Just need to vent

I know they are truly the weaker sex and all, but is anyone else getting "tired" of their husband talking about how TIRED they are all the time? I (stupidly) take care of all the nighttime feedings, so even though he might stir for a second when they wake up, it's not like he's getting up and feeding, changing, soothing them all night long like me! And I feel fine for the most part.

When he gets home from work he is basically useless from the "exhaustion" and I am losing my patience with him. When he pathetically asks for a beer or whatever he's too "fatigued" to obtain for himself I have to bite my tongue or else I will unleash an unholy tirade on him. I understand that he is working all day, but it's not like we're just snoozing the days away here at home either!

Thank you, just had to get that out.

 

YES!!! all the time. I don't think he has ever spent an entire day, I mean getting up at 5am to putting them to bed at 8:30pm. I do that every weekend, while he sleeps all day. I do work all day, which he says is my "break" which I totally disgree, work is stressful. I come home and still don't get to rest, I'm not on nightly baby duty while he either goes out or sleeps. I feed and put the babies to bed.

His day with the babies starts at like 9am, that's because I get up and feed them before I go to work. He never gives them cereal because he claims they were too fussy. I get home at 5pm and he is so quick to say "okay, it's your shift" :angry:

and yeah like you, I can't say anything because it will turn into a huge fight that will never get solved.

 

I can't complain because I LOVE being with the babies, I just wish he was not sleeping all the time. At least doing something worthwhile like cleaning the apt or running errans.

 

QUOTE(eechy @ Jul 18 2008, 03:41 PM) [snapback]883248[/snapback]
IWhen he gets home from work he is basically useless from the "exhaustion" and I am losing my patience with him. When he pathetically asks for a beer or whatever he's too "fatigued" to obtain for himself I have to bite my tongue or else I will unleash an unholy tirade on him. I understand that he is working all day, but it's not like we're just snoozing the days away here at home either!


Oh my gosh, I would have unleashed my tirade a long while ago. DH gets home, changes out of his suit/tie, and digs in to help. And he offers to stop on the way home to do anything for me I was not able to get to. And he's the bath guy, that's his job.

Now I work FT too, but from home. But I still don't think my DH would pull that kind of stuff if I were a SAHM.

 

QUOTE(Babies4Susan @ Jul 18 2008, 12:14 PM) [snapback]883308[/snapback]
Oh my gosh, I would have unleashed my tirade a long while ago. DH gets home, changes out of his suit/tie, and digs in to help. And he offers to stop on the way home to do anything for me I was not able to get to.


Ditto. I think you have to train em early!!! When DH gets home from work, I get my 20 minute 'lunch break' for the day while he completely takes over. Now I do most of the household chores, etc. b/c I am only working outside the home 10 hours a week, but when he is home we split the baby duties 50/50. Back when they got up at night, he would take one baby and I would take the other.

My advice leave your DH alone with the babies all day for one day and you'll get a whole lot more respect!

 

I get this all the time too.

And I work full-time out of the home while he is home for the summer, and it is mostly "just the twins" as my 2yo goes to daycare 3 days/week. Yet, I get up at 5:30, get everyone ready, go to work, come home and take over until bedtime. Yet, HE is SOOOOO tired, that he has to surf the internet and sleep in on the weekends. GRRRRRR.

Jenny

 

I am right there with all of you guys. Mine will say to me "I'm just not as good at this as your are. It is not in my DNA to take care of two babies." I am thinking, it is not in mine either, but I don't plan on giving them away, so I do the best I can. DH is so incredibly tired, he just does not know if he is going to survive this. (Mind you he has probably been up with the girls at night 2 hours to my 500+ hours) I told him the other night that it was a good thing that I loved him to much, because otherwise I would strangle him.

 

Haaaa Haaaa... what a great topic.... I have been up since 4am this morning with the girls... while SO (well not so significant - lets just call him other !!) is sleeping... hmmmmm..... He has yet to change the babies, bathe the babies (yes, they are now 3mo old) - he does help feed them when I ask him ??.... and he is just sooooo tired.... PLEASE....I seem to be coping just fine... getting up to feed them all by myself each night - still feeding every 3 hours... looking after the twins through the day - and a 2 year old, whilst getting our 5 year old to school and back each day.... along with all the wonderful domestic goddess duties.... TIRED... MY ARSE !!!!!

In another thread I read the funniest comment about the other sex... ' it is becuase they are missing a gene'... this just cracked me up...b/c it is sooooo true....

My ideal living situation would be to live in a massive farm house with a few close mother friends - we all raise our children together - sharing all the jobs - no-one has to ask anyone else to do anything - b/c they can SEE it with their own 2 eyes..... and then when you feel like a little 'naughtiness - swing from the chandeleir moments' - you hit the batphone button - and they come running.... heeeeee heeee.... Yes I know - and ideal world....

