Is there honestly a point where it becomes fun?

My two are just so much work lately, I can't do anything when I am with them (I can't even leave to check my email for 2minutes, because as soon as DD notices I am gone, she comes to find me and cries until I come out and play with them again). I am guessing that at some point having children becomes rewarding and fun....I have moments of fun with the kids right now, but honestly it just seem like its hardwork for about 90% of the day. I am wondering if it will always feel this way? I think after 15months of this I am starting to wonder if that elusive day "when it gets easier" will ever arrive...

 

Buckle in because it's a looooong ride until college.

R is still uber-clingy, he cries when I'm not holding him. A could care less it seems. I'm simply her food provider and the one who changes her diaper and clothes. But then something like this happens:

R was sitting in my lap. A climbs up in my lap, leans over and smooches R. (first time) R starts laughing and they smooch each other.


Do you ever just sit on the floor with them and play? I find that is when I have the most fun with them. Playing with them, playing with their toys.

 

My b/g twins are 4 year old and it is still hard most days. They are so full of energy. But it is fun to go to the zoo and do arts and crafts with them. And just play with them. But I still get over whelm some days.

I have same problem with e-mail and talking on the phone. As soon as I do one of these activities they are arguing, demanding something or geting into something always seems like. I think they just know when I need or want to do something for myself.

 

Hard work, yes. Fun and rewarding, yes! I love just sitting around with them and letting them crawl all over me and getting books (usually to throw) and toys and doing puzzles and playing with them generally. Then, when I need 10 mins - I get the maid in! Don't you do that??!!

 

I'd say I started enjoying them more sometime after 18 months. The second year has been way easier than the first year. Of course there are times that they still drive me crazy.

 

That was a tough age for me too. But it did improve for a stretch once they hit a year and half. It's all about ups and downs around here. We'll have an awesome few weeks followed by some real struggles and then back to awesome. One of my sons is always a little tricky, even on the best days, but when he's happy he's really happy! Over time I've been able to gain perspective and I can usually convince myself that everything is a phase. Hang in there! Take some time off if you can, even just a few hours. Can the grandparents entertain them some morning so you can go to a coffee shop and read a magazine or something similar?

 

You need to transition them in to being able to play on their own w/o you. If you run to them every time they cry they are not learning how to entertain themselves. Of course they will cry if it means mommy will come every time. You need to try a sort of CIO while awake. A friend of mine is currently doing that by right after lunch putting her duo gated in to the playroom right off the kitchen while she cleans up from lunch. They are able to see her through the doorway and yes at first they just cried but now they cry a little bit and then notice the toys and go off and play. Every day she increases the amount of time she leaves them in there and will not end their play time in there if there is crying so they don't associate "I cry so mommy will get me".

I have never been the sort to run to my kids because they were bored and wanted me in the room. My two play really well on their own and together because of that. Of course I spend time playing with them but I am also able run around the house cleaning for a few hours if need be w/o them crying or missing me. I take a nap when they do every day so I'm well rested for them and I'm able to do that because I'm not relying on nap time as the only time to get things done. Of course major things I wait for my husband to come home and watch them so I can do them. They are very good at entertaining themselves which in turn gives me time to myself or to get things done. As I sit here checking my email for the past 40 minutes my twins are right next to me happily playing with toys. It will take some work but after a few days you will finally get time for yourself and your kids will be better for it.

 

I would also second having a safe play area... that has been such a wonderful thing for us! I can leave them in there and they play together or by themselves for long lengths of time, like the prior poster said. I will be interested in how this area changes as they get older... Our room is a large combination room and we were able to take a large 6' x 6' area and gate it off with two walls on the sides. They have all sorts of toys and play tables in there so they are able to walk and enjoy themselves. I was worried about them becoming more mobile and not wanting to still play in our gated area, but for now they are still entertained there.

I must say that I like the idea of getting them to play while cleaning up after they are done eating... I really struggle with that... seems that I never clean the highchairs before I need to use them again... ugh.

I also agree... I tend to be busy busy with everything else, and need to take more time to just play with them! I struggle with reading books to them b/c all they do is grab at them... but then if we never read them, they'll always be facinated with just touching them... hopefully they'll enjoy reading them soon.

