Story starts last Friday - My cousin used to live with us and watch the girls for free well on Friday he moved out. We needed a babysitter and my brother was willing to do it for $30 a day but Joe didn't want to drive out of the way to take them. So I told him to call his sister who lives about 5 miles away and has seen the girls once and they are 8 months old. So she also charged $30 and that's fine - but my brother offered on Tues. to watch the girls for the next two weeks for free to save us some money. At first Joe was fine with that until he came home lastnight and felt really bad because his sister has fallen on some hard times. Don't get me wrong I feel sorry for her but if my brother is willing to watch the girls for free for the next two weeks before Christmas. Well we started it out as a conversation and he turned it into a big huge fight and I blew up calling him names and stuff (I understand that was wrong) but I tried not to he just kept instigating. So he says I can't deal with this anymore and didn't talk to me. At 9pm he left to go give his sister the money and before he left I informed him that my Mom and I had to leave at 10pm to meet my cousin at the bar for her birthday party. Well he didn't get home till 10:15pm and informed me that he told his sister what I was doing with getting my brother to watch them for the next two weeks and she decided she didn't want to watch them at all ever. So I blew up and asked him why he did that and he just acted like a big jerk and I told him to get out. I can't deal with the stupid crap anymore, I just can't. Never came to apologize to me or anything started packing his stuff and he's leaving today. I feel a little relieved but I want him to realize he was wrong and he never will - He said if he leaves this time he will Not and I repeat will not ever come back to me. I think I'm finally coming to accept that and it might be a good thing. Sorry so long - I just needed to talk to someone about this.
Story starts last Friday - My cousin used to live with us and watch the girls for free well on Friday he moved out. We needed a babysitter and my brother was willing to do it for $30 a day but Joe didn't want to drive out of the way to take them. So I told him to call his sister who lives about 5 miles away and has seen the girls once and they are 8 months old. So she also charged $30 and that's fine - but my brother offered on Tues. to watch the girls for the next two weeks for free to save us some money. At first Joe was fine with that until he came home lastnight and felt really bad because his sister has fallen on some hard times. Don't get me wrong I feel sorry for her but if my brother is willing to watch the girls for free for the next two weeks before Christmas. Well we started it out as a conversation and he turned it into a big huge fight and I blew up calling him names and stuff (I understand that was wrong) but I tried not to he just kept instigating. So he says I can't deal with this anymore and didn't talk to me. At 9pm he left to go give his sister the money and before he left I informed him that my Mom and I had to leave at 10pm to meet my cousin at the bar for her birthday party. Well he didn't get home till 10:15pm and informed me that he told his sister what I was doing with getting my brother to watch them for the next two weeks and she decided she didn't want to watch them at all ever. So I blew up and asked him why he did that and he just acted like a big jerk and I told him to get out. I can't deal with the stupid crap anymore, I just can't. Never came to apologize to me or anything started packing his stuff and he's leaving today. I feel a little relieved but I want him to realize he was wrong and he never will - He said if he leaves this time he will Not and I repeat will not ever come back to me. I think I'm finally coming to accept that and it might be a good thing. Sorry so long - I just needed to talk to someone about this.
I'm so sorry that your going through this especially before the holidays! Of course I do not know your whole situation, but before calling it quits have you looked into marraige counseling??? I know my husband and I have had rough patches in our marraige and I really feel like leaving him, but once the anger subsides the love is still there and I want to work things out. Heres a hug and hope you feel better soon Marta
I tried to talk to him lastnight but he wanted nothing to do with it - I guess I'm just fed up with being treated like a dog.
Hey Boo, Well, I'm sooooooo sorry you are going through all this, especially with 2 young infants. It has to be rough on everyone. I don't really know your situation that well since I haven't seen many posts from you, but is this something that has been in the works for a while (you guys separating)? Is this something you have been considering for a long time cause this is a major major thing. Being on your own with two young babies is no easy task. Is this just a fight that will blow over and then things will be ok? You sound like you are ok with him leaving but once things cool off and reality hits, do you think this is really what you want? Or what he wants? This is a very sad situation and I feel for you (unless this is truly what you want and you think it is for the best). Do you have support in case you guys really do end things? Hope things work out one way or the other and keep us updated on how you are doing (if you want to).
I'm sorry that you were put in that situation. And I'm sorry that he is acting like a big, selfish idiot. Maybe in time he'll calm down. I do think that it is best that he is moving on. HUGS
I am sorry to hear all you are going through. As I was reading your original post I was thinking to myself, is it really worth saving the money if it meant costing the marriage? Then as I continued to read it seems like there are alot more issues in the relationship than just the fact two weeks of free childcare. What is the biggest issue you are upset with? That he told his sister the truth? I guess I am at a loss on why that was so upsetting. She obviously had to know that something was up if you called her in a panic because you lost your childcare (you said yourself she is not an active part of their lives) then in a short period of time you are changing your mind about childcare, at least for the two weeks, what did you expect him to tell her? Like I said, it sounds like this is just one of the battles within the war and if that is the case I too would recommend some counseling if you want it to work. Please think long and hard about whether the relationship is over and try not to make such a huge decision when your feelings are soo raw. While marriages are not perfect, I can assure you being the only adult in the house has its own set of issues. Whatever you decide I hope it works out for you but like I said please don't act out of anger and frustration.
I do know that it's good that you SIL, who chain smokes, isn't watching them anymore..... I'm really sorry you are dealing with this, but you sound really strong and seem pretty grounded in it! Best wishes to you
Sounds like this has been coming to a head for some time. I so sorry you and the girls are going to go through this right now with the holidays but you seem very centered and strong and i have no doubt that you will get through it in one piece. we are here for you when you need us!
I hope that there are a lot more underlying issues here. It seems a little silly to me to get a divorce because of not agreeing who should babysit the kids.
The reason we went through this is because he doesn't know how to handle things or shut up when things are settled. He keeps running his mouth until he makes me explode. We're not married - Thank God. He's younger than I am and I don't think he can handle alot of responsibility. Plus it only seems like he can go 3 months without starting a big huge war and guess what it was 3 months on the 3rd. Oh well the games just get really old. Whenever I have extra cash from selling on craigslist or selling at Mom2Mom sales he always takes the cash. He has to be in control at all times and I will not be treated like that anymore.
I'm sorry your going through a tough time. I wasn't married to my first childs dad either. We split up when my daughter was almost 2. It was tough at the time but wound up being the best thing I could have done for me and my daughter. I decided that it would be better for my child to grow up in a peaceful environment with a lot of love instead of constant tension and arguing. It was tough financially and mentally draining for me, but I got through it and am stronger than ever. I met a wonderful man and have 9 month old twin girls. I am in a healthy marriage. You WILL get through this. It's scarry thinking about raising 2 babies on your own, but you can do it. Let me know if you want to talk. I'll be thinking about you. Kyla
Oh honey I'm so sorry you are going thru this. You need to do whats best for you and the twins. Its a hard road but you can take care of them by yourself. You already know your brother wants to help you. You need to take him to court for child support if he isn't going to be with you so he has to take care of the kids.
