is it too late for us? - sleep training @ 11 mos

I am inspired by everyone's stories of their twins regularly sleeping 11-12 hours a night. I have tried in the past, but always end up giving in. We are going away this weekend and Jackson has his appointment at shriners hospital next Wednesday, but then we are getting serious about sleep training!! I have been reading/skimming k West's Good Night, Sleep Tight and M Weissbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. Two different approaches. For those who have been successful, what method did you use? We also have a HUGE sleep crutch - the swing for naps and night To make things a little harder for me, I will be doing this solo since dh is not available during the night. Please give me some suggestions. I'm going to need some moral support for this one
Also, I don't know if I should be using their birth or adjusted age when reading about sleep training. Thanks!

 

First question is why is DH not available during the night? Does he work? My DH gets up at 4:30 am every morning for work and generally I do the weeknights if one gets up, but he does get up and help if I've been up for awhile, a few days in a row, or they are both up, he knows he has to help.

I don't think it is too late, you just have to find something that works for you and stick with it, that is the key, to stick with it.
We have lucked out and ours are pretty good sleepers, but we have had some times where it's been days in a row that one will wake up, rarely have both woken up the same night, thank goodness. We do go in and make sure they are okay. They have not had bottles in the middle of the night since 6 months so I know it's not that. If they are fine and just are awake, we do CIO. We did this with our older DD too and while it is very hard when you are going through it, it works. So we've let the twins cry as well. I've even had to let them cry at nap a few times. It is hard and I'm always afraid that the one awake/crying will wake the other 2 kids up, but luckily that hasn't happened yet. I hate CIO, but it does work.

As far as actual versus adjusted age, I've always looked at them somewhere in between. Now I generally look at them as 13 months olds since they are pretty much caught up, plus to me they are 13 month olds. Antoher thing I would say is put them to sleep in their cribs for nap and night. You don't want them to only be able to fall asleep in the swing because sooner or later they will be too big for the swing and then what will you do. Actually I'm surprised they are not already too big for the swing.

 

Our two year old has just over the past 4 nights been sleep training with CIO. Which I hated to do, but really had no choice as we've trained some really bad habits into him. The first night he cried for 1 - 1 1/2 hours but didn't wake up at all where as he had been waking 4-5 times a night. The second night he cried for 20 minutes and woke up once, but put him self back to sleep. Last night he didn't cry at all and slept 13 hours straight. Tonight, no crying. I'm listening as I type, but nothing so far. It isn't too late. But you have to be able to stick to your guns. As long as you know they aren't hungry, dirty, hurting...then let them cry and you'll be amazed. I know there are lots of people here who don't believe in that. So if that's not what you want to do, they can give you lots of good advice on other ways to achieve this. This is just what worked for us. Good luck! Let us know how things go.

Laura

 

We had a FP Cradle swing and mine were still fitting in it at a little over a year... and they were big weight/height babies. Things can hold more than the directions say

I do not think it is too late to start sleep training... of course without DH's help it won't be easy. BUT you can do it.

Exerts taken from Kidsgrowth Sleep Article

No one sleeps through the night without wakening. From the day we are born and throughout the rest of our lives, we all go through different stages of light and deep sleep, as well as normal cycles of wakening. These periods of wakening are so brief that we have learned to return to sleep on our own. In addition, since these episodes are so brief, we don’t remember them in the morning.

Some parents believe that if they just "wait out" their infant’s sleep problem, the baby will outgrow it. Unfortunately, this is usually not the case. Good sleep habits are learned behaviors, so infants with sleep problems usually grow up to be children with sleep problems!

1. Place the baby in his/her crib awake. Parents discourage their infant from learning how to fall asleep on their own by rocking them to sleep or feeding them until they fall asleep. The last thing any child should remember before falling asleep is their crib, not a parent holding or feeding them. And don’t expect a child to fall asleep right away since it can take up to 20-30 minutes of fussiness for the normal baby to fall asleep. Babies like to be held and cuddled, so this is not easy. Crying before bedtime is not bad for babies, just difficult for parents.

2. Teach them that nighttime is for sleeping. To help newborns learn that nighttime is for sleeping, let them nap during the day in the light, but put them down in the evening in a dark room. In addition, don’t let the baby sleep more than three successive hours during the day so that they learn that daytime is not the time for sleeping long periods. In addition, make night meetings as brief and boring as possible so that the infant will learn that nighttime is a special time and that time is for sleeping. When the infant wakes up for that middle of the night feeding or diaper change, don’t turn on the lights, talk to him/her, or entertain him/her. Get the job done as quickly and quietly as possible.

3. Try to follow a regular daily routine. Like it or not, our lives are on a schedule and the quicker the newborn gets on a regular routine the faster he/she will learn when and how to sleep. Infants who wake up, eat, play and take naps around the same time every day, not only feel more secure and comfortable but develop better sleeping habits. In addition, schedule a feeding around the parent’s bedtime. This will eventually become the baby’s last feeding for the evening.

