Introduction and advice on fear and loathing...

Hi ladies,

First off, I'm so happy I found this place - it looks like a great resource for information. I recently found out I am pregnant with twins (9wks tomorrow).

This is my first pregnancy and I'm an older mom (38 will be 39 upon birth) and my whole life I've only wanted one child. I had dreams of travelling with my child and maintaining some semblance of a normal life with one. One was absolutely doable. Imagine my surprise upon learning there were two babies in there. I have been feeling very blue and like I'm being a terrible mom and selfish already - I really didn't want two. I have no one I can speak to about this - my husband is excited and my friends when I bring it up tell me I'm being crazy and not to ever mention those feelings again because they are bad and just wrong. I just don't know how I'm going to manage, I have no family around to help me. To top it off, my morning sickness is so bad I can't hardly function (I'm taking Diclectin and Zantac per doctor but it isn't helping).

Please someone tell me I'm not alone and these feelings are normal. Please assure me that once I have those two beautiful babies in my arms that I'm going to be okay. I'm so scared I just want to cry.

 

I already had 1 child before being pregnant with the twins. In all honesty when I found out we were expecting two I was really upset. I cried at the ultrasound and really thought I couldn't cope looking after two babies.

What I know now is that I was extremely lucky to be given twins. My girls are almost two and they are so much fun and while it's a different journey there is alot of ups to it. I feel a little sorry now for singleton parents!

 

:hug: A lot of emotions go through head when people are shocked about twins. I did IVF to get my almost 4 year old twins, but then 2 years later got pregnant on my own (well, dh did help) and it was twins again! :shok: It was a double whammy. I was shaking for days after we found out. I ended up losing one shortly after that BUT it is a shock. It's still early in your pregnancy. Don't feel like a bad mom. Your fears are normal. Twins can take some getting used to. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well. I hope the morning sickness subsides soon!

 

You are not alone or selfish or wrong in any way to feel that way! We did fertility treatments and knew there was a chance of twins, and it still took a lot of adjusting on my part. You will get there eventually, but don't feel bad even if the babies are 3 months old by the time it happens! It's okay to feel how you feel.

 

:hug: First off, welcome to Twinstuff. You've come to the perfect place to share these feelings since we've all been there. :hug: I think what you are going through is perfectly normal. I had help concieving and was still shocked and unsure if I could handle twins. It's a big change and it can take a little while to filter it all through. Don't feel bad or selfish, it's okay. :hug: :hug:

 

It took me a good long while to get used to the idea of having twins. I also was hoping for "just one" and was prepared to be done with having babies after that. Now, I'm excited, though. When I expressed my dismay at having twins, my sister-in-law (who has a 6 year old daughter and two older teenagers) said she wished she'd had twins when she had the 6-year old because she's having to constantly entertain her. Twins can entertain each other. I have an instant family on the way and I now know that I'll never be pregnant again - I'm getting a tubal when I go in for C-section - so even if I'd had one and decided that I loved babies and being a mom and wanted another, I know I'm done with the whole pregnancy thing. My advice is to not worry about it - you will fall in love with your babies, and because you've never known anything else, you'll do just fine with two!

 

Thank you for your support - it's nice to know I'm not alone in my feelings.

I had IVF as well. I have low ovarian reserve so my chances of getting pregnant in my age group were low (20%) so twins would have been very low. We were going to put three embryos back but only put two back as one was a blastocyst and one a morula - had they been any lower quality we would have put in three. I didn't believe I would even get pregnant with that cycle so the twins was a shock. Although I knew even before I had my ultrasound that it was twins because my symptoms were so exaggerated.

I have friends who are so much further along then I and have only put on two pounds - I'm scared to step on a scale as I've completely busted out of all my clothes and figure I've already gained 15 lbs. This weighs heavy on me as well.

 

While I didn't feel exactly as you did when I found out that it was twins, it has definitely been a huge adjustment!

My husband and I always said before we got pregnant "let's start with one and see how it goes" and had no definite plans about whether or not we wanted one or two children. Two was always our max that we wanted. We too like our lives the way they are, we love to travel, go out, have lots of freedom, etc so we had always imagined an easy"ish" life with one child and then possibly adding a second child when the first was maybe 3 years old. Not what life had planned for us I guess! Now all of those plans are out the window and we have come to terms with the fact that there will be two little babies and that just means that we need to be flexible and roll with these punches.

I think at first it will be a lot harder and our travel plans and social life will be somewhat put on hold until they are a bit older, but on the plus side once the kids are a bit older it will be so fun to have two at the same age! I can just imagine us taking two three or four year olds to Disney World for the first time, or travelling to Europe or wherever else we might go...it will be such a blast! As for our going out to dinner nights and other social activiites...well we'll just have to find a reliable babysitter as soon as we are comfortable! It's all very doable.