 

QUOTE(eatcelery @ May 10 2009, 02:00 PM) [snapback]1307753[/snapback]
You need to transition them in to being able to play on their own w/o you.


I need to respectfully disagree on this point. I think it's a developmental thing. In my opinion, if you give kids what they need (Within reason of course! I'm not talking ice cream for dinner and carrying them around 24 hours a day just because they want it!), they grow secure and are then able to gain some independence. I don't think you can rush or force independence in a toddler. I think it comes with time and experience.

 

QUOTE(CHJH @ May 10 2009, 07:05 PM) [snapback]1308106[/snapback]
I need to respectfully disagree on this point. I think it's a developmental thing. In my opinion, if you give kids what they need (Within reason of course! I'm not talking ice cream for dinner and carrying them around 24 hours a day just because they want it!), they grow secure and are then able to gain some independence. I don't think you can rush or force independence in a toddler. I think it comes with time and experience.

exactly what i was going to say! ..... i have always responded to my children's cries and let them know i will be there for them--day and night when they need me. they, in turn, have matured in so many ways. their independence happily suprises me at times. now they are able to play on their own for a while. together and alone. but they always know mommy is nearby if they need something... and btw, i am usuallly w/in eyesight, and always w/in earshot.

best of luck! none of this is easy,
jl

 

I think there are days when it's easier and days when it's not. Some days my girls happily play with each other in their room independently for long periods of time (and I did CIO) and sometimes they go through something that makes them very clingy. I'm willing to bet all toddlers do this regardless of their parents' style of parenting. I think as they get older it will physically get easier because they'll do more and more for themselves, but it will always be mentally demanding. I also think the fact that it's an all day/all night 24/7 job makes it tough!

 

At that age, we found every 6 months, got a bit easier. At 3, once they started preschool, it was so much better! Then when they went to K, and now first grade is great! They have school, come home wanting to tell me about their day, get homework done, and off to play.

When the boys were 18 months, we took them for pictures, and marvelled at how well behaved the boys going in front of us were. Well, they were 2 1/2, and their mom told me they were just like mine a year before. Sure enough, when we went for pics at 2 1/2, they were soooooo much better. You are at a rough age due to an inability to truely communicate, and the frustration that brings. It will pass, just enjoy the babies you have now

 

I think independence is something they grow into and they will. Mine are pretty independent most days and it was not due to anything I did or didn't do. I think mine figured out that Mommy is pretty boring :laughing: They do have their clingy moments during the day and some days they have their clingy days. Hang in there Isis, it will get better!

 

QUOTE(eatcelery @ May 10 2009, 02:00 PM) [snapback]1307753[/snapback]
You need to transition them in to being able to play on their own w/o you. If you run to them every time they cry they are not learning how to entertain themselves. Of course they will cry if it means mommy will come every time. You need to try a sort of CIO while awake. A friend of mine is currently doing that by right after lunch putting her duo gated in to the playroom right off the kitchen while she cleans up from lunch. They are able to see her through the doorway and yes at first they just cried but now they cry a little bit and then notice the toys and go off and play. Every day she increases the amount of time she leaves them in there and will not end their play time in there if there is crying so they don't associate "I cry so mommy will get me".

I have never been the sort to run to my kids because they were bored and wanted me in the room. My two play really well on their own and together because of that. Of course I spend time playing with them but I am also able run around the house cleaning for a few hours if need be w/o them crying or missing me. I take a nap when they do every day so I'm well rested for them and I'm able to do that because I'm not relying on nap time as the only time to get things done. Of course major things I wait for my husband to come home and watch them so I can do them. They are very good at entertaining themselves which in turn gives me time to myself or to get things done. As I sit here checking my email for the past 40 minutes my twins are right next to me happily playing with toys. It will take some work but after a few days you will finally get time for yourself and your kids will be better for it.


I second this. Mine are very good at playing on their own. They come over for hugs or to sit on a lap every now and then, but mostly they do very well playing on their own. Just have to watch DS to make sure he's not ready to dive off the coffee table! DD can sit and play by herself for an hour at a time.

