IVF ladies -- advice?

My best friend and her partner are about to start trying IVF -- they think the first try will be in April. They don't know anyone who has done it, and feel a bit like they are flying blind. I thought I'd ask here if anyone had any advice to share. What do you wish you had known/done as you were heading into IVF?

Thanks!

Kim

 

My best friend and her partner are about to start trying IVF -- they think the first try will be in April. They don't know anyone who has done it, and feel a bit like they are flying blind. I thought I'd ask here if anyone had any advice to share. What do you wish you had known/done as you were heading into IVF?

Thanks!

Kim

 

Support from family & friends helps. It is a lot of time constrants of going in for appts. Just an listening ear would help. Ask questions at the doctor's office. No questions are wrong. Good luck to them.

 

Oh Golly, that is tough questions. Here are a few things off the top of my mind...
1. It is time consuming with all the shots, blood tests, appointments, etc. It is all-consuming at times, or so it seems.
2. The retrieval hurts. (at least it did me) She should take off work for a day or two after the procedure if she can.
3. There is a great website called ivfconnections.com that was a life saver for me. It offered support from women who know exactly what you are going through.(Just like this website is for me now since IVF worked! )
4. Take one day at a time. Listen to beautiful music, meditate, do things to take your mind off the journey. (I listened to a song called "Breathe" and "Let it Be" over and over again because I was so scared and stressed.) It worked for me. Have her find something that will work for her.
5. She must learn that if it is meant to be it will be.
Oh, gosh, I will keep thinking. To me, it was my fear and emotions that were the most difficult. Just support her and listen.

I also did accupuncture before and after the retrieval and implantation. Who knows if that worked, but it helped me redirect my mind at least.

jen

 

She's going to feel a little "off" (at least) through most of it. She needs to rest and take care of herself! There are a TON of shots to be administered. If she can, she should know how to do it for herself. My DH only gave me a few of the shots (he traveled a LOT at the time) and I was happy that I wasn't freaked out or not able to do it for myself.

Good luck to her! Make sure she LIES DOWN like they say.....not worth the risk not to (after implantation)....

 

Oh, yeah...my DH gave me every single shot. I just couldn't do it to myself. I even met a nurse at a Target bathroom when my husband was stuck at a meeting...what the security people must have thought!?!?!

I would alternate inner thigh areas each night. For some strange reason, that was the easiest for me to get the shots. I also iced right afterwards. Oh, gosh the memories are coming back.ahhhhhhh

jen

 

I would try to remind her ( and her partner) to pamper herself. The shots and emotional 'high and low' reactions are difficult.

Remind her to try to relax as much as she can.rest often. and try to keep her spirits up.

I kept a journal that helped keep it all in perspective. It is interesting to look back and rekindle the feelings I had at the time.


I also second ivfconnections.com, it has stories from all sorts of situations and it helps to know that you are not the only one going through the same thing.


Kc

 

IVF can be very stressful. The one thing I wasn't prepared for was the hours that you have to show up for countless blood work and other procedures before the actual egg retrieval and placement. I often said that I don't know how people could hold down a job and go through IVF. Even though I did work (as a teacher in Queens) I had to schedule all morning blood stuff and other appts. for like 7 in the am and often I had to get permission from my principal to leave early or to come in late and I had to take many days off. That was the most stressful part for me. But I spoke to my principal and asst. principal so that they knew what I was going through and it was nice to have their support. (BTW I had mine done at North Shore Hospital in Manhasset, Long Island.) I was very lucky in that I got pg in the first shot. I insisted that they put in 3 eggs not 2 so that I had a better chance of getting pg the first time around and not having to go through it again. Well, here I am with twins . Two of my girlfriends who also went through it right around the same time both did not have successful pgs with their first attempt and it was very devestating for them. That's also where a lot of support and encouragement comes in. Fortunately, they both got pg their second try and one of my friends right now is also pg (from the same Doctor) with TWIN GIRLS!!! She was going to give up and I insisted that she try again.

One of the things I LOVED about where I did the IVF was the genuine kindness and support. I always felt like they were cheering me on. They really wanted me to get pregnant. From the secretaries to the nurses and Doctors, everyone made me feel like they were really rooting for me and that really helped. I really wish your friend the BEST BEST of luck.

 

I used an icecube to numb the area to give myself shots...I thought I could never do it, but it was easier than I thought. I did the shots in my abdomen...fleshier area than the thighs...and I only bruised once!

Take each day as it comes and to still live your life..there is more to each day than an injection.

You will have days where you feel lousy because of the drugs, I just went to bed earlier on those days. I also let the girls in my office know that I may be hormonal, snappy, moody etc and that if I was toward them, to just take it with a grain of rice and tell me later that I was off. They were all so good about it and of course I felt awful for being so moody but there wasn't much I could do about it.

