Is this kind of anxiety normal?

Hi Everyone, I'm hoping I can get a little advice here. My older daughter seems to be increasing in her anxiety- i.e. she never liked loud noises, but now she covers her ears when a loud noise (music, a truck driving past us etc) starts up. She is afraid of animals, going to the doctor, of sitting down in water (although that one comes and goes because we make her take baths), getting her hair washed, getting her teeth brushed, having clips in her hair. I've been talking to her for a few weeks now about going to get her first haircut and she seemed ok with it. Then today I told her 'Haircut today!' to see how she would react and she flipped. We walked past the hair salon where I am going to take her to look in the window and she started crying about no haircut etc etc. She didn't calm down until we got home. She is also a little OCD about putting certain things in certain places.

I don't know if this is normal toddler behavior or not. I am considering calling a PT friend of ours to see what she thinks (even though it's not her expertise, I still think she would be able to give me an informed opinion), because I am starting to get a little concerned about what seems to be increasing anxiety and/or sensory issues. What do you think?

 

Your daughter is about my kids age, they are born on 9/3/10.

Vanessa has issues with her hair also. She can't stand anyone to touch her hair, and it's a big battle to brush her hair and to do some type of pigtails, or a ponytail. On top of everything she has A LOT of hair and it's getting long. They both had their first haircut in may and it was bad for Vanessa, she cried as if someone was cutting her arm. I am thinking to go get her hair cut again, but I am not looking forward to the drama. She is not too bad in the bath - she doesn't cry if I wash her hair, but I do it fast because she becomes fussy if it takes too long. Did you try giving your daugher a shower instead of a bath? Maybe she will be better with just a quick shower if she doesn't like a bath.

Vanessa had a phase when she was afraid of loud laughter. She got over that in a weird way - we tickled her on the floor once and we tickled each other - my DH, Max and I, all 4 of us on the floor and we laughed and laughed for 10 minutes and then she seemed fine after that.

She also had a fear of strangers. She was even afraid of my father in law for a while - and we saw him weekly. She was afraid of everyone else other than my parents and my DH and I. Now she seems much better about that, but she's still not as friendly as Max.

She also seemed bothered by loud noises at some stage, but she got over that in about a week or two - that was about 6 months ago.

Max doesn't have any of these issues so of course I was worried with her. I mentioned each of these issues to her pediatrician and he said it's normal for some kids and she seems normal to him. As I said, she got over a lot of the issues - the only issue that we still have with her is the hair, but funny thing is that I hate people touching my hair also- when I go for a haircut I ask the hairdresser to give me the brush to brush my hair.

It doesn't hurt to mention it to her pediatrician, see what they think. In my experience, Vanessa got over her issues without any help and her pediatrician wasn't concerned with her.

Of course I kept comparing her with Max so I was worried and I always worry when the one seems behind the other. Right now Vanessa knows all colors - even silver - and Max doesn't seem to get the concept of color and everything is blue to him, so I am worried with him about that . Everyone keeps telling me boys aren't good with colors and he will learn in time...

Good luck with her, I hope it's nothing serious. And I really don't know how can you do it with your daughter my kids' age and twin infants, I admire you for that.

 

I am a speech language pathologist that works with that age group.. Also, my dd is similar. I usually refer my families to their pediatrician for similar situations and I will be taking dd to our pediatrician soon to talk abt her anxiety. Also, have you ever thought of doing a worry box for her? You can cut out or draw pictures of things that worry her and talk any them and put them in the box... So the worries are put away in a sense. Look at your local library for books to read about worry. Sensory wise the pediatrician would be able to refer you or possibly diagnose if he/she suspects a sensory processing disorder. Talk to your daughter about her feelings when this happens or start a dialogue about what would help... Helping to advocate for her own needs is a good place to start. Early intervention services may help if it is sensory based. One thing I always teach families I work with is to do a schedule of sorts with a visual from each activity (e.g., hairbrush represents haircut) so she knows what to expect or even talk to her about what will happen in a very matter of fact way.. Though avoid giving too many details. Is she able to ask specific questions about what is going to happen to resolve some of the anxiety?

