Issues at school

Cooper has a hard time keeping his hands to himself. It is a problem we deal with at home, constantly redirecting him, telling him to keep his hands to himself, off his sister, etc.... He can't seem to talk to you without touching, squeezing your arm or leg, etc.... Apparently, it has become an issue at school. Since starting in Sept., there have been about 4 days where I guess it was enough of an issue that she brought it up to me. Yesterday when I picked them up she said that Cooper and another little boy have a hard time keeping their hands off of each other. When they are asked to stop, they listen, but she said it is non-stop all day. BUT...she kept reiterating that when she "asks them to stop they do...they listen." I told her yesterday that it is an issue we have at home as well. We don't let him get away with it (especially if he is aggressive) we discipline/re-direct whatever is appropriate at the time.

I am not sure what they want on our part if anything. Are they telling me this because they want me to come up with a solution? -or- Are they telling me just simply to keep me informed? This is my first experience with any type of school and the kids. So...if anyone has BTDT or if there are any pre-school teachers out there, please chime in. At this age, do they just tell you everything that happens in a day to keep you informed or do you think they are expecting us to get this behavior nipped? Like I said, we are constantly re-directing and disciplining this behaviour at home. I guess, I am at a loss as to what to do about it when he is at school. Just let them deal with it or should there be a consequence at this age when he gets home??

 

I teach 3 yr old preschool

It depends. The school may be documenting it- if (big if) it is excessive and/or harmful (hugging so hard it hurts, pinching, etc). Our local preschool will often involve the local area resources for anything that is really excessive for a a child (of any age). They may just informing you. Do they fill you in on other things? Is it a concern anywhere else? Have you been worried enough to talk to your Pediatrician or Dr about it? Is it worse/better in certain situations? (low on sleep, after being cooped up indoors, etc)

For 3 yr olds it is normal to be touchy---but again the intensity, duration, frequency, and the ability to control it (age appropraite) is taken into consideration.


As teachers (in my classroom)- we redirect the child, remind of proper behavior, possibly model it (rewalk to class without touching anyone, etc), keep kids that 'interact' poorly apart as much as possible. Other ideas we have used are fidget tools (make sure a child that touches others in certain situations (i.e. lines) has something to hold so hands are busy). Involve lots of gross motor play (this helps at times)- sometimes some preschool programs need more physical action to help kids that have high physical demands for movement or touching other people.

We do reports to parents for really funny, really positive, or concerning behaviors - plus routine stuff (if they had an accident, if they did not eat, if they were acting odd, etc).

A few kids (like one of my DDs) have sensory trouble and have a hard time controlling it, but that does not sound like your situation since he can stop (and at 3 that is good! self-control is still developing at this age---as is impulse control and long term control).

I would maybe conference with the teacher and see what they do to handle it. If it is increasing/decreasing. If a particular combination of him and another student can be split more (seated apart) or see what/if they have any concerns or if they are just notifying you (which is also common).

At 3 and 4--- kids still sometimes have a hard time controlling themselves. Especially since they are usually naturally physically affectionate. Unless it is causing social problems, seems to be more impulsive/compulsive than just rumble/tumble than I would not worry too much.

As for consequences when he gets home----really after a morning at school, that is hard to transfer for most 3 yr olds. *maybe* keep a positive reward chart for good reports from the teacher, but even that may be too delayed of a response. How long is he in Preschool?? (all day, half day, a few days a week??) That may also change how to approach it.

HTH-- the best thing would be to take your questions/concerns to the school more formally than a hallway chat and then take it from there.

 

Totally agree with the previous post. I don't teach preschool, but often work in preschool classrooms as an OT. And my ds had some of the same issues. One of the things his kindergarten said to me was interesting. She said that she could handle him in K using alot of the strategies mentioned above, but had concerns for how he would do in 1st grade. Preschool teachers are often able to handle and redirect, but want to make sure you're aware of what's going on. If it becomes more of an issue later, most parents would be upset to be hearing of difficulties for the first time when there is a significant issue. Definitely chat with the teacher and make sure you understand where she's coming from and make sure she really knows that you also address the issues at home when they happen there. I think a lot of teachers want to know if there's consistency at home.

 

Could he have some kind of a busy gadget (I'm thinking along the lines of one of those stress release balls or some of the other sensory toys)? Something small that he could have available when he needs to have his hands busy?

 

1. Yes they do.
2.Not sure. This is really our only experience with school so far. They do go to Sunday School and the sunday school teacher is always saying how the all the boys this year are wild. She groups them together though and has never said anything specific to us about Cooper.
3.Not about the touching or keeping hands to himself. I have been concerned about his attention span and possible hyperactiveness. DH seems to think it is his personality/he's a boy/he's just like DH, etc....
4.We just recently have been trying to keep him on an ADHD diet (parent imposed not doctor recommended) being a nurse I thought it couldn't hurt to try. It basically cuts out all sugar even fruit juice. We have noticed he is better when he has absolutely NO sugar in his diet.
5.They go 2 days a week from 9am-1pm.

My mom mentioned this too. I didn't think much of it, but it seems several of you have mentioned it here. So, maybe it has merit. I will have to go in search of a stress head and see if it helps.

Thanks you all for the suggestions. I guess I do need to check with the teacher and make sure she is not concerned about it being a social or sensory prob. I don't personally, but it would be nice to hear her opinion.

As far as the consequences when he gets home---I agree with KC Michigan. I figured it was too late (after the fact) to really have a consequence at this age. I do talk to him about it and constantly remind him that he has to remember to keep his hands to himself and off of the other kids at school. AND...let him know that Ms. Penny has told me he is having problems doing that.