It was supposed to get easier

This is more of a rant, I just needed to share.

I was told that the first year would be the hardest and it would just keep on getting easier, well it didn't. To be fair in so many ways it is easier and it is so much harder in others, I am a SAHM (and work when I can fit it in for my husband) and today I just looked at my husband as he left wishing it was me going to work for the day. Don't get me wrong I love being with my kids but as I am sure most of you would agree some days and weeks are just hard. My brother told be back in January that the only thing I could be certain of was change and he was right, just as I think I have everything running like clock work something changes and at the moment it is the preview to the terrible 2's (we are only at 21 months). My son has inherited both my husbands and my stubbornness and he is giving it everything he's got. He wont wear a bib to eat (do you still make your toddlers wear bibs or am I behind?), he just waves and says goodbye to me whenever he wants me to go away or does not want to do something (it was cute at first), the list is so long I will leave it at those examples. I know patience is the key but it is hard to muster when you feel like your free time/ work time is shrinking more and more and they demand so much more and you feel like you are being sucked down a hole.

A few weeks a ago I had the beginning of the terrible two preview starting and on top of that they wanted nothing to do with me, they just wanted dad. They refused to let me feed them, bath them, play or read to them if he was home. I finally broke when my daughter handed me the dirty clothes at bath time and then my son said "bye bye". It got better though for a week but I am back at another hard day. I guess I just need to keep reminding myself of the great stuff, like when we sit on the step outside and for about 30 mins they are happy to watch the world go by with me and see if we can spot squirrels.

I guess I have a question, even with incorporating them in things around the house (need to be careful which ones I pick as cleaning out the pantry was a disaster) does anyone else feel like they are getting less time?

 

:hug:
I can relate to how you feel, I am at a SAHM and there are days where I wish I had a job so I could get out of the house, just so I did not have to deal with kid drama (even though I'd have to deal with it when I got home)...I think as children approach new ages and stages in life there are things that are great about them getting older and then there are more challenges too. My two were done with bibs around 18-19 months, they just kept pulling them off. They are 32 months now and they go through phases where they are tired of me and only want Dad or my Mom and then it might all swing back to me.
I find with cleaning, I try to include them in small daily jobs rather then the big ones because as well intentioned as my kids are, we will never get the big jobs done. I do a lot of my cleaning when DH is off on the weekends or when the children are napping.

 

I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now. :hug: Things were easier for me during the second year than the first, but I really think everyone is different. Or maybe I just had such terribly low expectations after the nightmare newborn days that *anything* seems better! :laughing: But I do agree that some things get easier, while some things get harder. My challenge is keeping my temper when my little ones (especially Nate) really know how to push my buttons.

I'm a WOHM, and I also find that there is not enough time in the day. If we stay 100% on schedule, we can get everything necessary done, but almost nothing extra. If we get off schedule, then things have to slide and I get stressed out. My boys *create* a lot more work than they help. Half the time they throw things in the garbage can for me, they fish them back out again. :gah:

My guys definitely go through phases of wanting only Mama or only Dada. I don't know if it helps to hear this, but it does change monthly or sometimes even daily! They also go through phases of not wanting to wear bibs; right now Jack is in his "off" cycle. I do like them to wear bibs because they're not that great with spoons and tend to dribble on their fronts, but I just have to resign myself to doing more laundry and not make it a battle.

Come and vent any time! :hug:

 

I have to run but I'm going to totally ditto Nancy and Valerie! All 4 of my kids have gone through phases, but being a SAHM, my kids have always been "daddy daddy daddy" as soon as he walks in the door. I believe it's because I'm home with them all the time. They don't have a chance to miss me. Last year was the first time I've ever really left the kids (for meetings), and my hubby said they were asking where I was, and whether I would be home in time to tuck them in.

:hug: :hug:

Oh, and I do make my kids wear bibs yet, they are nowhere near coordinated enough to stay clean when we go out to eat, so if I want them to wear bibs when we are out, I have to enforce wearing bibs when we are at home too. I bought some cheap over the head bibs from walmart, and they like them enough to wear them but they take them off when they are "done" eating too!

 

I can understand your frustrations, one way I got through that rough first year was promising myself it would get easier. Now I know that it doesn't get easier (at least not until they go to school) it just gets different. I also can't say that the second year might have been easier if I hadn't had so many health problems myself.

It's still a rule in my house and out that they wear bibs when eating. There's been some battles about it but at the moment they're resigned. They're just throwing food now :huh:

 

Thank you so much ladies.

Being a mother has far exceeded my expectations and I love it, but I never thought it would be this hard. My husband is working longer hours at the moment so that does not help either, he would always come home and take over at bath time so I could then run around and get some things done (or sometimes just take some time out and read these forums as a reality check so that I knew I was not alone) but I am trying to support him so that includes loosing his help at the end of the day when I am hanging on by a thread sometimes (I have to give him credit he does come home if I can't make it on my own somedays) and trying to fit my work in later or it slips and I feel bad. I think the 'I only want dad' is more exaggerated than normal because dad is not home as much, and a few months ago I needed to take a two week trip overseas.

I really try to not compare my guys either but sometimes it is hard, my son went from being my easy going child and never complained about food etc but they just seemed to have flipped and my son is challenging me at every corner and whilst my daughter has a scream that could break glass when she wants to throw a tantrum she is a lot more easy going and sensitive. I struggle with what is the right thing to do because I don't want to break his or her spirit but I know if I don't stand my ground now I might as well hand the keys to the house over to them. I try to give them choices to help them feel a little bit more in control (but I decide what the options are).

Once again thank you for your response, it is encouraging to know I am not alone because sometimes it is easy to just think it must be me and I am doing it all wrong.

 

Wow, I do have to say the only way I survive is because DH is around almost as much as I am (I would say just as much, but he has a nasty golf habit ). I really couldn't do it without his help. Kudos to you for managing to take care of everything while he's working longer hours. I can't imagine how tough that must be! :hug: