I've read the books...talked to people...but now that they are here..I am overwhelmed

OK.,...so I have read the forums, read lots of books and talked to friends with twins and just one baby, but now that my three-week babies are here, I am completely overwhelmed.
Do I even attempt at 3 weeks to try to get them to sleep 4 hours at night? If so, do I keep them on a schedule during the day of 3 hours between feedings?
When do you play with them? Before or after feeding?
When will I stop getting weepy at every little thing?
My little guys are eating like crazy,. I am breast feeding and supplementing..they have gained nice weight. Do I let them eat only a certain amount or eat until they pass out?
I feel more of a bond with my little guy, and don't know why. It just seems that my girl is always fussing and I don't feel as much a bond with her...is something wrong with me?

Anyone have any advice??? I trust you guys more than anyone!

-Ingrid

 

QUOTE(Ingrid111 @ Sep 6 2007, 03:49 PM) [snapback]395316[/snapback]
OK.,...so I have read the forums, read lots of books and talked to friends with twins and just one baby, but now that my three-week babies are here, I am completely overwhelmed.
Do I even attempt at 3 weeks to try to get them to sleep 4 hours at night? If so, do I keep them on a schedule during the day of 3 hours between feedings?
When do you play with them? Before or after feeding?
When will I stop getting weepy at every little thing?
My little guys are eating like crazy,. I am breast feeding and supplementing..they have gained nice weight. Do I let them eat only a certain amount or eat until they pass out?
I feel more of a bond with my little guy, and don't know why. It just seems that my girl is always fussing and I don't feel as much a bond with her...is something wrong with me?

Anyone have any advice??? I trust you guys more than anyone!

-Ingrid



You are doing a wonderful job... right now your hormones are still raging, but it does get better. Give it another 3 weeks or so and you will stop crying at the drop of a pin. I would let them eat all they want to eat. When mine was that age we still ate every couple of hours around the clock. You will become more and more attached to your little girl. It is just your emotions and with her being fussier it will be a bit harder. Just remember you are doing a great job. I know when I had mine I loved them but I wasn't in love with them. Now we are 3 months and I couldn't live without out them. Their smell, their smiles everything melts my heart when I look at them. Good luck and congratulations. Missy

 

Congrats on you babies!!
First off, there is nothing wrong with you. The first few months are very overwhelming...between feedings, fussytimes, and some more feedings, things are in survival mode. When mine were that little, I honestly didn't try any type of schedule, they wouldn't let me. I fed them when they wanted, pretty much. It was around 3 months or so until they would go 3 hours. At night was pretty much the same thing, when they woke up we fed them. As for how much you are feeding them, I think if they drink a whole bottle {of say 3oz} then add about a half oz more to the next and see if they take it all. Are they fussy after feedings? Do they seem to be hungry? As for when to play with them...I would play with them after they ate. That's when they seemed to be the happiest. We tried to do the sleep, eat, play routine. Though at three weeks it was mostly me talking to them and cuddling. As for the bonding, I, too, bonded more with my ds then with my dd. Mainly it was because she was VERY fussy for the first three months. Looking back, that was it...at the time, I thought something was wrong with me. I remember having to make myself spend some one on one time with her. But our bond did get stronger as she grew out of that phase. It sounds horrible saying it, but it is what it is. Do you have anyone helping you out? For a few hours a day? A week? That was what saved my sanity...a break. When your dh comes home, step outside for a few...or even during the day...put the babes in their swings, pnp, etc and just go out and take a few very deep breathes. :hug99:

 

OK.,...so I have read the forums, read lots of books and talked to friends with twins and just one baby, but now that my three-week babies are here, I am completely overwhelmed.
Do I even attempt at 3 weeks to try to get them to sleep 4 hours at night? If so, do I keep them on a schedule during the day of 3 hours between feedings?

I would not put any pressure on yourself or the babies to sleep any certain amnt of time. It may take months to get on any kind of schedule. It's really hard in these first few weeks. Accept any help at night that you can and hopefully DH is helping with the nighttime diapers, etc.

When do you play with them? Before or after feeding?
At that age, I really just held and loved on them pretty much any chance I got

When will I stop getting weepy at every little thing? Your hormones will adjust eventually. You might have a little PPD which is totally normal. Make sure to talk to someone if it gets worse or you feel like you can't handle it. You don't have to go through this alone!

