Jack and Lily started "school" and Jack is having a hard time

The church in our area that has the best pre-school often has a long wait list. They finally had two spots open for us and Jack and Lily started a couple of weeks ago. They go T and TH from 8:45-12:45. Lily does great. Jack is having some problems with the entire thing. The first day they were both excited and cried for about three minutes after I dropped them off and then played happily the rest of the day. That being said, Jack has been getting progressively more miserable each day they go. They did have the week off last week for spring break so that may have had something to do with it but, he was miserable on Tues. They said he whined and wimpered most of the four hours he was there and basically had to have a teacher holding him all of the time. Lily did great. Today, they were both saying "no school" on the way there but once we got there Lily was fine and Jack was screaming. I called about an hour after I dropped them off and they said that he was not crying anymore but basically wanted a teacher around him at all times. All of the other kids are fine with being there as most of them started at the beginning of the school year.

The thing is, Jack has always been pretty needy and when there is a crowd around he always needs to be in my lap or attached to me somehow. I was hoping going to school might help this but it is getting worse. My DH has terrible social anxiety issues and I am wondering if Jack could have picked them up as well. Whenever they send projects home I usually only get one from Lily and basically a blank piece of paper from Jack.

Also, although Jack and Lily play so well together at home the teachers have told me that they do not interact much at school. The class is only 12 kids and I would have thought having Lily there would have comforted Jack a bit.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling. I totally get that that just might be Jack's little personality but I would really like to be able to help teach him how to calm himself and maybe even have a little fun while he is at it. Any advice? Any btdt? I have heard from many people that boys are often more uncomfy in these situations and it takes them longer to adjust. How can I help him? I have tried talking to him about how he has to go to school and all of the kids in the neighborhood go to school and how he can be upset if he wants but it would be great if he could just try to have fun when he is there. I have talked about when I will be there to pick him up and what we will do when we get home. DH gets mad at me when I say that because he wants me to keep Jack more in the moment. I agree but am at a loss as to how to make this easier on him. I also worry that the teachers are getting annoyed with us.

Thanks if you go this far.

 

First of all, the teachers will NOT be getting annoyed at you! It's only been a few weeks, and since your kids are older, it's going to take them a little more time to adjust ... plus, it's not full time, so it may take a little more time for them to adjust. Going one day, being home with mom the next day, ya know? Probably slightly confusing for them.

But they WILL get there ... mine have been going to daycare full time since they were 8 months. And they love it. Yet randomly we will still have days where for no reason at all, they are reluctant going in. So I think it's just kinda normal.

I know as parents we don't ever want our kids to be uncomfortable, but he will adjust. And then there will be days where he doesn't want to go home with you when you go to get him ... Hugs!

 

I think any time there is a change it can be hard on kids. When I put my DS in preschool at the age of 4 (he had been in daycare since he was 6 months old) he did not adjust well. It took probably a month before he got used to the idea. I would just praise him and tell him he was such a big boy for going to school. This was something I was sure that he needed, and it would break my heart every morning I dropped him off there, but eventually he started liking it, it just took a lot longer than I thought it would. Hang in there, I'm sure he will adjust, I don't really know what to tell you besides praise and time. Maybe some sort of reward or sticker chart for going to preschool?

 

Give it time Amy. It must be quite an adjustment and just because Lily is a social butterfly, doesn't mean that Jack's reaction isn't normal too (too many negatives- ack- I hope that made sense). I don't worry about 'bugging' the teachers... its what they are there for.. to help you and your child(ren) adjust. Do they have suggestions for you?

 

He is very young, do you NEED him to be in school? It could just be that he is not ready to go yet. If you don't need the time, that is, you aren't working, maybe try keeping him home a few weeks. It could be that dropping his sister off, may make him want to be there. You may also find that he simply isn't ready, and will be better off waiting until the next school year.

If you have to have him go, then I would say to stick it out, eventually he will adjust.

 

We haven't tried "school" yet, so I can't say for sure... but I just wanted to offer some :hug:.

We did try using the gym's daycare for a little while and I found that the more consistent I was with going, the better they did in terms of coping with that. I wasn't very consistent, though, because they kept getting sick there.

Good luck - I bet he will be doing great very soon. It's a big transition, but I am sure with time and consistency, he will be fine.

 

QUOTE(sharongl @ Apr 16 2009, 08:58 PM) [snapback]1276315[/snapback]
He is very young, do you NEED him to be in school? It could just be that he is not ready to go yet. If you don't need the time, that is, you aren't working, maybe try keeping him home a few weeks. It could be that dropping his sister off, may make him want to be there. You may also find that he simply isn't ready, and will be better off waiting until the next school year.

If you have to have him go, then I would say to stick it out, eventually he will adjust.


Unfortutantely I do need them to go to school. I work from home so I am there with them most of the week. I just found out that I am losing my job on May 18th so not only do I need some time to do my job, but also to find and interview for a new one! They only go to school 2 days a week and it is ending at the end of May. The thing is that he is very clingy and whiny any time something is new or different. It takes him at least a day or two to get used to his grandparents when they come to visit and we have used the same nanny for quite some time now (she comes once a week) and he is still a bit nervous around her. I cannot keep him from experiencing any changes and it seems all changes shake him up. I understand that this is just his little personality and I do not want to push him but I do want to try and help him become more comfortable in these situations. He is still pretty young for that though so I think I will just perservere through the end of May and we will try again in September!

 

I really know where you are coming from! Both boys were kicked out of a gymnastics class, because they couldn't handle being left there (I was on the other side of the door). And Jonathan was kicked out of a summer camp program. Fortunately, I found a friend who ran a daycare, who would let me drop him off with her. She worked with him to understand that mommy always came back, and each week, the crying got less, until it was done. But it took someone who recognized the purpose of his tears, and would work with it--also kept him busy.

Another thing to keep in mind is his communcation skills. If he is unable to easily communicate, that can contribute to his trouble with transition. To this day, we sometimes struggle with it, but it has gotten much better! Since you need to work, keep working with him. We have a video called "baby songs" and one of the songs is about "Mommy comes back", and we would always sing this song to him--that really seemed to help. One other thought is to create a routine for him, so he knows what to expect. That will help as well.

Good luck!