It's been a while but I'm back....

Hello to all my old TS friends (and new ones ) and I am so very sorry I have been absent for so long. My Charlotte and Parker are 13 months now and boy has it been a ride. We have had a lot of obstacles to overcome but nothing to major thankfully and they are growing beautifully. Me on the other hand have been having a really hard time especially lately. Let me preface this with telling you all how much I adore my babies and my 6yr old daughter, but there are days I wonder if I am really cut out for this. The babies are of course demanding, they are suppossed to be right? But I have such a hard time juggling all of their needs and my 6 yr olds needs and feeling at the end of the day that I did a good job. I'm sure there are others that feel this way too so I knew what better place to come to then here.
I have been lucky enough to be able to work from home since the twins were born which I find to both be a blessing and a mistake at times. I have been here to watch them grow, get them through all of their doctor visits (and there have been a lot of them) their physical therapy etc and I am so grateful for that but at the same time, I miss being me. Once I seem to be "done" with what has to be done with the twins for the day, I have to get my daughter from school and then start all of what needs to be done for her, the family and all of that only to be so exhausted by 8pm I can barely stay awake.
The twins are exploring and of course getting into lots and lots of trouble, they are starting to be aggressive with each other at times and we have had some pretty signifiacnt issues with Parker's gastro system which causes lots and lots of messes throughout the day (YUCK), and I feel like I can't keep up a lot of the time.

Please ladies, tell me I am not alone here and that you all at some point have felt "lost"...any advice or encouragement would be so appreciated....

Joanna

 

Welcome back Joanna! I'm so sorry you're feeling overwhelmed right now. :hug: Being a parent is so tough; it's a full time job in and of itself. Are you working from home as well with no other help? If so, that's an amazing feat! I WOHM and I do find it tough to do "2 jobs" (working and parenting), but at least I get a break from child care when I'm in the office!

It sounds like you're doing so much; does your SO help in the evenings? I know the only way I can function is with the assistance of my DH. I could not do it without him to step in and be a full-time parent. We even switch off "night duty" when we have a rash of night-wakings!

I don't have a lot of advice, but lots of encouragement. It's hard being a mama (especially with twins, I think). Can you get your SO or a family member to spell you one day a week or in the evenings so you can get a break? Everyone needs some down time. :hug:

 

Thank you so much for your reply....
Yes I work full time from home with the twins here and no help during the day. My DH is great (well most of the time <_< ) in the evening but my 6 yr old is all about Mommy which makes it hard for him to step in at times.
I am def overwhelmed.....so thank you for listening....

 

Wow, that's incredible!! You really are Super Mom! :bow2: Seriously, I can't even manage dinner when my miscreants are on the loose. I have to turn on a Baby Signing Time video or make DH cook (usually the latter ).

You really sound like you need a break. Maybe your DH could take a day off once in a while to watch the kids while you get some work done, or errands, chores, or just some R&R. Or plan a weekend day to get away for lunch with friends or a shopping excursion.

Even Super Mom needs time to iron her cape occasionally. :hug:

 

It is important to take care of your family, but you need to take care of yourself, too. If you don’t, you can’t take care of them!



My husband and I both give eachother a day on the weekends where the other gets out of the house and spends time for himself/herself. Just a couple of hours is great! I don’t think it is necessary for your spouse to take a day off work, but helping out in the evenings is great… but I do think that you should try giving each of you a few hours down time- by yourself, on the weekends. I would suggest, above all, getting out of the house… it is hard to do while at home – I’ve found this even with just our 2 and we don’t have an older kid (esp. if you have your 6 year old all about you.) If you have local friends meet them for coffee, or go out and sit at a coffee shop yourself and read a magazine/book, drive somewhere where you can go for a relaxing walk, do something that relaxes you and gives you some down time. And I think your spouse should do the same- he’s always at work or at home, right? Both of you need a break. Try it… I think you’ll find it will help.



Another suggestion- I’m sure you tried, have you enlisted your 6 year old’s “help” to get things done and help take care of the little ones (feeding, washing or drying dishes, etc?), or make simple meals for herself (pb&j sandwiches, etc.) I’ve found little ones around this age often like to feel important/helpful… I started making my own lunches around 5 and was really proud of myself. My little sister was born 5 years younger than me (just a little difference in age) and I loved helping take care of her. You’ve probably already enlisted her “help”, but thought I’d mention it just in case

 

I agree with the PP's suggestions. Another thing I was thinking, is there any way you can enlist the twins in a part time daycare program, so at least you have sometime to focus on work or you? Or have a mother's helper come to help out?
You definitely deserve a break and some down time :hug:

 

I know what you are talking about with being overwhelmed... I dont want to be the bearer of bad news... but for me it got worse... meaning these little twins start getting INTO EVERYTHING! Oh boy... big sigh! Anyway, I work part-time from home, I try to get in 16 hrs a week, and, boy it is hard! I don't know how you are able to work full time!! I can get the 16 hrs a week in, but I don't have time to do anything else... no cleaning, no cooking etc. this only leaves me feeling like I haven't accomplished anything.

Last summer I got a highschool student to come over 1 day a week, and it helped me be able to get in almost 8 hrs in one day, so then I had half my hours in for the week... she wasn't the "best" of help, but maybe I expected too much. anyway, in one regard you get what you pay for. Last fall I hired another lady for a day or two a week, and she was really helpful, and she even cleaned up around the house while the kids were napping.

With that said, I am looking into trying to get a helper again. I am feeling overwhelmed again.

Yes, you need to have some mom time. I have 2 or 3 nights a month where I go out with friends.

And yes, hopefully your dd can be a big girl helper! I cannot imagine having twinfants and an older child who is needing your time too. Just try to take it one day at a time, and make sure to breathe!

I hope that at least your dh gets home at a decent hour so that you have help with the evening routines for bath and bedtime. For several months of the year, my dh works quite late and the evening routine is all on me too! Those months are very exhausting, as I'm sure you know.

If you can afford it, I would try to get someone to help you out. Good luck!

 

rest assured, i think anyone would feel overwhelmed in that situation. i occasionally work from home, or at least try when one or both boys are home sick from daycare. i don't know how you get anything done. i usually give up and cancel meetings/log off. is there any way you can bring in some help for maybe 4 hours a day, so you don't feel like you're being pulled every direction at once?

 

Thank you all for your kinds words, truthfullness and encouragement! :air_kiss:
I know that at times in life we all feel this way, in time I am hoping I will somehow figure out how to balance it all and get some time in for myself.
This weekend I actually felt like I was "sick" but knew I wasn't - as my DH put it, Life just kicked my a** and my body needed to just shut down for a little while so I did....I guess once a year that is OK right :rotflmbo:

I'm so glad to be back and with people that really understand how hard this all is...
I hope I can be of help to you all at some point too....

Thank you thank you thank you