Is it typical to feel ambivalent and joyless at finding out it's twins?

I've only had 10 days to get used to the idea and it comes in the midst of finding I must move out of my house as the bank now owns it (I rent)...which would be fine except I really want to move to Texas. And I had depended on my fluff to keep me from showing for at least several months (for the sake of job interviews) and cannot count on that now. I wish I were properly settled in Texas already with a good job. I got a call about a job I know I would have gotten but it pays 60% less than I make now. Yes, 60. I know I have to take a pay cut but not that much please! I just can't be so happy about it being twins. Amd I feel so ungrateful. I did 21 tries (IUI/ICI) with my own eggs before switching to donor egg (vitrification studies) then donor embryo. I had eight losses before this. I should be on cloud 9. And I'm not.

 

Sounds too me lke you are just going through a rough patch. Somtimes things that happen arent always ideal or at least not our idea at the same but turn out to be blessings in disguise! We got our twins via clomid and I balled my eyes out when they said twins. I only really wanted just 1 baby (at that time). Now I couldnt imagine my life without them. One seems like it would be so boring!
I was getting out of the military, moving cross country with my hubby, buying a house, seliing a house, he was starting a new job (also took a pay cut initially), and I knew I would need to find a job because the cost of living to where we moved (alaska)was much higher than where we were (oklahoma). In the end, it all worked out!

Take things one day at a time, its okay not to be joyous all the time.

 

I'm sorry you're going through so much. It has been hard for me too, to be over joyed about twins. But I'm coming around. Maybe because you have so much right now all at once....just take one thing at a time and everything will fall into place. Hang in there!!!

 

You're going through a lot right now so it's understandable.
When I first found out we were having twins, I told my doctor that he freaked me out. It took awhile for me to get excited but I still have moments of anxiety. From this board to my friends that have twins, this is a completely normal response. All the thoughts I had about my pregnancy and having one baby did a complete change because it was all going to be different.
Especially bc you've been trying for awhile, it's very normal to have some difficulty adjusting your frame of mind and everything.
Deep breaths and give yourself some time. Try to take everything one day at a time since you have so much going on. Good Luck!

 

First of all, take it one day at a time. It is an overwhelming thing to find out it's twins, especially if you have a lot of other stuff going on. My husband had just left a job, taken a pay cut (I don't work really) and we have a two year old. We had just decided to go for kid # 2, when we realized we had to move (rental issues). Mid-move, we find out it is twins! I am 34. I really didn't think I could handle a twin pregnancy. I freaked out also. It has been quite an adjustment. I am not sure how we will afford it, but I have come around to it now. (I am 19 weeks now!) At first I was terrified of being too old therefore having twins would give me too many dangerous complications. BUT again, taking it one day at a time, breathing, and just really working through it all has helped me relax (a little) into this pregnancy. I am very excited about twins now. I just wish the pregnancy part would be over with! LOL. Good luck to you. It will all work out. Try not to stress too much.

 

Oh, hun, I can totally relate! Don't be hard on yourself. It does indeed sound like you are going through lots at the moment.

When I found out, I was hyperventilating... I was not expecting this and I wasn't sure how to handle the news. In fact, I felt immense amount of guilt because we have a five year old and I feared she'd get lost in the midst of all things twin. But, with time, and lots of it, we're finding joy in it and my five year old is absolutely thrilled to be a big sister to not one but two girls. Just give yourself time and don't be hard on yourself. All things will work out in the end. {{hug}}

 

:hug: It sounds like you have a lot going on right now. Finding out you are having twins is definitely overwhelming! I hope you are able to work out all of your other worries soon! Good Luck!

 

P.S. - Do some Yoga or meditation, to help relax you since you have a LOT on your plate these days.

 

I'm sorry lady. :hug: :hug: I think with all the stuff going on in your life, it would make anyone not see the silver lining. Like the previous poster said, take it one day at a time. I do hope that things start to turn around for you and quickly, so that you can enjoy your pregnancy, and your babies once they get here.

 

Hi! I'm right there with you. I'm 19 weeks now and somedays I can't wait to meet my twins and other days I am downright freaked out. I think (I hope) it's normal and that I'll come around. I think I need more support from other twin moms/expecting twin moms. Maybe that would help you too? If all else fails, seek a therapist or counselor to talk to. It's a big adjustment. Good luck!

 

Sounds to me like you aren't upset about being pregnant with twins ... but you are upset with the situation you are in (living conditions, job, etc). Don't beat yourself up ... I know how wonderful it is getting pregnant after IF (mine twins are IVF) ... but it's overwhelming too! And scary! And if you have other worries to, it can just seem like more than you can handle. But try and just tackle one thing at a time ... luckily, pregnancy is long enough that it gives you time to come to terms with everything!

Good luck!

