It's gonna get easier, right?

Hi all,

First, I just wanna say how much I love reading through your posts!! Keep 'Em coming!!

I have 10 day old twins, a sweet little girl and a sweet little boy. I adore them, but I think I might be losing my mind a bit. EVERYTHING is overwhelming to me -- cord care, diapering, bathing, dressing. And the giant two: feeding and sleeping. I have one good nurser and one lazy nurser. I nurse my good nurser all day, and try to pump as soon as she naps so her brother gets breastmilk too. We supplement w formula, especially at night, but are hoping to eventually stop. I just don't make enough milk right now. Tandem nursing seems like a goal as likely as climbing Mt Everest.

They aren't on any kind of schedule -- they eat when they're hungry and sleep when they're tired. That's normal, right?? I wouldn't even begin to know how to change it. Nighttime is the real problem. They wake every 30 min sometimes, and we're getting almost no sleep. They sleep SO much better during the day!! By 5 am we give up and let them sleep in bed with us between us (they are otherwise sharing a crib in our room) and then they sleep great while I feel guilty worrying about SIDS.

I've had someone else here (either DH or family) during all times since they were born, but that ends Monday. How on earth does one person take care of two infants??? They are often hungry or crying at the same time-- do I just let one cry??? As you may know from a previous post, I'm still healing from delivery complications, so I'm really worried. Is it normal to be so scared of being alone with your children?? I love them so much, but they terrify me a bit!!

Is this all normal? I cry at least once every day. I don't think I have ppd; just exhaustion and hormones. Please tell me it gets better, and when!!

Amy

 

All of your fears are totally normal! And you are totally going to rock this.

Letting one cry for a couple of minutes while you tend to the other one is not going to hurt them at all and will just be a way of life with twins. For that matter, letting them cry for a couple short minutes while you take care of your own needs is totally fine too.

As for a schedule; everything is totally on their clock right now, but it wouldn't hurt to get them at least synched up. So when one is hungry, they both get fed. It won't take long until they're more or less on the same feeding schedule and that means breaks for you in between.

Your body will likely make enough milk for twins if you just rely on it to do so. Try a nursing marathon.. just lay in bed with babies all day and let them nurse as often as they like! Your supply will rise to meet the demand and know that pumping is not a good indication of how much milk you're actually producing. Make sure you're eating lots of nutritious food and drinking lots of water, and you'll do just fine. As long as babies have frequent wet diapers and poops your boobs are doing their job. But if supplementing is what works for you, particularly if your husband can chip in so you can get more sleep, then so be it! Right now is all about survival mode, so you do whatever works

And about being on your own, make your husband go grocery shopping and stock up with lots of snacks, freezer meals, etc. Make sure he's throwing in a load of laundry when he gets home from work and cleans up the dishes. As for the rest.. just forget about it for as long as you can stand and I promise that one day your house will return to a new normal!

 

Well Jen beat me to it, but that's exactly what I'd say. YES it will get better, and YES :youcandoit: !! Ditto getting them eating together at the same time.

It also sounds like they have their days and nights mixed up. During the day keep things bright, keep the tv on, don't put them to nap in a dark room have them nap in the main part of the house with you. Have a dishwasher running, or laundry going....anything that's normal daytime noises. Keep your nighttime's dim and quiet. Turn on a lamp, or a closet or hallway light when you get up with them, rather then the overhead light. Run a fan or white noise machine for ambient noises. We bought some of those small puck lights that you push to turn on, that's what I used when I had to get up to check on them fussing, or for feeding them. Eventually they'll learn when to "nap" and when to "sleep".

As for supping, you really gotta do what's going to work for you. However, a nursing marathon is usually enough to get your supply up enough to feed both of them. Pumping will never be as efficient as a nursing baby And as for the house, like Jen said, get hubby to toss some laundry in, start a load of dishes each night, and the rest can wait! The saying goes...

“Dusting and sweeping can wait ’till tomorrow. For Babies grow up we’ve learned to our sorrow. So go to bed cobwebs, dust go to sleep. I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.”

Right now, it feels like it's going to be forever. But trust me, as a mom to a 10 yr old, 5 yr old, and twin 3 yr olds....it really does fly by so very very fast The only thing I urge you to do, is to take a TON of pictures....and to write down every milestone. I kept a little notebook beside my couch to write down everything for the twins so I wouldn't forget when it happened! First smiles, first "words", first teeth, first laughs, first rolling over....etc etc etc.

 

Just do what you have to do and don't sweat the small stuff!! Things will change and the hard things that you are experiencing now will get easier. My girls were not on any kind of schedule at 10 days. I was left alone with them when they were 5 days old. It was not easy at first but I soon got into a routine.. My babies were winter babies so I could not get out much but had they been summer babies I would have put the, in the stroller and gotten out of the house at least once a day!! I agree that time will fly - it doesn't seem like it to you now but it will - and all of this will be a blur.

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

 

I cried more in the first few weeks than I've cried in my entire life, I think!

It will, WITHOUT A DOUBT, get easier. :hug:

 

I did too. I swear I would have let the mail man come in and help me with the babies during those first few weeks if I could have gotten to him quick enough LOL!!

 

Are these your first?

Whether they are your first or not, it's totally overwhelming taking care of two. I think you will be surprised at how well you do by yourself. I would suggest some sort of schedule..not so much with the babies as with yourself. I had a routine I went through everyday just so I can keep up with things and it really helped me to keep sane to some point. I also took a hot bath every night once I gave them their evening bottle. My husband worked 2nd shift, so I was by myself from 2 to about 12 midnight everyday, but once I gave them their bottle at night and they settled down for sleep I jumped in a nice hot bubble bath and read a book (I took a baby monitor in with me just in case). It wasn't much, but it helped me to get some quiet time. Even though my girls were not my first, like the others said, there were lots of tears. Even my husband told me of some times that he would get up with them and be really upset because he just couldn't get them to take a bottle, or stop crying. It was tough! I have always told people that for us, the first 5 months were the toughest. Nothing has been as tough as though months, but once they passed, we were good. At not all 5 months were tough, it was a roller coaster really...tough for a while, then it would settle down, then tough for while, then settle down...it just kept repeating. Hang in there! People will be amazed at how well you balance two babies! Even though you may feel like your not doing well, you really are doing a fantastic job!

 

Hang in there. It is really tough in the first few days and weeks, and it sounds like even tougher for you given your delivery complications. Really try not to feel guilty about formula feeding; you are doing the best you can in a very difficult situation and you can not completely control how well your child nurses. One of my twins nursed well at the hospital right after the delivery and then had problems once we got home. We bottle-fed her for three weeks and then she started nursing again and now she's doing pretty well.

I was also paranoid about having them sleeping in our bed with us and we did it a few times in the rough nights where we just gave up and wanted them to sleep. I know it's hard not to worry about SIDS, but I had a pediatrician tell me that, while not the ideal situation, if the parents are not drunk, smoking, or obese, the overwhelming odds are that the babies will be fine.

Good luck being at home with them by yourself. It is obviously tough at times, but you will get better and better at it as time goes on. I thought it got better around 6 weeks and now my girls are almost 12 weeks and the last few days have been great (more sleep, less frequent eating, etc). 12 weeks sounds like a long time when they are only 10 days old, but it will come.

 

Been there!!! It is SOOO tough. You will get through it. I lived on my couch because that was the only comfortable place for me to tandem nurse and it still wasn't really comfortable, just doable. I used the My Brest Friend twins nursing pillow and had each baby on either side of me so that I could reach them to pick them up and put them on the pillow. Once I got one on the pillow, I used a sofa pillow behind his back to keep him on the pillow while I got brother on. I wasn't nursing at night much for the first few weeks because I was so dead tired but eventually I started exclusively nursing to get my supply up. I did that till 3 mos. At that age, do whatever you can to get them to sleep!! It's hard. DH and I would each take one and sleep on the couch and loveseat, but they mostly slept in Rock'n PLay Sleepers. I feel for you--get any help you can!!! The sleep gets so much better. I really recommend Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. The best thing to do is feed them at the same time, change them, play for a few mins and start getting them ready to sleep after they've been awake for an hour, hour and a half. Do whatever you can to get them to sleep. If one wakes up and it's not time to eat yet (Mine ate every 3 hrs), try to rock him back to sleep. They're usually wake up when it's time to eat and the cycle starts over again. When one wakes up, wake up the other one to feed both. It's not fun to wake up a baby ever, especially when you work so hard to get them to sleep, but trust me, it will pay off later!
And yes, it is hard to take care of two newborns at a time...there were times when both were crying for no reason and all I could do was hold them and cry too!

