Is this PP Depression or just normal overwelmed?

Hey ladies,

When the babies were born it was a lot of work. Having two babies is NOTHING like having one baby. I love them both so much. When we first brought them home my husband pretty much took care of the older two and the housework while I took care of babies - then he had to go back to work a month later (we were so lucky that he got a month off!)

From there I was along with three of my children most days (Gabe was at school most of the time). I swear all I could do was just take care of the babies. My poor four year old really got the short end of the stick - breakfast and lunch were super easy foods - not the healthiest. I would snap at her whenever she would try to talk to me. I love her - but I swear the babies cried all the time and having her talk over all of it was too much! At that point I had to start doing the cooking and the cleaning. I usualy was able to MOSTLY keep up - the cleaning was the hardest (folding laundry!) Some how I did it - but I felt overwelmed.

Then, when the babies 12 weeks old I went back to work. I work 2-3 days a week - so I am lucky that I don't work full time. I have been back at work for five months. I just feel totally spent! My house is a DISASTER! I havent' lysoled anything in months. All the babies want is to be held! I feel like when I am home I spend 95% of my time on the sofa holding/nursing at least one of the two babies! RIGHT NOW I AM JUST SO SICK OF NURSING! I know how lucky I am to be able to nurse them. I struggled to nurse them in the beginning - baby B didn't know how to nurse so it took a while to get her on. I am proud to nurse them but I AM SO SICK OF SITTING ON THE SOFA! I feel like I do about as much now as I did on bedrest! I just can't put them down without them screaming. THE WON'T EVEN SLEEP UNLESS IT IS ON ME! I can get about five minutes of them sleeping without me under them. I have tried everything!

I am sick of my two older kids. They fight and fight and fight and fight. We are trying the "Siblings without Rivelry" stuff and it is helping some - but if they aren't fighting then they are talking at the threashold of pain! It just makes me nuts.

I just want to leave for a week - no babies - no kids - no husband. I want to get away from all of it! I feel so guilty about that - but I can't help it! I love them but all I do is sit on the sofa and cry. The older two scream "I want ......" when I put a baby down to get them what they want/need the babies scream. I can't cook food while holding two babies - I have tried. They scream if I am not holding them so putting them in the high chairs or Bumbos in the kitchen just don't work. I can't fold laundry while holding two babies.

My job sucks right now. I can't quit - I get paid too much for that. Our state is in a major recession right now so there are no jobs up here - much less in the field I am in. There is no way I could find a job that would pay enough to put four kids in daycare. My current job barely pays enough - but we need the extra money - we can't live on my husband's income along (in the fall I bring home more since my son is in school - now I only bring home $10 a day after gas and daycare). Plus, I am not the type of person who can stand being home with my kids 24/7. I know part of my stress is the crap at work. I just want to QUIT so bad. I HATE one of my co-workers! She doesn't do her job and the rest of us have to work three times harder to pick up her slack. My boss knows about it and does nothing! I HATE IT THERE.

Home is load and stressful, work is loud and stressful. I HAVE JUST HAD IT. Some days I just shut down and just sit there and cry. Taking care of two babies is so much work - then there are the older two. I feel like I am just this lump that the twins sit on and nurse off of. I know I am not nurturing - half the time I can't even talk to them while they are on my lap. My mind won't even function enough to talk or play with them. I just sit there and wait until one or both of them are ready to nurse. My mind is so spent that I feel like I can't take care of my kids. They need and deserve better than me. Sometimes I wish I could find some really good people who would be good parents and adopt them out - my kids deserve good parents. They are great kids - I just feel like I am no longer even human - I am a sofa lump. My poor kids have the sofa lump mom.

Is this PPD or is this just normal mom with seven month old twins who has never had any help? Oh, ya, to make things worse my daycare provider gave Gabe yogurt yesterday so his autism is in rare form today (he woke the twins up at 4am this morning and he won't let them go back to sleep!) When will the work go down - or will it never go down and is my life to be nothing but the sofa lump forever. I don't even get to shower without listening to kids scream. I need 30 minutes off!

Thanks for listening to me vent.
Must go - the autistic seven year old is diving off the sofa (the lump moved to write this post) while the twins are screaming in the playpen and the "normal" four year old is quacking like a duck and runing in circles trying to not get hit by the sofa diving man.

