Is there some kind of stigma with ID twins?

So we sent away for the DNA kits to test our kids to find out if they are identical or fraternal because we just can't tell. There are enough differences that they could be fraternal, but Chase is a lot heavier than Connor which makes his face look chubbier, and their eyes/ears/hands/blood type are the same, but who knows. We just want to know for sure what they are. But when I told my mom, she said, "Oh, no, Kendra, don't do that!" I asked her why and she said that I would be disappointed if they were fraternal. My dad said the same thing.

What's up with that? Why in the world would I be disappointed if they were one type or another? Are identical twins perceived as "cooler" or something? I want to find out so that when the boys are older they know what kind of twins they are, plus I'm tired of getting asked if they are ID and having to say that we don't know, and they you get asked, well, why don't you know, blah blah. And, if they are fraternal, well, I concieved these kiddos while on the pill so I'd make sure to be extra doubly cautious so I wouldn't have that 1 in 5 shot of having twins again while on the pill again!!!! :lol:

Why would someone think that you could actually be disappointed that your twins are one way and not another? :blink:

 

I know my mom was a bit disappointed the boys are not ID. Now she's happy about it because she can tell them apart. Moms are so weird sometimes.

 

I'm sure there are people who think ID is special and are disappointed if theirs aren't ID. They presume you will feel the same way they do. I know some people expected me to be disappointed that I was having 2 boys rather than one of each since we're not planning on having more kids. I seriously did not care whether we had 2 girls, 2 boys, or one of each -- I only cared that they were healthy. When I sent the DNA test in, I wanted my curiousity satisfied. Whatever the result, I'd finally have an answer to the question and that was important to me.

 

I think some people have the perception that identicals are more "special" since they aren't as common. I don't feel like it should matter - twins are special regardless, and no less work for fraternal vs identical.
How exciting for you to be finding out though!

 

WOW! That sure is different to hear! My girls are frat. I think eithe r ID or frat, they each have their own special qualities and they are "twins" which is pretty darn cool!

 

I was kind of sad when we realized the girls aren't identical. I love my girls - but the identical experience would have been cool for them. Now - I think it is cool to have fraternal twins. Identacal twins are a lot more similar both personality wise and development wise than fraternal. I think it is so cool now to see how different our girls really are!

Angel

 

I have ID girls and I hate to say it but I'm really happy they are ID. Not that they are more special but that I'm lucky enough to have this experience. Its a childhood dream come true. As a child when I thought of names to name my future kids it was always in twos. I always said I was going to have twins. I'm a gluten for punishment . I really want another set and I don't care what kind they are beacuse a twin is a twin regardless if they are ID or fraturnal.

 

I agree with the pps who said that people tend to associated ids with some special status (I've even heard people refer to IDs has "real" twins, as if frats aren't real).

To be honest, I had the opposite reaction. I had the same reasons for you for testing (and am glad I did), but was kind of hoping that they would be frat. Having taught several ID twins over the years, I know that it can be a challenging experience, especially when they are teens and working though the identity chaos that being a teenager is all about. Plus with frats there might be a time in our lives when we didn't have to face the "ooh, twins?" conversations every time we left the house!

When I told my students last year that I was expecting twins, one girl had a very funny reason for thinking frats would be bad. She said "but what if one of them is ugly? It would be so awful to be the ugly twin!"

 

I don't understand that either, I am HAPPY my girls are fraternal. As you can see in my Avatar, they don't even look like twins now, Tressa is about 3-4 inches taller and weighs 10+ lbs more. I love not feeling like a freak every time I go out.
Goodness, if I had to deal with either of them having an identical twin with the same type of personality...I think I would have ended up in a padded room. My girls are complete opposites and they balance each other out.

 

Looking at the u/s, the doctors said that my boys were identical, but then when they were born, they had minor differences in appearance like the ones you mentioned with your babies. People would question whether they were really identical, and getting the boys' DNA tested to confirm that they were in fact identical made me more confident in saying that they were identical. I feel blessed to have identical twins, but I don't feel identicals are more special than fraternals. I agree that twins are twins.

 

Whenever I was pregnant, they told us they were fraternal so when anyone would ask me, I would say they are fraternal. And you would be amazed at how many people looked dissappointed! One lady even said "oh, that's a shame, ID are so much cuter!"

Now that they are born and we had them tested and they are ID, people seem to think they are so much more "cooler" now that they are ID. Almost like fraternals arent as "good" as IDs. I dont understand it, they are still twins!!!

 

I think for most of us moms whether our twins are identical or fraternal doesn't make us feel any differently about them! We only want them to be healthy & happy. Babies are babies and we are blessed to have them and nothing makes one more special than another. Having had twins & singletons, I can definitely say they are all loved equally and they all contribute something unique to our family.

Still, it is always interesting to know if they are id or frat, so good luck & let us know how it turns out!

