Just a few questions.

Okay so one of my close friends, (but not best friend) kept on saying if you have a girl I wanna be the the godmother. I never really said she could be, but I didn't say she couldnt either. She is single and kinda out there and I really wanted my godparents to be married and and more mature. Me and my boyfriend are 25 so we have alot of younger immature friends still. I take the role of godparenting seriously because it just is to me. How many of you do or is it really even necessary. Do most of you have them?

Now the other day when we were discussing my baby shower she says well I am not getting what is on your registry I'm getting what I want to get. She also said that she doesnt like my baby nursery theme and is getting me noah's ark because that is what she wants me to have. Mind you she can get noah's ark all she wants because these are my babies and my theme is staying. She keeps talking about how she is gonna do this and that because she is the godmother. Now as bossy as she is being I still haven't told her that she isn't it. I could just say nothing that but I have a feeling that if I don't tell her she isn't she will automatically assume she is. All perfect examples of why she is not the type of person I want my little girl to be hanging around.(I dont want a bossy little diva child!)Any suggestions.

BTW
I had a check up and everything is going seemingly well. My B/P is like a teenager they say. My 1 hour sugar test, I passed. I am 25 weeks and 5 days preggo and they are referring me to a perinatal doctor who they said I must see and get to know since I am having twins. I will be going to the doctors every 2 weeks now and having a growth scan done in two weeks. Is this a normal timeframe for these tests tp be done? Or should I have had them done along time ago? Sometimes the doctor seems a little slower to me compared to all the tests I see others having on here, so it makes me worry a little. I have had one ultrasound done so far at 21 weeks where I found out i was having twins and just have had 2 regular checkups since. Hopefully I am right on track and my pregnancy remains uneventful. It just feels like I should be having something special done because I am having twins. Also what does di/di twins mean? And my doctor never told me that I was high risk or not but am I automatically because I am having twins or not necessarily. Just looking for some feedback.



-Monique

 

My dr said that you are automatically considered high risk with twins, although i dont know if all drs agree on that. She started sending me to a peri at about 12 weeks, but only because there was a questionable "band" that was noticed on the u/s. i see the peri every 4 weeks, i see my dr every 4 weeks, and i have a growth scan every 4 weeks. That ends up being only one week a month that i dont have an appt.

As far as your friend goes, i feel sorry for you. i am the type of person that has a really hard time telling people how i feel if i think it is going to hurt their feelings, but with something that important, you need to be honest with her. and why only is it if you have a girl that she wants to be the godmother?

if she gets you something that you dont want for your shower than just return it and exchange it for something that IS on your registry, thats why you register!!

 

My doctor also told me I was considered high risk just because I'm carrying twins. However, I've not seen a peri and I don't think she's planning on sending me to one. This pregnancy has been pretty uneventful...no GD and no anemia and their growth is terrific, despite having an awful stomach virus from 16-19 weeks. It sounds like you're right on track as far as tests and u/s go, so I wouldn't worry.

As far as your friend...
The first thing that came to mind is that she may be a bit jealous. We're roughly the same age as you (or I am...DH is 33), so a lot of our friends are just now starting to have kids...we're about to have four. :lol: We've had our own experience with resentful friends and friends who meant well, but didn't exactly come across in the best manner. I would try as much as possible to be considerate of her feelings, but I'm afraid that hurting them may be unavoidable under the circumstances. The best you can do is be gentle when you tell her and if she takes it the wrong way...well, it's on her and she'll either get over it, or she won't (they usually do).

With baby gifts, I let people buy what they want. If it turns out it won't get used or I don't like it, I exchange it for something we didn't get. I always know if that I go off the list, there's a chance the person I'm giving to won't like it and may return/exchange it for something else. My personal opinion is that once the gift is given, it's out of your hands.

 

QUOTE(lindsay084 @ Jul 2 2007, 07:16 PM) [snapback]315193[/snapback]
My dr said that you are automatically considered high risk with twins, although i dont know if all drs agree on that. She started sending me to a peri at about 12 weeks, but only because there was a questionable "band" that was noticed on the u/s. i see the peri every 4 weeks, i see my dr every 4 weeks, and i have a growth scan every 4 weeks. That ends up being only one week a month that i dont have an appt.

As far as your friend goes, i feel sorry for you. i am the type of person that has a really hard time telling people how i feel if i think it is going to hurt their feelings, but with something that important, you need to be honest with her. and why only is it if you have a girl that she wants to be the godmother?

if she gets you something that you dont want for your shower than just return it and exchange it for something that IS on your registry, thats why you register!!

