is this normal ...

I have ID twin girls and one girl on the way. One of my twins is pretty chill ... has her moments ... but usually go-with-the-flow and will go to either her Dad or to me (usually.) The other twin would be content to sit in my lap, be carried on my hip, or lay next to me on the couch all day long ... and she is friends with you until you try to separate her from Mommy. I think she would crawl back in the birth canal if she could. She won't even go to her Dad (who is a great and involved Dad when he is home ... just has to work a lot). She will play with him sometimes but if we are all in the same room and I leave (even just to pee!) she freaks out screaming "Mommy!!!!" I generally just leave the bathroom door open b/c enevitably she comes to join me. I can't cook dinner without her on top of me. She throws a fit when I leave her at Mother's Morning Out (even still, after 3 months!) and cries off and on for me the whole 3 hours she is there. Every night, I do bath and dressing and their Dad does books and bed ... and EVERY night as I am leaving the room she is holding on to me and crying "Mommy read books! Mommy read books!!!!!" and I have to leave the room with her screaming. I hate to end our days together this way ... but we have been consistent with this for their whole lives ... and only when he is working late (he is an MD so has weird hours) do I ever put them to bed ... OK, you get my point ...

Is this normal? I am really worried about how she will handle the new baby. When I think about leaving them for 3 days for my C-Section I feel so anxious ... Is there any way to help her with this or is this just one of those lovely phases (she has always been this way ...) I have put them in MMO and started having a sitter come a few times a month so she can get used to being away from me and I feel like it has only made things worse. If it is a normal part of being 2 ... OK ... but I feel like the new baby will be so hard on her if she is still this way in a few months ... any words of advice are welcome!!! I have thought, too, that maybe it is the new baby on the way that is making it worse ... do you think a new baby on the way is stressing her out even though she is not a reality to them yet? They seem excited about the new baby and don't ever act like they are miserable about the concept and even seem proud to have a "new sissy on the way." Anyway, TIA!

 

I don't have any advice as far as attachment, I just wanted to give you :hug: Maybe she will be a little mother hen to her new little sibling and just love helping out and being the big sister. You could really play up the part of being the big sister and show her all the things she will need to help with and maybe she will begin to get super excited about the new arrival. I wouldn't push her though, just guide her. Good luck, it must be very tough!

 

I know seperation anxiety peaks around 18 months and starts to taper off around 30 months. So, she is within the age of it being a part of normal development. I know my 2 still cry when we drop them off at their sunday school class. We have been taking them consistently to this class for 5 or 6 months now and Yes, they still cry. BUT...the teacher assures us that as soon as we leave they are fine. When we pick them up, they are happy and playing. I know how hard it is too leave them when they are screaming for you. I can only imagine it adding to it and being even more difficult when they do it with DH. :hug: I think the best thing you can do is give constant reassurance....give her hugs, kisses and reassure her that mommy is coming back. I think at this age they are able to play it up alittle more too. Especially, if they know it is getting to you. Stick to what you need to do and again reassure.

As far as the new baby, if she is jealous at first she will adjust. I know my nephew seemed happy to be getting a new baby brother. However, when they actually brought the baby home, the fun was over for my nephew. He was VERY jealous. He never hurt the baby or anything. He just didn't want to have anything to do with the person that was holding the baby, giving the baby attention, etc.... It didn't last long though. It was a few weeks and he was over the jealousy.

 

:hug: I don't have much advice either. Just hugs. Lauren is the exact same way with me. I have to do everything for her. I think the fact that I am a WOHM mom makes it a tad better because she does have to rely on others when I am not around. Just continue to be consistent and hopefully they will both get over this phase.

 

Royce is the same exact way. Which drives me bonkers. In fact right now he's sitting on my lap and rubbing his head on my ear. I have no advice, but you're definitely not the only one!

 

My twin DD was the EXACT same way! She was terrible with the clinging and the separation anxiety. She cried when I took her to daycare everyday for 3 months. Then when she turned 2 and moved up to the 2yr old class, she cried everyday for 3 months again. When we were at home, she was always on my hip on standing at my feet. ALWAYS! This was until she turned 3. So, it does get better. I dont remember anything specific that happened, but I guess she just finally got more comfortable in her own skin, without needing me there CONSTANTLY. She is definitely still my reserved child, and still does come to me around new people, but its WAY better.

I think you are doing the right thing by trying to get her used to being away from you, in preparation for the new baby. It is going to be hard on her, but I think you should explain as much to her as she will understand. It is kind of a double edged sword because, her bahavior could very well be getting worse because of the MMO and any other time you have been trying to spend away, to try to prepare her. But if you dont try to pry her off of you now, it will be hard when the baby arrives. Just do what you feel is right.

I have personal feelings about this because my 4yr old has Middle Child Syndrome, because I didnt spend enough time with her after the twins came. Its hard to do one-on-one time with 4 small kids. .but thats my own vent. I hope you are able to involve her when the new baby comes. Im sure it will be fine.

 

Jessy is still that way towards some people. She will totally snub some people just to sit in my lap. She has gotten better now that she is older.

 

Hi Traci,
My daughter is the same. I KNOW that if she could she would climb right back up in there!! Sometimes I joke "Avi, do you want to go back into mommy's tummy?"
My husband is GREAT with the girls and very involved but if I'm home it is MOMMY!!
I can't make dinner, I can't pee, I can't do anything without her in my arms, on my lap or crying to be picked up.

My other DD is all about Daddy so at least (for the most part) he can see how it feels.

I do not have the experience of having twins and bringing home a new baby but just wanted to let you know that the clingy two year old is common and I'm guessing "normal".

Good Luck,
Leslie