It is difficult to keep from letting this eating thing get you down.

Food is by far the most frustrating part of our life right now. I know everything is a stage so I am sure this will end soon, but, please, may I vent?????!!!!!!!!!

Jack is living on yogurt, fruit, cheese, and milk right now. Lily is doing a little better but neither will sit for a meal. They are out of high chairs and sitting at the table with us. The thing is, no one wants a meal. They snack all day long and I let them. Is that what you do?????????? The snacks are all healthy and many times I will save what was meant for the meal and give that to them when they are ready. They are just not interested in sitting for a meal or eating at meal time.

I am trying to be relaxed about this and not let it bother me but it feels like it is so hard to get a rythm going all day when it is a few grapes here, an apple there, always some cheese right before bed (like the entire bag of cheese every night). Sometimes they ask for it and then throw it on the floor in true toddler fashion - it could really drive you crazy if you let it!!!

Two things I know:
I know as adults we are always told to eat small meals throughout the day.
I know that kids have a better sense of when their own bodies are full or hungry than we do

This leads me to believe this is an okay thing at this age...but, please tell me if I am wrong! How do you handle it?

 

Personally I would NOT let the snack all day long b/c you're sending the message that if they don't eat at meals then they KNOW that they'll get something else as a snakc later (even if it's a healthy snack). I do 3 meals and 2 snacks (am and pm) and it's ALWAYS in their high chairs.

That's just me though b/c I could NOT handle snacking all day long. DH does that and it drives my nuts and Im not even the one having to make and serve it for him.... lol

 

I'm mixed on this, as we face the same problem - but at 2 years old it's getting better - we've settled into 3 meals and 2 or 3 snacks.

They are so excited by everything at this age, it's hard to focus and eating just isn't that interesting.

I also agree that they know when they are hungry and when they aren't - but sometimes they just take the edge of you know? I would try to keep snack time at the table (not let them run around with food, not sure if you are doing that) - but I wouldn't force them to eat. It does get better, for whatever reason since their language has improved, a lot of things have gotten better.

They will sit for family meals for 20 minutes or more...we actually took them out to eat and it was great!

 

Mine eat in their high chairs for meals. They eat 4 meals. 2 Breakfasts/lunch/dinner and they also sit in the high chair for afternoon snack. My boys don't graze in the afternoon, but even with 2 breakfasts (they get up b/t 5/6am) they want puffs and goldfish all morning. I keep some on the table and they eat when they want. I think if they are asking for more they are hungry. Both my boys know the signs for eat and more and use them frequently in the morning. I hate having milk all over the house so that's why they are always in their chairs. I don't know that they eat any better, but it also gives me time to empty the dishwasher w/out them trying to climb in. HTH

 

Ellyn Satter has a few books on this describing her philosophy. She insists that you should start young with good eating habits. Parents provide the what, when and where. Children are responsible for the how much and whether. So you provide good, healthy food at regular times during the day and then they can eat it or not.

This is what I used for my 9-yr-old SS (easier to reason with, for sure) and my toddler. They only eats at regular meal times and snack times (unless Grandma is over or something). They seem to appreciate the routine. I don't allow them to eat unless it's time for a snack or meal. If they choose not to eat the meal, then they have to wait until the next snack time to eat again. This was really important with my SS because he was wanting to eat all the time, out of boredom, it seemed to me. He has no trouble now, waiting until the next scheduled meal/snack time.

I was looking for help on eating because my family has a tendency towards being overweight and I want my children to have good habits now, so they have less to fight with later.

I had the same thought you did about several smaller meals are better and I'm not sure that's wrong. I don't think you are hurting them, but if the lack of routine is frustrating you, you might try slowly trying to establish more set meal times.

I am by no means an expert - just letting you know what I have learned. All of this may go out the window when my twins are toddlers!!

Good Luck!!

