I've HAD IT with her! I totally lost it!

Ok, I've told the twins a billion times NOT to throw food. So Mikayla climbs up on the chair and onto the kitchen table, takes the grapes out of the bowl and throws them one by one on the floor until there were hundreds of grapes on the floor. She does this while I'm changing Michael's poopy diaper.

So I lightly slapped her hand, firmly told her NO, and made her pick up all of the grapes with me. (Michael helped too)

Then later I give her a peanut butter sandwich and a banana at her high chair. I walk into the kitchen to put away the dishes and I turn around, she has taken apart the banana in little pieces and peanut butter sandwich and has ceremoniously thrown them all over the floor. This time my slap on the hand was not so light, my firm NO was a louder NO!! And I put her in time out (her crib) telling her "We do Not throw food on the floor, mommy is angry!"

I'm at my wits end! I don't want to be so mad...I don't want to lose it like that.

Help!

Bridget

 

This probably isn't what you want to hear, but this sounds like normal behavior to me - frustrating, but normal. I think making her help clean up is definitely the right answer. Being consistent with your expectations, rewards, and consequences is also important. I am not sure if she is old enough for something like this work or not, but when my boys think it's cute to make a mess of their food at the table I warn them twice, and the third time means eating alone facing the corner in the laundry room, isolated from the family. This has worked very well for us, but our boys are 5.5 years old.

 

(((HUGS))) We are going through the same thing here but first the boys chew it then throw it. With all the other bad habits that have right now I lose it about a hundred times a day where I feel like Im screaming at them all day long. its a phase I pray I look at it as the eary stages of the terrible twos??? IDK

Hope tom. goes better!!!!

 

I sympathise as well. My Hannah got quite the sting on her hand after a warning, a couple firm/scary no's, and a tap on the hand following the fourty millionth time she threw her sippy cup on the floor with disdain. I hate telling her no b/c she sticks that cute little lip out for about a half hour after, and the little tears just seem to stick right on the apples of her cheeks as if to scream, "how could you!"... I hate this discipline stuff. I'm sorry your in the same boat... we'll both have to stick our lips out, pout, and commisserate until tomorrow, when we'll do it all again... Thankfully, they're so worth all the trouble and pains!

 

I still have problems with food throwing. I have got to the point where they have to pick it up themselves. They don't like it. The last couple of meals have been throw free.

In my opinion, you handled the situation very well. Just stay consistent, and she will get it.

 

My babies are the same age as yours. I too am hoping this is just a phase!!! We have the battle about throwing food at every meal and every snack. I too do the same tap them on the hand and say no, and make them help me clean it up. That seems to be working a little bit. My next step will be to give the warnings 2 times, and then remove them from eating with the rest of us. (they don't like to eat alone). Hopefully this will start to help. :drinks: Heres to hopefully not too many more "food picking up parties"! Hope it gets better for us both soon!!!

 

I've done something lately that has worked wonders. Nothing to change their behavior, but my REACTION to it. I realized one day after getting mad and frustrated about something, that it wasn't their fault I was so angry - it was mine. Why? Because of my expectations of them. I expect them to sit quietly and eat their food and not make a mess? But, they're two. Of COURSE they're going to make a mess! So, I changed my outlook. I expect them to make a mess - and when they do, I don't get so angry because it was what I was expecting. And if they don't, then it's just a nice surprise!

Just wanted to throw that out there for you. Really, it's helped me a lot. It just took me really thinking about what was going on and why I would get so worked up in order to change my reaction.

 

Are you sure that Mikayla's name isn't Zoe? At times she tries my patience on an hourly, sometimes quarterly basis! Lord knows I love her, but there are many days I would like to shove her in a jar!!! I would flick her little hand everytime she did and after three times I took whatever it was away. That usually brought the tears and then after a few minutes we would try again. I don't like to make my babies cry, but sometimes they need to learn it the hard way.

 

QUOTE(Three4Me @ Jul 5 2007, 10:24 PM) [snapback]318929[/snapback]
I've done something lately that has worked wonders. Nothing to change their behavior, but my REACTION to it. I realized one day after getting mad and frustrated about something, that it wasn't their fault I was so angry - it was mine. Why? Because of my expectations of them. I expect them to sit quietly and eat their food and not make a mess? But, they're two. Of COURSE they're going to make a mess! So, I changed my outlook. I expect them to make a mess - and when they do, I don't get so angry because it was what I was expecting. And if they don't, then it's just a nice surprise!

Just wanted to throw that out there for you. Really, it's helped me a lot. It just took me really thinking about what was going on and why I would get so worked up in order to change my reaction.