 

You're never going to believe this! I thought your mom's reaction was surprising - AND THEN - dh takes the girls to the mall this afternoon and comes home to tell me some woman asked if they were ID. When he said no, she said "WELL, THEY ARE CUTE ANYWAY". Like maybe they wouldn't be if they aren't ID?

HOLY COW and just a day after your post, WEIRD!

 

I'm glad mine are fraternal. I think identical twins are cool, but I am glad _I_ am not the one who is going to have to tell them apart or have to worry about the rest of the world not giving them their own identities. My boys are SO different- blond/brunette...laid back/self-advocating. It allows me to be a little lazier than ID parents in that I don't have to consciously remind myself they are two different people all the time. All the twins in my family are fraternal anyway, so it is what I know.

There was a set of id twins I knew in school who were kind of creepy looking (think Wednesday Addams). One of those girls would have looked creepy alone, but the fact that there were two and they always kept to themselves made them really freak me out.

 

Being the mom of Fraternal Twin Girls, I see nothing wrong with having fraternal twins. My girls are so special because they are both different in every way and they have a special bond with each other. I did not even know that people thought like that about fraternal twins because no matter where I go with them I get lots of good, nice compliments about them. Also as different as they look (ones darker than the other) people still insist to me that they are identical. It is kind of upsetting to know that people think that way because either way twins are twins and they really are special.

 

I've gotten that my twins are not "real" twins as they are not identical. I usually say, "Well good then I can stick one back in for a different birthday." People are silly... Identical twins are special because the egg splits. Fraternal twins are special because two eggs are fertilized. I think both are neat because the odds of one healthy pregnancy are against women. The odds if two or doubly difficult!

 

Being a mother of fraternal twin boys, I think Erykah said it eloquently. :clapping:

 

I dont know either... My lil sis says she will be disappointed if my girls are frats.... WHY?? I dont have a clue but it is a tad insulting isnt it. They are all pretty darn special and I feel doubly blessed either way!! We are also going to find out soon because I am soooo soooo sooo sick of having the same ID./ frat conversation every single time I leave the house at least 6 times with complete strangers..... and I actually thought I wouldnt be bothered by it HA!

 

QUOTE(Marbear @ Apr 12 2007, 08:02 PM) [snapback]216963[/snapback]
I'm glad mine are fraternal. I think identical twins are cool, but I am glad _I_ am not the one who is going to have to tell them apart or have to worry about the rest of the world not giving them their own identities. My boys are SO different- blond/brunette...laid back/self-advocating. It allows me to be a little lazier than ID parents in that I don't have to consciously remind myself they are two different people all the time. All the twins in my family are fraternal anyway, so it is what I know.


Even though mine are ID, they are very different little girls. Alivea is the thinker, you give her something and she will look at it, study it and then figure it out. Kaytlin is very free-spirted and laid-back. She plays with every toy for about 2 minutes, then moves to the next. She is also more a lover then Alivea. Alivea is the more demanding, she has no patience for anything! And I dont have to remind myself that they are 2 different people, they are 2 different people with different likes and dislikes. Just b/c twins are ID, doesnt mean they have the same personality...

 

QUOTE(Trish_e @ Apr 12 2007, 03:08 PM) [snapback]216455[/snapback]
Its a childhood dream come true. As a child when I thought of names to name my future kids it was always in twos. I always said I was going to have twins. I'm a gluten for punishment . I really want another set and I don't care what kind they are beacuse a twin is a twin regardless if they are ID or fraturnal.

When I was a kid, I wanted twins too (and 10 kids ). I thought identical twins were so cool, like on "Double Trouble." After I had my first child, I thought bringing up one is hard enough, I don't need twins. Then what happens, twins! I could hardly believe it. Now, my dream would be to have a set of girl twins (yes, I'm a glutton for pushiment too). But that's just in my dreams; I don't think I could handle another child not to mention another set of twins... unless I win the lotto and find more help.

QUOTE(angie7 @ Apr 13 2007, 01:21 AM) [snapback]217354[/snapback]
Even though mine are ID, they are very different little girls. Alivea is the thinker, you give her something and she will look at it, study it and then figure it out. Kaytlin is very free-spirted and laid-back. She plays with every toy for about 2 minutes, then moves to the next. She is also more a lover then Alivea. Alivea is the more demanding, she has no patience for anything! And I dont have to remind myself that they are 2 different people, they are 2 different people with different likes and dislikes. Just b/c twins are ID, doesnt mean they have the same personality...

I totally agree. I'm surprised how different my identical boys can be -- in terms of personality, physical development, head shape, food likes/dislikes, bowel habits, medical conditions (one is hypothyroid), etc.

Hey, no matter what others think, we love our kids and they're all special -- singletons, twins or more!
If you want to find out if they're identical or fraternal, I think it's a good idea to know for future reference.

 

I guess if you are pregnant and don't know what they are, then yeah, people can voice opinions on id or frat (Ohh, I hope you have identical girls, how precious that would be! etc.), but once they are born and you have your twins in front of you, what difference does it make? You already love them for the individuals that they are, and to not have a "title" like identical or fraternal really doesn't matter.

