Is one (or both) of your twins unaffectionate?

I don't know why but I feel so sensitive about it. It actually hurts my feelings but I know she doesn't know it does. My one dd is very very loving. Loves to get and give kisses. Loves to be snuggled and held. My other dd doesn't care to be kissed and pulls away when I do so (which I can't help!). When she is going to sleep, if I try to caress her face or gently brush her hair with my fingers, she actully grabs my hand and pushes it away. It makes me feel sad. Is she already trying to show some independence? Isn't it kind of young? Will she always be like this? Did I make her like this by giving her too much affection? There were a good couple of months when her sisters reflux was really bad and I was always having to pick her up. I remember feeling bad about it. Do you think that did something negative to her? I'm probably just being overly sensitive. She does want me to hold her but that's about it. Should I back off of the kisses to her and just give her her space?

 

I don't know why but I feel so sensitive about it. It actually hurts my feelings but I know she doesn't know it does. My one dd is very very loving. Loves to get and give kisses. Loves to be snuggled and held. My other dd doesn't care to be kissed and pulls away when I do so (which I can't help!). When she is going to sleep, if I try to caress her face or gently brush her hair with my fingers, she actully grabs my hand and pushes it away. It makes me feel sad. Is she already trying to show some independence? Isn't it kind of young? Will she always be like this? Did I make her like this by giving her too much affection? There were a good couple of months when her sisters reflux was really bad and I was always having to pick her up. I remember feeling bad about it. Do you think that did something negative to her? I'm probably just being overly sensitive. She does want me to hold her but that's about it. Should I back off of the kisses to her and just give her her space?

 

There is nothing that you did to make your daughter's personality the way she is. You have to remind yourself that they are two different people and they won't always react the same way. Your daughter loves you and she isn't intentionally trying to hurt her mommy's feelings, she is just different from her sister and she enjoy's her space. You are a good mommy. Don't worry!


p.s. Remind me of what I just said above in about 6 months when my boys don't want kisses from me. I know that day will come and I am dreading it!

 

I swear you are not a bad mommy! It sounds like she wants her space. James is like that, he doesn't mind an occasional kiss or cuddle, but he'll literally start clawing to get away after a few minutes.

 

It's a personality thing -- some kids just don't like to be kissed & snuggled, even at that age. She might also be very sensitive to touch. (I drive DH crazy because he tries to stroke my arm or something and I'm always going "That hurts!")

Don't force it, but also don't back off completely -- she still wants and needs your love and affection, even if she pushes you away! Also, you may find that it changes over time. My DD Amy was much like that in the first year (always struggling to get down, hating to be confined, even in a hug), but now she is in a snuggly phase. She wants to sit in my lap or be carried, whereas Sarah, formerly the snuggle bug, always wants to get down and practice her walking.

 

You know I have this same problem....Katie is SO LOVING she will give sugars when you ask her (most of the time) and when she gives you hugs she will squeeze you tight. Very Cuddly

Kyle on the other hand you can beg, plead, borrow & steal and he won't give sugars. If I can get him to lay his head on my shoulder and pat him on the back I feel like he's gave me a hug. That's about as close as it gets for him. He is the busy body

I to felt like maybe since Katie is so Loving and since we don't have to begg her that maybe we showered her with more hugs and kisses and maybe that's why he's that way. I try to remind myself to kiss him everytime I kiss her where there is no hurt feelings. But I truly think she likes all the Loves and he just really DON'T

 

I think each baby (and grown up) has a certain way he/she expresses and receives affection. The trick is to find out what each baby feels happier with. It might not be hugging but rather playing together or gazing into your eyes, or holding your hand. A child might not like hugs and kisses but like tickles, pats etc.
Maybe you can try a couple of different approaches and see what response you get? Keep in mind that maybe hugs and kisses will be more appreciated later so try again every now and then.
Both my girls will cuddle but I remember my niece never liked much physical contact but would like to sit on my lap and look into my eyes for the longest time even when she was very little. Although I don't have memories of hugging her I treasure those quiet gazes we shared when she was little.
Hope you find a way of communicating better with your baby!
Hope this helps.