i've never felt this guilty before

i can't stop thinking about it.
i lost my patience this afternoon with my LO's. i was BFing them for an hour and when i burped them, assuming they were done after an hour, they weren't. they started screaming like there was no tomorrow and i just lost my patience and yelled at them. i mean how do i yell at a 9 week old bc they are hungry.

i feel so bad bc i yelled.
please tell me i'm not a bad mommy and that they won't remember when they wake up from their nap?

 

you are not a bad mommy! if you were you wouldn't have any guilt about yelling at them!

the first few months are REALLY hard and there are going to be many days when you feel like you are at the end of your rope. i know i yelled a couple of times too, and afterwards i always felt so guilty and just like a real idiot.

don't worry, they won't remember when they wake up, but you will find it hard to forget. take it easy on yourself.

 

I vent my frustration through crying. I actually vent all my emotions through tears. I really can't count on my fingers how many times in just the first 2 months that I cried with my crying infants (b/c I don't have enough fingers). Not just shedding tears, I'm talking hyperventilating crying. You are so tired and stressed, it's normal to need to let out a scream. I read on here once of a lady who went into her garage when she needed a release and just screamed while her babes were safely in the PNP. She then recomposed herself and felt much better. Don't feel guilty as we've all had at least one moment like that!

 

i remember totally losing it around month 3 when jacob wouldn't nap and wouldn't eat and wouldn't stop crying. DH wouldn't help and i ended up putting jacob down in one room and going to the opposite end of the house and screaming/crying.

it's really hard in the beginning. you have to be able to forgive yourself.


edit to add, month 3 for our boys meant 1 1/2 months adjusted.

 

:hug: They won't remember it.

 

This is so true! :hug: Don't beat yourself up about it, we've all been there. Just give them some extra hugs & kisses and move on.

 

:hug: They wont remember. We have all been there. Sleep deprivation does a number on you. Hang in there. I used to scream into a pillow daily.

 

Don't feel too badly. I lost my cool in the early days with DS. I had just nursed him and was nursing DD and DS would just scream because I wasn't holding him. I felt bad. The first few months are tough, especially when you are so tired.

 

:hug: We all have those days!!

 

I'm so sorry your LO's are giving you a hard time; this age is so tough, and they are so needy. I know you've been on the breastfeeding forum for support, and I really think it sounds like they're not latching well, so they're not getting full very fast. I think the ladies there have given you some good advice, I just wanted to tell you that you're not a bad mom, and your babies will never know you lost it. Consider it a lesson learned, move on, and try to vent your frustrations in a more positive way. Or go into the garage and scream!

One night when my boys were about the age of yours, I was just so tired and crazy with lack of sleep that I lost it too. They had just fed, and Jack was groaning and making those preemie goat noises so loud that we couldn't get back to sleep. I sat up and yelled "shut the f*** up!" at the top of my lungs. :hush: Not the highlight of my parenting career. :blush:

So know that it happens to a lot of us. We just try not to do it again.

 

We've ALL had those days, hun.. you are NOT a bad Mommy. Like a PP said if you were, you wouldn't feel bad about it.

*hugs* And no, they won't remember. I promise.

 

:hug: They won't remember. We have all had our moments!

 

Oh my gosh, do you know how many times I have inappropriately lost my temper in the last 9 years? Try to be gentler with yourself-even though I know how horrible the guilt is.
And remember, prisoner of war camps use sleep deprivation as torture for a reason. It honestly makes you completely, totally looney. I don't know one single parent who hasnt lost it at least once.


XO

 

one night when the twins were about a month and half old I remember vividly sitting on the floor with DS in his bouncy seat trying to hold the binky in his mouth to get him to suck on it - him crying like the world was ending while holding DD and trying to get the bottle in her mouth using my chin(she had terrible tongue thrust in the beginning)and SHE was howling from hunger...DH was frantically trying to get the garbage out to the curb (oh did I mention it was like 10 or 11 pm?) and I just LOST it, I started sobbing hysterically and screaming SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP over and over again! I actually screamed so loud and hard I gave myself an upset stomach and a headache....trust me they don't remember!

we all have our moments of sleep deprived rage and craziness....it WILL get better and they will never be the wiser!

 

[quote name='Nate and Jack's Mom' date='28 July 2009 - 05:15 PM' timestamp='1248815703' post='1407132']
I sat up and yelled "shut the f*** up!" at the top of my lungs. :hush: Not the highlight of my parenting career. :blush:

So know that it happens to a lot of us. We just try not to do it again.
[/quote]
OMG, THANK YOU! So glad I'm not the only one :gah: I certainly lost it when my girls came home and I was getting 20 minutes of sleep a night (I have since remedied that!). And talk about guilt--I had been so desperate to bring these babies home and was so happy that they were even alive! But I still had my moments. Fortunately they have become few and far between in the last couple of weeks. Don't feel guilty. It sounds like you're not alone

 

:hug: try not to be so hard on yourself, we are only human after all!

 

Yes I believe we all have our moments...I guess my worst was that I actually did the sigh/growly grumble to mine. Not very proud of myself for that :cry: :blush:

 

I empathize with how you are feeling. I have had similar reactions to my older children when I'm trying to manage the babies and it seems like I'm being pulled in every direction. It isn't fair to them and I always feel bad and try to think of how I can handle the situation better the next time.
Your babies are 9 weeks, doubt that they even noticed you yelling at them and certainly are not going to hold it against you. Forgive yourself. Try to find ways to get breaks from them. If you yelled at 9 week olds, you are obviously stressed to the max. They need you to take a break and they may cry the whole time you take the break but go outside and get some fresh air. They'll be fine and you'll come back with a fresh outlook.

 

I yelled at my girls when they were about 7 weeks..they were screaming (they had been for the last 3 weeks) and nothing was working, I was a lone, tired, and they were in their cribs. I yelled "please stop crying"- then stopped- felt like the WORST mother in the world then realized they hadn't even noticed me yelling- they were crying too loud. I confessed to my DH and he laughed....

Since then I just leave them in their crib (if I know nothing is wrong and I can't soothe them) and go eat a cookie in the kitchen... <sigh> having twins is hard.....

 

you are not a bad mommy..you are just human. you need to be rested to properly function. this is something that you have to get usd to. i once yelled because my lo did the same thing to me. i felt like punching a hole in the wall once or twice. a fews times i was afraid that i might lose it. and then i did what you did...noticed that they are only babies and their only way to communicate is through crying...whether that be to say mommy i'm hungry, wet, sleepy, tired, want attention, want to be held, getting use to life on the outside of the comfort and warmth of your belly.and that's when i prayed to god for patience and i made intelligent decisions on what my babies needs were and accomodated them..whether i had to be better prepared by having tons of ready to feed bottles near or tons of diapers and wipes close to save on time so that i can remain patient.hang in there...we are learning.

 

:hug:

The first few months are the most difficult, IMO. Sleep deprived. Your body as well as your emotions are going through changes. You have two NEW BABIES in your home. There are a Lot of things that you need to adjust to. You're not a bad mommy. I've had a couple 'melt downs' myself. It's completely normal, mama.