I think this is actually really good advice. I have had to come to the same enlightenment. Why should I expect my 2yo to sit quietly and not explore the world around them (aka their food)? They are curious and they want to learn about stuff, including food. It can still drive me mad but I've really benefited from reminding myself they are only 2. Recently, if they are out of hand, I tell them no twice. The third time, I remove the food. If they are hungry, they ask for the food back and they don't play around with it anymore.

I'm not "anti-spanking" but I just didn't find the hand slapping working for our girls. They'd just get mad and make a bigger mess.

 

Mine throw food when they're full usually and their milk too. On days I know it's going to aggravate me I only give them a bite or two at a time and I always clear their tray when they start throwing food and meal time is over.

They also do it for attention when I am trying to put the dishes away or another job in the kitchen and not watching them or feeding them.

 

We went through the same thing at that age. It's actually only been within the past few months that meal times are a lot cleaner. One thing I did do was if they threw their food, then that meal was over and the food was removed. Occasionally they would get mad, but I would tell them that if you throw food then Mommy will take it away. I agree with pp that at that age you just can't expect very much from them. Hang in there, it will get better!

 

I'll ditto the posters who said this is really developmentally normal and the best thing to do is change your expectations/reaction. It's annoying to pick up food, but she's not doing it to be malicious - she's exploring the world and having fun. That doesn't mean you shouldn't continue to explain that we don't throw food on the floor, or have her help pick it up, but it does mean you should probably just expect it to happen. I think if you can do that, you'll probably feel less frustrated and angry. I don't think slapping her on the hand is going to have the effect you desire.

 

I like the advice that was given to you about changing YOUR view on it. Always easier said than done but just wanted to add that I read a really good suggestion on another post. Not sure if your kids are still in high chairs but put a big sheet down on the floor and roll the high chairs right on top. Let them throw the food and when they are done, wrap the sheet up so as not to allow it to fall on the floor and bring it outside and shake it. Then save it for next meal. I think this is a great idea. For my own girls when they have tried this, I have taken the tray of food away and make them sit there watching the other eat for 5 minutes. Then I try again and warn them not to do it again. If they do, I take it away for longer. If they do it a third time, the food goes away for good. And they'll just have to wait till next meal time. Sometimes, I find when they often throw their food, it means that they don't like what I have given them and when I try something different, if they don't eat that, they just aren't hungry.

 

I didn't read all the responses, so I might be repeating, but Moshe loves throwing food. I firmly tell him we do not throw food and if he does throw it again, I take off his booster table with the food and take him out of the chair. He knows it's related to what he does. He's gotten a LOT better. But I'm very consistent with it. Never allow him to, and he gets the message.

 

QUOTE(Three4Me @ Jul 5 2007, 09:24 PM) [snapback]318929[/snapback]
I've done something lately that has worked wonders. Nothing to change their behavior, but my REACTION to it. I realized one day after getting mad and frustrated about something, that it wasn't their fault I was so angry - it was mine. Why? Because of my expectations of them. I expect them to sit quietly and eat their food and not make a mess? But, they're two. Of COURSE they're going to make a mess! So, I changed my outlook. I expect them to make a mess - and when they do, I don't get so angry because it was what I was expecting. And if they don't, then it's just a nice surprise!

Just wanted to throw that out there for you. Really, it's helped me a lot. It just took me really thinking about what was going on and why I would get so worked up in order to change my reaction.



Great post! I think it is so terribly sad that infants & toddlers are hit because they are doing exactly what infants/toddlers are supposed to be doing - learning about the world. To all hand slappers - please stop doing this, it is mean & unfair. There is no power on earth that would compel me to hit my children - & I have lovely, well behaved children thanks to a lot of attention, redirection, example, teaching & loving.

 

QUOTE
To all hand slappers - please stop doing this, it is mean & unfair. There is no power on earth that would compel me to hit my children - & I have lovely, well behaved children thanks to a lot of attention, redirection, example, teaching & loving.


I think that hand slapping may be effective for some children and ineffective for others. All children are different; so, of course, different forms of punishment are warranted.

I understand that some toddlers do throw food, and I do expect it, at times. I just want to comment that I do feel that 2-3yrs old is old enough to learn that food is not to be thrown. Otherwise, how else will they learn to stop throwing food? Where does the food throwing end? When they are 5 or 6? . That won't fly in my house (no pun intended

 

Yes, first, take a deep breath and remind yourself that she is -- not even -- two years old. That always helps me a lot!

As far as curbing the food-throwing, we have a very low tolerance for that in our house. I don't mind them playing with the food as long as they aren't throwing it, dropping it on the floor, putting it in their hair, or intentionally spilling it (milk, cereal, soup) all over their trays. Any of those things, they get a warning that if they do it again, I'll take it away. Generally I will just take a way the plate/cup and move it to the table, then after waiting for a while I will give it back. After I give it back if the behavior is repeated, then their meal is over.