 

I had the twins I nanny for sleeping through the night(12 hours) at 4 months with out have to be messed with at all. The were sleeping 4-5 hours between their 2 night feedings with in 2 days of me getting them on a 3 hour eating schedule. Chances are your babies are either feeling insecure out side the tight space of the womb(try swaddling) or they are hungry b/c they are to eating enough at a time. The sooner you are able to get them on a schedule the better. It will take a while to figure out what a schedule is but in the NICU they start 3 hour schedule from birth basically it was eat, play, sleep they should do great with 3 hours in between feedings. They will actually drink more in a day if you spread the feedings out to every 3 hours. This is how I train babies to sleep through the night.

Things to try at nap time: first of all be consistent, what I have found works best with newborns is swaddling them with a blanket and placing them in their crib with a fan(one that makes noise) or noise machine, turn out the light and close the blinds.

Also remember babies have sleep cycles so if they are just making some noise that does not mean that they are ready to get up. It is kind of like talking in your sleep. Most have sleep cycles of 60 minutes which means 30 minutes of deeper sleep followed my 30 minutes of restless sleep which is them followed by deeper sleep etc. This is when a lot of babies will cry out in the middle of their nap but if you leave them they will settle back down. It is very common for little noises to wake you up but if they are in a different room you will all sleep better. I have found that babies sleeping in the parents bedroom tend to keep their parents awake and take away those precious few moments you can have to your self. Get a good monitor and set a crib up in their room. I have found the summer video monitor to be a great one b/c if you hear noises you can just look at the screen to see them and you don't have to do and wake them more. The longer you wait the harder the transition will be.

Try to schedule something like this
9am feed then when one seems to be sleepy just swaddle them both and put them in their cribs in their own room. If they wake before 12 don't feed them just interact with them
12 repeat
3 repeat
try giving them a bath it tires out a lot of babies and make them sleep better at night.
9 last bottle and bed
12 if you are still awake you can choose to dream feed them and put them straight back in their bed.

Also I always tandem feed using a boppy or 2. I would love to have a twin nursing pillow but I just use what is laying around.


This is a big part of my job so if you have any more specific questions about sleep training feel free to ask. I have sleep train MANY children over night. One baby I had last year was sleeping through the night they day he come home from the NICU and I do have to say he was they happiest baby you would ever see.

 

I didn't cry at first because I was in shock or something... after that wore off then I cried daily. I think in the first month you can chalk it all up to exhaustion and hormones as you said.

I was scared of being alone with the twins and they weren't my first so I think its normal. You will just have to accept that when you have more than one at once, they won't get coddled as much and they will cry more than if they were the only newborn in the house.

I loved this site for reading about other twin momma's however reading about those that followed the strict schedules stressed me out! My twins didn't get a routine down until like 5 months. It stressed me out to see people saying we had to have a strict schedule from early on. I had some basic schedule but mainly went with the flow. We did well. If you aren't a strict schedule kind of person then don't stress yourself out on it. I think a general schedule is important, like trying to eat around the same time, trying to nap around the same time, but not being exact is just fine.

Don't worry it does get better! It's just a matter of time. Our first big milestones in life getting better were around 10 weeks. It may seem like forever but when you are in a sleep deprived state it passes by in a blur!

