I've created a monster

Hello ladies. I'm much more of a lurker around here (when I actually get a second to jump online), but am hoping that someone might have some advice for me. I'm at my wit's end with my son who will eat nothing but snacks. He has always been picky, and the speech therapist suggested giving him something he likes with his meal to start him eating. Well, now he only wants his snacks. He won't even touch the meal. I started allowing him to eat outside his highchair. That worked for a little while, but it's stopped. I tried turning the highchairs so that they face the television, actually hoping for a little mindless eating. I've tried dips and utensils to make meals more interesting. Cutting food into "fun" shapes. Nothing. He won't eat the most basic toddler foods -- mac & cheese, nuggets, pizza, pasta. He's even started refusing cheese and yogurt. My peanut of a daughter will eat, but once he starts refusing, she starts yelling as well. As I type, there is a chorus of "all done" and a lot of banging. Momentarily, the trowing will start. Ack!

Thanks in advance for any suggestions!!!

Jenny

 

How old are your twins? That may make a difference in the replies you get.

Edited for a typo.

 

I'm a complete disaster. . .can you tell? They're 23mos. Let me know if there's anything else I forgot to add!

 

We did tough love. Warning: it is painful for both parents and kids.

Serve the meal. They can refuse it if they want. They will throw tantrums, but don't give in. If they are hungry later, offer the dinner again. And so on until bedtime. Yes, it can mean that they go to bed without dinner. If they do, you can choose to offer their favorite breakfast the next morning. It might be easier if your first few dinners are something that they like/used to like/should like.

We had to take this approach to save our sanity. We couldn't take the whining and tantrums anymore. It wasn't pretty, and at times I cried along with them. But now I am so glad that we did it. Mealtimes are (mostly) pleasant.

 

I did something similar to Cathy, but I offered a handful of multi-grain Cheerios as an option. There were many nights my dd only ate the handful of Cheerios and drank her milk. But she learned that those were her choices. Now I push her plate aside and tell her I will get her Cheerios once her sister and I have finished eating (DH is usually at work when we eat). 9 times out of 10 now she will finish a good portion of her dinner. She is still super picky and refuses a lot, but we're slowly getting there.

 

Thanks Cathy! I have "tried" that, but you're right, I usually give in. I've been trying to be tougher about it. The problem is that its not just dinners that we fight, it's every meal. He has no favorite breakfast foods anymore (or lunch). How long did it take for things to sort out for you??

 

Just wanted to say good luck. I just posted the exact same topic except my picky eater is now 4 and pretty much eats nothing. He was the exact same way. I hope you figure it out and if you do give me some good advice. Someone just told me about an author named Ellyn Satter I just went on Amazon and bought some of her books on eating and children. good luck. I know I need it!!

 

I really like Ellyn Satter's book (Child of Mine), but I tried to follow it when they were toddlers and I still have one of the pickiest eaters on the planet. Not quite as bad as your DS, as she does eat breakfast, and has a few relatively healthy foods (yogurt, oatmeal...) that she will nearly always eat. But basically, she lives on white carbs, dairy, and fruit, plus scrambled eggs.

So to some degree it's just personality. Her sister eats a lot more things, and I think I've treated them the same. I've backslid a lot on "Child of Mine," because Sarah is very stubborn and if I don't offer her one of the 5 things she reliably likes, she just won't eat. I'm sure she wouldn't actually let herself starve, but I've seen her try to force down a green veggie (as a special favor to me), and she literally gagged. So if my child wants to live on yogurt, I've decided I'm willing to let her.

I would say that you will probably need to get back to some more regimented eating habits. I can totally understand wanting the mindless eating, but I think you're right that it is creating a monster. You can continue to offer him a "backup" food if the alternative is that he'll eat nothing and be miserable, but at least make it part of the regular meal -- served at the table, in his high chair.

And the meal ends as soon as something gets thrown. We were able to stop the food throwing, right around that age, within a day or two of being really strict about that.

Out of curiosity, what are the snacks that he likes?

 

I am in the exact same spot except its with both of my boys. They are not eating any of their favourites and they will not try anything new, won't even put it in their mouths. I keep on saying I'll do tough love but I just can't bring myself to do it.

Can somebody please say how long tough love might take with this age group (my guys are 25 months so in the same range as the first poster). Thanks

 

Ditto Mellizos. Tough love. Serve a few different healthy foods that you know he likes (or used to like, or doesn't/didn't flat-out hate), and if he doesn't eat, he doesn't eat. Don't make a big deal out of it - totally matter of fact, "OK, I guess you don't want to eat right now." Kids won't starve themselves. Sooner or later he's got to eat something. Of course, have sippies of water available at all times so he won't get dehydrated.