 

:hug: I've been there with the eating frustrations. It's hard for us because, of course, we want what is best for them. I did cut out all snacks {never any time really} and that has helped TREMENDOUSLY for my two. Yes, snacks are good if healthy but it was ruining meal time for us and only making me mad. ardon: As far as sitting at the table, they have to sit with us until we are done. We started this when they were around two, and they are getting used to it, but it takes time. I wish I had some more advice. I am one of those moms that lets them have a few small toys at the table, so I get to bribe them with those for them to take a few bites of whatever. :blush:

 

QUOTE(mommymeg @ Feb 10 2009, 04:27 PM) [snapback]1184705[/snapback]
Mine eat in their high chairs for meals. They eat 4 meals. 2 Breakfasts/lunch/dinner and they also sit in the high chair for afternoon snack. My boys don't graze in the afternoon, but even with 2 breakfasts (they get up b/t 5/6am) they want puffs and goldfish all morning. I keep some on the table and they eat when they want. I think if they are asking for more they are hungry. Both my boys know the signs for eat and more and use them frequently in the morning. I hate having milk all over the house so that's why they are always in their chairs. I don't know that they eat any better, but it also gives me time to empty the dishwasher w/out them trying to climb in. HTH


DITTO. This is US exactly. Sometimes there isn't a pm snack tho.

We are ALWAYS in high chairs and when we are out of those, which won't be for a LOONGGG time, I hope They will sit at the table for meals. They are soo used to that now that they don't even want to snack anywhere but their chairs. When they want to eat they go to their chairs and refuse food anywhere else.. Trust me, I've tried to feed them on the run and they just won't do it.

My kids seem to hardly eat at all and it drives me bonkers. I stress about it aLL day long and have since I had them. It's tricky. I just have to believe that they will be okay and eat when they are hungry. (I keep telling myself this.)

I'd also let up on the snacking a bit and focus more on mealtime and making sure they sit at the table. It's good to encourage that now

Good questions!!!

 

QUOTE(TexasTwins15 @ Feb 10 2009, 04:28 PM) [snapback]1184709[/snapback]
Ellyn Satter has a few books on this describing her philosophy. She insists that you should start young with good eating habits. Parents provide the what, when and where. Children are responsible for the how much and whether. So you provide good, healthy food at regular times during the day and then they can eat it or not.

This is what I used for my 9-yr-old SS (easier to reason with, for sure) and my toddler. They only eats at regular meal times and snack times (unless Grandma is over or something). They seem to appreciate the routine. I don't allow them to eat unless it's time for a snack or meal. If they choose not to eat the meal, then they have to wait until the next snack time to eat again. This was really important with my SS because he was wanting to eat all the time, out of boredom, it seemed to me. He has no trouble now, waiting until the next scheduled meal/snack time.

I was looking for help on eating because my family has a tendency towards being overweight and I want my children to have good habits now, so they have less to fight with later.

I had the same thought you did about several smaller meals are better and I'm not sure that's wrong. I don't think you are hurting them, but if the lack of routine is frustrating you, you might try slowly trying to establish more set meal times.

I am by no means an expert - just letting you know what I have learned. All of this may go out the window when my twins are toddlers!!

Good Luck!!


This is fantastic! Thanks!! I agree one million percent with ALL of the above. Sounds like a GREAT book!

 

Personally, no, I don't allow snacking all day. They get one or two snacks, usually one between breakfast and lunch, and/or one between lunch and dinner. They are expected to stay seated at meals. It's a pet peeve of mine to have kids running about, in and out of their seats at meals. They are slow eaters, so normally DH and I are done before they are. If they ask for food at a non-meal or snack time, I tell them to wait. If it's close enough, I might go ahead and do the snack/meal early.

 

Anytime I can get calories into my kids it's a plus. Seriously! They are very underweight. I do keep them in their high chairs to eat at normal meals. But I offer milk and try to get them some carbs mid-morning. If we are at the ice rink at night, they also want a snack.
I don't think I'd be able to handle grazing all day. I can only handle cleaning up after them so much. They are just too messy still.

 

I absolutely dread meal times, I cannot stand it. Between the twins and our foster daughter, I am feeding babies all day long! And no one wants the same thing. Ryan climbs out of his booster and gets on top of the table, Jenna throws all of her food on the floor, and Marley steals everyones food. I know how you feel. Sometimes I HAVE TO let them snack all day, because I don't know if I can handle another mealtime at the table. Bad Mommy, I know, but I have to have my sanity.

 

Thanks for the advice ladies...I am definitly taking it !
We were doing so well before with two snacks and three meals that I could not figure out how it all went south so quickly. Now that I think about it though, I think it coincided with the timing of our old nanny leaving and our new nanny arriving. I am going to work with her to be more scheduled with the snacks and meals and I am sure it will make a big difference.
Thanks again!!!

