Just give it to me straight.

Yes. I am back. I've been repeating this topic for 4.5 years now. Still hasn't gotten any easier. In many, many aspects, I feel like it's gotten harder.

My boys are intense. In a nutshell, that's the problem. Always have been. I have been looking back on youtube videos of them to compare them to my singleton who is now 8 months old and frankly, there is no comparison. Sebastian (new baby) is "normal" so to speak. He doesn't get mad at his toys or try to assemble a rubick's cube when he's 4 months old or anything like that. I am not kidding. I watched a video of Gabe in his exersaucer at 4.5 months old (not adjusted) and he was sorting the little movable beads and trying to fit them through the holes and when he couldn't do it correctly he would FREAK! I mean, FREAK! That's basically how they have always been. from day one. Just INTENSE and exact/precise.

They started this crap EARLY. And needless to say, I'm TIRED!! I hate it. Most of the time I'm absolutely sick w/ stress because my twins are driving me insane. They truly are. They were never the type of babies that got into stuff. I never babyproofed a thing. They didn't fall down stairs. They didn't open cabinets and when I took them to friends that did, they simply undid the baby proofing on the trash can and threw away their trash. (17 months at mommy meetup)!

So, as hard as they were.. and DAMN GINA.. they were, I didn't have to sweat the "typical" stuffselv like putting hands in the toilet or electrocuting themselves. They just didn't bother w/ any of it.

BUT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At 4.5 years old. They're doing the dumb stuff. Making "potions" **I cringe thinking about the messes. Potions all day long. They take stuff from the fridge and absolutely wreak havoc. It's killing me. And they'll sneak it under their shirts etc to get it. It's sick.

And then when I ask them about it they look at me like I'm nuts and tell me "Well, we've talked about this before.. but I'm the REAL Mad Scientist."

My Dad is a Scientist also I don't even know if they know this.

I'm rambling but I'm trying to make a point. My kids are not normal! And they hang on me all the time. This drives me insane as I really feel like I have some issues w/ closeness or something. I need my personal space and don't much like to be touched ESP hung on! My kids have never played with toys. EVER. If you archive my posts, you'll see me saying this on repeat. They don't. They'll "decorate" the basement or something but that's the extent of it. (This means, stringing lights and hanging things on the wall etc.) They are actually very very good at it but again.. ODD!

So, when they were born and had colic and cried 18 hours a day, I started waiting.. Waiting for it to get easier. 4 and 1/2 years later. I'm still waiting. Well, not really.. I guess I've given up.

When people come over to see us or we go out people look at me like I'm nuts and just a whiney complainer. "Your kids are soo good." Is the theme. They go to school 2 full days a week and their teachers continuously tell me how FANTASTIC my kids are. I kinda nod and think.. "YOU HAVE NO IDEA!"

Bottom line, I'm not having fun. They drive me nuts. They are SOO much work. They never just leave me alone.

I'm not looking for suggestions. I've truly tried it all.

Can someone just tell me if it ever gets better than this? I can take it if it doesn't. I'm used to it now. My best friend keeps asking me if I could do it over if I would have done "one at a time".. Which is such a stupid question cuz I cannot imagine my boys w/o one another, but I guess her point is that she sees how hard this is and is curious how I do it!

What do your 4.5 year olds like to do??

Mine will go to school all summer 2 days a week. (@@)

We get 2 or more hours of physical activity per day and always have.

We go somewhere every day. EVEry day. Sitting home is like being poked in the eye repeatedly with a sharp stick.

Thanks for reading.

 

OH AND MY GOD! I forgot. The baby talk. They do baby talk and it makes my skin crawl. They have a friend (my best friend's kid) who is 2. They talk like him. It makes me lose it.

And one of my twins is trying to sit on my lap while I type this. Arms flailing etc. I give them PLENTY of attention. Probably, too much! So they are not lacking.

Do your kids ever leave you alone?? Am I expecting too much?

Why when I take mine to the park do they just SIT THERE talking to me?? And I swear to God, it's been this way since they could walk. They never ran away. I never ever even once had to chase my kids. NOT ONCE! They are just always THERE! LOL.

 

1. I'm typing this with a 4 year old and a 7 year old on my lap - with another 4 year old hovering nearby. So, yes, my boys are always "right there" too. I try to soak it up because I know one day, I'll be chasing them down for my hugs and cuddles.

2. Some kids need more support from their parents in "new" situations. I often have to walk around the park with my boys (no matter how many times we've been there) when we first arrive until they become comfortable and I can just sit and watch them - maybe that is why they talk to you at the park? They are nervous to leave your side?