Also, if my kids have tantrums at the table, I tell them that we don't scream at the table, give them a last warning, then send them to time out. Sometimes I've had huge problems with DD having a meltdown at the table over nothing, and I was really reluctant to discipline for it, but nothing else was working, and her tantrums were really disrupting her brother's meal, so I gave it a try. And what do you know, it actually worked for her! She still needs reminders sometimes, but things have improved a lot. It's a huge PITA to keep schlepping a kid into/out of time out while a meal is going on, but it worked.

Good luck! Meals can be so stressful at this age... :wacko:

 

Thanks ladies for all of the advice! I really hope I'm not still fighting this battle at 4!!! Definitely time to kick the "tough love" into gear. Right now, his favorite snacks are pretzels, goldfish and pirate's booty (which he calls "booby." not embarassing at all to have him screaming "booby, booby!" while we're out in public!). Keep your fingers crossed for me. . .

 

I'm in the same boat. I dread the dinner battles every night with DS. Dinner time is especially important to me and my family, as DH and I both work, and I cherish the time the 4 of us can all sit down together and enjoy each other's company...but DS is making it quite unenjoyable. We have started putting him in time out, which I HATE, but I want to nip the tantrums at the dinner table in the bud. Here recently he has spent most of dinner in timeout, and then after the rest of us finish, I fix him something he will eat and he has to sit alone at the table...usually while DH and I are crying in the living room.

It is terrible, but I don't know where the line between giving in and creating a spoiled, picky eater and being too harsh is!!

This parent thing is really hard sometimes!!!!!

 

It could take a while so just steel yourself and know it won't last forever. Your reaction/stress level/facial expressions/body language/etc make a big difference in how they perceive the meal. If you offer the food and couldn't care less if they eat it or not, they will see you mean business. I would start by making the plates with just a few of something he likes on it. Then if he want's more of that (say, pretzels) just tell him those are gone now but he can eat ______ fill in whatever is still on his plate. It is SUPER hard to watch them not eat but they really will eat enough to keep them going til they catch on. Be careful to not offer too much milk either. At almost 2 they only need about 16oz a day. Good luck and I hth!

 

I agree on limiting milk. If they are eating yogurt and cheese, they don't even need 16 oz/day.

As I warned, it was extremely painful for us. I can't remember how long it went on - maybe I've blocked those bad memories. But at a minimum it lasted weeks. We made sure to offer something they liked. They were free to eat just their "favorite" but got no seconds until they tried the other things. About a year ago we started letting them choose a supper menu one night/week/child. So yes, we eat lots of breakfast for dinner, chicken tacos (strangely a HUGE favorite), etc but it's worth them being excited about supper.

I do remember Aaron gagging on veggies, but he would choke them down. Now he's a decent veggie eater and actually likes quite a few of them. Jacob has turned into a ravenous veggie eater. There are suppers they still don't like, but we keep them on the menu schedule because Mommy and Daddy like them. Hopefully over time they will grow to like them.

 

It gives me so much hope to know that some of you have (somewhat) over come this hurdle. Yesterday I transitioned them from the highchair to the table. We had a long conversation about how they are no longer "babies," and are now "kids" and will be treated as such. Thus, they no longer get to snack throughout the day, but eat on a schedule. Last night was tough, but tonight my daughter chowed. My son, of course, ate his "booby" and nothing else. After dinner, I offered a small snack, but that's it. He was screaming, tears streaming down his face and I gave in. I know. . .

 

What I liked about the book "child of mine" was how I didnt' feel as guilty for how they ate. So for that reason it really put things into perspective for me. I choose when, what and where we eat and they choose IF they will eat. This was dealing with a child who was BELOW the 3rd percentile and has always been a fussy eater. I still have so much from that book in the back of my head to remind me to focus on enjoying meal times and TRYING to have conversations and enjoying being together instead of it being all about "eat your food" kind of power struggles. It created a good goal for me to try to achieve. Mind you we often don't quite get there. I'd highly recommend taking the time to read it.

Heather

 

HE'S EATING. . .RIGHT NOW!!! I'm trying not to let my emotions show, but I'm screaming inside. He finished his "cackers" and asked for more. I told him he was getting no more and to eat his supper. And, he is!!! Holy *BLEEP*!!

 

:woo:

 

my picky girl eats better at daycare than at school. most night we cook around what she will eat which is always luck of the draw. Might try dipping his crackers in peanut butter for protien. Jess loves any kind of nut