The Michigan Sofa Lump

 

I dont know if it is PPD or normal since I dont know so much actual detail about PPD. All I know is you need a break! Do you have family by you? If so, call them right away! I dont know how you are doing it. First. having an autisitc son is a huge challenge in itself. A four year old needs/wants you attention and then of course 2 BABIES!

There is so much I want to say but dont know how. Basically, parents of 'just' twins find themselves in survival mode to get through. You have to remind yourself that you have 2 other chlidren. You talked about your house....if you had a clean house, I would wonder how that was even possible! Dont worry about that!

Your babies love and need you so much. You said it yourself that they wont even sleep unless it is on you!!! Although that must totally stink for you, it proves how much they need and love you. It made me sad for you when you said sometimes you wish you could find good parents for them. They LOVE YOU!!!

There is no doubt in my mind that if I was in your shoes, I would have been writing this post months ago!!! You obviously are a very strong woman!

Is there any way you can go with someone or by yourself for a day out. Maybe it would even feel good to talk with a professional to get all your feelings out.

A few months ago, I was feeling pretty down and cried often. I felt like I was falling apart. I talked to my dh and we decided that I needed somthing to look forward to because I was doing the same thing everyday. So now we try to plan something small every so often but it gives me something to look forward to.

I knw you dont feel like it but you are AMAZING! You are going through an insane time right now but I bet things will get better as the babies get a little older.
:hug99:

 

If it is PPD, I went through the same thing (except without the older children). Mine were constantly whinning or needing something, it was sooo hard!!

:hug99: to you.

 

QUOTE(Gabe Evie Allison & Elouise @ Jun 15 2007, 01:30 PM) [snapback]293298[/snapback]
Must go - the autistic seven year old is diving off the sofa (the lump moved to write this post) while the twins are screaming in the playpen and the "normal" four year old is quacking like a duck and runing in circles trying to not get hit by the sofa diving man.

The Michigan Sofa Lump


Glad you still have your sense of humor! (((hugs)))

 

QUOTE(Renald99 @ Jun 15 2007, 02:55 PM) [snapback]293451[/snapback]
Glad you still have your sense of humor! (((hugs)))



I have to or I would cry more! :crazy:

 

I really don't know anything about PPD but wanted to tell you to hang in there. I don't know how in the world I could handle two older kids, and the twins. You are supermom, regardless of what you think!! Maybe try callingyour doctor? Or talking to a therapist??

Hugs to you!

 

Take a break. Somehow, someway do it. You have to recollect yourself. Call family, friends, hire someone, have your husband take some time off work to help you. It's important to take care of yourself. And talk to your dr. He/She may be able to tell you if you are suffering from ppd or not, and how to help you feel less overwhelmed. You are doing some amazing things! But you have to put yourself on your priority list too. :hug99:

 

Feeling overwhelmed can DEFINITELY be a sign of PPD. I think you do need to talk to your doctor. Another thing, and this is a prescription from Dr. Jenny. TAKE A BREAK! I don't care what you have to do or who you have to blackmail, hire, beat into submission or guilt into watching the kids but you need some time to yourself. If you don't already have depression now, the course you are on will most likely lead to PPD at best and a breakdown at worst. And since you are a good mom you don't want to snap and go insane in front of the kids. Once you have secured an outing PLAN something to do. Go to a movie.... alone! Get a manicure/pedicure... without screaming! Drive to the park and read a book... without people chasing you down to demand things! Toilet paper your lame co-workers house... just threw that in for fun. Please, do something for yourself, you need and deserve it. Even better, make this a regular occurrence. :hug99:

 

You definitely sound overwhelmed, and you have good reason to be! I am totally in awe of what you are managing to do, even if you don't feel like you are managing it.

The only part of your post that sounded like PPD to me (though I'm not a doctor and you should not take my word for it) is where you said your kids deserve a better mom than you. If you really feel that way, then you should talk to your doctor ASAP. If you are sort of kidding when you say that, then what you need is a BREAK. If you can take care of all 4 kids by yourself, then so can hubby for an evening a week. Go out or just go to a friend's house and take a shower!

It does sound lik you haven't lost your sense of humor -- take care of yourself before you do!
:hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

 

:hug99: You sound so TIRED. Overwhelmingly tired. I would talk to your doc, it definately can't hurt. And take a break, even a short one, you will come back with a whole new perspective. :hug99:

 

No answers or solutions just :hug99: :hug99: