Is it just me? Jealousy...

I am currently at 24 weeks and am finding my self jealous of the future. I will be having my twins in March and will take the 3 months off that I will be given. Then I will have to go back to work, my job requires me to commute 2.5 hours every day so I am gone from home for close to 11 or 12 hours a day 5 days a week. I make more money than anyone else in my household. My MIL will be retiring to take care of the twins while I am at work (she lives with us) and we will be paying her for her time (out of my checks). My partner has a schedule where he works 3 weeks in Alaska and then is home for 3 weeks.

I am finding myself very jealous of the time that my MIL will be spending with the twins. I am their mother. My Partner is sympathetic but doesn't know how to help me with this one. There are no jobs for me in the area that would pay the same that are closer to home. I also will have to provide the health insurance for the 3 of us. There is no chance of my Partner making anywhere near enough money to allow me to work from home anytime in the next few years.

The thought of my MIL raising my children while I am gone scares the S@#$ out of me. I have seen how her kids turned out and that was 30 years ago when she was younger. Now she is 70 years old.

I just needed to whine about it. Trying not to cry about it.

 

I couldn't imagine having to go back to work that long of days at only three months. I think you definatly have a reason to be upset but somehow you will have to try to find the positive in it. I would be completely upset if my MIL looked after my kids all the time but I guess it would be better than a complete stranger and it sounds like your partner will be home for three wks at a time so will he be looking after them then? Is there anyway that you guys could move closer to your job in the future to help cut down on the travel time?
Try to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and the time you will have at home with your twins before you go back to work. I hope that it all works out for you.

 

since getting a job near your home isn´t possible, might it perhaps be possible to move closer to your office? 2,5 hours a day for a commute is something I would make sacrifices so I wouldn't have to do it.

 

Vent away!! It's good for you. Wanted to add my experience, although I know it's different from yours. I, too, have to drive a bit (60 miles each way, about an hour each way) to get to work 5 days a weeks so I feel like I barely see my babies. I didn't know what I was going to do for child care. My house cleaner offered but I was so hesitant for a variety of reasons, many being I didn't know her that well. Plus, I could tell she was raised differently from us. However, she's been a God-send. I would never tell my mother, but she's probably 100% better than my mom at getting the kids on a schedule, and keeping them on it. She also keeps my house immaculate, but even without that, she'd be worth every dime. She loves them, plays with them, but has taught me from day-one to not hold them too much, since I won't be able to hold them all the time. She's raised 3 of her own already (she's the same age as my mother) and she knows what she's doing.

I hope the same happens with your MIL - I hope she is able to teach you some things she has learned about raising kids but yet still hold onto the values and things that you want her to. (In my case, my nanny knew nothing about feeding babies breastmilk, but now she's an expert!!) Basically, she and I have learned loads from each other and I KNOW my babies are better for it!

 

Unfortunately moving isn't an option either. We currently live on a great property that is my partners family property. I would hate to leave it.

My Partner will do most of the baby care when he is home for the 3 weeks. The plan is that MIL will get those weeks off. I can forsee that not quite happening the way the Mr thinks it will

I may be able to drop down to 4 days a week. First I have to see if we can afford the pay cut.

I might be able to look for a new job but I like the one I have now. In fact the only problem with my job is that it is so far away.

GRRR.

 

I get why you are worried. I went back at 8 weeks, and I am out of the house for 10-12 hours every day. I see the babies for a half hour in the morning and an hour at night. And there are days (rarely lately) that I work late or have early mornings and don't see them at all.

I hope I can give you some hope though. I really am able to love and enjoy our mornings and evenings, and I cherish the weekends. Ours are in daycare, so it's not quite the same, but they certainly aren't more attached to their daycare teachers than me. They know who mommy is. And after the first couple years, they'll be up a little later in the evenings.

I hope it works out well, and if you ever need advice, there are a few of us working moms here with similar schedules. :hug:

 

I'm sorry you're struggling so much with this issue (as do sooooo many of working moms). I made considerably more money than my dh, so in some ways it made sense to have my dh stay home so I could continue to work fulltime. But, I KNEW I would not be able to handle that situation b/c I would be so horribly jealous of my dh (we have infertility..it took us 4 years to have my son). So, instead we decided to make a MAJOR lifestyle change so I could work part-time while my dh carried the benefits and worked full-time. That is what worked for us. It has been very hard for sure...and now that we're expecting twins it will be even harder.

My best advice is to start figuring the situation out with your MIL now. If you think you will be jealous...you probably WILL be. Is there some sort of compromise? Maybe a daycare near your work where you can spend your lunches with the babies? Good to be considering things now before you're stuck in a situation that seems impossible to change!

 

That is a tough situation, I am sure you will find a way to make it work. Hopefully you can go down to 4 days a week.

We have a similar situation, we are at 25 weeks, and I travel for work, gone Monday through Friday. Like you I am the primary income and carry insurance for all of us. My husband is in real estate and will be able to look after the kids, but my MIL will have to help too. I have my concerns about leaving the babies with her, but feel confident they will be fine. I am really leaving that up to DH to work out with her. I think I am going to try the 4 day work week and see if that helps. I don't want to be gone at all, but sometimes the circumstances call for that. Within a year or two I will be finished with a Bachelor's and can look for a better job that will let me stay closer to home.

Have you reached out to your network to see if there is another position closer to home? Sometimes it is worth a small cut in pay if you will be home more and not have to pay for as much childcare. There are some jobs now that offer on-site childcare as part of their benefits package.

Good luck, and feel free to whine away. That is what I love about this site, everyone is so supportive! I know you find a way to make it work for everyone, especially you. :friends:

Sonya

 

:hug: :hug: I would feel the same exact way as you. I'm sorry you are in this position. :hug: :hug:

 

Vent away - your situation is very difficult. If it makes you feel any better, I work full time as well and it has not been a problem - in fact I like it. I must say that part of the reason I am able to feel so confident with my choices is that I love my daycare. Are you sure you want to go with MIL care if you don't feel confident in her abilities? I would not be able to do all I do without having 100% faith in my daycare and knowing that I am making the best choices for both me and my family.