 

Hmm-thanks Monica, always good to hear from someone who has kiddos the same age as yours. There is nothing about her that is not normal, as far as I can tell, besides for these issues, she is usually happy and sociable and confident (at least around people she knows), but all of her anxiety just seems to be ratcheting up lately. I'm not freaking-out concerned, more like maybe-I-should-be-concerned-about-this concerned. I will see how it plays out over the next few weeks and I will definitely speak to my ped at our next appointment, and I think I will call the PT I know too.

BabyHopes09-thanks so much too, I really like the suggestion to get some books about worrying! I think a worry box would be kind of a vague concept for her at this point, but I will definitely get a hold of some books,

 

Well my daughter is close to 5 and she has similar issues. When she hears very loud noises she covers her ears and ducks. She is petrified of the toilet flusher in public bathrooms and makes me flush it while she covers her ears. She is also scared of a lot of things. She will not let the dentist even look in her mouth, she is too scared, even with me there. She will not talk to or for the most part respond to any adult who isn't a relative, because she is shy. She is squeamish about a lot of things. But, I know I was similar as a kid and I turned out fine so I'm not really concerned. I just see her as being more sensitive than most. Otherwise she is a smart, well functioning little girl who is mainly happy and enjoys a lot of things.

 

My DS has some similar sensory issues, but is slowly beginning to grow out of them. I try to handle the sensory issues by letting him take the lead. I do not debate whether something is going to happen, but I let him dictate the pace and the intensity.

An example: If he needs a haircut, I will tell him that this is going to happen on X day for a few days before so he can get used to the idea. When it is time, I will insist that we cut his hair a little, but if he tells me "enough" or I sense that he is going into overload, I will stop even if his look is lopsided and far from finished. I cut their hair myself, so I can do it incrementally. This way we get the job done, but he has some control over the process and knows (1) it has to happen if mom says so, but (2) if it really is enough for him, I will respect his feelings and stop before the situation gets to where he feels he cannot handle it anymore.

This approach has also worked for taking baths or showers (he took a long time to accept the shower), going to strange places, dealing with noise etc.

GL!

 

Thanks, guys. I will keep you updated. My mom has sensory issues and several people in my family struggle with anxiety, so I'm a little hyper-aware of these things, I guess.

 

You might think about looking into OT for the sensory issues. Your primary doctor can probably give you someone in your local area to call. I work with kids, and quite a few of them go to OT for the sensory things.

 

She might goes through an anxiety phase. My son was like that until he was 2 or so. But he wasnt afraid of noise. Basically, if he didnt understand how things worked/ what they were/..., hed be freaked out. As long as he got used to it, hes fine. Now, he is a happy, funny, cheerful toddler.

Couple things we did to help him out grow it:
_ having a stable daily routine
_ Establishing a strong healthy trustful relationship between parents and child: lot of talking, cuddling, understanding
_ Reducing chaos at home
_ Reducing yelling, crying
_ Helping toddlers to express their feelings: happy, sad, nervous, angry,..
_ taking the kids out more often, so they can see and explore the real world: playground, museums, libary,..
_ doing exercise
_ introducing animals to them: dogs, cats,.. you touch and show them how nice and lovely the animals are, how to give love,..
_ Explaining everything over and over again.
_ Re-ensuring that "everything is going to be OK" and you are always there to protect her, nothing wrong will happen
_ Controling our emotions. Its hard. But when parents got angry or got into an argument, kids will feel it. Some kids dont care. Some do and get very nervous and worried
_ preschool might help
_ Having friends
_ lot of hugs and kisses

_ BE PATIENT

About the hair cut, i would just take her out for window shopping, then just drop in and show her around. Next time, talk her into it, no pressure. My son was super nervous when he got his first haircut at the hair salon. After it, he got a sucker. Now, he gets haircut every 3-4 weeks. He just got 1 last week after he told me "mommy, my hair is too long. I need a haircut."

Also talk to her pedi.I hope she will outgrow it soon. GL!

 

Thanks, those are really useful suggestions!