 

To get them more comfortable with you being in another room, tell them before you leave, "Mommy is going to the kitchen to put away the dishes. She'll be right back." After five minutes or so, return to them and announce that you're back. "Mommy is back." If you do this and increase the time gradually, hopefully they'll realize when you leave and that you always come back. If you leave without telling them, they might be crying because they don't know where you are.

Also while you're in the same room or within eyesight, give them a smile or say a little something to them every 5 minutes or so while they're playing by themselves. Just a little, "Oh wow!" or "Look at that pretty dolly!" These little check-ins should reassure them that you're still there and still engaged with what they're doing.

Like other people have said, I've found that we go through periods of more clingy-ness and more independence. Right now, DD tends to be more independent and DS usually comes to bug me if I'm gone for 5-10 minutes. I try to check-in/engage with them for a few minutes, then go get something done for 15 minutes or so, then check-in again with a smile and comment, etc.

 

I think it is different for everyone but I really started having more fun with them after they hit the 18 month mark. They are at the point where they play well with each other, can be left unsupervised in a baby proofed area for a short time, and have really started showing their love and affection, both to me and each other. They are really developing their personalities and do things that crack me up on an hourly basis. They play independently for awhile and then come running back for a hug. They are fully transitioned to one nap so the sleep struggles have stopped. They haven't yet hit the tantruming that is classic with terrible twos. Its still hard work and probably always will be but it is definitely getting more fun with each passing month. I'm just enjoying each day and waiting for the other shoe to drop!!

 

I have to insert my opinions to this reply...QUOTE(eatcelery @ May 10 2009, 07:00 PM) [snapback]1307753[/snapback]
You need to transition them in to being able to play on their own w/o you. If you run to them every time they cry they are not learning how to entertain themselves. I don't think, personally that anyone can tell you waht you *NEED* to do with your own kids. It is hard work, and even though I've always operated at the Drill Seargent end of the spectrum, that does NOT work for every parent or every child. Of course they will cry if it means mommy will come every time. You need to try a sort of CIO while awake. Again with the "You need"...A friend of mine is currently doing that by right after lunch putting her duo gated in to the playroom right off the kitchen while she cleans up from lunch. They are able to see her through the doorway and yes at first they just cried but now they cry a little bit and then notice the toys and go off and play. Every day she increases the amount of time she leaves them in there and will not end their play time in there if there is crying so they don't associate "I cry so mommy will get me". That's a good technique if it's something the OP is comfortable doing.

I have never been the sort to run to my kids because they were bored and wanted me in the room. That's understandable, but that's coming across as really judgemental to the OP. MAybe she's not "running to her kids" maybe she's just trying to figure out the best way to get through the day. My two play really well on their own and together because of that. I doubt it's just because of that. It is probably additionally innate to thier personality. My oldest was the worlds easiset baby, and often could play by himself for as much as an hour at a time, perfectly happy. There is no way my twins are going to be capable of that, and I'm rasing them the same way I did him. It's just not them. Of course I spend time playing with them but I am also able run around the house cleaning for a few hours if need be w/o them crying or missing me. I take a nap when they do every day so I'm well rested for them and I'm able to do that because I'm not relying on nap time as the only time to get things done. I think it's lovely that you have that luxury, however, maybe the OP kids aren't good nappers, or are the type of babies to nap in short catnaps with no long stretch during the day. Maybe she has to work, or she works from home. Maybe she doesn't have much help and *has* to use that time to do her chores or they won't get done. Of course major things I wait for my husband to come home and watch them so I can do them. They are very good at entertaining themselves which in turn gives me time to myself or to get things done. As I sit here checking my email for the past 40 minutes my twins are right next to me happily playing with toys. It will take some work but after a few days you will finally get time for yourself and your kids will be better for it.
I may be way off base, but I'm reading this post and finding it very bossy and forceful. I hope it didn't rub the OP up the wrong way the same way it did me. That's just my opinion.

 

QUOTE(JessiePlus2 @ May 11 2009, 03:38 PM) [snapback]1308556[/snapback]
To get them more comfortable with you being in another room, tell them before you leave, "Mommy is going to the kitchen to put away the dishes. She'll be right back." After five minutes or so, return to them and announce that you're back. "Mommy is back." If you do this and increase the time gradually, hopefully they'll realize when you leave and that you always come back. If you leave without telling them, they might be crying because they don't know where you are.