Oh, and since we didn't find out what we were having until they were born, I think I got an equal amount of the "Oooh, they could be identical!" and "Oooh, I hope you have a boy and girl, then you would be done!" How do you know I would be done? I actually want 3! That used to drive me nuts.

 

Hmmmmm.. that's interesting! I was the opposite. I actually was disappointed when we found out that they were identical. Not because it would be harder for me to tell them apart, or because of any extra inconvenience to ME, but because all their life, they will have people consider them as one and the same, and will make no special effort to tell them apart, or to see them as two different individuals. And I'm sorry to say, that most people still do NOT make the effort to tell them apart. It's so sad really... Now one of my boys got injured and had stitches on his head. Thank God he is fine, but I have to tell you, what makes me sad is that people now will have it easy and they will be looking for the one with the scar to tell them apart. His stitches had not even come off yet, and people have already been telling me that they'll finally be able to tell them apart! (I know, how mean!!)

Whatever your children are, fraternal or identical, they will be two very different people. Personally, even though ours are identical, whenever I look at them, I see their differences, not their similarities. I really cannot understand how people cannot tell them apart, whether by their physical appearance, or their differences in their mannerism, voice, or personalities.

Whatever they are, they will be very very special. But personally, I would HAVE to know. I asked them to analyze my placenta after they were born. And that's how I found out.

Good luck to you!

 

FIL said to me when I told him that my girls were probably going to be Frat because I had two placentas "What's the point in having twins if they aren't identical".

I don't think parents of twins really mind one way or the other but I have found that society does. Maybe because id twins are a rarer find.

 

I was glad to find out my girls were identical because I had a weird "premonition" at 9 weeks that I was having identical girls. And then when they were in the NICU, I thought they were identical, and everyone kept saying no no no, I don't think they are. So basically, I just was happy to be proven right.

As far as being more special, that's just silly. Twins are special no matter what their DNA says!

 

I love the fact that I had twins and I love both of them but I guess I am in the minority because I am a little disappointed that they are fraternal. I guess I feel like people think they are not "real" twins because they are fraternal and I am always trying to find physical similarities in them. I think they are special but I wish everyone did. I think if they were identical which of them would I want two of.... Thing is I love them both so I would want two of each and so I would have quads. Don't get me wrong, I love that they are twins, I love that they are brothers and I love that they are so different but I, too think that identicals are amazing. Two people who look so much alike and have the same DNA, yet are two individuals with different personalities. It fascinates me. I don't think one is better than the other just different and interesting.....

 

I think that all twins, etc are special. My girls are fraternal and while they look like sisters, they are clearly two different looking little people. They are wonderful little girls, if I do say so myself.

I did have someone tell me that I should put the girls into commercials when they were tiny as ID twins because they do look similar, esp as 4 mo olds which is a prime age for the entertainment field. I said no, but it got me to thinking that for the most part twins on tv are ID. Some of that is for the switching of kids (laws for time kids can work) and some is because society thinks they are "cooler" or more interesting. I've got to admit that ID twins are neat because they "look" the same and they are much less common. Who wasn't interested in the ID quads that were shown on TLC recently? We watch because it is unique and interesting.

I've got a few friends with ID twins and it is very hard to tell them apart. However I do try, though I focus more on physical differences rather than personality because I don't know them that well.

They are all neat regardless of the type.

JMTC

 

I don't know if my twin girls are fraternal, or identical. I've always been able to easily tell them apart, except in some pictures. But some people look at them and can't tell them apart. I think identical twins are fascinating just because they look so much alike, but are two very unique seperate personalities. I think fraternal twins are fascinating because it is genetic and very cool that 2 babies came from 2 seperate eggs at the same time. Both are cool. How wrong of society to think one is better than the other. Twins are twins.

It doesn't matter to me what mine are. However, with that said, I would still like to know. Some of it curiosity, and some of it for their future if needed. I am also sick of the same conversation I seem to have with everyone in public who see them and want to know. It would be nice just to say one way or the other instead of I don't know and then have to explain why we don't know.

 

My girls are VERRRRRY fraternal. Meaning, they hardly look like sisters! Never mind twins. And I think that when they are older, that will be the cool part. People will first wonder if they are related, then to find out that not only are they related, they're sisters, and not only are they sisters, THEY'RE TWINS! :shok:

The thing with id twins for me is the same as a pp said....two different people who share the same DNA. Sooooo cool.

 

While I was pregnant I just assumed I would have frats .. not sure why .. I just did. Now that they are almost 3 yrs old, even though I never had them tested .. its more than likely they are ID. But I wouldnt have been dissapointed either way. Probably the main reason I never had them tested, to me it doesnt matter. But I agree that having ID's is cool .. but it would have been just as cool to have 2 entirely different looking boys as well .. or even better .. if one had been a girl !!