3. My 4 year olds like to play cops and robbers, museum guards, legos, Imaginext toys, board games, in their sandbox, "work" in the yard, write/color, playdoh, paint, superheroes, Playmobil toys, etc. They are great players, I have a hard time getting rid of toys - because they play with ALL of them! I'm not sure how to make a kid play with toys, though, all 3 of mine have just been good at playing since they were old enough to play.

I am sure, just by nature of the aging process, it will get easier because they will get older and more independent. They might always be high maintenance kids, but surely even that gets easier in a sense as they get older.

:hug:

 

:hug: Meredith, I don't have 5 year olds but I do want to echo what Jori has said.
Just yesterday we were at a family party and I had two almost 4.5 year olds sitting in my lap. They are fascinated by what I do, so they follow me when I am cleaning, cooking and going to the bathroom and whatever else I do during the day. They want to help, they want to try and they really want to do what big kids do.

Like Jori, when we take the kids to the park, they do stay with me until they warm up and then they play. But if it comes down to talking to other kids or me, I am always the first option. But, let me add, that my DD is under treatment for social anxiety disorder and my son is shy, so that's how they have always been. Yes, there are times they drive me crazy with baby talk and I just tell them, I can't understand you until you speak to me in your big kid voice.

And my two play with all their toys too, whether they are too old for the toy or not. So getting rid of toys is a hard thing to do around here.

Just a question, have you asked the teachers how they play with other kids and the toys at school?

 

I've never had to chase my kids either and they still stay too close for my personal space taste sometimes, and they're 8.

If they want to be scientists, let them. Have them plant and water seeds. Do little experiments with them. I remember one I did by putting a yeast solution in glass bottles and blowing up balloons that we put on the mouths of the bottles. Read books with them about caterpillars and butterflies. Take them on a caterpillar hunt. Let them "cook" and stir things together. Let them make instant pudding. If they want to make "potions" have them help make jello.

Just because they are "odd" (to use your word) doesn't mean there is thing wrong with them. They just seem to view the world differently. My kids used to ask me for workbooks to do. At that age, my kids lived for math and reading workbooks. Odd, yes, but who cares? Timothy is now well ahead in his class for math and Sarah reads well ahead of her class.

It sounds like you've spent 4.5 years waiting for your kids to change. That isn't going to happen. Embrace what they do want to do. It sounds like they might enjoy a more home-schoolish environment where there's little experiments. Give it to them. I don't homeschool, but I didn't do preschool or anything. We went on nature walks, studied caterpillars, did workbooks they loved and visited nature centers and did zoo classes. The kids loved that. And now they read non-fiction because it's "interesting". Right now we're on a mythology kick where they want to learn about that. So we are.

And for the baby talk, well, Timothy still does that at times. I just make him repeat what he's saying till he gets it in a normal voice. Then I will answer the questions.

Marissa

 

I agree w/ PP.

Your kiddos are what they are. There is no use changing their personalities. I am positive that a parent with kiddos that run away at the playground would wish theirs would stay close or a parent with not-snuggly-touchy kids would want one that hugged more.

Your DS3 may just have a different personality to be honest- not a 'better' one, just different. He is a different person and will respond differently than your other DSs.

Do you have expectations for your kids behavior to be different than it is? Are they realistic expectations given their age and temperments? I only ask because if they behave well at school and the teachers do not think they are 'odd'- then I would maybe try to view the situation differently. Do they behave different at school? or not? If so- why? why not? Instead of waiting for it to get better- find out if it will and what really you want with 'better'. At age 18- they may still be intense, but I doubt they will be asking to sit in your lap and/or leaving your side.

At 2-6 many kids are intense with whatever they are. As they get older, some learn to adapt behavior socially (and it sounds like they do at school) and also learn some perspective on personal space--- but at 4 : not so much.

DH and I often wonder how we (two mellow people) had one intense DD. But that is just the way she is wired- we try to embrace it, it is her. Yes, we discipline/praise her as needed for appropriate social behavior- but we know she is intense. It will make her an 'alpha' personality someday and a great CEO or movie director. LOL. Sometimes it drives me batty since my own personality is so different, but I try really try to look at it as a positive and a way for myself to be challenged and grow as a parent. It is much harder for me to parent the DD that is so different than myself, but really that is a good thing and it makes me look at my own reactions and behavior sometimes. DD2 has more special needs, but is closer to my personality and she is easier for me to parent simply because I 'understand' her thinking better.

:grouphug: It is hard when your kiddos act in ways that are different than you expect, but it is not always a bad thing.