Do some thing nice for yourself during this time..I went for regular massages, read books (fiction), did sudoku, anything to keep my mind relaxed.

I never thought of the end result, even when they did the transfer..I just took each step for what it was.

Be prepared for bumps in the road, I had a cyst during the cycle and had to have it aspirated before we could continue, it delayed everything by a few days but we got through it.

I took time off from the day before retrieval to a week after transfer. I didn't want the stress of work and I totally did nothing after the transfer. DH did everything while I relaxed on the couch, napped, watched movies etc.

Do let your work know what is going on..even if it one person from HR or your direct boss, luckily for me I worked in admin for a psychologists office so I had all the empathy in the world.

Also remember, it's not the quantity of eggs, it's the quality...I only had 4 eggs and at first I was devastated, but all 4 fertilized and here I am with twins...I have two frozen embies!

Call the nurses anytime you have a question, better to put your mind at ease than sit and worry.

I shared pretty much every detail, physically and emotionally with our families. Everyone was so supportive and understanding, even if they didn't really understand the procedures.

I also found ivf.ca very helpful, lots of support from girls going through the exact same things.

 

Try to get the auto inject pen (we used Gonal F). I was able to give them in my stomach and I never felt a thing!

 

We had to go through 2 IUI's and 3 IVF's before we had our twins about 1 1/2 year later. She's lucky if they get it the first time otherwise just be prepared for a rollercoaster ride of emotions. A LOT of ups and downs. Give her a lot of support. If it doesn't work the first time, give it another try and let her know it's all worth it.

 

Everyone gave wonderful advice. You cant help but focus every second on it as you are going through it. Not only do I think of the currecnt cycle but I remember thinking, "If it does not work how are we going to do this again next month". "Which days will I have to tell my principal (boss) I will need to come in late. Hopefully your friend has a good work environment (boss). I think less stress at the workplace makes it easier.

I go back on forth about letting others know. If I was to do it again, I would tell family and friends but I would not be specific as to which part of the cycle I was currently on (shots, retrieval, etc.) I was very open every step of the way. The negative was then everyone was waiting for results and if it does not work it is devestating (we had a successful 1st IVF but we had many IUI's that did not).

I wish I took more time for myself like going to coffee shops, reading enjoyable books, ets. rather than reading books on 'how to get pregnant.' Looking back those books were such downers.



I did not mind the shots

Be prepared for hotflashes from the shots

I wish I had that glass of wine instead of thinking "Oh, maybe I am pregnant". Because if it is not successful, i think it is easy to think back on things you choose not to do and it ended up being for no reason.

Be prepared for emotions to run high with DH. Fortunately, I have a wonderful relationship with my husband. You need to be there for eachother. If effects both maybe in different ways but they need to remember to stick together and be prepared for the difficulties they may run into as a couple.

 

Thanks so much, everyone! I will compile your advice and send it off to them. As you probably know from experience, they have already travelled a frustrating road, and will be very happy to get some guidance for the next step.

Kim

 

I'll add only two more things to the great advice already given:

if possible logistically and financially, she should see a trained acupuncturist (there is some good evidence that acupuncture increases the success rate, and it will make her feel better in general).

Also, I'm a strong believer in the power of Intention: yes, there are odds against her getting pregnant, but whatever the percentage of IVF cycles that DO produce a healthy pregnancy is - well SOMEONE has to ht that jackpot, so why shouldn't it be her. To concentrate on that, rather than the (very scary and real) possibility that this one won't work would be really helpful, I think. I know that's where I dwelled - and I got really lucky the first time (after lots of other not so lucky experiences!)

Mosty, she should know that she is NOT alone, and that the drugs WILL do a number on her emotions and there is no way of really being prepared for it. Good luck to her!

 

IVF was a very involved thing - as others have said LOTS of meds, shots labwork and procedures - but ya know what -I WOULD DO IT AGAIN TOMORROW! these girls are such a miracle and their very first picture is them as embryos only 3 days old!! How cool is that!!


infertility is an emotional rollercoaster!! just be there for her and be supportive - I stepped onto that rollercoaster for 7 yrs. - and
it was a self inflicted ride - I had my tubes tied after the birth of my 3rd son - IT WAS AWFUL!! that rollercoaster dipped me down into the deep dark cave of the depression MONSTER!! and I had 3 kids - I CANNOT imagine being on that rollercoaster and not have any already
PLEASE just be there for her.

I did it all without ANYONE except dh knowing it - I really wish I
could have talked to someone - it would have been so nice to have had
someone to talk to - but my family would have never understood my decision!

BEST WISHES!!!!