Also while you're in the same room or within eyesight, give them a smile or say a little something to them every 5 minutes or so while they're playing by themselves. Just a little, "Oh wow!" or "Look at that pretty dolly!" These little check-ins should reassure them that you're still there and still engaged with what they're doing.

Like other people have said, I've found that we go through periods of more clingy-ness and more independence. Right now, DD tends to be more independent and DS usually comes to bug me if I'm gone for 5-10 minutes. I try to check-in/engage with them for a few minutes, then go get something done for 15 minutes or so, then check-in again with a smile and comment, etc.

I really like this technique of checking in. It's similar to what I do-I keep talking to them even when I'm out of their line of vision. I actually used to use a song with Owen called "My Mommy Comes Back", which we would sing ALOT. I can pm it to you if you'd like.

 

QUOTE(Neumsy @ May 11 2009, 11:00 AM) [snapback]1308592[/snapback]
I have to insert my opinions to this reply... I may be way off base, but I'm reading this post and finding it very bossy and forceful. I hope it didn't rub the OP up the wrong way the same way it did me. That's just my opinion.



No need for you to get snippy. She was looking for suggestions. So I told her what it was like here and for my friend with twins. Like all advice on this board you take it or leave it. If you are posting a question you really should expect a broad spectrum of opinions. I don't sit here writing back that the people who don't like my opinion or who have different suggestions are wrong like you do. Everyone obviously has to do what works for them but that is what is great about this board.... you get to read about many different approaches to the same problem. IF YOU SIT THERE JUMPING DOWN PEOPLE'S THROATS OVER OPINIONS YOU DRIVE PPL AWAY FROM POSTING! You are the one who is rubbing people the wrong way. The other people who disagreed with me said so in a polite way and stated their own ways which is perfectly fine by me since that is the point of this forum!

 

QUOTE(maybell @ May 10 2009, 09:27 PM) [snapback]1308054[/snapback]
I struggle with reading books to them b/c all they do is grab at them... but then if we never read them, they'll always be facinated with just touching them... hopefully they'll enjoy reading them soon.


I used to have trouble with them grabbing the books too! I reduced the amount of grabbing by leaving a bunch of the board books in their play area. They get to play with them whenever they want so when story time comes it isn't such a novelty to grab. It is really cute watching them because they frequently will "read" the books themselves or even bring one over to you to get read. Of course they still grab the books sometimes so I'm afraid to read them anything but board books because I'm worried about the pages of the paper page books. I don't put the best board books down because they do get looked at a lot and get a great deal of wear. These two like the stories that have textures on the pages.

 

12-18 months was very difficult for me... whiney, needy, accident-prone kiddos who couldn't communicate except to whine, point, grunt, and then scream. It was like 6 months of playing charades and never winning. So many :hug: to you.

I just want to remind everyone of the TS TOS. Lets remember that everyone has different posting styles and things are sometimes lost in translation when reading a post. Everyone is passionate about their advice and we should respect each other's similarities and differences.

 

I didnt read all the other posts, but I just wanted to say my twins are almost 3 (they turn 3 in July) and they just started getting to be funny personalities. Of course its still hard, and Im struggling with pt'ing my son. . but they say the darndest things. They understand a lot, but not quite enough, if that make sense.

Just an example of whats to come:

We're driving down the street on our way home and my daughter see's Rallys (fast food) and says "I wanna go there"
I said "We cant go there today. Mommy is broke. I dont have any money"
She says "what mommy, your car broke down?"
I said "No honey, mommy doesnt have any money, my pockets are broke"

Fast forward to that night when we get home. . at dinner she tells my mom
"Mommys pants are broke" lmao So, of course I had to tell her what DD was talking about.

They say cute things like this all the time. . well, at least DD does. DS doesnt care to talk about it as much. If he asks for something he cant have he just throws a fit! Oh, the joy!