My little guys are eating like crazy,. I am breast feeding and supplementing..they have gained nice weight. Do I let them eat only a certain amount or eat until they pass out?
Follow your ped's advise, but I would say let them eat what they will. Too much and they'll just spit it up anyway. Glad to hear they're gaining nicely!

I feel more of a bond with my little guy, and don't know why. It just seems that my girl is always fussing and I don't feel as much a bond with her...is something wrong with me?
There's absolutely nothing wrong with you! At first, I felt a much tighter bond with Ainsley, I think because I was so worried about Anni for so long that I was almost afraid to fall in love with her. Over time, you will love both.

You're doing great; the first weeks are so difficult even for seasoned parents and no book can prepare you for even one baby, let alone 2. Hang in there and :hug99: to you!!

 

Oh Ingrid!!! We have ALL so been there. You are not alone, please know that. We have all btdt or are going through it with you. The first few months are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HARD!!! It was so overwhelming and I was so tired and crying several times a day for weeks I thought I was going to completely crack and even though I went through so much to even get pg (finally invitro worked for us) and knew that it was a miracle to have these little babies, I questioned what the heck I got myself into and wondered if I had made the right decision to be a mother. I will try share with you only my knowledge and understanding of some things that I learned along the way:

You could TRY to get them on a 4 hour feeding schedule but it doesn't mean that they will adhere to it. Deffinately try but have realistic expectations that if they aren't ready for YOUR schedule then they just aren't. Eventually they will. As for feedings during the day, some people may suggest yes, try to get them to eat as many calories as possible during the day so they wake for less feedings but it doesn't work for every baby. They will eat when they are hungry and they will NOT eat when they are not and you simply can't force them.

Don't worry about when to play with them. If they are awake, interact with them but you can't very well sit there and interact with them EVERY second that they are awake. Sometimes you might just need to put them in front of the t.v. or under one of those gym mat things and let them watch the lights and hear the music and let them see all the swirling colors while you do whatever you need to do whether that be laundry, take a shower, dishes, bottles, or just sit and cry your butt off for a few minutes and release all that stress!

I think the constant weepiness will stop when your hormones from the pregnancy and delivery have balanced themselves out and when they start sleeping through longer stretches of time and you are not so sleep deprived. Sleep deprivation can make you COO COO!!!! There's a reason they use sleep deprivation as a means of torture in some countries!! You will be amazed at how much more tolerant you can be for certain things when you start getting more rest.

I don't know about the bfing thing but I'm sure that is making you EVEN MORE exhausted. I tried it for the first few weeks and then just couldn't keep up and was never getting enough milk for them but that in itself is hard work. You should visit the bfing forum for more help on that one. If they are gaining weight, then whatever you are doing is perfect!

As for the boding thing...again, totally normal in my opinion. I've heard of this happening to a lot of people and it happened to me several times. When they were newborns, I had more of a bond with Lorien and Arwen just drove me crazy. I swear I use to say I just wanted to throw her out the window sometimes. She just cried and cried constantly and it was really hard to fall in love with her when I was completely sleep deprived and just wanted her to shut up and sleep (or even just shut up). Well, it turned out she had reflux and I felt simply aweful and something in me started to warm to her. I guess it was the need to take care of my sick baby who wasn't bening fussy and crying to purposely drive me nuts but SHE WAS IN PAIN!!!! :cray: My heart broke for her. Once she started the meds, she was a different baby and then guess what!!! Yep, Lorien became my fussy, crying all the time baby and SHE drove me nuts and my bond with her started to disappear. She would cry and cry and spit up 10-12 times a day and all I was doing was spending my day changing her clothes and her bibs ALL FREAKIN DAY. Turned out that she had reflux as well :cray: My bond took a lot longer to come back with Lorien because she was just a crier in addtion to having reflux. To this day she still cries for everything and though it drives me nuts, it's different now.

To answer your final question: Is there something wrong with me? The answer to that is a BIG FAT, NO!!!!! There is nothing wrong with you. You have simply entered the very hard challenge of taking care of not only a newborn (which is hard in itself) but TWINS!!!!!! Your life has been turned upside down and everything is new and different and scary and on top of it all, you are most likely extremely SLEEP DEPRIVED. Your hormones are all over the place and when they cry and fuss, it's a total guessing game as to what it is that they need or is wrong and that can make you feel not only overwhelmed but completely out of control and powerless.

We are all here for you so ask all you need to ask or vent if you need to vent and as often as you need to. You will always find a sympathetic ear to just listen or offer you support or to just boost your ego and tell you how incredibly AWESOME you are and CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR SWEET BABY TWINS!!!!!

