Is anyone else still in survival mode?

I feel horrible saying this, but it just seems to me that since the kids were born we've been in survival mode. It's like we spend so much time trying to deal with tantrums, cleaning up messes and not go nuts, we don't really get to enjoy our kids much. Some days are better than others, but most days are just really hard. I'm a SAHM and dh often has a lot on his mind and doesn't seem to be much help in the evenings and week ends. It doesn't help that so many twin mommies seem to enjoy their kids so much... I feel like I'm a failure or something. I try activities with them but they get bored fast... playgroups haven't worked out so far although I keep trying... I've never been good with young kids and I have a very hard time entertaining them.

Just wondering if I'm alone...

 

:hug: Fran!
Some days I feel like I am in survival mode (like I'm a survivor for getting through the day without a nervous breakdown) and some days just go great. I say my kids are two extremes either they are very good or they are very bad...very rarely are they in the middle. One thing I am fortunate with is that my two are usually pretty at entertaining themselves (right now they are playing find the vacuum cleaner :wacko. I just try to bring out a lot of activities so they can rotate around (chalkboard, blocks, their play tools, kitchen, drawing) and I usually try to take them to storytime when I can or we go on short shopping trips during the day.
You are not a failure...while I find my kids easier then the newborn stage, this age (2 yrs 7 months) does have plenty of challenges of its own. I just try to do the best I can.
I don't know what kind of hours your DH works but he is willing to look after the kids for an hour so you can go somewhere and do something for yourself? Would he be receptive to the fact that you are in need of a break too?

:grouphug:

 

I just changed the term. I no longer call it survival mode, because I have come to the realization that being a mom of twins is just non-stop hard work. I don't know if it will ever get easier, just different. There are certainly phases that are harder than others. We'll have long periods where they're in a pretty good routine and things run smoothly for awhile, and then they'll be a span of several weeks where things become so hard again and I can't seem to gain control of a new routine that works and keeps us all happy. And just when I think I can't take it anymore, things calm down and go smoothly again. It's still always a lot of work though, even in the smooth phases.

Overall though, I think 2.5 is a tough age. (this last rough patch we're just coming out of almost sent me looking for a full time job to get away from them!) I'm willing to bet things will change drastically and improve a lot in the next 6 months. They'll be much more independent, able to do more for themselves and have a better understanding of expectations. I already see a huge difference from 6 months ago until now in all these areas.

 

Yes some days, a few a week. There's some days where they just play and ignore us and things are fine. Then there are days (like today) where it is nonstop insanity/fighting/attitude and I'm going crazy by 10 am. It is always one of the two extremes for us and neither is very fun. Like the pp said, it's either very good or very bad. I think things get better by school age.

 

At just past 3 my kids are playing so nicely and can entertain themselves. At 2 I felt like they would never play more than 5 mintues without interaction from me. Now they will do it for an hour. They will also color, do play dough, etc for 30 + minutes. It is great. It has gotten easier. I would try to find new activities to keep them busy, you can do it.

 

Just want to say that you're not alone. :hug: I'm a SAHM too, and am very glad that I can be home with my kids, but man, some days I feel like I am just SO not a natural at this. I love my kids more than anything in the world, but being alone with them for too long drives me nuts. I am definitely not in the "rah rah rah, everything is wonderful because I'm a MOMMY!" camp. :laughing:

It does get better and better. The older they get, the more fun it is for me. They get more impulse control, language abilities keep exploding, they play independently more often, they really have a blast WITH each other, and they can do so much more for themselves.

 

I have days I feel like that (like today). In general I do like this age though. I am actually having a much harder time dealing with my 7 and 8 year olds.
But if I would have had 2 like my dd I probably would have gone insane. I sure it totally depends on the kids. I hope things get better for you soon. :hug:

 

I think most days I'm not cut out to be a SAHM. The days can seem so long and so boring yet so busy. I've been lucky to have them in daycare a few days a week and even going out with the youngest and one of the twins is much better than both twins. Two brains the same age just is too much somedays. I find planning out my week and having places to go to, even if it is a park or to meet a friend. Knowing there are at least 3 things to do each week seems to help me. Part of me thinks it seems almost unnatural for women to stay at home, it seems so right to go back to school especially how I see how the girls enjoy daycare. But daycare is expensive and I am lucky to have those days. Like you my dh is away often or when he is at home he is often busy with work. He tries but it isn't the same as having someone with you at 5 pm. I figure I only have one co-worker to deal with -- my dh which is better than going to work. I find having adult company can really help to shorten the days. Think of inviting someone with kids to your house and see how it goes.

Heather

 

Yes I can totally relate. It just seems to leave DH and I exhausted. We seem to always try to avoid a day without injury, melt down, or allergic reaction. For us I always thought it was because Max had open-heart surgery at 8-weeks old, then a severe antibiotic allergy that we ended up in the ER to treat, and then milk product allergies (DH is very protective of him because of this). Plus he seems to be all boy, so it is always skinned knees, elbows, etc. I am always trying to pack food he can eat or check in advance if the food is ok for him where ever we are going. It seems like so much work just to pack them up to go out. Only my mom & sister seem to understand the overwhelming feeling we have. DH's family always wants to put their 2-cents in on how we are raising them :headbang: and what we should be doing.

It makes me feel better coming to TS to see others having the same issues we have, so I don't feel like it is just us. I also try to keep my sister's advice in mind "that as one phase passes another will replace it, so it is a vicious cycle that doesn't really end". I guess this is just parenthood. I think this is the stuff other people don't tell you when they encourage you to get pregnant. I guess we all want to suffer together :FIFblush: .

 

Fran,

Hi. I just joined this website for the first time tonight because I thought I needed a place where I can talk to other mothers of twins and when I came across your post I knew I had to answer it I totally know what you are going though and I am also a stay at home mom. Let me tell you, I think that is the hardest job out there! I have a 7 year old boy and 2 twin girls and I feel like my life has been turned upside down. My girls are 2 and a half and I feel so exhausted at the end of the day. Whenever someone asks me if it gets harder the older they get, I say YES!! The fighting and the temper tantrums just can wear a person out. I am glad to see that there are other twin moms out there who understand what I (we) go through at times. I'm sure as time goes, it will get easier especially when my girls can communicate better. I think communication is our issue now because they like to scream or get physcial with each other instead of talking. I just need to be patient and realize that life will eventually move on and things will look up. Thanks for posting this because I feel there are alot of twin moms out there that are in the same boat!