BTW: my kids always left the toilet, electrical outlets, stove, etc alone and they also stay close. I didnt have to chase them down at stores or playgrounds. I kinda like it. At 6.5 mine still like to be in the same room as DH or I, even if they are playing together. As a side note both DDs have special needs (one social and one physical), but really they have such different personalities it has been interesting to see them at the same age and reacting differently to the same situations. It is just they way they are.

Only recently can I tell them to totally clean up a mess and they will do it to my satisfaction. At 4, they made a lot of messes and could not clean them up w/o supervision or assistance.

at age 4:

They played for 20-30 min together organizing, drawing, looking/reading books, liked to go outside, liked to go places, constantly wanted adult interaction to 'see/look/play' but could be encouraged to play alone, touched people and other kids often, broke rules intentionally at times, responded well to limits- though tested them, were hard to deter from doing some things, were curious, easily engaged, easily broke into tears over frustration, had obsessions, were well behaved at school, etc.


* I dont think any age has been --easier--than another just different. Different ages so far have had different challenges and different joys- at least for DH and I*

 

I completely agree with this statement! I am asked often by new twin moms when does it get easier, and my answer is 'it doesn't, it gets different'. For some people one stage seem easier, others find another stage easier. In my aging, grey haired, muddled mommy brain, everything before now has been easier, but remember I have two pre teen girls who are in the process of entering puberty!!!!!!

 

I can't imagine any one or two children being harder than my son, Luke. Having twins was a walk in the park compared to him. Up until 5th grade, he was a nightmare! Once he started maturing, then he became a boy that I loved to be around. I don't know if it will ever get easier for you. I've always heard people say, "Just wait till they are teenagers, then you'll understand what difficult is." That statement is just not true for us. Luke being a teenager has been a dream compared to his younger years. I can't tell you if it will get easier, but just hang in there! Maybe your situation will be one that will benefit another mom who will be going through what you are in years to come. At least, that is what I like to think my situation was. Although I didn't see it then, it has been helpful for me now.

 

As the mother of teenagers, preschoolers and an infant. I will say the teenagers make the little ones seem like an easy dream. Things do not get easier, they do just change. When my little ones do things like always want to be right up on me I try to remember that one day they won't and as annoying as it may be I will miss it. I would cut off my arm to go back to one more day with my teenagers as little people. Sometimes I just sit and look through photo albums of their sweet baby days and I even miss the potions and the cut hair and the inappropriate comments at the worst moments and the clingy ness I miss the innocence where I was what they wanted, Now all I hear is " I am going here or there" "can I drive" " I need $20" "yeah, right" " OMG mom, seriously" doors slamming, name calling because they HATE each other, complaining, and no simple sticker or m&ms even touch their happiness. Now I try to remember that one day soon I will miss all of these things when they are not living with me anymore so I am trying to enjoy even these things that annoy and pi** me off daily. .
My twins are 5 and they are into everything, they do not listen, they are like hyper little tornadoes that are all over the place continuously. I have always wondered if it was because they are girls ( my older kids are boys). I used to get so mad at my dh because he swore that it was because they are twins and it would not matter if they were boys, girls or one of each they would be the same way. Now I agree. They work off of each other. It is nearly impossible not to get so mad at times - but I try to remember that right now I have my little A&A. In the not so distant future their to do list will change and I will miss the princess parties that ended up in nail polish all over my wood kitchen floor, the entire kitchen being painted in butter because they were trying to make me breakfast in bed, the sharpie tattoos, the flooded bathroom , the don't I look beautiful mommy with a self or sister inflicted scalping.
East is 9 months old and very demanding. He never wants anyone but me. He won't even eat for anyone else. Swing - forget it. High chair - no thank you. Bumbo seat - I don't think so. Put me on the floor - oh h*** NO.
Nothing about raising kids is easy, they will always throw a wrench at you, there is always going to be someone doing exactly the opposite of what you want. It will be that way until the day we die. I have thrown my hands up and thought on so many occasions OMG I cannot not do this anymore they are killing me, truth is I would not have it any other way.

 

I have twin boys (7 years olds) and a singleton girl (4 years old). I think twins get sooooo much easier once they can play games with each other without adult supervision (around 5 or 6). In fact, at age 7, it's much easier to have two boys than one boy at home. They play with each other for hours and hours, building things together, playing games, etc. I see other kids who are singletons and their moms still have to play with them or entertain them constantly.

I didn't really realize this until my 4 year old daughter started on her endless, "Mommy, can you do this? Mommy, will you do this with me? Mommy...mommy...mommy..." I feel like with my twins, I am now reaping the benefits of all that hard work I put into taking care of them for the first 4 years!