Juggling Twins and an older Singleton

My DH and I decided to take our oldest DS to Toy Story 3 on Ice tomorrow. He is SO excited!! However, I feel so guilty about not taking our 3 year old twins. They also LOVE Toy Story. But I know that if we took all 3 of them, the outing would be "all about them" - they are still young enough that if they need a nap and don't take it, they are grumpy. They sometimes will last through a 2 hour movie and sometimes not, their needs are "greater" in a sense - or at least, more immediate, than our 6.5 year old. And we didn't want the day to be all about them, we wanted it to be about him. So often through the past 3 years, it has seemed like as the older one, he has been forced to take a backseat to 2 infants crying, nursing, not sleeping, toddlers throwing fits, wanting mommy's lap, needing immediate attention, etc. that we try to do these "special days" that are just for him. He deserves them. But now I feel guilty for not taking them because I know they would enjoy it too. :gah:

Does it get easier when the younger ones are not as needy? Do you start to feel like each child gets equal attention and isn't "short-changed" by the demands from the younger twins? He's been such a trooper as a big brother - rarely, if ever, jealousy or anger - he is very patient with them and the three of them play SO well together now (most of the time ) and sometimes I just feel sorry for him!

 

I don't know if it gets easier, my twins are only 3 also, but I imagine it becomes less intensive and less frequent. I do think it is important to have times when each kid is the focus. Even just going grocery shopping with only one older child makes for a few moments of togetherness.

When my kids complain of "not fair, I didn't get that" I think of it as 1- reminding me that maybe that kid is the needy one for now and 2-an opportunity to talk about how different people have different needs and everyone gets what they NEED but maybe not what they WANT. Just because my oldest went out after school for burgers with me doesn't mean everyone needs that and I can remind my second oldest that she recently got to go to a show with me and the others didn't.

The line "But I love (inset sibings name here) more" also does wonders because the automatic reply is "No you don't, you love me just as much." and then I can agree.

 

I just have the twins and I can tell you my daughter is way more demanding (vocal) than my son and it's tough. I think you are doing the right thing taking your oldest out for some one on one time. Life isn't always fair, so all you can do is look for moments to try and balance the scales.

 

I think the one on one time will be great for him & the twins are young enough that they won't really get too upset about it. Parenting more than one child is all about the juggling & the guilt. I always feel like I should be spending more time with every child & that it would be so much easier with fewer kids, but the trade off of that is that they have their siblings to hang out with & when they get older I know they will really appreciate each other. I rarely, if ever, here any of the kids complaining that we spend more time with one of the other kids.

 

Oh no! I feel the guilt everyday over my older one (he's almost 3.5 and my girls just turned 1). His sisters and soooo demanding...I thought maybe one we hit a year it would be easier but the last month it has gotten harder (sickness, teething, bad naps and nighttime sleep making very fussy babies!). I feel like my oldest is always getting short changed. I have now started saying "maybe when the girls are 2 it will get easier"...I guess it will always be challenging . Hopefully trying to find time for one-on-one activities will help!