For something like climbing up on the table and throwing food down at a non-meal time, I think having her help you clean it up was a good move. I remember someone here a long time ago saying her twin boys hd their own broom and dustpan and she had them sweep up under the haigh chairs after every meal. :laughing:

But really, before every meal, I always try to remind myself that they are toddlers, and they are going to make a mess, and they may reject the entire meal, and I have to remember not to take it personally. It does really help me roll with the punches. My husband has a hard time when he cooks for them and they reject the meal, but I try to go into every meal expecting them to reject it, and that way I'm pleasantly surprised when they actually eat something.

 

I am with Jenny-- great advice! I too have really started to re-think my expectations of them and it has helped me tremendoudsly in how I react. Also like Trish mentioned things for us have just started to get better in behavior. 18 - 24 months was quite a time in our house and I do think it is a phase. It's also them testing purely testing us to see what they can get away with! Hang in there. :hug99:

 

Quote- (sorry, don't know how to do this otherwise)...
"I think that hand slapping may be effective for some children and ineffective for others. All children are different; so, of course, different forms of punishment are warranted.

I understand that some toddlers do throw food, and I do expect it, at times. I just want to comment that I do feel that 2-3yrs old is old enough to learn that food is not to be thrown. Otherwise, how else will they learn to stop throwing food? Where does the food throwing end? When they are 5 or 6? . That won't fly in my house (no pun intended "


DITTO DITTO DITTO! I think it is ok to tell your toddler "no" when they do something that is developementally appropriate but innappropriate socially. That is how they LEARN. And thank you for sticking up for us who do things differently than the "anti-spank" crowd... to call a tap on the hand mean and unfair when you are trying to teach a child that a behaviour is unacceptable is judgemental, IMO... I have one daughter that this technique works well, with, and another who responds to my voice alone. Every child is different, as is every parent. I'm not saying that's the only technique that works, but it is part of a set of disciplinary actions that should be weighed carefully before using, as with any action in response to a behaviour.

 

QUOTE
For something like climbing up on the table and throwing food down at a non-meal time, I think having her help you clean it up was a good move. I remember someone here a long time ago saying her twin boys hd their own broom and dustpan and she had them sweep up under the haigh chairs after every meal. laughing.gif


That might have been me. Jacob was/is our little janitor. He loves to clean. At around 2, we had the problem that he would intentionally make a mess with his food so that he could mop it up. At first we made him clean it up, but he loved that. So we had to switch to making him watch us clean it as a punishment. He would get furious when we refused to let him mop. And yes, he does have his own broom and dustpan.

I really think food throwing is a normal developmental stage. But I would draw the line at climbing on the counter and ruining food by throwing it on the ground. Now that the weather is warm, do you have a deck or patio where they can eat sometimes? Give them the really messy stuff out there and let them have fun. It may help if she has an outlet where/when it's ok to be messy and goofy with her food.

 

I've done something lately that has worked wonders. Nothing to change their behavior, but my REACTION to it. I realized one day after getting mad and frustrated about something, that it wasn't their fault I was so angry - it was mine. Why? Because of my expectations of them. I expect them to sit quietly and eat their food and not make a mess? But, they're two. Of COURSE they're going to make a mess! So, I changed my outlook. I expect them to make a mess - and when they do, I don't get so angry because it was what I was expecting. And if they don't, then it's just a nice surprise!

Just wanted to throw that out there for you. Really, it's helped me a lot. It just took me really thinking about what was going on and why I would get so worked up in order to change my reaction.

Agree with the above

Also thinking it could be to do with your reaction she is getting attention from it, although it is negative attention. Maybe ignoring it for a while? if you're up for it



amanda

 

Bridget, you might have to go ONE BITE at a time w/her. I understand your frustration, but you have to eliminate her food at that point.

Also, I totally recommend 1-2-3 Magic! Might help you a lot!

 

Since my first post I have learned a few things, thanks to all of you. First of all, I am more vigilant in watching Mikayla....not going to the kitchen to finish dishes, but sitting there ready to spring up the first chance she throws food. I she even begins to play with her food I ask her, "ALL Done?" She will say and sign "All Done" and I immediately take her out of her high chair and take the tray away putting it up on our table.

The other day must have had an impact tho when I made her and Michael clean up all of the grapes. This morning she was trying to clean up the eggs from the floor (that she began throwing until I quickly caught her and took her out of the high chair). She DOES like to clean up so I'm going to try to take it easy and get a little dust pan/broom for her. (good idea previous posters!)

Thanks for your help EVERYONE!!

Bridget