jealousy, clining, and tantrums - oh my!

My b/g twins are almost 17 months and in the past few weeks have started this very jealous behavior. They push and slap at each other, each vying for my attention and for me to hold them. I feel so badly having to choose one over the other constantly but toting two 25 lbs babies around at the same time is nearing impossible! Dad can sometimes distract and appease them but they return, each fighting over the attention. I worry that I have done something to bring this on? How much do you carry yours around? When they get home from daycare, they, of course, want our total attention and I do as much as I can - fixing dinner, etc. (I work FT) - while holding one of the on my hip; trading off periodically.

I don't want them to be needy and not be able to play by themselves or together but I do love to get in the floor and play with them, hold them, etc. Is this just a phase? What can I do to be "fair" about holding one then the other? Cloning myself is out.... (LOL!)

 

This is pretty typical for this age. I wouldn't worry about because soon it will pass. It was really bad for us around 17/18 months but it's starting to simmer down a bit. It's nothing you have done wrong. Just hang in!

 

Yep, it is just a stage and I think happens no matter what. I don't pick mine up when they are like that and will get down on the floor and play with them both but never choose one or the other. It is either sharing my attention or no attention around here and I think they realize that now. I work full-time too, but I think it is more enjoyable for everyone not to start habits like that so really I have never carried them or picked them up all that much. I usually just get them involved with what I am doing - "helping" me cook dinner, throwing things away, taking things to the table, etc. and that usually distracts them and they both like being helpers and don't get too jealous. We use a distractor too and always have - they both get cups of milk when they get home and usually that keeps their attention and keeps them from fighting over things until I give them little jobs to do!

 

Just wanted to say "Thanks!" for posting. We are going through this, too. I work FT, too, so I have the issues of guilt of feeling like I should be spending so much time with them since I haven't seen them all day.

Mine fight over my lap ALL the time, if I'm on the ground. And throw in the 3-yr-old that is jealous sometimes, depending on his mood, and I just run out of room quickly.

So good to hear that it is a normal phase that will pass!

 

Whew!! I am glad to hear "this too shall pass"! K&T's Mom, that is great advice. I tend to fall in to that guilt thing as well (hear ya, orangeyaglad!) and overcompensate with the cuddling, toting around, playing on floor, etc. makes it a real chore to get dinner made, baths taken, etc. without pulling my hair (or back - ha!) out. hopefully the habit is not set and i can downplay it a bit and distract them with other things. thanks!!

 

My twins are 20.5mths old and still have their days of being little clingons lol!!! Although I do remember them being really bad at about the 17/18 month mark. I am a SAHM and yet my two are still very needy and want my attention all day long. You'd think they'd be sick of me by now and play alone lol!! Gl :air_kiss:

 

Yeah, this is totally a phase! When I can I "overcompensate" and hold them a lot (usually when DH is there), and when I can't I try to make time to sit on the floor with them. 50 pounds of toddler is a killer on my back too! :lol: Otherwise I hold some really cool stuff in reserve (like straws) that I can pull out for a distraction when I'm trying to get things done. Jack was super bad with the clinginess for a looong time (his nickname is "The Jackpendage" ) but he's gotten a lot better as he's gotten older.

 

Mine just started to be like that so I am happy I am not alone with these feelings. I do cuddle one or the other but I make sure I hug both. Thanks everyone for sharing their experiences. It really helps.