Jealous Toddlers

My DH and i have ID Girls 28 months old Sophia and Anya, we are talking of having more and my only concern is how the girls will feel, is that dumb? I know sometimes they don't like to share us and i worry how they would react to having to share us more.

I just worry they would feel left out, or that the singleton baby would feel left out not having a twin. i know seriously silly questions.

I want another baby and since i have the luxury of planning when i have one just wonderd if anyone had any thoughts. I figure any time now is good but was aiming for early next year thinking of the weather and the girls not being so stuck in the house with me tyring to take of newborn.

Anyway thanks for listening (reading)

Jenny
Wife to Nate
Mom to ID Momo Girls Anya & Sophia 28 Months

 

My DH and i have ID Girls 28 months old Sophia and Anya, we are talking of having more and my only concern is how the girls will feel, is that dumb? I know sometimes they don't like to share us and i worry how they would react to having to share us more.

I just worry they would feel left out, or that the singleton baby would feel left out not having a twin. i know seriously silly questions.

I want another baby and since i have the luxury of planning when i have one just wonderd if anyone had any thoughts. I figure any time now is good but was aiming for early next year thinking of the weather and the girls not being so stuck in the house with me tyring to take of newborn.

Anyway thanks for listening (reading)

Jenny
Wife to Nate
Mom to ID Momo Girls Anya & Sophia 28 Months

 

I don't speak from true experience, my twins are and will be my onlies. But I have talked to a lot of friends and my sister who worried about that and whether they could love another child as much, etc. I think that is a totally normal concern. A part of it depends on the personality(ies) of the older child(ren). But, mostly I think it is about how you and your family talk to them about a new baby coming. My niece has had her moments with having a new baby brother, but overall, she is totally adjusted and loves him dearly. Sister and BIL make efforts to include her and to also continue to do her things, dance and gymnastics, etc. They also do individual things with her.

One thing I read somewhere was about giving equal attention to the non-twin. I guess this is more of an issue for outsiders than your family. When ever I see a family with twins, of course I ask about the twins, but then I always make an effort to acknowledge the other child or children by asking them a question about them. Does that make sense?

Keeping these things in mind, I think you and your twinnies will do fine with having a new baby.

 

Thanks Devon.

Its sad how many people out there who aren't moms of multiples think i am nuts for wanting more, i too almost feel like i would have to get knocked up by accident in order to justify it to my family, but i won't do that, we want another one so we will have another one. I love this website I orginally came on today wanting to ask adult twins how they felt about younger siblings but i forgot to post it.

Jenny

 

We have had similar concerns with our six year old. The twins do ge all of the attention in public, but we tell her over and over how very special she is. I guess I am lucky she is a girl and the twins are both boys. I've always told her she is my one and only girl. She thinks she "ordered them from God", so luckily she thinks this is her doing. Even though she has asked me for more siblings (which I will not be providing ), she has been asking me lately who I love more. That might be six yeaer old thing. I do explain I love all three kids and their dad equally. I just really go out of my way to give her some "extras". As far as having the love for more children, definitely. I honestly wondered if I could love any other baby as much as my little girl and I do. It's amazing how you love each kid for their own individualness. I tell my daughter that each child has a special piece of my heart. Maybe you will have a little boy and that will allow him to be "distinguished". My brother had twin girls after his singleton daughter and he is loving all the "girly" stuff. I just try to treat each child as an individual and that way everyone knows they have their own specialness.

 

Oh and you're not crazy for wanting more. I was just talking to a twin mom the other day (who by the way has two children besides the twins) and we both agreed if we had the money and space, we would have had more.

 

I am going to talk about it from both sides for a minute, if you want. If you don't, skip the post

I am an older sister of twin brothers. I grew up feeling like a 5th wheel in my family. My parent had each other, and K&K had each other. I hated it. BUT (and this is the biggest thing) I know if my parents had of ever made the effort to do things with just me and make me feel included I would not have had those feelings. I just didn't feel connected because I wasn't. There was a lot of stress growing up for me because of that. I even went as far as to tell my parents years later how it felt, but it was too late for the childhood like that. I know they love me, but there was no bond there for me with my family: like I was extra special to any of them because there was already somebody more important in their family life than me, and I would always come last.

Even with that: my DH and I had a third after M&T. The biggest reason was because we wanted more, and we knew going in she would be wanted, and TOLD how much. Those bonds I never felt I had; she will. I know I will be a good parent to her for those issues if they come up, either truthfully because they are happening, or because that is how she feels. She can't tell me I haven't been there

My personal feeling (and anybody can dispute this) is that it is going to depend on your view of the third child and how you are going to make baby feel in your family as a parent, andthat out view will effect how the other kids see the new baby.
We personally think it is wonderful that there will get to be a time in M&T's lives that they will not remember having A in it. They are wonderful big sisters. But we had the same concerns. But as for how they will feel? You really don't know until you get there.

 

I don't know. I guess my mentality is a bit different. I don't look at having more children to be a nagative on my first born/s. In other words, I think it's a bit strange that people think their first ones are owed something and that having another would ruin something they deserve (like attention). I guess I have always known in my heart that I would have more than 1 or two children so I'm anxiously awaiting to see what others gifts my husband and I can create for our family. Right now Matt and Will get into fights over me, but I think that's normal and as for their reaction to having to share more...well...I guess my response is "that's life". I don't mean to sound callous, I just think that there's more than enough love to go around, ya KWIM?

 

Wow, Thank you all so much for your thoughts! I Really appreciate it!!!! My DH is going to school for 8 weeks then we are gonna start TTC.

This really is the best site I have been to yet!

Again thanks for replying !