 

My boys are two VERY different personalities. One is more clingy, one is less clingy. It's been this way for as long as I can remember. Jackson is driven to be independent but also clings to me like his life depends on it and freaks if I am not around (getting MUCH better with age and communication skills). Jacob has always loved cuddling and isn't as driven to be independent, so he stays on a more level ground overall. I think each child's personality plays into it, and ultimately, they will develop the skills to healthily mature and develop independence. There is no right way to go about it - remember that! There are so many ways to be a great mom, and your kids will develop these skills regardless of which of the loving approaches you use. Try not to stress (easier said than done, I know!). There are some great suggestions and lots of support here!

 

Nothing much to add except that I hope it gets easier too! I'm in the midst of toddler crazy-ness. I honestly did not think there could be a harder stage than birth to 4 months, but this tops it. I have a smidgen of ADD and being unable to do anything that would take longer than 7 minutes of uninterrupted time is not helping my ADD and frankly is killing my buzz. I can't get the house clean, a meal made, a thought formed - nothing. AND, I agree with "teaching your kids that they need to play by themselves sometimes", but I also can hear or read that and laugh hysterically. Some things are much easier said than done. I have been a mother for 15 years and I honestly have always thought that whatever the stage, I'd just figure it out, no matter how hard...well, with two...I'm not pulling that off so much. I can't figure this stage out. Every other day I get my booty-kicked by two little munchkins that together are less than 1/2 my size. So...I'm hanging on for dear life until we enter a more manageable phase.

I'll be your sister in chaos!

 

QUOTE(girls! @ May 11 2009, 08:13 PM) [snapback]1309199[/snapback]
Every other day I get my booty-kicked by two little munchkins that together are less than 1/2 my size. So...I'm hanging on for dear life until we enter a more manageable phase.


Well said!

There was an article in the NY Times a while back about how mother's liked their "job" - the results showed that while most of the activities they had to do during the day were not enjoyable, overall job satisfaction was high. The researchers theorized that it was because they felt like they were doing important work, and that something allows mothers to pay more attention to the positive little things when they're assessing the big picture.

Two things that makes me think of: first, that having twins makes the hard stuff harder, and thus harder to overlook; second, that if you're not finding being a mom especially rewarding for whatever reason (and I can think of many good reasons), it might be harder to see those positive things, let alone magnify them enough to make up for the hard stuff.

The obvious message would be "focus on the positive!" but that's inane and annoying advice. How about, What kind of Mom did you want to be, or what makes a great mom in your mind? And how can you do more of that?

 

QUOTE(eatcelery @ May 11 2009, 02:49 PM) [snapback]1309012[/snapback]
I used to have trouble with them grabbing the books too! I reduced the amount of grabbing by leaving a bunch of the board books in their play area. They get to play with them whenever they want so when story time comes it isn't such a novelty to grab. It is really cute watching them because they frequently will "read" the books themselves or even bring one over to you to get read. Of course they still grab the books sometimes so I'm afraid to read them anything but board books because I'm worried about the pages of the paper page books. I don't put the best board books down because they do get looked at a lot and get a great deal of wear. These two like the stories that have textures on the pages.


Cute story - Anna "reads" the Five Little Monkeys book now and shakes her finger and sternly talks to the monkeys - she's copying me saying "No more monkeys jumping in the bed." Jack does the same thing, but not while pretending to "read."

 

QUOTE(girls! @ May 11 2009, 04:13 PM) [snapback]1309199[/snapback]
I honestly did not think there could be a harder stage than birth to 4 months, but this tops it. I have a smidgen of ADD and being unable to do anything that would take longer than 7 minutes of uninterrupted time is not helping my ADD and frankly is killing my buzz.


I'm with you there. When they were 12-14 mos I thought it was harder than 0-4 mos! It still is tough sometimes but it is getting better. I also ditto that 7 minutes to do something. No projects get done here unless it is nap time. There really is always an interuption but I'm getting to be an expert in cleaning the house in those little spurts..lol

QUOTE(Mom to Jack and Anna @ May 11 2009, 04:33 PM) [snapback]1309231[/snapback]
Cute story - Anna "reads" the Five Little Monkeys book now and shakes her finger and sternly talks to the monkeys - she's copying me saying "No more monkeys jumping in the bed." Jack does the same thing, but not while pretending to "read."


That is adorable! My two get very excited every time they find a bunny in a book and they say "quack quack" at any ducks!