4. Encourage a transitional object for the child. Providing the baby with a favorite blanket or a stuffed toy will help him/her associate this object with sleeping. A security object placed in the crib with the baby will help soothe the child to sleep or comfort the child if he/she wakes up at night. The object should be portable so when he/she "sleeps over" grandmother’s house, the child can feel more comfortable in their new surroundings.

5. Develop a bedtime ritual for the older child. Children need a familiar and pleasant routine, especially as they get older and begin to get anxious about separation from their parents. Follow the child's bath with a short story, a little snuggling and a kiss, and then put him/her to sleep awake. It is very important that both parents are involved in bedtime rituals, The child needs to feel comfortable with either parent putting him/her to sleep.

 

I agree with Amy, CIO has worked for 2 of my kids, one of the twins, and my first son, the rest have slept through on their own. I used the Ferber technique, going in at less and less frequent intervals, but none of my kids have ever cried more than 20 minutes at a time while doing the sleep training, so I had it fairly easy!! It is hard while you are doing it, but it usually works fairly quickly, and then you have really great sleepers. I don't think that 11 months is too late, although it might be a little more difficult, since they are already set in their ways, so to speak. I would also, first, work on getting them out of the swings and into their cribs for naps and nighttime. Good luck!

 

11 months is not too late, it's never too late! We used the Weissbluth book as a guide, but we sort of tailored it to our kids a bit. We went by adjusted age with the twins because I felt they really were 5 weeks behind developmentally. We also started a little later than we had planned because they were sick and in the hospital twice in 2 months. Once they were well and old enough, we started training. I started with a nap schedule- the one in the book- since they were not on a great schedule when we started. Once the schedule was in place and we stuck to it, the training to sleep was easier. Again, we started with naps and went on to bedtime at night.

This is a long explanation, but maybe something in here will help you. To preface it,our boys slept in our room until they were almost 5 months old and I usually rocked or lay in the bed with them until they fell asleep and then I put them in the crib. Once they got used to the times they were going to sleep, we moved on to transitioning them to sleep without getting them to sleep before we put them in the crib. We slowly shortened the time spent rocking and started putting them down just before they were fully asleep. If they woke up right away, we stood by the crib and patted them or held them still (sounds worse than it is) until they settled to sleep. Once they got used to falling asleep in the crib, we started walking away once they stopped fussing, but were still awake.I also added the Fisher Price Waterfall Soother to each baby's crib and turned it on every time we walked into their room to put them tp sleep. The point of that is to give them another obvious cue that it was time to sleep. (When they hear the music, they start to drift off now.)Once I was comfortable that they could actually fall asleep and stay asleep in their cribs, I did a modified CIO. Once again, I did it at naps to start and then I never really had to let them cry at night. I am happy to explain all that if you want to PM me instead of reading a super long post! Long story short, we are now able to put them to bed awake and there is no crying and they sleep 12.5 hours at night and 1-2 hours at nap times. Now, they are babies and they do wake up sometimes at night and I do go to them to make sure they are dry and not having issues! But, for the most part, they are great sleepers and it wasn't too painful to "train" them to sleep in their cribs on their own.

Good luck!

Kelly

 

I would definitely get the Ferber book (get it used from Amazon). he is the guy who invented it and you will feel much better about having all the facts at your finger tips. We also spoke to a sleep specialist over the ohone which also put my mind at rest (slightly). I wanted to do it right and I needed all the experts and support I could get.

Good luck

 

We followed the Ferber method at 6 months (birth age). It only took a few days and then they adjusted. It is a little difficult to hear all the crying, but his method instructs you to return to their cribs at increasing time intervals so you're not exactly abandoning or ignoring them. The excerpt mentioned in the above post from the "Kidsgrowth Sleep Article" sounds like a lot of the same advice we were given. Good luck!

 

All the pp moms have great advise; the only thing i would want to add is that not one particular method works for every parent or every child. I reccomend The Baby Whisperer. She offers a large window of parental adjustment between CIO and co-bedding. I have found it very useful.

Also, an important tool that has worked for us is at naptime we start the processs by putting on soothing music and that signals to them what is about to happen. Also, for bedtime we have always used the same routine since they were newborns with the exception of now that they are bigger we put them down slightly awake. The nighttime routine is different from the naptime routine so they understand the difference.

I also have one baby who has to cry almost everytime he goes down. It usually doesn't last that long, and even though he has been doing this for a while, I sometimes lose my cool and give in too. That doesn't mean you are doing things wrong. It is hard, and before you know it you will be looking back and think,'Whaoh! That went by in a flask and I did it!".

Yooo can DOOO it!