We will get through this..... Our partners on the other hand ??? Who knows if they will live that long...b/c they are just soooo TIRED....

 

I have to say that my DH is not like that, although my ex was! I use to work full time and have to go and pick up DD#1 from the sitter, even though he had been home for over an hour. I then had to go and make dinner, give her a bath, and put her to bed, before I could do the household chores that needed to be done. I got tired of working full time, doing all the household stuff, and being the only "parent" in the house. I told him that he had either straighten up and pull his weight or I was going to quit my job, because I was not going to do it all myself. He didn't, so I did! What a relief! I never worked outside the home again, until I was a single mom. Now with my wonderful DH, who works and isn't expecting me to go back to work (yeah, cause I miss being a SAHM), helps out all the time. He works 4, 10hr days a week. On his days off he gets up at night and helps me with the babies. The only thing he does on nights he works is comfort them while I get bottles, then he goes back to sleep, and I finish up. During the day when he is off and when he comes home from work, he is right there to help me with the babies. My only complaint is that he is wanting to get intimate way more often than I do... for that reason, I say he is definately not as tired as I am! LOL! We had to have a sit-down about that this weekend. We have 6 children now, and between them, housework (which I make them help me do), running around to take them where they need to be, taking care of the twins, running household errands, and I am trying desperately to get over a chest cold, being sleep deprived,... well you get the picture... sex is the last thing on my mind! I hope you can get some help from him. If it comes down to it, stand up and tell him what you want and when you want it. Sometimes, they need to be hit over the head with it. Maybe you can make him feel bad and do the "crying" bit... You know what works best with your man. There is always a way... just sit down and think it through. All it takes for me usually, is to be honest with him and talk to him. Some men aren't that easy... my ex wasn't and that is why he is my EX! :friends:

 

QUOTE(TamLenox @ Jul 18 2008, 03:19 PM) [snapback]883844[/snapback]
If it comes down to it, stand up and tell him what you want and when you want it. Sometimes, they need to be hit over the head with it.


This is so true! I have yet to meet a man that can take a hint!

My philosophy is never do for the man what the man can do for himself. And if I ask him to do something and he doesn't do it right away, don't step in a do it for him.

To be honest I'm kind of scared now, is this what it's going to be like after the babies come? I'm not to afraid of handling the kids and the house work, but training a husband on top of that? That's hard work right there. :blink:

 

I go through this almost daily..
He leaves for work before we even get up, which leaves me to get all four of our girls up and ready for daycare and myself to get ready for work. That right there is an accomplishment lol. Once we get home, I'm stuck w/ dinner, laundry, baths, etc...it's never ending! I can say that I love spending time w/ the kids though..and he occasionally keeps half of them busy while I'm tending to the other half, BUT HE HAS NO IDEA what I go through on a daily basis!!! Oh yeah, did I mention I'm starting class in August?!? I'd rather be busy than sitting on butt all day! Keep up the great work ladies..

 

I am so there !!!!! mine has yet to change a dirty diaper. He will only feed the girls during the night if I wake him up to insist that he help me.

I am back to work and I get up at 5 every day to get us ready for the day. The only thing he does is pick up the girls from the sitter and this is only because they HAVE to be picked up by 5 and I work until 5.

This is one of, if not the main reason that we didn't even think about having kids for years. I knew I would pretty much be doing this on my own - however I never expected it to be twins.

at the end of the day however, his good points far outway his bad points and I do love him with all my heart - so I just deal with it.

 

I love it. Thanks for posting. I thought I was the only one out there with a husband who didn't do a damn thing.

 

I was going to post something like this, but felt kinda funny...like no one else was experiencing this. My husband works and I am home at the moment until middle of August when I go back to work. He has another thing coming when I go back to work because that's when things are going to get split 50/50. No excuses, no whining about being tired, etc.

I really gave it to him the other day. He comes home from work, take a shower. maybe (and I mean maybe) feeds a baby, and doesn't play with them. I'm afraid they won't know he's thier dad - just someone else who lives here! Yesterday and today he did play with them for awahile after work - so maybe something is settling in.

 

Oh man - not that he even reads this forum, but I feel like I should clarify and stand up for my man a little bit. He does do tons of stuff. I swear, if he didn't change their diapers I would effing kill him. He helps out in lots of ways, it's just that he keeps telling me how tired he is when he gets a full night's sleep and I'm up all night (at least twice a night, anyway!)

I gave him double baby duty this afternoon and he definitely got to understand how hard it is to be alone with them.

 

Wow I guess I better go give my DH a big giant hug and big thankful for all that he does do.

 

Yes, and I, too, stupidly do all the night feedings. I'm so sick of hearing the complaining and personally I think getting a good night sleep and working is SO much easier than being up all night, and never getting more than 3 hours of sleep at a time (if that).