I think that it will all sink in in time, but definitely allow yourself the time to adjust, it's normal to be in shock at such huge news. Two instead of one is a huge change of plans for anyone who really wasn't expecting it at all.

Good luck and feel free to continue to vent here if you need to.

 

Don't forget that from all the hormones and all, you are bloated as well. :good: I remember thinking I'd need maternity clothes around 10 weeks but then the bloating went down and I didn't really start getting a baby bump until further along. Plus everyone is different. :hug: Try not to compare yourself to your friends... not only because you have twins, but because every person handles pregnancies differently.

 

Welcome to TS and Congrats on your Twin pregnancy. I think it is totally normal to feel overwhelmed upon finding out you are having twins. I know I was. I felt like my world had just been turned upside down. As time went on though, I got more used to the idea and once they both arrived I could not imagine only having 1! I hope your morning sickness eases up soon!! :hug:

 

Hello and Welcome- this is such a great place for information or venting! We also did fertility treatments- (I am 36) I had so much cramping in the beginning, I was convinced there wasn't even one, let alone two!

Don't beat yourself up over how you feel- there were times I couldn't take it anymore, when I was so sick, tired, or hated the way my body was changing, that I would think I didn't want to be pregnant anymore. Then, I would feel guilty because it was so hard to GET pregnant. Take it one day at a time.

I remember the heartburn/morning (all day/night) sickness and the bloating. It DOES get better. Eat small meals- whatever you can keep down- don't try to be perfect and healthy. I honestly ate Lucky Charms and grapes for the longest time- it was the two things that didn't make me throw up. Keep something in your stomach as much as you can- I know how hard it is when you dont want to eat! Find a few food that you can keep down and stick with them. (I also was able to eat yougurt, cheese sticks, crackers, and apples.) My babies are a healthy 6 pounds already and I've had a very boring pregnancy!

I was in maternity pants by 15 weeks! My inhfriend at work (the only one who knew) was laughing at me trying to hide it at 13 weeks!

Take care and come here often!! PM me if you ever want to "talk"!

 

Congratulations on your pregnancy :hug:

You are most definitely NOT alone :grouphug:

I had a lot of the same feelings as well when I found out that we were having twins.
Give yourself a break & some time to get used to the idea of twins. I think I was in denial/shock for months before it all came together & settled in.
Once it did I was able to get excited & be happy about having twins & now??? It is the BEST! I cannot imagine it any other way, nor would I want it any other way :wub: :wub:

Be patient with yourself & with time you will adjust :hug:

 

I think its quite normal to feel what you feel! I told my doctor and my ultrasound tech I didn't want them! Lol! I have since grown use to the fact that I am having twins but it doesn't make it any less scary to me. There are still days where I wish there were only 1 baby. It just grows on you I guess and you get use to the idea eventually! I only wanted one more child as I have an older son.

 

Welcome! You have found the best website/forum with the best people. I had horrible morning sickness (still do even though i'm in my 9th month) but Zofran works like a charm for me. Maybe ask your doctor about that.

As for me, I kinda only wanted one but I didn't want them to be lonely or grow up an only child so we were planning to have 2 - when I found out it was twins I was totally shocked and I know it will be hard, but the good news is that you get 2 (who hopefully will be great friends and will have a special bond for life) but you only have to go through everything once (one pregnancy, one first 3 months of no sleep, etc etc).

Best of luck to you and spend lots of time on this board - it's wonderful!

 

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm sorry you are having these feelings. Having twins is a whole lot of work but it's also that much more rewarding!! As previous posters have stated, it is natural to have the feelings you're having. In time you may come to embrace the joy that carrying and raising twins will and does bring. You've been doubly blessed to be chosen as a twin Mom!! Good luck with your twin pregnancy journey and beyond. When you find you are unable to communicate with friends and family about your feelings, we'll be here for a shoulder to lean on.

 

:wavey: Welcome to TS! I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal. I can remember finding out we were having twins and being totally panicked and upset. I did not know how to care for one child, let alone two. No one I knew (my age) had twins and my husband and I felt very overwhelmed with the news. It seemed like everyone around us was so excited for us and my husband and I would have smiles on the outside but were terrified on the inside. It took me a while to adjust to idea and even after they were born the first couple of months were hard for me, but I can say when I first held those babies I immediately loved them and each day has gotten better and better with them. They are the coolest little people I know and they rock my world. Trust me, you will feel the same way. :hug:

 

I'm really glad I read this thread today, actually. I always wanted only one kid, and the sinking economy only solidified that. Then we found out it's twins and I just don't know how to cope. One, I thought, would be the challenge of a lifetime. Two, I'm afraid, will send me to an early grave.