I don't know why my friend only wants to be the god mother only if it was a girl I think because no one has a girl yet. But that is my point exactly about her, how will she treat my little boy when he is here just because he is not a girl. She should just be happy with whatever I ended up having because she is my friend. and she wants to be a godmom that bad

 

I personally think you need to explain to her that you don't know who the god parents are yet or explain to her that she will not be one of them. I too take it seriously. I know this may sound weird but DD has two godmothers and a godfather. For the twins, one of the girls will have a godmother/godfather and the other will have godmothers (males are hard to come by in both families) and I would like to have DH's deceased brother as an honorary if you know what I mean.

DH and I are both godparents to my sis's kids...she is the godmother to DD. However, her DH can be a selffish person and it is enough for us not wanting him to be be godfather. I don't want someone who is selfish to be a godparent....that is why we chose who we did. None of the 4 family members know yet and won't til after the girls are born....I haven't decided who is going to be godparents to who yet.

As for the gifts. It irks me that people buy things because it is "what they like" not what you want/need. Somethings are good like if someone bought you something that was really useful to them and got for you b/c thought it would useful to you too. But for your friend to say that she is getting what she wants b/c she doesn't like your theme is not right...I would take it back and exchange it....it is not her child....she can do Noah's Ark when she has her own.

April

 

I think you need to tell your friend you are not sure who the godparents will be and that you and your boyfriend have been talking about it and you would prefer the godparents to be married.

As for the gifts, let her buy you want she wants, and like PP stated you don't have to use it or exchange it. It sounds like she is going to do what she wants anyway.

None of my children have godparents and I don't have godparents. I guess I don't really understand the importance of them and it's not something we do in my family of DH's family.

As for the u/s, yes you are considered high risk just because you are having twins. I saw a peri and my regular OB from day one, and the peri did a growth u/s at every visit, which was every 4 weeks. I loved having so many u/s.

 

I think I would put them emphasis on your boyfriend and wanting to be in agreement with him.... perhaps if you choose a couple more connected with him, well-known to you, but perhaps with some special connection with him...then your friend will be more likely to understand and not be hurt... Of course, she might then revert to calling herself "auntie"...which might be equally annoying to you. Well, in a few months all of this may be past. DH and I have found in the course of our parenting adventure that life after children is so incredibly different, your friends often change. You no longer have the same schedules, priorities or interests and while your friends still live a singular, self-focused lifestyle you may find that you begin to drift apart and part ways. I wouldn't be too worried about the whole thing. We've even found that married, childless couples have drifted from our lives... Not for any horrible neglect on their part or ours, just that we live such incredibly different lives.... I can only ask about their jobs so many times, and they can only inquire about my kids so many times... There's no fasicinating comparison of children or attempts at solving issues related to kids...and we can't go running out at 8 or 9pm to hang out until midnight just for kicks... Our sleep is much more precious than that. Anyway, you probably get my drift. In six months to a year your relationship with this woman may be very different from now. so don't stress too much about it.

 

I was considered high risk just because of my age and multiples when I was pregnant. I just would like to respond about the girlfriend/godmother issue.

First of all, I think you need to nip it in the bud now. She is getting out of control. If she does not want to go with your theme of a nursery and follow how you want things to be for your children (more importantly) then she is definitely not even a candidate for that role. If you want to get out of the situation easily I would suggest telling her that since you have to update your will and who will get the kids god forbid something happen to you or your boyfriend that you have decided that it is just easier to have them serve the godmother/godfather role at the same time. Tell her you are sorry if she is upset but, you never promised it to her that she just assumed and this is what you think is best for your family. Let her know as a friend she is still included in their lives but, she needs to also respect your decisions and wants for your children since you are the mother.

Just my opinion.

 

I understand exactly where you are coming from...my friend feels the same way about being the boys godmother and even to be a guardian if god forbid something happens to me or Jay. I am to her daughter but in the last two years I have realized that she and I have VERY different parenting methods and religions, so I don't know what I'm going to do. But for you, I think it best to talk to your friend. Find a non-judgmental reason that you and your DH have decided to have someone else be the godmother. She will be upset but try to stay firm and tell her you think it is the best choice adn why.

Good Luck

Shannon

 

to answer the di/di q'n.
di/di is what my twins are too. On my u/s transcripts it stands for Diamniotic/dichorionic. Without knowing exactly, it refers to the fact that the twins have seperate sac's and placentas. And are likely to be (though not always) Fraternal twins.

 

It is funny how people assume that they are going to be the godparent to your child. I have a similiar situation with my sister-in-law. She not only wants to be godparent to one, but both. She thinks it is silly that we are having separate godparents for both. Do what you want and if she doesn't understand, oh well!