 

Sorry you are having a rough time right now :hug:
Coming to terms with a twin pregnancy can be tough! (It was for me for the first couple months).
Hang in there & take it one day at a time (or even hour by hour!)

 

:hug: It sounds to me like you are just going through so many changes and stresses right now that I wouldn't feel worried one bit about your ambivalence. There are other things you are dealing with that are taking precedence. Just take it one day at a time until everything starts to fall into place.

 

Yes! I think I read that when you get a big shock (like finding out your having twins) you go though a process similar to the stages of grief. I went through about a month of denial where I didn't even want to acknowlege that I was having twins. Looking back on it, I realize it was a coping method, because I was seriously freaked-out at the thought of twins making 4 kids under 4 and how utterly inprepared we were. I was having panic attacks and crying spells before this. I accually almost cancelled my baby shower, b/c I was tired of hearing "you're gonna have your hands full" and pats of pity on my back. I finally came around and got excited when I started shopping for stuff.

 

Like everyone so far has said don't be so hard on yourself and give yourself some time to adjust. Our twins were simply a fluke. I had a hard time dealing with it at first. I work fulltime and we have chosen to be a 2 income family. I worried about all of the things that may go wrong and how hard it was going to be. I am now almost 33 weeks and very excited. I still have days of not that excited and overwhelmed. All of these things are normal and do not mean you will not love those babies tons when they get here.

 

I think it's totally normal and understandable to feel very overwhelmed given your situation. I had an honest to god panic attack after finding out we were having twins... and then it moved to coping, now a few months later I am downright excited now that I have figured out how things are going to work. The biggest part of getting to excitement for me was getting a plan together for where we were going to live, how we were going to manage twins, when people are coming to visit etc. You'll get everything sorted out too.. hope things get less stressful for you in a hurry.

 

:hug: :hug: :hug:
It's a lot to wrap your brain around, especially when life feels unstable and scary already. And (in my experience) feeling like you "should" be thrilled because you went through so much to get here just makes it worse. We did IVF, and were lucky enough to be successful on the first try, but I regretted it so hard at first, I wished someone had talked me out of it.

I agree, take it one day at a time and try to trust that you will get used to the idea eventually. I also went through something like the stages of grief (though for me, denial lasted pretty much the whole 9 months, and all the other stages came after they were born!), but I did come out the other side. You will too.

 

Totally normal feelings-
I wanted another baby so bad and tried for quite a long time-when I found out it was twins I was at the doctor by myself-I went to my car and cried. I was scared, unprepared, knew of the high risk pregnancy and all the work two infants would entail plus the extra money it would cost.
Now almost two years later here I am doing well-I cant imagine it any other way. God picks certain people to be mother of twins for a reason.
Hang in there! Things will work out!

 

I think not "being on cloud 9" is a lot more typical than our society wants to admit.
You are under a lot of pressure, even though you were actively trying to get pregnant, not everything has gone as planned. Don't beat yourself up about not feeling over joyed. Take stock of your current situation and go from there. You will probably find many ways in which this is "a blessing in disguise".

 

Hi, Just know that evrything happens for a reason. the plans that you had in mind might have not been the plan. I can understand how you are feeling (confused..probably a little down..worried) I know for a fact that good things comes to those who wait. Just maybe you are put in a position that you have to let go and let God. Be at peace (because worrying never did anything good or doesn't get anything done) Go with the flow and you will see that the current will take you right where you belong. :grouphug:

 

:hug: :hug: :hug: I understand how you feel, it sounds like you have so much going on aside from being pregnant. I think its normal to not be completely extatic about twins excpesially in the beginning. I remember at first I was scared, nervous, happy, sad all within a day. The couldnt help thinking I'm only 25 with three kids, how am I going to handle this. We were extatic about the pregnancy happening so fast (with my son it took over a year) and my DH was so excited about the twins, but I just couldnt shake the OMG feeling. But with time things have started falling into place, and everyone on this site has been so awsome since I can be very peranoid at times. Just try to relax and take everything as it comes (I know easier said than done) but everything will fall into place for you.....Also just look at some of the twin birth story photo's on here...They'll mealt your heart and your worries away :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Good Luck and trust that your feelings are very normal.

 

I had my tubes tied after ds#3 and we went through tubal reversal, and years of that stinking roller coaster ride thinking that this was the month only to be disappointed before we finally used IVF to conceive our twins. When I found out I was pregnant I was over the moon, when I found out I was having 2 I was terrified. It was a joyful terrifing shock. and I did not have near the things going on as you do. Sometimes when you go through SO much to get the one thing you want, you fight so hard for it and have tunnel vision for SO long that once you get what you wanted it isn't that you don't want it anymore but now you have time to worry about the other things going on around you - and sometimes it all comes crashing down at once. Give yourself some time.

and I will tell you that I just cannot imagine life without a set now - and you will get there too!!