I know once I see them I'll wonder how I ever got on without them, but I think I'm still coming out of shock one week later.

I hope BrookylnB is starting to feel the same. It does take getting used to, I'm sure.

Meanwhile, you have the cutest kids ever. If I have twins that cute (and maybe even if I don't), I'm getting an agent and putting them in commercials. And I don't care about all the stageparents jokes that will be flung at me.

 

once the babies are here, it WILL be ok..it will take some time and adjustment, but it will be ok..and traveling and what not with 2, especially 2 of the same age is still very possible..that being said...this baby was supposed to be our last ONE...we found out at 12 weeks were having our last TWO...talk about shock and surprise...there are NO twins in mine or jason's family...we are in our early 30's...we both turned 32 in june...that was our cutoff (we set it) for not having any more...we went through over 2 years of trying for this pregnancy and had 3 miscarriages in that time...we found out 2 days AFTER jason was laid off from his very steady job of 3 years that we were expecting...and honestly, we expected it to end in miscarriag, just like the previous ones...next friday we have a c-section scheduled (i've never delivered that way and i'm starting to be really nervous about it) to deliver us these two babies...and i worry every day about them being ok and actually making it to and through the birth alive and healthy...take it a day at a time..mourn the life that you had pictured for yourself..it will be different than that...not a bad thing, but different...it will take some time to get used to, but it WILL be ok in the end..

 

You are definitely not alone. DH and I went through a lot to get pregnant with what we thought would be our second child, and of course it turned out to be our second AND third. We never planned on having more than two children and like you, we love our lifestyle and love to travel. I felt like all we had worked for was crumbling away. It took me about 6 weeks to stop feeling panic, anger, and denial. Oh, and guilt for feeling all of the above! I am now surfing the web looking for ideas for twin nurseries, so I've definitely come around to the idea (still some anxiety, of course).

I think you are going to be thrilled with twins. In some ways they will make your life easier in the long run - they will be built in play mates and will entertain each other. My singleton DS requires constant attention, which is exhausting at times. Yes, plane flights will be a little more expensive, but otherwise you won't have to get an extra hotel room or anything with one extra child.

Give yourself permission to feel a little depressed until 14 weeks - you have every right to feel down, especially with all the MS (which I still have too). I think you will find that your mood will lift naturally.

 

First of welcome to TS and congrats on your pregnancy!

Second the feelings you are going through are perfectly normal and I can totally relate. Although right now I have come to terms of having twins and I am head over moon but believe me there are times when I think to myself what they have we done. We have 5 year old daughter she was conceived via IVF she is everything to us so we wanted to give her a sibling. We did FET and we had the option of either transfering of 1 or 2 embies well we didn't wanted the transfer to fail since it was our one and only chance so we went with 2. Well it turns out she will have 2 brothers. I remember at our first u/s I cried when we found out we are having twins and I lied to the doc telling him they were happy tears in truth I was terrified. Our lives were wonderful before, traveling, Claudia was in all sort of activities. Now with boys on the way we have to watch how we spend our dollar and our live will be a little different heck who am I kidding it will be A LOT different. I know at the end everything will be alright my dh says I am overreacting but believe he has his moments too. Once they will be here they will be love of my life and most of the time I feel so blessed but I still go through what have done moments. I am just blaming it all on the hormones. Hang in there I am very thankful I found this place everyone is very supportive. So if you need to vent or need a shoulder to cry on don't hesitate we are here for you.

 

Welcome to TS!

:hug: I think we all know the feelings you are having as most of us have had them too so you've come to the right place. I know we weren't expecting another child so soon as we had a 6 month old at the time we found out we were pregnant with not just one but two. I was so upset for quite a while!! Then acceptance and excitement came and now that I'm closing in on the final stretch I'm getting scared again. I have no clue how we will handle 2 newborns and a 15 month old and I feel like I am taking away my 15 month old's babyhood or life as she should have had it, so I feel extremely guilty for her. BUT even though I have those feelings I KNOW once you hold your babies you will feel the love and it will all be worth it. It will be hard I am sure but it will work out and be a great experience not only for us as parents but I am sure for them too. Let yourself feel all the emotions, don't hold them in and I think you will be able to move on to the next stage of emotions quicker. Does that even make sense LOL?!

Good luck and vent here any time you need to!!! We all understand. :hug:

 

Oh ladies, I just logged on this morning and couldn't believe how many of you took the time to respond to my post - thank you, thank you, thank you for the support and letting me know my feelings are normal.

I find when I'm getting a reprieve from the morning sickness I feel better about the whole thing but get really low when the MS hits me hard. Stupid hormones

Once again I'm so very happy I found this place where I can feel normal.