 

My kids aren't scheduled currently, but we fall into 3 meals a day and 2 snacks usually. I try to keep it to that, but I don't let myself stress out over it. When they get into school, they will get even more routine and I'll stick to that more firmly, but not at this point. When they get closer to getting to school, I'll force a firmer structure as well so it's not a shock to them. Just my philosophy and not a judgment on how others do things, of course!

 

Just want to echo the book recommendation. This Child of Mine, by Ellyn Slater is absolutely fabulous for this. Plus, my Dr. always reminds me that she's never seen a malnourished child in a home that offers 3 meals and 2 snacks a day. The eating patterns that your children have now depend on them and not you as long as you provide good balanced REAL food in an environment that is structured. In a few years you can get loosey-goosey here and there with mealtimes and what they eat, but during these first few years it's best to stay on course. I say this because I have a 15 year old who has just terrible eating habits and routines and it's all my fault. My 9 year old is much better because we knew more, but we're hoping that the twinkies will have developed the best eating habits...third and fourth times the charm I guess.

ETA: One of my DD is barely on the chart. She hasn't gained a pound in over 4 months. I'm terribly worried everyday about her growth so I know the tug to just let them eat what and when they will just to get calories.

 

I have smaller children and we do 3 meals /2snacks. It works well...if my two graze all day they tend to eat only carbs and no 'meal'.

I do a light snack between br & lunch then a heavier afternoon snack between lunch and dinner.

I have one DD that eats well at all meals and tends to skip snacks and the other eats small meals and ALWAYS eats her snack.

I feel that through the snacks and meals they are exposed to more foods. They are expected to sit at the table and eat, clear the plate (plastic) when they are done, and ask to be excused. DH and I are fast eaters and are usually finished before they are. Meals are 15-30 minutes long (dinner is longest, lunch shortest) snacks are often on the go or at functions (preschool, community activity).

Also, sometimes when mine *think* they are hungry they are really thirsty and vice versa. They end up no eating and then asking for something to drink. Try a small drink and see how that goes before you try a snack outside of the 'schedule'.

 

i think it was Dr sears that said that snacking/grazing all day is what toddlers are programmed to do, and there is nothing wrong with it. At least they are getting nutrients in! My girls will sit at the table for a meal but they won't eat. They hardly eat anything at all for that matter either in meals, or in snacking..

i'd keep letting them graze and eat the healthy foods throughout the day, just give them a small snack type food at meal times too and try and get them used to sitting at the table.. just MHO...

 

QUOTE(ahmerl @ Feb 10 2009, 07:51 PM) [snapback]1184619[/snapback]
Jack is living on yogurt, fruit, cheese, and milk right now. Lily is doing a little better but neither will sit for a meal. They are out of high chairs and sitting at the table with us. The thing is, no one wants a meal. They snack all day long and I let them. Is that what you do?????????? The snacks are all healthy and many times I will save what was meant for the meal and give that to them when they are ready. They are just not interested in sitting for a meal or eating at meal time.

I am trying to be relaxed about this and not let it bother me but it feels like it is so hard to get a rythm going all day when it is a few grapes here, an apple there, always some cheese right before bed (like the entire bag of cheese every night). Sometimes they ask for it and then throw it on the floor in true toddler fashion - it could really drive you crazy if you let it!!!


I wish I had some words of advice for you, but unfortunately all you have is my absolute empathy. I am not kidding - I could substitute my kids names for yours and say the exact thing, right down to the yogurt, fruit, cheese and milk. It is depressing and stressful and I am trying to ride it out by continuing to offer them healthy things even though it all ends up on the floor. What else can you do?

As my mom said to me recently, "I have no sympathy for you. I had the skinniest kids in the neighborhood and the fattest dog." We survived and I'm sure yours will too. Hang in there. We'll make it!

 

When my girls were that young, I was a real stickler about having them sit down during meals/ snack time. They had weight and choking issues, so I felt that having them sit was safety issue and I could monitor how much they were eating. Plus, it would eliminate the mess of them running around the house with food. I never had strict meal. nack times, jutt 3 meals and morning/ afternon snack. I had booster seats that had an attached tray and that helped them to sit for a few minutes. I had to be realistic about how long the meal time should last. It is a lot of work, but it is worth it to be consistent. My girls are 5 now, and it's great sitting at the table with them and has been for a long time. The hard work has difinitely paid off. Good luck!