 

Congratulations on your twins!!! You are in the HARDEST part and know that IT WILL get easier.

Do I even attempt at 3 weeks to try to get them to sleep 4 hours at night?
No, I wouldn't, they'll do that when they are ready.
If so, do I keep them on a schedule during the day of 3 hours between feedings?
I kept mine on a 3 hour schedule (or sooner if they were hungry) and it seemed to work fine, and they did sleep through 6 hours straight by 2 months.
When do you play with them? Before or after feeding?
We always did wake, eat, play. But don't put too much pressure on yourself entertaining them, a lot of the time them just looking at things, you talking, hugging, and singing to them is more than enough.
When will I stop getting weepy at every little thing?
I've read usually after a few weeks. I got PPD, so I can't tell you the norm on that.
Do I let them eat only a certain amount or eat until they pass out?
I always let mine eat as much as they wanted each time.
I feel more of a bond with my little guy, and don't know why. It just seems that my girl is always fussing and I don't feel as much a bond with her...is something wrong with me?
Oh my gosh, you are totally normal! I worried about the same thing, but pretty soon you will be soooo in love with both of them, you will look back and laugh at yourself!
You have to remember that you are in the middle of survival mode. The first 6 weeks for me were pure he@#, but it does get better, and better, and better, I promise. Right now just concentrate on making it through each day, hour, minute. I'm glad your on the board, this is a great site for new moms, it really has helped me tremendously! :hug99:

 

Congratulations! And yes, it is TOTALLY normal to feel overwhelmed. Like all the pps said, it gets lots easier, and you'll learn the ropes before you know it.

QUOTE
Do I even attempt at 3 weeks to try to get them to sleep 4 hours at night? If so, do I keep them on a schedule during the day of 3 hours between feedings?


I wouldn't even attempt anything like a schedule at this age. Young babies need to eat when they're hungry, NOT by the clock. Twins being twins, I would try to keep them eating at the same times, though. In those early weeks, I would always feed them at the same time, day or night. If one was hungry and the other was sleeping, I'd wake the sleeping baby and feed both.

QUOTE
When do you play with them? Before or after feeding?


Just try to watch for their happy alert times (awake, looking around, calm and not fussy). For some babies, that will be after sleeping and before feeding (ie food coma ). For others, it will be on a full tummy. Make sure to give them little bits of tummy time here and there, even if they protest.

QUOTE
My little guys are eating like crazy,. I am breast feeding and supplementing..they have gained nice weight. Do I let them eat only a certain amount or eat until they pass out?


Good for you BFing! :clapping: Just feed them as much as they want. Don't restrict their intake. Babies are GENIUSES at knowing exactly how much they need to eat and when (especially BF babies).

QUOTE
I feel more of a bond with my little guy, and don't know why. It just seems that my girl is always fussing and I don't feel as much a bond with her...is something wrong with me?


It was the same for me in the beginning - I felt much much closer to one baby than to the other (the less fussy one, of course ). That has definitely changed. It's hard to explain - my feelings for them are very different, but I love them both to pieces, equally. So much in our culture tells you that you have to fall madly in love with your baby (or babies) from day one, and it often just doesn't work that way. Newborns are a ton of work and very little reward - they don't even smile yet!

I would say, though, that bonding problems can be a sign of PPD (which I had a really severe case of). It's normal to feel weepy and overwhelmed and not to have love at first sight - but if you have any concern about your feelings being excessive, talk to a doctor you trust. IF you happen to get PPD (and not saying you necessarily will!), the sooner you get treated, the better.

Congrats again on the babies! And good luck getting through these first grueling weeks. It is so, so, so tough. But you are not alone. The ladies out here on TS are wonderful.

 

Hang in there this time is soooo temporary. :hug99: I remember 3-6 weeks just being a really hard time. You have already gotten a lot of great advice but I will just say that looking back the one thing I would suggest is: let any housework to DH. Just relax when they are sleeping even if it is only for a half hour. We don't have to be super moms. I wouldn't try to keep them on any type of sleep schedule and just let them eat as much as they want to eat. I also nurse and I would pump and nurse one and bottle feed the other to save some time and then alternate for the next feeding. If you get the hang of tandem nursing that is even better but I never could. I would play with them after they eat because it doesn't take a whole lot to tire them out at that age. Hang in there.

 

Just wanted to say hang in there. It really does get better although it is hard to see a day ahead let alone a few weeks. Dont put too much pressure on yourself for schedules, playing, etc...Just take it one day at a time and a schedule will appear!

Rachel

 

You are doing great! We've all been there. For me, the first 3 months were the hardest. My babies are 7 months old now (I can't believe how fast it goes by), and things are MUCH easier!

I also breastfeed my babies. Things definitely got easier once I figured out how to tandem feed them. This takes some practice. I didn't get the hang of it until they were a couple of months old. Mine were pretty small and slept so soundly, I needed both hands for a while to keep them awake enough to eat.

Feed them when they want to eat, but definitely try to feed both of them at the same time. One thing that helped my DH and I early on was to bottle feed during the night. It was much faster than me nursing one, then nursing the other. He would feed one while I fed the other, then I would pump for 10 minutes and go back to bed. This saved A LOT of time in the middle of the night, but my milk supply was not cut down at all.

I also bonded with my son more deeply/more quickly than my daughter. Maybe it was because we already had a boy. Maybe it was because he was sicker. I actually always believed the opposite of what you're going through. He was my crier. He needed me more. She NEVER, EVER cried. I think by consoling him so much, etc. we developed a stronger bond. Now things are better with that, too. I made special points to take her out with me to run errands, etc. That way, we spent that all important one-on-one time that she didn't demand from me.

Hang in there. It'll get better.

 

:hug99: There is no way to be truly prepared for newborn twins!! Somethings you just have to experience for yourself Don't be too hard on yourself or put a lot of expectations on yourself. Now is the time to just be in the moment - taking care of you & your babies and don't worry about anything else. I wouldn't try to force any type of schedule right now. As far as play, just cuddle, smile, sing, show them toys & things around the house. I would feed as much as they want. AS far as the bonding - first of all you should know it's very common to feel more of a bond with one early on. When you have someone else there - have them take your son a little more so you can have some quiet alone time w/DD- if you nurse her to sleep & you both have a cuddle-doze (ie no fussing )it will help. IF you feel that you need to speak to someone about PPD please do so! It is very common & your Dr has heard it all before so do not feel you cannot go to him/her. Mostly - take some deep breaths & enjoy!! I know this stage is very, very hard while you are in it - but believe it or not you will miss it later. (If you can remember it HA HA)

 

Hang in there! You are going through the worst of it. I still shudder when I think of those days. Here's what got me through:

Repeat to yourself: "If they are crying, I know they are breathing."

We let them eat/BF as much as they wanted. (But I think if they are still nursing after 25-30 minutes, it is just for comfort, not nutrition. I would look that up in your books, and adjust it somewhat for twins, since you have more milk than a singleton mom.)

Someone told me : Eat, Play, Sleep, in that order. Repeat.
Worked for us.

They will develop their own sleeping schedule. Mine were sleeping through the night by 10-12 weeks (but we had switched to formula by that point.)

At about 6/7 weeks swings saved my life when I was by myself. Playing with them involved switching them from bouncers, to floor, to swing, to lap and then to bed. They are not very interactive at that point, but like to look at things.

Big hugs to you. It gets sooooooo much better, I promise.

 

So glad I'm not the only one. My twins are 3 1/2 weeks and have been in a growth spurt ( guess that's what it is, they've been waking up every 1 1/2-2 hours at night for the past 3 nights and go only 2-3 hours during the day too). I feel overwhelmed and at night esp. have a hard time. I am also breastfeeding, sometimes tandem, sometimes separately and sometimes 1 bottle of EBM and 1 b-feeding depending on if they are latching well, etc. my babies seem to take turns being fussy. i too wondered about a schedule- at this point the feeding every 3 hours of last 2 weeks would be nice to go back to.
thanks ladies- good to know it will get better.

 

I had preemies, 30 weekers... I also wondered what I had gotten myself into.

I would say that as soon as we were adjusted age 8-9 weeks, we started to have four hours at night between feeds. During the day, we fed them 6, 9, 12, 3, 6, and then a bedtime bottle just before 9. (I fed seperate because I nursed for one and pumped for the other. We always started the day around the same time within about a half hour. We used some babywise advice, some Healthy Sleep Habits advice. My husband helped. It took several weeks for us to realize that he needed to help me by taking a "shift". Moms don't get "free time" or breaks with twins so I slept from 4pm to 9 pm and then if I could sneak a half hour in here or there, I would. He started helping more and more... His work is based from home so it was possible.

Good Luck. Mine just started sleeping thru the night on a regular basis at 8 months, 6 adjusted.