 

Man oh Man do i remember asking this almost 11 months ago. My girls are soon gonna turn one and I an def. say that things do get easier. And they start to get fun. =) Doing things alone is hard but your feelings are normal. After a couple weeks you will find what routine works best for you and your babies. I actually had to wake mine up every two hours to eat since they were premature (although no NICU) they wanted to sleep ALL the time and really didn't wake unless i woke them. But we did get them on a schedule once they stopped being such lazy eaters but a schedule is something you can worry about when they are a little older =) For the first three weeks i stayed downstairs with our girls and let MY GIRLS (bewbies) just hang free as i was trying to increase my milk but since the girls were such lazy little boogers they would suckle for a min and then fall asleep. I wish you all the good luck!!!!! Twins is hard and don't let anyone tell you differently =)

 

This advice may work for formula fed babies but doesn't really work well for breastfed babies. Here is a link with appropriate nursing guidelines for newborns. Basically you need to feed newborns 10-12 times daily- including at night. What I would suggest is waking one baby when the other wants to eat and feeding both at the same time. That way you aren't continually trying to feed them and hopefully they synch up with sleep.

It gets WAYYYY better, I promise. :hug:

 

You are stronger then you think, I promise. Hang in there, it will get easier!! :hug:

 

It gets easier!! You will be ok and better than ok soon! :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

First off, if you are feeling overwhelmed, I totally recommend getting back to basics. A few weeks ago (when my girls were about 10 days old!), my husband reminded me that umbilical cords have been falling off for centuries without help. Missing one or two days of the cord care routine will not be an issue as long as there are no signs of infection. I consider at least the first 2 months a survival mode time. That means we do what's needed to survive and everything else is gravy. That will mean different things for different people so you just have to find what works for you. For me, that means that most nights, I have at least one of the girls in bed with me through most of the night and some nights my husband sleeps downstairs so that he can get a better night's sleep and be more help to me or be able to focus at work. We take certain precautions to make it as safe as possible and everybody is happier the next day because of it. It also means that I get a shower every day, even if it means shutting the toddler in her room and letting both of the twins cry the whole time. While the twins get 1 bath a week.

I do end up having to listen to crying rather often because my daughters are on a similar schedule and if one gets a little sluggish with eating, the other will get fussy. To combat this, I highly recommend using an ipod or something else to listen to music or an audio book or anything. I just started that in the last few days and it has made a huge difference in how well I deal with it when one or both is crying.

Ultimately, you will find the schedule and techniques that work best for your family and that may be different from what all the books tell you or what I tell you or what your mother-in-law tells you and that is totally okay. Know in the meantime that you aren't alone and it does get better!

 

I was going to post the same thing. Nursing newborns basically requires feeding them all the time to build supply and most babies will not be able to go three hours during the day or night at first.

Tandem feeding saved me when alone because it's a great way to satisfy both babies and nobody is crying. My daughter had latching issues the first two weeks and that was tough. Tandeming actually helped because her brother would pull the letdown and shed get milk without having to work so hard.

Anyway, it does get easier. Mine are 3.5 months now and it's so much easier already. They were sleeping well but I went back to work 3 weeks ago and their sleep went south which is to be expected as it's a big change for them.

Hang in there!

 

Wow, Amy they are now nearly 3 weeks old and I bet you are already finding it easier! How was your first week by yourself? I hope that your bubs didn't give you too much of a hard time.

I just wanted to add my six pence that I'm a huge schedule person, I like to know what and when everything is happening. BUT when babies are so little, all they need is feeding when they're hungry, changing and then sleeping. Don't worry about all the other stuff for a few more weeks yet. You will find yourself falling into a routine with them without you even realising it. And the best piece of advice I have for you, which was given to me by lots of twin mommas here, is feed them together (or one after the other), diaper them together and put them down together. It's gets easier as you do it so many times.

Oh and I co-slept with my littlies after breastfeeding in the early morning, it was just easier.

 

Amy, it's been a while since I was in your shoes, but my advice is just to take as much help from anyone that you trust to help you with anything and sleep every chance you get. God Bless, it DOES get easier, mine are 10 years old, and I almost can't remember the 1st year at all! LOL
Good luck to you and just take it one day at a time. :youcandoit: