Just don't know how to stop the biting

I am at my wits end and don't know how to stop this behavior. I just don't know how to stop Max from biting Lily. He thinks it is funny and laughs when we discipline him for doing it. Lily seems to be screaming "Max...no biting" and I think thank goodness they are not in daycare or he would get kicked out. Any suggestions besides time outs, a light spank on the butt, or as my MIL suggested to bite him back?

 

sorry you're going thru this we did, too, and occasionally (very rarely) still do. i have no suggestions for you, tho, cuz i did the biting them back thing ardon: but only if i saw them do it, and i'd immediately bite them in teh same spot that they bit the victim.

 

I was told by Moms On Call (book, website, webinars, etc., and she's a mom of twins) to get nose to nose and basically yell "No Bite" and really startle them the instant you see them bite. When I did this the very first time one bit the other, it scared her to death and she broke down crying. It scared the other DD as well. Every since then, they'll open their mouths to bite, usually playfully, and I sternly say No Bite and tell them that biting hurts and that we don't hurt each other, and they stop. I'm not sure if that will work since it's been going on already.

My brother, who is ten years younger than me so I remember this clearly, bit me, his friend, and my mom regularly and she eventually bit him back when he bit her and it stopped.

Moms On Call also teaches you to have three household rules for the babies: You always obey Mommy and Daddy, you never hurt yourself, and you never hurt others. She advises to go over these rules just before you put them to bed, as their minds are open and relaxed at that time. You point out something they did that followed the rules, and something you like them to work more on the next day. These three rules basically cover any unwanted behavior that will happen the next day. When something happens, like a biting incident, you say, "DD we don't bite, remember our household rule, we don't hurt others? Biting hurts and we're a family and we don't hurt others." This approach isn't a quick fix for any particular unwanted behavior, but more of long term behavior-shaping.

 

Where can I find out more about this Moms on Call? It sounds interesting. Is it a book, website, or facebook site?

 

I too had a biter. DD bit regularly from about 1.5 to 2.5 with a relapse around 3.5. In her case, she only bit DS. Occationally he would bit back. The things I tried with varying success: redirect [if you catch him in the act], explain that biting hurts his sister [show him the marks], and most importantly, provide things he CAN bite. With DD, it usually corresponded to teething. I used very hard rubber teething toys early on and then moved to stuffed animals, food, etc. so she had plenty of things that were OK to bite. Our Ped said never bite back because then you are telling the child it is OK to bite. Best of luck!

 

You can go to www.MomsOnCall.com link and find their books, online seminars, etc. They also do a phone consultation deal and following that you get six months of email access to them. They are two pediatric nurses, so you can ask medical as well as behavioral questions. The phone consultation was expensive, but so very worth it. They're in Atlanta, where my cousin with twins lives, so she gets to also go to their seminars.

I'm a HUGE fan! They got my three babies STTN early on and help me fine tune my feeding/sleeping schedules to make them really work. Plus, they always respond to my emails much faster than the nurse at the pedi's office so I end up asking a lot more "minor" health questions.

 

Constant time outs. I know, I've been there, it feels like it is never going to work. But it will eventually. Consistency is key. I'd shower love and attention on the one bitten, tell the biter "no biting" and put her in timeout. Then when timeout was over I made her tell her sister she was sorry for biting and to give her a hug.

My Gracie was the biter, but she never once bit anyone at daycare. She just bit her sister (at home).

 

Mason was a biter. I can only hope there isn't another round of that phase, as we are in daycare. They were actually very nice about it all as were the other parents. We were on the receiving end of many bites too.

I can't tell you really that we did anything specific to stop it though. It just had to sink in with him that he was hurting the other person. The biting stopped around the same time the hitting stopped, when it hurt when someone else did it to him. We made a big deal out of it if we caught him though. He went straight to time out with very stern words about no biting and how it hurt his brother. We would make just as big of a deal about hugging on and soothing Logan (even if it wasn't necessary). Mason is my cuddle bug and I think Logan getting the attention may have been as hard for him as the time out

 

My Ds was a biter from age 1 until about 2.5. He was in day care and bit someone daily. When I would pick him up, it wasn't a question of IF he bit that day, but how many? I felt horrible. Luckily they did not kick him out of day care. I tried everything to get him to stop (even biting him back when he bit me) but nothing worked. One day at day care he bit 6 kids. During this time he also wasn't very verbal at all. Once he began talking and could use his words to express himself, the biting stopped. We also changed day cares and his new day care taught him to sign. He only bit 1 time at the new day care and that was it. It may just be that biting is the only way that he knows to express himself and to get attention. I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope it stops for you soon.

 

I had a biter which started at 12 months and then again later about 2 yrs. Her sister, us and at daycare. Often around teething or other illness. Sometimes there was no reason. I think at daycare she got tired because they slept at noon and our nap times were earlier. At home I really watched her and often it would occur during a similar activity... so I'd get right over there and often caught her before hand.

If you want a variation of the "bite back" you can take their own hand and put it in their mouth and have them bite themselves. My grandmother did this on the farm. I did the time outs, etc etc. and it really seemed that time, maturity, no more teething, etc. seemed to be the key. One morning I went to go and get her up and she looked at her hand and said "no bite" -- she had been really thinking about biting a kid at daycare. She went around saying "no bite" and that seemed to be the time she was really trying to not do it.

Heather

 

I've never had a biter until now, and he's so little (my 1 yo) I don't know what to do. Mostly though, he bites me. I've done mostly the "No Biting!" right in his face. He cries, and it maybe stops him right then, but he'll do it later. It does happen more if he's tired or hungry. But other times, too. Ug, it's driving me crazy. At least we don't have daycare to stress about.

 

One of my boys was a biter. I tried time-outs, redirection, consoling the victim, taking away toys, etc. (The only thing I didn't try was biting back.) They all worked somewhat but didn't really stop the biting completely. Time-outs worked for a while until there was a "relapse."

The only sure thing that stopped the biting was vigilance and early intervention. As much as I could, I would be watching the kids while they played so that when the biter was getting to be too excited or too close, I would step in and diffuse the situation. (I would do all my housework while the kids were taking naps or after they went to bed. I would pre-make all the meals so that I didn't have to stand in the kitchen while the kids played alone. It was crazy!) I also took them outside to play ALOT because the biting always seemed to happen when they were playing indoors without other kids around. I just felt so bad for the victim and felt that it was my responsibility as a parent to ensure that he had a safe playing area where he didn't have to fear being bit by his brother.

By the way, the former biter is now a sensitive type who is so kind and gentle to his little sister. The former victim totally bosses his brother around and makes him cry. So the roles are completely reversed.

 

We have been using this technique and it is helping. He is only biting every 3 or 4 days now instead of multiple times daily. It is like he forgets and as soon as we do it again he remembers. Now he cries for a minutes, says "sorry" and tries to give Lily a hug is she will let him near her.

Thanks for all the advice. It has helped me from losing my mind and patience.