 

Acupuncture (from someone who knows the IVF protocol -- there is a specific one that has been proven to help)

Make IVF your priority. It's extremely time-consuming. You need to be on call pretty much all day for updates to your meds, trips to the pharmacy, blood work, etc. I was in & out of the office practically every day. (Thank goodness my boss was very understanding.) Definitely don't schedule any work travel or vacations.

Trust that you will understand things as you get into it. It is a huge amount of information to process at first, but (if it's a good clinic) the nurse or counselor will explain it all to you, step by step. Ask lots of questions, and take notes. Call later with follow-up questions if you have any. You have a right to understand your treatment.

But, try not to second-guess your treatment, either. They are the experts, and you're putting yourself in their hands.

The Advanced Fertility Center of Chicago has a great website (not sure of the exact address) that explains a lot of the terminology and procedures.

Physically I found it pretty easy. The drugs did not bother me (and I was on a super-stim protocol). Giving myself shots did not bother me. Retrieval barely hurt at all, and I only had mild cramping after transfer. This isn't the case for everyone, but she should also know that some women have it pretty easy -- maybe she will too!

And good luck!

 

I can honestly say, that I did not find it as stressful as a lot of people told me. Take one day at a time.
I could not do the injections myself, and I found that freezing the injection site with an icecube was very helpful.
The retrieval for me was also very painful.
Ask a lot of questions, and one thing I thought was absolutely great, is that they did it exactly the way we wanted it. No excessive ovarian stimulation was one of our requests.
Wish her luck.

 

I skimmed the pp so I'm not sure if this was mentioned there is a support group called Resolve that was very helpful to me they also have a website. Also try to do normal things. IVF so revolves around what cycle day you are on wht the bloodtest said what the ultrasound said etc. Every month we wer not able to get the green light (12 months straight) I took the day off from work and went home a cried and stayed in bed. We finally moved to a different dr. Hinsdale Reproductive Center in Hinsdale they were fantastic and they are small and gave personal attention. When I had a question I could call and they would take my phone call right away I didn't have to wait for someone to call me back.
The shots I did myself DH worked late and I gained weight from the collection of 22 eggs-but it was all worth it on our 1st try we had Hannah and Jenna!
Wish them good luck.

 

Hi,

You're probably inundated with information, but I had to add something, too (we live across the river from NYC, BTW). I would say if I could tell anyone else who had to go through this to take it very easy on themselves, be very kind to themselves, and not to be too shocked by a rollercoaster ride and a lot of "jump starting." Resolve is a great board and take it one day at a time. That said, I was on my 4th try (2nd frozen)and had decided that would be the last time because after several years the "not knowing" game was too much, when... we got 2 fraternal girls from 3 eggs, which is a low number of eggs to put in someone my age. Acupuncture, meditation, and yoga are all good destressors, and there is an Acupuncturist in Chinatown who was recommended by a Columbia U. doc. It may make no sense and be no help at this early stage in the game, but actually, coming to terms with stopping IVF and going the adoption route helped me get through that one last cycle (as did getting pregnant). Also, she should know about the beta number pregnancy test game ahead of time: the numbers have to double every few days, so getting hung up on the first test (like my DH and I did a few times) can add unnecessary stress.

I wish your friend all the luck and easiness in the world.

 

Honestly, this was one of the hardest times in my life...dealing with infertility. In my opinion, the doctor visits and giving yourself injections every day (which I did with no problem) was very tiring, but the most tiring and stressful part for me was dealing with the emotions of infertility. I didn't have any pain or discomfort during the retrieval or transfer of the eggs...I felt nothing at all. The painful part for me was the OHSS I experienced afterward, but it was SO completely worth it...I just gave birth to twin girls on Thanksgiving after my first IVF cycle (I had IUI, etc before that). Please advise your friend to stay focused on the reward...a sweet baby or babies

One web-site that helped me immensely was the INCIID website...InterNational Council of Infertility Information Disseminations...it has several forums that can be a HUGE support for individuals doing IVF cycles, etc. Some forums are monitored by doctors, while others are chats with other patients going through the same process.

Here is the general web-site...
http://www.inciid.org/

***Here is the IVF forum on INCIID monitored by Dr. John Gordon who was actually my doctor in VA...I can attest that he is not only a fantastic doctor, but he is also a really great person. I was constantly asking and reading postings on this site during my cycle...I think your friend will find that she has so many questions that it's hard to ask them all during doctor visits...I would highly recommend she visit this site...

http://www.inciid.org/forums/ivf_high_tech/index.html

Best of Luck to your friend and her partner!

 

Everyone has given you pretty good advice, but I don't think anyone mentioned research. Your friend really needs to research the different clinics/doctors she can use--there is a website (sorry don't know what it is offhand) that gives statistics of live births per IVF cycle. Some clinics percentages aren't that great but there is no way to know it unless you do the research. I hope she is successfull!