too much noise" as something that causes them to lose a book. I just have fears of getting embroiled in all their post-bedtime arguments.

So I think #4 and 5 will be most successful for us as well.

 

Alden:

We've not done this, but my Sleep Lady book recommends "Sleep Rules" or something like that. Basically, you make a poster of what the Sleep Rules are for your house, so that its clear what the bedtime expectations are for the kids. (Then, I suppose its up to the parents to decide what the consequences are if the sleep rules are not followed.)

Also, I will point out that Daylight Savings Time starts this weekend for us. Every year that results in a bit of bedtime routine disruption for us. Thus, you may decide not to really tackle this until after your household acclimates to the new "wake up" and bedtimes.

All best,

Meg

 

We use books on CD. Barefoot books sells some, but most we get from our library. They love them and listen so intently - even to ones they have heard a MILLION times - that they don't bother each other. They also fall asleep while listening.

Good luck! Nothing is more frustrating than when the day just won't end!!

 

Update: We've started talking about sleep rules a little bit (though I actually intend to write up a real list that I can go over with them -- I think they will love it because it will make them feel grown-up). So last night, Sarah said she wanted to go to sleep, and I said, "Amy, did you hear what Sarah said? She would like you to be quiet so she can sleep." Amy responded, "OK, I will be as quiet as I can, but I'm still readin' here and I will need to talk while I read, so I can't be all the way quiet." :laughing: Oh, they slay me.

 

This is a SUPER idea. We have been having bedtime problems for a couple months now. Fallen into the horrible trap of snuggling with them until falling asleep but it's taking longer and longer and longer and we almost always end up frustrated, raising our voices with them, taking things away, then the crying, etc etc etc. It's getting to the point where I'm just about crying every night because I can't take it anymore when it's taking over an hour to get them to sleep. And I feel like a terrible mother because my boys are actually really good boys, but at night they will just not listen to a single word I say and I can't enforce things - they just seem to be in charge and it's worse when hubby is away, and he is away often on business so I'm doing it a lot on my own. We have tried everything else mentioned on this post with absolutely no success (except the sleep rules, which got everyone staying in bed through the night - other rules they simply ignore and I can't seem to make headway. I'm going to run out this afternoon and get some books on CD... I couldn't imagine a use for them before thinking, yeah, like they will stay still to listen to books on CD... but now I get it - I'm trying this tonight! Thanks so much!

 

:rofl: I :wub: "all the way quiet" too cute. I hope Amy was at least quiet enough for Sarah to fall asleep. As for freaking out about not falling asleep, I remember doing that as a child. I remember the anxiety of being tired, but not being able to sleep. I see it in Meara sometimes when she wakes in the middle of the night. I feel so much empathy for her when this happens because it sucks. I know my girls are younger, but we've also started talking about what they will dream about at bedtime so they are thinking happy thoughts as they fall asleep.

 

We used our books on CD for the first time last night it was the most relaxing, quiet bed time in months! They were up for an hour listening, but I'll take that over the alternative any day. So, we just have to tweak things a little bit, but it really worked for us! Thanks again